THR Toddlermom - one down!!

[Toddlermom]

My husband takes over at 5 pm most days, and the kids have pre-school in the morning a couple of days. However, 2-3 days....it is all me and Sunday/Monday was one of those. With two kids and a tummy bug (lots of laundry), my endurance stinks.

 

[Jaycey]

This decision impacts everyone else's lives too......and I want to make the right one.

You need to stop worrying about the impact on others and focus on your priority - getting your life back.

As long as you have that bad hip it will impact your life. And waiting (as you know) will only allow that hip to get worse. Part of what is making you tired is that pain. We all cope with pre-op pain. But it zaps your energy.

For those who say you are insane - well you just don't need that input right now. Perhaps say I'll see you again after my second THR.

 

[Miss Muffet]

@Toddlermom - Jaycey is so right. I'd just like to donate 5 minutes of this pain to anyone who says such mindless things. Then I wonder what they'd have to say on the subject.
I thought of you just this minute as I "Wedding Marched" up the stairs .... grunting and grumbling as I climbed.

 

[Zelda]

I need a little courage to book it. Life is so tiring with one hip....what will it look like with 2?

Better than with one painful, failing hip.
Sometimes I wonder if I can face doing all this again in just a few weeks. But I know the second hip is the only way I can get better so really there's no choice. I think it'll be harder next time around. I don't normally wish my life away but if I could fast forward through this summer to Autumn with two shiny new hips, I think I would!

 

[Miss Muffet]

I think it'll be harder next time around. I don't normally wish my life away but if I could fast forward through this summer to Autumn with two shiny new hips, I think I would!

Yes - don't we all.
BUT I would say on this subject to both you @Zelda and @Toddlermom that my OS said the second one has the benefit of a "fit" hip to help support the recovery. Don't forget that at the moment you are nursing a poorly, recovering hip at the same time as a hip which needs attention.
So ....... double trouble
Item for discussion ......

 

[Zelda]

Thanks for the encouragement, @Miss Muffet !

 

[dandy_candi]

I agree with @jacey that you need to do what suits you and your body, not other people's schedules. It is hard when you need people's support but the sooner you do it, the less support you will need in the long run.

I don't change my mind when I've made it so discuss with your husband, and your surgeon and think through what would be best for YOU, make your decision then become your own advocate and be fierce In telling everyone what your doing. Own it! sending good vibes from Aus


Candice, 28 yo. Rheumatoid Arthritis. Australia. Sequential unilateral THR June 1st 2016 and July 13th 2016

 

[Krista]

@Toddlermom, when I was your age I had a 4 year old and a 1 year old. I was completely exhausted then, and for another 6 years. I remember my very favorite part of the day was 9 at night when I collapsed into bed and was out like a light for hours and hours. I cannot even imagine doing what you are doing while recovering from a THR, and you are only 7 weeks out, and dealing with another bad hip! At 7 weeks I WAS doing the binge-watching on Netflix with my husband still doing all the food shopping and preparing, with no kids, no job, and I was still tired all the time.

You ask when the exhaustion will stop, and the answer is who-knows? With all that is on your plate with the kids and your hips, it may go on for a long time. I would suggest doing everything you can right now to do less and get more rest. Only you can decide what you can "let go of" or have others do. Being that tired can affect your mood, and hence how you act around your kids. I know it would for me, anyway! All the best to you in figuring this out. We are not superwomen, especially after THR, even though we like to think we are!

 

[Toddlermom]

Thank you all! In my head, I decided this last week. But the idea of actually picking a date...is messing with my head.

@Zelda I think that already having a plan 'in place' prior to surgery would be easier. And I NEVER want to do this during basketball season again. EVER. So it is May-Sept for me.....and I don't think that it will hold until May 2017, no matter what my mom hopes.

@Jaycey My mom is my most caring & effective caretaker. However, she has strong opinions and she is one to 'power through' regardless. It is a powerful strength, but also an Achilles heel. She has postponed replacing her current knee for 14 months now, and she waited far longer than I did on her hip 3 years ago because she was too busy being superwoman (I come by it honestly, lol). I thought she was doing the knee in May, so I didn't book the 2nd hip...and now she has another 'must do' before she will replace the knee. She is lovely and kind, and her absolute enthusiasm knocked me out with such a overzealous schedule during Easter. So those wonderful characteristics--used at the WRONG time must be tempered. I gotta plan for this hip regardless of her opinions or plans.

@Krista Thank you so much for your frank and honest response! I am a master at shifting the blame for the exhaustion. One day, 'it is just our family's life stage', or 'it is being an older mommy', or 'it is just a tired recovery day', or 'it's this other bum hip'. It is ALL those things! Some days it feels like I will never be rested again. And I was always the person who worked 60 hour weeks or two jobs in my 30's. Even in pain. This version of myself seems a bit unsettling..and weak. I know that is MY warped perception, and others see a powerhouse. My husband does most of the cooking and some shopping, so I am lucky in many ways. He isn't quite as patient with the kids...so I tend to take on those stinkers!

I have been up with our son since 2 am with this stomach thing. 5 pairs of undies, multiple baths, laundry,and mopping the bathroom floor with unfortunate 'aim for the potty'. We have been lounging around resting together in bed before his doctor appointment at 3 pm. Again, I am dreaming of a 3 day escape....

 

[gullimac]

@Toddlermom I think I may have said this before, but what you are able to do now gives me hope. You are able to already do so much more with those kids of yours than I can imagine doing right now. I know it is not as much as you would like to be doing and it wipes your energy out, but it is darn impressive.

 

[Toddlermom]

@gullimac your time is coming! Guess what I managed? Changing a diaper on the floor. It was awkward but safe. I still prefer to do it on a bed, but this was a VERY dirty, drippy one....and bathroom tile and rugs are easier to clean than carpet. And the 2 year old needed to go straight into the tub.....yuck. Nothing like a toddler emergency to stretch your skills.....instead of Physical Therapy....it is Toddler Therapy!

 

[DeepBreath]

God love you, @Toddlermom. I hope the babies feel much better soon. My goodness, you definitely have 'therapy' with the little ones.
FWIW, my second recovery was miles easier than the first. Every bit of progress felt like 'for good' progress instead of 'until next time' and it all came about much more quickly than the first time around.
Granted, I didn't have even a tenth of the stuff going on that you do. You are definitely strong enough to get through the second surgery/recovery though. You've just been amazing throughout all of this!

 

[sunsetbiking]

@Toddlermom just reading your posts makes me exhausted! LOL!

I'm so sorry your son has been so sick. Hang in there it will get better. One day you will be looking back and wishing for when your kids were young and wanted to be around you.

My daughter is 26 and lives with me and she's taking care of me right now. But she spends most of her time in her room and last night I asked her if she could please spend some time with me. This house is so boring by myself all day while she is working (in her room, she working from home while taking care of me). She gives me a plate of food at night, eats with me and it seems like only 15 minutes of her time and poof she's gone again to her room!

I hope your night is better!

 

[Miss Muffet]

FWIW, my second recovery was miles easier than the first. Every bit of progress felt like 'for good' progress instead of 'until next time' and it all came about much more quickly than the first time around

Ah @DeepBreath - you give all of us tandem hippies such hope!

 

[Toddlermom]

@DeepBreath You give me hope!!! Right now I worry that I will always be Mommy with the hurt leg. It is a part of the daily conversation introduced by the little people. They want to see my scar, or x-Ray, or something......after a year of discussion, I am ready for it to be less important.

 

[gullimac]

Sometimes I think I would like to sit all my loved ones down and go back to my days as a classroom teacher. Show them the anatomy of the hip and then explain in great detail what they were going to do to mine. I do not believe there is an accurate way to "teach" them what a damaged hip feels like though.

I don't really think any of them want to truly think about what you have been through, what I am going to have done in 21 days and we both will have to go through again soon. My 7 yr old might be slightly interested. She has asked about my "fake hip" I will be getting and when I showed her some pictures she commented that it looked like a door knob. Don't get me wrong, everyone of my loved ones is super supportive. I just don't think they get it...AT ALL...except maybe the 7 yr old .

I agree it will be nice for it all to be less important to us...and our loved ones.

 

[Miss Muffet]

@Toddlermom - you know we all salute you! You've got heaps of support on here from those who are in a similar situation (painwise, though not necessarily domestically) who all understand just how restrictive this blessed disease can be. Coping with your poorly son must have been such an upsetting ordeal. I hope he's picking up now? Only a mother can make such a messy situation sound humerous! As it seems you've settled on the fact this needs to be dealt with, and soon, it sounds like your only decision remains to be "when?" I'm afraid I'm not in touch with the seasonal dates but do I get the impression that September is the cut off point? That's great because you can now start making moves towards that and once you've got it on the calendar then the family can start to get to grips with the idea and formulate plans around it. I suspect once you've got it fixed in their minds then the next step is seizing the opportunity for a frank discussion with your mother. I'm guessing she is the one you will rely on chiefly (after hubby)? Plan it when you know you can have her full attention. Sometimes people's strengths can also be their weakness, and she does sound to be an absolute Trojan to battle though the way she has. I wonder if you've picked up on some of that strength of character yourself? I find having s really good WAIL helps focus people on how I feel (not too regularly mind you. It loses value - but boy when you're at the end of your rope it definitely makes them sit up and take notice). You clearly need support with the children Did you at one time mention a local teenager who was able to come regularly and play with the them or take them to a local park to help ease the load? This needs some thought and planning and everyone needs to understand your needs. Am I bossing you around? I do hope not - it's long distance concern because you're doing such a fab job!

 

[PS46]

Hi @Toddlermum

It is a real dilemma I know and one with which I have been struggling for a while, ie before I had the RTHR four weeks ago. I do not have the same demands as you in terms of toddlers etc., but we are very active with three grandchildren quite locally (plus one in Sydney) who we see a lot. I also like to cycle, walk and play in a ukulele band, which believe it or not is quite "active" too

I work for myself as well and am not ready to pack up altogether .... yet

I reckon I have eighteen months left in my other hip, so do I struggle on, or bite the bullet?

Only you will know what is best for you, but my decision was a) I would be more use to people anyway b) my quality of life would be so much better, if I have it done sooner rather than later

So, good luck in your decison making and don't forget to factor YOU into the equation!

Peter

 

[NellBell]

I am so sorry that you are dealing with the sick kiddos. Nothing like the combination of vomit, pee and diarrhea to make even the most competent Mom, spouse, person, feel overwhelmed. Whatever is ailing your little ones I hope that they are over it in the morning (and that you don't catch it).

As some one who shares this attribute, your Mother's model of powering through means that she suffers longer and is less available to the ones she loves longer. You have the choice of not following your Mom's (and mine) model which will mean more time to be active with your kids.

I've only had one new hip but I have two TKR. The first one done was hardest. I only had the other bad knee for support so I was more unstable. Plus I didn't know what to expect or how i'd react. Knee #2 was much easier, both physically and emotionally. I am imagining that is true for hips too.

Timimg. I had two of my joint replacements done in spring. At least where I live that means showers and clouds and a little gloom. The showers and mud made me a little cautious learning to maneuver on my new joint outdoors. And the Seattle Spring Gray just added to the blues that go with major surgery. The other knee was done in August. Dry ground, easier to get around. Sunshine, warm enough to sit on the deck to recuperate. For me, hip #2 is going to be a summer hip!

You've got this Mom!

 

[keepmovin]

@Toddlermom - So much great advice, thoughts and prayers here there's not much more I can add. I think you are intelligent and strong enough to know what you will be able to handle and what you can't. You have been juggling so much for so long and in the end, your expertise with all this is bound to help others now and in the future!

One thing I will add is that all this shall pass. Your time as a "Mom" with "toddlers" is not forever but is a gift of moments that should be cherished! Your are doing this so well and when the time comes to look back on this time, your heart will swell with happiness! Your hip operations will be remembered but the time with your family will be the happy moments that will remain close to your heart.

That said, your hip operations will become a distant memory ONLY if you take care of them and your health now! Your next hip surgery should be thought out and planned wisely so that both you and your two hips are first priority with proper recovery time, rest and pampering from all!

You still continue to amaze me! I have faith that you will make the right, intelligent decision for you and your family!