Aww, Annie, it really breaks my heart to read this. Honestly I wish I could give you a hug and tell
you it's going to be alright.
I can completely understand canceling the first surgery out of fear and also because you weren't in constant pain. I wasn't in constant pain either. Rarely took an NSAID, by choice, I hate them. But my x-ray told the story as I'm sure yours did. Grade 4, bone on bone. It won't get better, you need the surgery, you decide when. Sound familiar? I looked at how my world was closing in, loss of flexibility, mobility, limping and increasing pain. Did you not suffer something similar? If so, did you make your decision for surgery based on wanting a better life for yourself?
If your story is anything like mine, you didn't make a mistake. You're just having a rough start and I'm willing to bet PT has only aggravated that. Because you're desperate to be the old you and maintain you'll do anything, Consider consulting with Josephine again for some clear direction moving forward in regard to your meds and physical activity, at least until the next meeting with your OS at the end of the month.
You've engaged in PT for over two months now and I don't believe it's working to your advantage. I do hope you're able to come to that conclusion on your own aside from our influence, or that of family and friends. You need to truly believe that yourself. Then decide exactly how YOU want to move forward.
It seems you have a bad case of the Post Op Blues too. But I believe if you start feeling better physically, your mood will lift also. You're afraid, in a funk and feeling hopeless. Please realize that there's a very good chance you can turn this around and have the happy ending you thought you signed up for.
You think about this and hopefully some others will come alongside you with their opinions also. Just know we're here for you and will continue to be. Let me know if you want me to tag Jo, or feel free to do it yourself if you are interested. Let's work on turning this around.
Big hugs!
@AnnieRose2