Peaches
graduate
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2013
- Messages
- 784
- Age
- 73
- Location
- New York, New York
- Gender
- Female
- Country
United States
Hi, Butterfly ... I responded to your nice posting on my thread a while ago. And read your entire thread. And was horrified to see that someone had tagged me to respond to you, in regards to having to do the whole THR thing all alone. I am VERY sorry I didn't see the tag. I actually don't read and post at BoneSmart all that frequently anymore, and did take off on hiatus after an especially horrible time period at work, and a PT session from hell. But I am back now, always in spirit and erratically in person.
Boy, I could really relate to so much that you have posted. And I don't think you are more fearful than anyone else. I just think some people don't say that they are; or don't or can't admit it to themselves. It's a coping mechanism to tell yourself you aren't upset, that things are good, etc., etc., etc. But the truth is, anyone and everyone is worried and spooked by this surgery. Who in the heck wouldn't be? The trick is to find little Band-Aids to prevent you from freaking yourself out so much that you make yourself more miserable than you already are. And let's face it, we are all miserable physically when we come to this site in our pre-op state and until we are sufficiently healed. It's a physical pain that seriously hampers simple mobility. If your hand hurts, you can still walk. But if you hip hurts, you can't walk well at all or for long! Like what you were saying about worrying about going down the hallway for bloodwork. Every "journey" in these later pre-op weeks is like an odyssey of pain.
But you sound like you have done a great job of moving forward and putting not only one plan but two plans in place. You have TWO dates for surgery, not far apart. That's very brave. I could not have done that. Certainly not while working. And even if I were retired, I seriously doubt I would have been able to handle it. But many people here have done it, and I do believe that after the first one, all of those unknowns will be answered and you won't be as scared for the second one.
It also sounds like family has stepped up and been helping you prepare for recovering afterward. I was tagged about this because I was alone after day 4 following surgery. My cousin flew from out of state to be with me for the surgery and help get me home. It was wonderful. She was just terrific. I was scared for her to leave, but I did it just fine. No, it isn't fun. And I cried a LOT, while she was here, after she left. It was scary and I worried I couldn't do it alone. I worried mainly about being woozy from pain pills and not getting to the toilet in the middle of the night. But I DID it. I wasn't too woozy, and I had my walker. And I always had a little flashlight that I wore around my neck. I kid you not. I did that. And sometimes I slept with a lamp on. To heck with being "green" at this time of recovery.
But I was and you will be able, as everyone says, to get around the house with the walker at first and then a cane. Also, you probably will have home visits from a visiting nurse and a physical therapist. These people are paid to actually look in on you. It was a huge relief to have them, though the nurse was a real character and I wouldn't have trusted his medical judgment on anything serious without first consulting my surgeon.
And, your surgeon's office staff will probably give you an email or phone number for you to contact them with any questions. ASK HIM before surgery or before you leave the hospital about this. My surgeon told me in the hospital when he visited me afterward that I could contact his nurse at any time. Unfortunately I didn't quite remember this until a few days after I was home. I felt very abandoned by him ... then I remembered! The Nurse! So she became my new email buddy, and even called me. That was a huge consolation. I was emailing this nurse about my seven-day case of constipation (which was scary really oniy in theory as I didn't have any discomfort) and emailing pictures of my scar when my skin got red from a sensitivity to the adhesive on the bandage. No issue was too gross or small. Really, it was quite reassuring. You have said that you have chosen a surgeon who has a great reputation, so take some consolation in that. My surgeon too was someone who has a great reputation and I have always felt extremely confident in his surgical skills.
Here's some other stuff that might help....
HAve your land line and cell phone at your bedside, or if you can wear the cell phone on a lavalier kind of thing or in a pocket to have it available at all times. To avoid having to walk to get it. Have phone numbers at the ready.
Have some kind of tote bag or basket that you can have on your walker or even carry so that you aren't always wasting steps walking back and forth from the kitchen to the living room, etc., etc. That was something that was big problem for me. I kept having to go back and forth and back and forth to carry dinner, then the water glass, etc., etc. BoneSmartions advised me about using a tote or basket rather than carry things back and forth. See, the thing is ... right after surgery, yes, you are supposed to be up and about, BUT, not all the time! You have to be very prudent and conserve your steps and walking around and movements. You can get sore very easily and fast, and tire easily. The biggest lesson I learned from Josephine on BoneSmart is the one that is inscribed on my forehead--and I am paraphrasing, but it's this: You can do this activity, and you can do that activity--but you don't do them at the same time at first. You pick and choose. You limit unnecessary movements--just like being on a diet. If you want to have dessert, then you don't have a high-calorie meal on top of that. I think what she said in her famous activity chart that cemented it in my brain was this: At such-and-so week, you can make dinner, BUT SOMEONE ELSE should clean up dinner. In other words, don't stand while making dinner and then stand while cleaning up afterward; that's too much standing! Well, when you live alone, that's tough. So ... you let the dishes pile up just a little. OR ... as my cousin advised so wisely; YOU USE PAPER PLATES. (As I said, this is not the time to worry about being "green.")
As for food ... my situation doesn't lend itself to the "just freeze a bunch of meals beforehand" advice because I have a tiny refrigerator with a freezer that holds ice bags/trays and maybe a bag or two of frozen vegetables, but nothing more. So I really had to keep the freezer space available for the ice bags. And I had a variety of sizes and kinds, because ice is your new best friend for life. That's the other huge thing I learned on BoneSmart. Ice ice ice ice ice.
But for food, I had a bunch of canned stuff. My cousin nicely asked me if I would mind eating canned veggies just during the initial few weeks, and I said, HECK, NO. Again, this was not the time to get all precious and overly fussy and organic this and that. My cousin stocked up on some fresh fruit and veggies, of course, and yogurt, and I had cans of Muscle Milk and other protein stuff; small low-fat cheese. I live in a big city, where take-out is done constantly, sO I ordered from a diner a dinner with all the fixings--salad, veggies, meat, etc., and ate the leftovers the next day .... or two.
I also had this refrigerator problem that you may or may not have, but with the restrictions, you can't bend over too far. So I put most everything that was in the fridge in a plastic Baggies (again, this is not the time to be all "green" conscious) so that, with my grabber, I could easily retrieve them.
I had every bit of laundry, every sock, underwear, etc., laundered and ironed (well, not the underwear and socks) and ready to pull on ... to conserve unnecessary laundering.
The sock do-DAD thing is crucial. I got one in my "hip kit" from the hosPital that has a terry-cloth-wrapped plastic base and it's really good.
I had two grabber-reachers. And tennis racket from decades ago. And a long-handled dustpan. Why? So that I could always have some way to pick up all the stuff I was always dropping. And by the way, constantly retrieving things you drop is "activity." And it's tiring and annoying. But it happens, so you have to be ingenious and think outside the box, and sometimes the grabber won't grab everything. So use other implements.
And of course you use those reacher-grabber things if you have the restrictions, which I gather you will have. You decided not to go for the anterior method. Ditto for me, too. I went to one of the best hospitals in the country, and chose a surgeon I really liked. And if I have to do my next hip, which is likely, I will NOT choose the anterior method. I'd rather go with a surgeon I like. And trust me, I hated those restrictions. Despised them. But I would still put up with them again if it meant going with a surgeon I liked.
My main agita during recovery was the blasted specter of WORK hovering around me. If I had been retired, I would have been a lot less stressed. But I had the unspoken expectations of my supervisors, who had hinted that I could come back in two weeks if I had a positive attitude. Actually they used the words "being positive" as being key to coming back to work early. Which really chapped me. Being positive has no bearing on SOFT TISSUE THAT IS TRYING TO HEAL. The tissue will heal on its own time, no matter how positive you do or don't feel. They were using the "be positive" mantra to manipulate me and make me feel guilty. I had a return date carved in stone with them and it was the same day I had my six-week checkup, where I was hoping to get the restrictions lifted.
So I had a lot stress from THAT. But despite how horrible your boss was to you (and I was so upset for you when i read your description of what happened), I am really happy that that is behind you. So just let yourself heal at your own pace and don't listen to anyone who tries to "push you.'"
Take heart, too, in all the things you are learning on BoneSmart, all the stuff that everyone goes through: the swelling of the operated foot/leg; the bruising (some of us have that, some not); the cement leg feeeling (it goes away); the fatigue; the crying spells. It's a laundry list of stuff that we all go through. So when it happens to you, you will realize it will go away and it is common. Knowing all of that helped me. Because all of this stuff is not indicative of anything that is wrong. It's just part of the goody bag we are given when we have this surgery. And it goes away.
Now, as for fears about the surgery. I was initially terrified, as I had never been in a hospital except for the usual one in the 60s for tonsils. Scared of the epidural. Scared I'd wake up during the surgery. Scared of Nurse Ratched. Scared of the catheter. Scared of pain management. Scared of ending up with a crazy roommate. Well, I read what everyone said here, and I really calmed down. Because, you know, when you read person after person after person say that the epidural wasn't bad or they didn't feel it; that they didn't wake up, or if they did, they felt no pain and didn't care, well ... you stop worrying. I always take consolation in the numbers: If 99 people out of 100 don't wake up, then I don't worry about waking up. Also, I did have Nurse Ratched and her More Evil Twin, but not every shift. Pain was managed. It wasn't a picnic. But it wasn't hellish, either.
I didn't do the meditative tape thing; I tried (a male narrator; not one of the tapes that's mentioned on Bone Smart), but started laughing incontrollably because his voice was slow and he droned on and on and it started to sound like a parody of Mellow FM Radio Man. Like someone from a Woody Allen movie. Unintentionally funny. So it made me laugh so hard, it was actually cathartic and helpful. (I always prefer humor to anything meditative, but that's my problem.) But if those tapes help you, then go for it. You need a bag of tricks to dip into to help you. Whatever gets you through the night.
Oh, and you mentioned all the pre-op tests and what if they find you have this or that? Well, I worried about some of that, too. And rightfully so! I worried about dental work being as how I have some problems and feared I'd need crowns or extractions or something. well, luckly, my dentist didn't find anything wrong. Then, I worried about a heart condition because one day after one of my supervisors nagged and ragged on me (my supervisors are very very tough), I got chest pains at work. Was sent to a cardiologist for tests. well, turns out my heart was just fine. So that fear went away. Now, I don't tend to have kidney or liver probelms, so frankly I didn't worry about those. So, yes, I get our fears about this whole thing.
I think you said you are telling yourself to just STOP when you overdo the worrying ... and that sounds really good to me. I tend to do that, too. I get exhausted from the what-ifs, so I just give up the ghost and say STOP.
It doesn't last forever, but it is some type of temporary relief.
My apologies for the sloppy, overly long response. It's just that I felt such a kinship with you when I read your thread. And I don't want you to think you're alone with all of these worries. You are not. You are just more aware of your feelings perhaps--as many many of us are--than some. But you are not alone. It is not weird or strange to worry about this stuff. It is not irrational, either. Especially if you have never had surgery. And if you've had insensitive clods in your life such as your former boss who invalidate not only your feelings but your actual pain. Being around people like that, especially people who are kind of in a power position, really can do a number on you. But you are so wise to have put your ex boss behind you! Really, that is the past, dead and buried. And you now have the freedom to approach this surgery and the recovery exactly at the pace you need to.
And again: the numbers are helpful: This is a hugely successful surgery. The stats for successes so high. I took great consolation in that. I hope you can too.
Please take care and if my too long response has not totally put you to sleep, feel free to ask me anything.
This time next month you will be on the other side!!!
Boy, I could really relate to so much that you have posted. And I don't think you are more fearful than anyone else. I just think some people don't say that they are; or don't or can't admit it to themselves. It's a coping mechanism to tell yourself you aren't upset, that things are good, etc., etc., etc. But the truth is, anyone and everyone is worried and spooked by this surgery. Who in the heck wouldn't be? The trick is to find little Band-Aids to prevent you from freaking yourself out so much that you make yourself more miserable than you already are. And let's face it, we are all miserable physically when we come to this site in our pre-op state and until we are sufficiently healed. It's a physical pain that seriously hampers simple mobility. If your hand hurts, you can still walk. But if you hip hurts, you can't walk well at all or for long! Like what you were saying about worrying about going down the hallway for bloodwork. Every "journey" in these later pre-op weeks is like an odyssey of pain.
But you sound like you have done a great job of moving forward and putting not only one plan but two plans in place. You have TWO dates for surgery, not far apart. That's very brave. I could not have done that. Certainly not while working. And even if I were retired, I seriously doubt I would have been able to handle it. But many people here have done it, and I do believe that after the first one, all of those unknowns will be answered and you won't be as scared for the second one.
It also sounds like family has stepped up and been helping you prepare for recovering afterward. I was tagged about this because I was alone after day 4 following surgery. My cousin flew from out of state to be with me for the surgery and help get me home. It was wonderful. She was just terrific. I was scared for her to leave, but I did it just fine. No, it isn't fun. And I cried a LOT, while she was here, after she left. It was scary and I worried I couldn't do it alone. I worried mainly about being woozy from pain pills and not getting to the toilet in the middle of the night. But I DID it. I wasn't too woozy, and I had my walker. And I always had a little flashlight that I wore around my neck. I kid you not. I did that. And sometimes I slept with a lamp on. To heck with being "green" at this time of recovery.
But I was and you will be able, as everyone says, to get around the house with the walker at first and then a cane. Also, you probably will have home visits from a visiting nurse and a physical therapist. These people are paid to actually look in on you. It was a huge relief to have them, though the nurse was a real character and I wouldn't have trusted his medical judgment on anything serious without first consulting my surgeon.
And, your surgeon's office staff will probably give you an email or phone number for you to contact them with any questions. ASK HIM before surgery or before you leave the hospital about this. My surgeon told me in the hospital when he visited me afterward that I could contact his nurse at any time. Unfortunately I didn't quite remember this until a few days after I was home. I felt very abandoned by him ... then I remembered! The Nurse! So she became my new email buddy, and even called me. That was a huge consolation. I was emailing this nurse about my seven-day case of constipation (which was scary really oniy in theory as I didn't have any discomfort) and emailing pictures of my scar when my skin got red from a sensitivity to the adhesive on the bandage. No issue was too gross or small. Really, it was quite reassuring. You have said that you have chosen a surgeon who has a great reputation, so take some consolation in that. My surgeon too was someone who has a great reputation and I have always felt extremely confident in his surgical skills.
Here's some other stuff that might help....
HAve your land line and cell phone at your bedside, or if you can wear the cell phone on a lavalier kind of thing or in a pocket to have it available at all times. To avoid having to walk to get it. Have phone numbers at the ready.
Have some kind of tote bag or basket that you can have on your walker or even carry so that you aren't always wasting steps walking back and forth from the kitchen to the living room, etc., etc. That was something that was big problem for me. I kept having to go back and forth and back and forth to carry dinner, then the water glass, etc., etc. BoneSmartions advised me about using a tote or basket rather than carry things back and forth. See, the thing is ... right after surgery, yes, you are supposed to be up and about, BUT, not all the time! You have to be very prudent and conserve your steps and walking around and movements. You can get sore very easily and fast, and tire easily. The biggest lesson I learned from Josephine on BoneSmart is the one that is inscribed on my forehead--and I am paraphrasing, but it's this: You can do this activity, and you can do that activity--but you don't do them at the same time at first. You pick and choose. You limit unnecessary movements--just like being on a diet. If you want to have dessert, then you don't have a high-calorie meal on top of that. I think what she said in her famous activity chart that cemented it in my brain was this: At such-and-so week, you can make dinner, BUT SOMEONE ELSE should clean up dinner. In other words, don't stand while making dinner and then stand while cleaning up afterward; that's too much standing! Well, when you live alone, that's tough. So ... you let the dishes pile up just a little. OR ... as my cousin advised so wisely; YOU USE PAPER PLATES. (As I said, this is not the time to worry about being "green.")
As for food ... my situation doesn't lend itself to the "just freeze a bunch of meals beforehand" advice because I have a tiny refrigerator with a freezer that holds ice bags/trays and maybe a bag or two of frozen vegetables, but nothing more. So I really had to keep the freezer space available for the ice bags. And I had a variety of sizes and kinds, because ice is your new best friend for life. That's the other huge thing I learned on BoneSmart. Ice ice ice ice ice.
But for food, I had a bunch of canned stuff. My cousin nicely asked me if I would mind eating canned veggies just during the initial few weeks, and I said, HECK, NO. Again, this was not the time to get all precious and overly fussy and organic this and that. My cousin stocked up on some fresh fruit and veggies, of course, and yogurt, and I had cans of Muscle Milk and other protein stuff; small low-fat cheese. I live in a big city, where take-out is done constantly, sO I ordered from a diner a dinner with all the fixings--salad, veggies, meat, etc., and ate the leftovers the next day .... or two.
I also had this refrigerator problem that you may or may not have, but with the restrictions, you can't bend over too far. So I put most everything that was in the fridge in a plastic Baggies (again, this is not the time to be all "green" conscious) so that, with my grabber, I could easily retrieve them.
I had every bit of laundry, every sock, underwear, etc., laundered and ironed (well, not the underwear and socks) and ready to pull on ... to conserve unnecessary laundering.
The sock do-DAD thing is crucial. I got one in my "hip kit" from the hosPital that has a terry-cloth-wrapped plastic base and it's really good.
I had two grabber-reachers. And tennis racket from decades ago. And a long-handled dustpan. Why? So that I could always have some way to pick up all the stuff I was always dropping. And by the way, constantly retrieving things you drop is "activity." And it's tiring and annoying. But it happens, so you have to be ingenious and think outside the box, and sometimes the grabber won't grab everything. So use other implements.
And of course you use those reacher-grabber things if you have the restrictions, which I gather you will have. You decided not to go for the anterior method. Ditto for me, too. I went to one of the best hospitals in the country, and chose a surgeon I really liked. And if I have to do my next hip, which is likely, I will NOT choose the anterior method. I'd rather go with a surgeon I like. And trust me, I hated those restrictions. Despised them. But I would still put up with them again if it meant going with a surgeon I liked.
My main agita during recovery was the blasted specter of WORK hovering around me. If I had been retired, I would have been a lot less stressed. But I had the unspoken expectations of my supervisors, who had hinted that I could come back in two weeks if I had a positive attitude. Actually they used the words "being positive" as being key to coming back to work early. Which really chapped me. Being positive has no bearing on SOFT TISSUE THAT IS TRYING TO HEAL. The tissue will heal on its own time, no matter how positive you do or don't feel. They were using the "be positive" mantra to manipulate me and make me feel guilty. I had a return date carved in stone with them and it was the same day I had my six-week checkup, where I was hoping to get the restrictions lifted.
So I had a lot stress from THAT. But despite how horrible your boss was to you (and I was so upset for you when i read your description of what happened), I am really happy that that is behind you. So just let yourself heal at your own pace and don't listen to anyone who tries to "push you.'"
Take heart, too, in all the things you are learning on BoneSmart, all the stuff that everyone goes through: the swelling of the operated foot/leg; the bruising (some of us have that, some not); the cement leg feeeling (it goes away); the fatigue; the crying spells. It's a laundry list of stuff that we all go through. So when it happens to you, you will realize it will go away and it is common. Knowing all of that helped me. Because all of this stuff is not indicative of anything that is wrong. It's just part of the goody bag we are given when we have this surgery. And it goes away.
Now, as for fears about the surgery. I was initially terrified, as I had never been in a hospital except for the usual one in the 60s for tonsils. Scared of the epidural. Scared I'd wake up during the surgery. Scared of Nurse Ratched. Scared of the catheter. Scared of pain management. Scared of ending up with a crazy roommate. Well, I read what everyone said here, and I really calmed down. Because, you know, when you read person after person after person say that the epidural wasn't bad or they didn't feel it; that they didn't wake up, or if they did, they felt no pain and didn't care, well ... you stop worrying. I always take consolation in the numbers: If 99 people out of 100 don't wake up, then I don't worry about waking up. Also, I did have Nurse Ratched and her More Evil Twin, but not every shift. Pain was managed. It wasn't a picnic. But it wasn't hellish, either.
I didn't do the meditative tape thing; I tried (a male narrator; not one of the tapes that's mentioned on Bone Smart), but started laughing incontrollably because his voice was slow and he droned on and on and it started to sound like a parody of Mellow FM Radio Man. Like someone from a Woody Allen movie. Unintentionally funny. So it made me laugh so hard, it was actually cathartic and helpful. (I always prefer humor to anything meditative, but that's my problem.) But if those tapes help you, then go for it. You need a bag of tricks to dip into to help you. Whatever gets you through the night.
Oh, and you mentioned all the pre-op tests and what if they find you have this or that? Well, I worried about some of that, too. And rightfully so! I worried about dental work being as how I have some problems and feared I'd need crowns or extractions or something. well, luckly, my dentist didn't find anything wrong. Then, I worried about a heart condition because one day after one of my supervisors nagged and ragged on me (my supervisors are very very tough), I got chest pains at work. Was sent to a cardiologist for tests. well, turns out my heart was just fine. So that fear went away. Now, I don't tend to have kidney or liver probelms, so frankly I didn't worry about those. So, yes, I get our fears about this whole thing.
I think you said you are telling yourself to just STOP when you overdo the worrying ... and that sounds really good to me. I tend to do that, too. I get exhausted from the what-ifs, so I just give up the ghost and say STOP.
It doesn't last forever, but it is some type of temporary relief.
My apologies for the sloppy, overly long response. It's just that I felt such a kinship with you when I read your thread. And I don't want you to think you're alone with all of these worries. You are not. You are just more aware of your feelings perhaps--as many many of us are--than some. But you are not alone. It is not weird or strange to worry about this stuff. It is not irrational, either. Especially if you have never had surgery. And if you've had insensitive clods in your life such as your former boss who invalidate not only your feelings but your actual pain. Being around people like that, especially people who are kind of in a power position, really can do a number on you. But you are so wise to have put your ex boss behind you! Really, that is the past, dead and buried. And you now have the freedom to approach this surgery and the recovery exactly at the pace you need to.
And again: the numbers are helpful: This is a hugely successful surgery. The stats for successes so high. I took great consolation in that. I hope you can too.
Please take care and if my too long response has not totally put you to sleep, feel free to ask me anything.
This time next month you will be on the other side!!!
)
) 
