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Depression/post-op blues - open for all

Debru4

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So sorry you are feeling so blue.....I do believe that those of us who are single and used to doing everything on our own are particularly disheartened when we can't take total care of ourselves. I stayed with a friend for a few days after my surgery. She was wonderful, but I was having such a hard time----a combination of a bad reaction to pain meds coupled with the sense of being helpless and in pain. At 5 days out I returned to my own home where I had friends and family nearby to check in on me if needed. The second I hit my own door I felt so much better emotionally. For me, I believe that that translated to improved physical healing as well. I am wondering if something like this might be an option for you? Sometimes a change of scenery or a change in what we are doing helps. Obviously I don't know your situation, but I can relate to what you are feeling. I hope things start picking up for you. :flwrysmile:
 

Layla

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Miss Carol, wondering if you've been alone at all since your surgery? It's easy to become dependent on others especially when we're feeling vulnerable, frightened, and in pain. I'm sure you suffered anxiety at the prospect of surgery, but you faced it head on because you had no choice if you wanted to lose the pain.

Now it's time to go home. Back to your nest, your life, your reality, your own home. As much as our friends and family love us, they need and most likely want their life and their reality back. Caring for and coddling others is draining, house guests can suck the energy out of us no matter how much we love them. You've heard the saying "guests like fish, get stinky after three days." You certainly don't want to burn bridges with those you love by overstaying your welcome. You're stronger than you think, you can do this.

You need to start envisioning yourself at home, your home, living alone as you once did comfortably. Focus on what you miss, imagine your days and how you'll fill them. You may need structure at first, staying busy, occupying your mind and body as you re-adjust to being back home. Plan your days out ahead of time, what you'll do, how you'll fill them by staying busy. Arrange time with friends for breakfast out, lunches or dinners. Schedule it now in a day planner so you don't fall into a rut of getting home, sitting alone and ruminating over your temporary issues. Invite friends or loved ones over and prepare dinner together as you chat and laugh in your own home. Have someone over for coffee and dessert. Compose letters or emails, go to the movies, join a club or church group, volunteer. Nothing takes our minds off of ourselves like reaching out and helping others. You can do this, it's time you do this, you need to do this. You're stuck and spinning your wheels but you have the power to change it so please formulate a plan to begin moving forward. We're here for you and will help in any way we can. You can do this!

This message of tough love is sent with prayers for strength, peace of mind and accompanied by a warm hug. :console2:
@Misscarol
 

Misscarol

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Wow @Layla ...talk about shooting from the hip :yikes:...but you are absolutely right....now doing days at home.....so wont be long till l break free...thankyou....:flwrysmile:
 

Layla

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Lol, Miss Carol....I shot from the hip based on the vibe you shared you're getting from your beloved cousin and family, with the hope you felt strong enough to act on your intuition. Clearly you must be feeling stronger which is wonderfully positive.

I have every confidence you can do this! I like that you're easing into returning home by spending some daylight hours there to begin with, it should make it a lot easier. I'm sure you're realizing, yourself, that it's time. I'm encouraged by your last post and I'm wishing you strength as you migrate back to your favorite nesting spot....HOME.
A great week to you!
@Misscarol
 
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Misscarol

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@Layla ...you are a wise woman....but ...it frightens the .... out of me ...but ....l can do it...l am strong ....l will get there...much love to you....:angel:
 

Misscarol

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@Debru4 ....so sorry l didn't thank you for your experience , re. going home before now..overlooked it ?? Till now. .as it's been 9 months and for 6 of those l have spent with people it's going to need baby steps and l am suffering from anxiety and depression..that's not an excuse....l am throwing everything at it and l am positive....many thanks and good luck to you....How are you doing??....my wish for you ...to be happy and healthy....
 

Misscarol

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@Trudijane ....just looking back at posts and just wanted to give you a :console2: my friend...know exactly what you are going through and hope this post finds you better than before....much love :flwrysmile:
 

Debru4

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I appreciate your kind comments @Misscarol! It sure sounds like you are ready, both physically and mentally to make the next important step in your recovery. I truly do believe you are going to adjust well to the return home, given you will be returning in much better health than before your surgery. Perhaps you can arrange for your relatives to call and check in on you periodically.

Anxiety and depression color our whole world, and are not easy to manage, so I applaud you for your efforts to deal with them in the midst of this hip recovery. :SUNsmile: I really liked @Layla's suggestions of ways you can keep yourself busy. Just think of things you liked doing before your hip went bad, and also of things you've always been interested in learning about or doing. If you have an option to see a counselor that might help as well to get ideas to ease your transition home, and to your new life with a healthy hip.

And one other thought, that probably sounds awful to you if you have anxiety, but you might consider reaching out to other people instead of feeling lonely or isolated, or dependent upon your relatives. Often email, a text, or even a card are ways to extend to others and open the door to future conversations and connections. Even social media, like Facebook or Instagram are ways to feel more connected to the world. Years ago when I first got on Facebook I never posted......I just read about others, and I enjoyed it. Eventually I started sharing more and found it was a fun way to connect with people. Just some additional ideas you might want to store in your "going home toolkit".

I am doing incredibly well, and am so happy to be one year out, with most of my healing done. Thanks for asking. I know it seems like a long ways out for you, but you will get there too. One step at a time. Take care. :loveshwr:
 

Misscarol

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Thankyou @Debru4 fir your suggestions and advice...l have implemented most , l will go with your others...there are still worries about my hip...very sore...perhaps bursitis , tendonitis ??? ..I am off to see physio tomorrow and have an x.ray just to make sure everything in place...l think that will be a massive boost , if it is and then l can move on to dealing with the bursitis or whatever ....much love :flwrysmile:
....
 

Debru4

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Good luck with your doctor's appointment---I hope everything looks good with the hip X-ray, and you leave your appointment feeling reassured and ready to move forward! Hopefully they can also offer you ideas about dealing with the current hip pain .It seems like it's always something, doesn't it?!?!

Just curious.....Are you sitting a lot? In the same chair, same position? Sometimes when I did that in those first few months, it seemed things flared up a bit.....maybe you could make sure you are moving around and rotating your choice of chairs. Just a thought.
 

Misscarol

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@Debru4 ...yes moving around to different chairs....and walking around every hour or so...l am pretty active....washing, cleaning , cooking (dont do too much bending , that's still sore on back) etc...so l keep pretty active...onwards and upwards my friend...its all in the mind :praying: and as you know that's a very powerful thing...but...not as strong as me , on a good dsy:ok:...kind regards
 

Anniec19

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Just read this thread and thanks everyone for sharing. I've just had "another " meltdown as once again peed all over the bathroom floor. My grown up son is staying n was in there like a shot.
I'm scared of being on my own and have lived alone for 15 years so this is a strange unsettling feeling.
I've been seeing a guy for about 6 months but had realised a couple of weeks ago that he isn't the one. I've tried telling him but hes not listening!! I know that if I asked he'd be here like a shot but I know that's just using him and I'm not that horrible.
What to do ???? I'm trying to be strong and persevere but it's hard.
 

DesertDiva

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@Anniec19 I did that a couple of times the first few days after my surgery and I found that I didn't time it quite right. It's not what I wanted, but it wasn't the end of the world. I just used my grabber/reacher stick and cleaned it up the best I could using a wet washcloth.

Sending you healing warm hugs as I know what it's like to be alone (and independent) and feeling "helpless." You're stronger than you think you are, and this is a blip in the radar of life.

OK, you're not in love and he's not "the one." However, you're doing nothing wrong as long as you're honest with your feelings/intentions. Never underestimate the value of friendship...

I don't know your personal feelings, but I "do" know what it's like to feel desperate and helpless. You're going to be OK and just relax and take in any support you're given at this time. I'm sorry that you are struggling, but it's part of the journey of healing. What I've come to realize is that my personal journey involves emotional as well as physical healing.

You're going to come through all of this better and stronger.
 
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Anniec19

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Thank you so much... it really helped getting that off my chest and just knowing somebody else understands is brilliant.
Its 3.30 am here and everything seems worse at this time of night
Xx
 

Trudijane

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@Trudijane ....just looking back at posts and just wanted to give you a :console2: my friend...know exactly what you are going through and hope this post finds you better than before....much love :flwrysmile:
I read your post and it reminded me of the way I felt...and here you are helping me to remember those times. I just want to tell you that I often felt as you do, and at the time it was really, really hard. I lived alone with my cat - but had to organize to get all the support I needed and can't lie - it was HARD for awhile. I should go back and re-read my post because since then, I've turned a corner - and you will too.

I now look at this as the 4 months, that I had to give up my life, but now I have it back. It is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you're in the dark; this group helped me enormously as I'm sure it will help you as well. I had too many unrealistic expectations - but it was because I heard it was a walk in the park, or I was up & walking in 2 weeks, and so I expected to have the same recovery time - but I didn't.

I also had a problem with my urinary tract after the surgery. I suspect it had something to do with having a catheter and then having it removed. But, whenever I felt the urge to 'pee', I could walk to my bathroom (although a lot slower) I would pee in my pants just before I hit the toilet. It was awful. It happened so many times, that I had to wear a diaper for awhile - and I really hated that. Now I can finally laugh at it. My bladder has recovered, I walk w/o worrying, and I got through the hard part (I think) and you will too.
Warm regards,
Trudi
 

Anniec19

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Thank you so much x I really dont know what I would've done without you guys and it's still only day 3 xx
 

Mojo333

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It is Only Day 3, dear @Anniec19
Not a good day for most new hippys.
Keep the faith...all temporary.
Hugsxxx
 

HipLucy

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@Anniec19
I am another person who lives alone and has valued her independence since leaving my husband of 27 years back in 2002. But there have been some very dark days since my surgery 7 weeks ago. I live in a big city and have never needed a car. But I'm not ready for public transportation yet, so I feel limited. And as for peeing, I wore incontinence pads the first week or two. And I still use a pantyliner. Bladder control was definitely affected by the surgery or the catheter or both. It's coming back, though, so take heart. Sometimes this post-op period reminds me of postpartum depression. Change is so hard.
 

Anniec19

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Hi Lucy
This has to be one of the few times I have missed having another half.... but not enough to want to change it tho
 

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