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Depression/post-op blues - open for all

Chris1962

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Hi all, I thought I would pop in because I am feeling blue and I know it will all be OK. My girls on route from Toronto, I am in Victoria. I am 3 weeks post-op and doing well enough. But I look around and my vulnerabilities are glaring. Raised toilets, shower thing, bladder pad, little food in the fridge, no tree, no decorations. and I hate it.

My daughters are wonderful and I know they will be wonderful but this obvious incapacity is what I have avoided as a mother (30 years my girls are 30/31).

I do know it will be ok but wow is this making me emotional. Old life coping habits assaulted. Learning along this journey I did not expect. :wreath::bath::martini: (Xmas wishes that may need to be delayed)
 

Mudhen

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This too shall pass. It is just for a little while! You are healing every day and soon the pain will be less. You will leave the health aides behind!!!
Try watching a movie ... The Bells Of Saint Mary’s. Seen that one recently? Or maybe not your cup of tea? The library?
Wishing you the best and sending you a hug!!
 

CricketHip

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I'm sure, as soon as your daughters arrive, things will start brightening up.. it's a hard adjustment to let them see you vulnerable but just think how they will enjoy clucking over you and getting your home all Christmasy.
You are over the worst now, but the blues can hit at the weirdest times, can't it? Hopefully it leaves as quickly as it descended on you.
It will pass.. be kind to yourself. ((hugs))
 

ritabell

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I have been crying since Sunday because my second granddaughter was born over the weekend in Maryland and I intended to travel from NY (either fly or drive) to help out my daughter when she returns home from the hospital. The baby was due in 3 weeks and I thought I would be much better by then but she was an early bird! Yesterday, in a moment of sheer mania , I booked 2 plane tickets and rented a car for tomorrow thinking I would be able to fly there. I spent half the night not sleeping and worrying that I was just not going to be able to do this at 6 weeks in recovery. I am not walking well and have no stamina. So I woke up this AM and cancelled the trip and sobbed some more. This hip recovery is just not as east as hip #1 and ,because of that, I constantly feel as though something must be wrong. I am so frustrated and stressed about this recovery. I saw the OS 2 weeks ago for a panic attack appointment and he said everything looked great and I see him again in 2 more weeks. My PT says this is part of the healing but I'm not walking correctly and I feel the whole hip is sore when I walk. There is still a lot is swelling around the incision. The first hip THR was in March and this one 6 weeks ago and I have not recovered from either if you ask me.
 

Jaycey

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The first hip THR was in March and this one 6 weeks ago and I have not recovered from either if you ask me.
Two major surgeries in one year = mega recovery time. You should not even be thinking you could travel at 6 weeks. I know you want to be there. But your recovery is a priority. Please give yourself time to heal. You can be with your daughter when you recover your stamina and you are healed. Focus on the healing - then you can plan your travel.
 

ritabell

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@Jaycey
Thanks for reinforcing that. I seem to get caught up in how well everyone is doing and then get disappointed in my recovery. Even the surgeon will say so-and -so was walking a mile at 6 weeks as an example of how well some do, not to discourage me. I know some are so happy with their progress and I am applaud them and wish I was there!
 

DesertDiva

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I am so frustrated and stressed about this recovery. The first hip THR was in March and this one 6 weeks ago and I have not recovered from either if you ask me.
@ritabell - I'm so sorry for your frustration. However, I'm going through something similar and can identify with what you're saying. I'm finding that there's an emotional component of healing that goes along with the physical regarding this process. Last night after going home after a potluck dinner, I found myself starting to silently cry with tears rolling down my face. I went to bed and cried myself to sleep. Sometimes it's so hard to stay focused and realize that our bodies (and spirits) will heal.
 

gardenangel

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I am 17 days post op from a fractured hip followed by emergency total hip replacement. This experience hit me like a pile of bricks, given that I had experienced no prior pain or problems with either hip! Feeling sheepish about circumstances surrounding the fracture (huge Norfolk Pine toppled on me, pushing me onto the floor, while adorning it with Christmas lights). So active before incident...had to sit out exercise class at the Y, doing errands, attending church, enduring phys. therapy while confined at home. Missing Christmas activities, and trying to sleep solely on my back, enduring numbness, burning pain in my thigh, and the slowness of healing while trying to do post op exercises was enough to push me into a lot of unexpected sadness.
I am an R.N. and this experience has been a real eye opener! It has been said that Physicians and Nurses are among the worst patients. In some instances, I would agree. Support of family, dear friends, and medical team have humbled me and given me an education that I won't soon forget. I had both knees replaced by elective surgery previous to the hip incident and recovered well after each, however, I wasn't prepared for recovery from a fractured hip via a total hip replacement.. So just remember that with hard work and compliance, this frustration, pain, and sadness will pass.....just hang in there!
 

ritabell

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@DesertDiva

Good luck with your second surgery I'll be thinking of you. I end up sobbing and the next day I feel a lot better after the emotional release.

@gardenangel

They call a THR a physical wear and tear injury. I call it a mental and emotional wear and tear injury and have emphasized this to my OS. Thinking about every motion you make with your hips 24/7 is exhausting and every new ache becomes with an emotional drain. Like so many others here, I try to focus on that this really is a miracle, not to have to walk around in constant pain and that it will pass. Time is so precious as you get older and to spend months recovering tests the limits of our patience. I have no patience left sorry to say but I have kept myself busy reading posts here, listening to music and watching old movies... Its really so much more than MDs make it to to be.
 

Going4fun

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@ritabell, you're in the valley of recovery right now ... Around 6 weeks after your second hip. Adrenaline has worn off ... you're at the hardest point. So sorry that you are feeling demoralized.

Yes, this time is dedicated to recovery ... but the goal is that you can enjoy your older years. Six months from now ... a year from now ... you will have a freedom to move ... to enjoy your years. And you'll appreciate that freedom ... You're investing in yourself right now so that you can really not feel stymied and stifled by hip pain. I had my surgery earlier than most people ... I could still walk reasonably without pain ... but I wanted to do more ...

And one thing I've noticed in the past months ... is how much the hip constrained my activity, just affected my thinking in so many ways. I live in a town with great public transportation (that's cheaper than parking). I stopped getting on public transportation. I stopped walking much ... I forgot how much I loved walking.

So I'm hoping you'll feel a new freedom as you get further into recovery.
 

Grammy57

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I understand the stresses. I am not quite 6 weeks out and last week my daughter and grandson moved in with us temporarily. She works 3, 12 hour days a week and my grandson is a JR in HS but even though she is helpful and he is a great kid, some days I feel like crying at the end of the day. It's harder than I expected. I've had other surgeries, a couple were major, but only one other made me feel like crying. That was a surgery on my head and my brain covering got nicked. That one took a lot out of me too but wasn't painful. I just know to take breaks when needed and I just tell my daughter, I need a break. She's an RN but I think she thinks her mom is invincible. :)
 

Jaycey

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@Grammy57 A house full of company is tough at the best of times. But during recovery - well I certainly feel for you. Post op blues are very real. But the good news is they will ease very soon. Try and rest as much as you can. Tell friends and relatives you are just not up to activities just yet. 6 weeks out is still very early days!
 

JoeGee

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Hi everybody,

First post here. I just spent some time reading through a bunch of posts - thank you all for sharing. It's funny, I did a lot of research online prior to the surgery and never came across this place. Now, 6 days after surgery, I really needed a lift and here it is.

My hip feels okay. It was a good doctor and a good hospital and all seems to have gone well. I guess I believed all the hype about Anterior replacements too much, because I am physically wiped out, just exhausted, and I didn't expect this at all.

And the fatigue lead to worry, which I could tell was putting me on course for depression (been there before, for sure), so I'm glad to have a reality check at this point. I really was starting to feel pretty bad mentally, so maybe this forum will help with that.

I broke my acetabulum in December '17 and they opted not to do surgery then because it was placed correctly already, so that was a long and painful recovery (which eventually lead to this replacement). I guess somewhere inside me it all feels like the same incident (it kind of is) and it just won't end and I'm just tired of it.

If I could just sit outside in the sun I think I'd feel a lot better, but it's freezing out! And I don't want this to seem like a bad country song but this morning I found out my dog has cancer and it's bad - so things are not that great in my little world right now. Oh well.

Enough of me complaining. Sorry. But I'm sitting here by myself so there's nobody to tell me to shut up (my wife will be home later, that's her job!). I just felt like I needed to vent a little bit so thanks for putting up with it and I'l try to be a more positive forum member going forward.
 

Jaycey

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@JoeGee Welcome to BoneSmart! Can you give me the date of your surgery and which hip you had replaced? We will pop the information in your signature for you.

Sounds like you have had quite a long haul with this hip recovery. Take heart - recovery from THR is much easier than recovery from a broken bone.

How about starting your own thread in our recovery area. Lot of support from all our members on the hip side. And tons of information on this recovery journey. Here's a link to an article about starting your own thread.

We are here for you!
 

Layla

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Hi Joe,
Welcome to BoneSmart! Thanks for joining us here and reaching out. I'm sure you'll receive some helpful advice along with lots of support. I'd like to encourage you to start a thread in the Hip Recovery area where you'll most likely receive more feedback than you will in this thread.

I'm so sorry to read the news you received about your dog. Our pets have a way of worming their way into our hearts and the thought of losing them is heartbreaking. You have my sympathy.

Once you start a thread in the Recovery area we'll be able to leave you our Recovery Guidelines which contain many articles you may find beneficial as you begin healing. There is one on Post Op Blues which is what you may be experiencing and also an article on Energy Drain which is very common post op also. You mentioned the fatigue leading to worry. Please don't let it worry you. It's normal. Your body has recently experienced a controlled trauma and is using energy first to heal, not leaving much energy for all else. Sleep when you're able as the body does it's best healing while we're asleep. It's a good thing so don't let it worry you.

Post Op Blues is a common occurance also. You mentioned the break you suffered over a month ago and the time it took eventually leading to THR. Most of us experience hip replacement due to deteriorating arthritic joints and have time to adjust to the thought of replacement. You weren't allowed that time as yours was the result of an accident. Actually it all happened pretty quickly for you and will take some mental adjustment but you'll get there.

You mentioned you've dealt with depression before. That means you've been through it. It has a beginning and an end. You will get through it again. Not sure if you've been diagnosed with SAD Seasonal Affective Disorder, or where you reside but you mentioned the cold so I'm assuming the shorter, cloudy days are affecting your mood also. Wondering if you've ever tried a Light Therapy Lamp...if not, it may be something worth researching as inexpensive option.

My best advice would be to sleep whenever you're able. Get the proper amount of exercise, stay hydrated, eat healthy, take any meds on schedule. Protein is important as you're healing so try to include it in your diet. Keep your mind occupied in an effort to not ruminate over negativity. You'll always find company here on the forum when / if bored. You can peruse others threads and / or visit the Social Area where you'll find games and interesting threads to occupy your mind.

Please reach out anytime you're in need of support. We'll be here and we care. Wishing you comfort and peace of mind.
@JoeGee
 

dapplega

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@JoeGee - welcome, and no need for any apologies about venting/sharing.
Glad you recognize the symptoms of depression. As Layla notes, and you can find many posts here, Post Op Blues is real and can really sneak up on you - it did me!
Folks here can relate and are here to help.
Sorry about your dog, that a tough enough issue anytime let alone when recovering from surgery...
Take care.
 

Stripey

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@JoeGee So sorry to hear about your dog. That is a triple whammy when the weather is crummy and you are feeling unwell. There is just nothing to say. My dog and cat give me great comfort when I'm down. They are a part of our family. I agree with the suggestion to get some sleep and have a schedule to adhere to with your daily activities. It will help with your physical and mental well-being. Cuddle with your pooch when napping if that's possible :puppysmooze: . Give him lots of treats and find some for yourself too. No need to apologize for your feelings around here :console2:
 

JoeGee

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Thanks for the thoughts everybody. Feeling a little less bluesy today but no less tired, I've taken 3 naps at least, I just sit down to do something and a while later I'm like "what just happened?". Crazy.

Poor dog's doing okay, started his meds today, the two of us are a pair. I'm the one who takes care of everything and my wife is not great at the caregiver role, I need to get my act together!
 
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Layla

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Happy to read you're feeling a bit less blue today, Joe.
It may be that your wife finds it difficult to view you as vulnerable, especially if you're the one who normally takes care of everything. If she's working outside the home in addition to caregiving, possibly she's simply tired. Hopefully she understands the assistance you need is only temporary. You'll feel stronger and less dependent week by week so hopefully she's keeping that in mind.
It's good to hear you're sleeping since sleep = healing. Some find sleep elusive and others sleep very well as you are. You're fortunate.

It's not a matter of getting your act together. You're healing from a major surgery and it takes time. You can't push it and if you do, you may just stall your recovery. Try to relax and make the best of it.

Once again, please consider starting a thread. I believe you'll enjoy interacting with others in these early weeks and you will also find useful info in the articles we can leave you on your own thread. Let us know if you'd like us to start one for you.

Also, please leave the date of your surgery and which hip was replaced either below, or on a thread you start. It helps when people stop by to comment to have the date visible so they can see how far into recovery you are.

A great evening to you!
@JoeGee
 

Tammii1981

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I’ve been very lucky with help after my op and have moved back into my mum and dads house, along with my 9 year old as I’ve nobody else to watch her. Even then it’s been tough feeling isolated from friends and even the regular day to day jobs such as school drop off and pick up. I’m finally starting to get out again, but I’m finding rather than depression, I’m feeling incredibly anxious. I’m nervous about being around people, scared of being bumped into, and I feel incredibly unsocial as though I don’t know how to socialise anymore. It’s quite hard feeling so cut off.
 

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