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TKR Woohoo! Now I've got two!!

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Judy, Jackie's right on this one I'm afraid. Each person has to decide If the relationship can ever get better or break ties.
Some of us have gone through this and become stronger through the years, but we are the exception rather than the rule. We let the person know what boundaries we are putting in place, and stand up for ourselves. Your friend isn't at that place, and since she isn't married to him, she can make the choice a lot easier than if she were married. But, remember, the CHOICE is always up to her no matter how much you care about her! Getting in the middle only creates hard feelings. I would say to back away for awhile if possible. Then if she wants to talk, suggest she see a counselor to help her. She sounds like she can't live without him, I only hope that she stays alive if he has violent tendencies! :console2:
 
Hi,
I had posted something last night, but it's disappeared. My friend and I will go back to not talking about him. We always find lots of other stuff to talk about!. She's had a hard and sad life, but I know there's a limit to what I can do. She doesn't call in the wee hours, and I was the one who insisted on taking her to a doctor last week, as idiot boyfriend was working and she couldn't reach him. Fortunately, his abuse is limited to verbal...
Thanks for all you kind thoughts.
 
Wow, almost no sleep again. So swollen after yesterday's exploits, which I didn't think were that over the top. Much pain, which painkillers didn't seem to touch.
Good news is that it's absolutely pouring out, so that will force me to limit my silliness and outings and walks, and I'll just have to take it easy.
 
Jebsw said:
Hi,
I had posted something last night, but it's disappeared. My friend and I will go back to not talking about him. We always find lots of other stuff to talk about!. She's had a hard and sad life, but I know there's a limit to what I can do. She doesn't call in the wee hours, and I was the one who insisted on taking her to a doctor last week, as idiot boyfriend was working and she couldn't reach him. Fortunately, his abuse is limited to verbal...
Thanks for all you kind thoughts.
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Judy, yes some of us understand the abuse being limited to verbal also. Since that is the case, being a good friend to her and listening is great. You are truly a wonderful friend! I have two friends who will drop everything they are doing if I need them for anything. We have been friends for a long time, and I do the same for them. We are the "Three Musketeers!" :friends:
 
Jebsw said:
Wow, almost no sleep again. So swollen after yesterday's exploits, which I didn't think we're that over the top. Much pain, which painkillers didn't seem to touch.
Good news is that it's absolutely pouring out, so that will force me to limit my silliness and outings and walks, and I'll just have to take it easy.
Click to expand...
Play with cute but useless kitty, and get the ice and elevation going. You know they say slow and steady wins the race. ( I wish I would remember that more often also! :wink:
 
You are an excellent friend Judy, and I am sure your friend is honored to have you as your friend, I know I would be! :friends:

Now for today you prescription is baby yourself and your sweet kitty! :kittykiss:
 
Hi J,

Your friend is very fortunate to have you and your support. Verbal abuse is often as bad or worse than physical. I hope she finds strength to walk away. Much easier to type than do of course.

Sorry you have hit a rough patch with pain and sleeplessness. I believe this recovery journey is a lot of trial and error. I seem to keep testing my limits, I pay the price, then try again. Slowly but surely it will all come together.

Enjoy your little buddy and you'll feel better soon!

Be well,

Dawn
 
I am a reasonably intelligent, well-educated woman. You guys give me great advice and support. So why do I keep doing stupid things? When the rain let up a bit, I decided to go to exchange that lovely lamp I bought the other day. Got it, but then thought as I couldn't walk outside, I'd walk briskly around the store, not the stop and go pace of shopping, but as briskly as I could. But I was not in appropriate shoes at all, and they were wet, and store floors are very unforgiving. :headbang:

I wonder if I'll remember this lesson in the future. I think the recent surgeries have affected my gray cells.

But, getting up from the floor is postively easy now. If only I could climb stairs!

BTW, cute but useless cat says hi to all. He's loving all the attention.
 
Judy! I believe someone told you not to follow my directions for falling gracefully on a cement floor! :whistle:

I hope everything is ok, and you do realize that sometimes it is best to just sit on the sidelines for a day or so with cute but useless cat. The cat will love you for it, and so will your knee!
 
Oh no! I didn't fall! That's your specialty. I just meant that walking on hard floors in silly shoes hurt my knees.

Does anyone ever feel some kind of unspoken pressure that "sitting on the sidelines" is somehow wrong? No one has said as much, but as I've been healing from one surgery after another for a while now, I sometimes feel or fear people think I'm just a lazybones, taking it easy. I mean, I know I'm not. But sometimes there are very vague hints, or so I interpret them to be, that I need to push harder, do more. I get tired of explaining that that's not how this works, etc. And apparently I am a slow healer to boot.

Maybe it's just inside my head. I know I can be lazy -- or maybe that was the pain. I just feel I should do a little something every day.
 
Judy,

Sitting on the sidelines is great until you have healed! I mean that as taking it easy, not being a reclusive "couch potato!'" I envy those who will sit on the sidelines and heal first! Somehow, my get up and go has found me again though, so taking it easy is not what I do. I should, but I don't. :angel:
 
Judy, I'm glad everthing turned out well at the store and you didn't fall, but you are surely right about wet floors and walking on them. Evertime I hear the sqeaking of my shoes on a hard floor I cringe for fear of slipping and falling. I truely should have thought about that more before my knees were done, because my new knees are much more stable, however, the brain, the brain is what puts the fear in me, talk about gray cells! I simple don't trust myself anymore, I should see someone about that!:whistle::heehee: I guess it will take a while to regain our confidence.

Now for unspoken pressure to "sitting on the sidelines" being somehow wrong! Yes, I do feel it to be that way, however I've been doing it for a long time before BTKR, so maybe I'm use to it, I don't know. But, now that I have my new knees I feel like I am a car engine reeving up to go, but I must wait for my tire pressures to build up so I have a smooth ride!
We don't want any setback which would keep us on the sidelines even long, so we simple must play that dang waiting game! Almost like hurry up and wait, frustrating at times to say the least!

As far as what other people perceive about us, or what we think they do, well I say let them, until they go through what we have experienced, walk in our shoes so to speak, they have no weight to their thoughts, because they haven't been there!
So my dear friend, slow and easy, we'll get there and be the better for it! If you feel the need to get up and go, than do it but in baby steps, until the giant step phase is ready! Now if I can only pay attention to what I just said!:umm: Naw, really I don't even mind being lazy, too much!:)
 
Oh Judy do I get what you mean about others. I have a 37 yr history with Crohns. Its a disease on the outside I look like nothing is wrong. But if people could really feel how I feel everday just for one day, is a Crohnies dream. Can't tell you how many times I have heard, oh I wish I had your disease then I could lose weight so easy like you do, or you don't look sick. And just like a TKR, if you have not had one yet, you will never know how painful it is, and its the same with Crohns.

I also have a former co worker who had a TKR. Of course, she was one of those who breezed thru the recovery. And everyone is expecting me to breeze thru it too. But I have other health issues to deal with, so that has made my recovery even more challenging. I will get there too, its just gonna take a bit longer.

And I hate those concrete floors. I do remember how much they made me hurt so bad prior to the TKR. Now they just wear me out. Big hugs!
 
RestAssured said:
Well, you know what? I was thinking about it, and decided to "share" after all! I had a little touch of shyness :blush: , attack me. Anyway, here it goes! :whistle:

1. Make sure that your hubby hasn't finished the remodeling on the bathroom, or this won't be nearly as effective! My Master Bath is a work in progress, so the floor is cement so this situation applies to me! :umm:

2. Make sure that your feet are still wet when you step out of the shower and off the mat! (You must be in a hurry, because usually, you would grab the towel and dry off, and of course I was! :rotfl: )

3. Decide to put on clothes with feet still wet, that works reallllllyyyyyy well! (It helps to set up the next stage of the drama!)

4. After you have mastered the underwear, shorts, and bra, try moving, while putting your t-shirt on over your head. (Make sure you can't see, as you are moving, because then you might miss something!)

5. Have the bathroom scale placed strategically in your way as you are moving with wet feet to pull your shirt over your head! (Adds to the Drama!)

6. Find yourself tripping over scale and losing balance because feet are sliding out from under you! You naturally pitch forward and your knees and then somehow tailbone all land on the cement!

7. Listen to husband in bedroom ask if you are ok, after he hears big crash, and ask "what do you think?" (Forgetting that he is a man and that he takes me literally and that I have not screamed for help, he yells ok then, I will leave you alone!") Needless to say the next words I said brought him in quickly, but I Can't share those because they are in code! :rotfl:

Poppet, thought you might enjoy a little humor!
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:) super story. Code words are wonderful aren't they? My wife went to great lengths to teach our kids the Emergency Code Word as soon as they were old enough, so that were there any serious emergency rather than just normal day-to-day problems they could be assured of getting best attention right away. She told them to repeat the code word, as loudly as possible and over and over again, which was "Daaaaaaaddy".
 
Roy,
That was really funny. To impart a little story of my own, Our friends had acquired a cockateel, the husband and my husband tried to teach it to talk, the only thing they got it to say was MAAAMAAA. Now 17/18 years later that's all he still says.
 
Roy, that is funny! :rotfl: (But my code words did not have Daddy in them. I can assure of that!). LOL. They would be more like words you might say when your husband needs to hear a literal statement!). Of course, that doesn't apply to you Roy, but maybe I could tell your wife for future reference! :rotfl:
 
Hi Judy,

Most of my clients are at least 20 years my senior, and many have had TKRs. Quite a few had unremarkable recovery stories and made amazing comebacks; 85 yr old playing tennis within 9 months, one running again after only a few months, etc. many times I felt like an utter failure for the struggle I was going through, like I had done something wrong. The low point was a holiday gathering in Boston with my colleagues last December. I was 4 months out from TKR and just gave up my crutches for a cane. We had to walk to the restaurant, and ascend a long flight of stairs. Everyone was standing around talking, drinking, and catching up. I just couldn't do it,I had to sit. I felt completely left out and like I didn't belong.

So much of the recovery process is managing expectations, both our own and those of the people in our lives. I have gotten a lot better at setting limits, being direct that recovery is a process, not a paint by numbers project. It will take the direction it is going to take, period.

You are not a lazybones. You are caring for yourself and being kind to the only body you've got. So, Be like a duck and let the hints roll right off your back. Until they walk a mile in your moccasins, they have no appreciation for what you are experiencing.

Be well,

Dawn
 
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