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TKR Lavender's getting a new left knee for Christmas

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Hi Diana :flwrysmile: Nice to hear from you and so wonderful to hear you are doing well. Time flies doesn't seem like 5 weeks since your surgery. Went out today and shopped for groceries usually wait in the car or stay home took my Mom then went for a walk in the park sat by the water and fed the ducks and geese all different stages some very tiny still yellow fed them had our lunch and went home. :kittykiss: My leg is actually feeling a little more flexible and more comfortable walking came home feels so much better. Hope everything just gets better and better for you Diana Holly:angel: :friends:
 
Hi, Holly,
I like your new thread title! It says alot. In the past 2 weeks, I too am feeling the same way. I am almost 9 weeks out, now, and compared to the first 4 weeks, it is like night & day!
I'm glad to hear that things are going better for you. Keep it up & wishing you the best.

Roger
 
Hi Roger :) Yes it was time to change my thread title now in 10th week and thought I needed to get more comfortable with my new knee it is doing much better and I need to try and accept it. I was thinking the other day about the things that have got better since the surgery and realized that this new knee is now helping to drive and get around and it is actually doing pretty good. I could hardly walk with the old knee used to walk with my arms out for balance so I didn't fall over and think that this new knee is going to give me so much more freedom then I had before actually went into the store today and helped to shop it is a little tender tonight but had a nice day.I am having somepain on the inside of my knee but otherwise it managed really well today. Hope you are doing well and that all is getting easier. I was leary about the idea of having surgery on my left knee but realized today that it is not the one that was sore just creaky and won't need it to drive hoping to let this one heal before doing my left knee. Each day see positive changes today actually slid back across seat getting into the car and realized that I didn't have to slide the seat back. I actually do love this new knee it is mine and know it will help me when it gets all healed. Wishing you the best and thanks for your kind post. Holly :happydance:
 
Hi Had a very disappointing experience today. Did some errands formy Mom and visited to drop off her purchases. My oldest brother was there and made the comment you are walking ok. Thouyght this was nice till he said that he was taking my Mom out and asked why wasn't I walking bending the knee said this is how your leg should move and bend. Told me that if I got walking more it wouldn't have gotten stiff and that i shoould walk walk walk go around the block several times it would break the scar tissue easy right away .Asked if I was afraid that bending would break the leg and said just bend it won't break just bend it. Tried to explain that I was doing the best I could and that it doesn't happen that way and he said his friend who is 80 walked right away . I do walk a lot and now do as much as I can with only my cane outside. I was feeling a nice today felt that I was doing alright just stiff for bend the block he is talking about would take me probably 30 to 45 minutes on a day before the leg became damaged. My Mom listened not comfortable crossing his opinion as he is in charge of making her decisions and seems to be very competitive. I explained that that amount of walking would only cause my leg to swell even more he said I was wrong it will bend just have to try harder. I was very hurt thought that family should be more caring then this and left hurt . I am from a family of 7 and have 4 brothers. My youngest brother had a serious accident and broke his leg this brother understands but my oldest has had it pretty safe and wonder how he would handle this surgery this is something that I would have expected from someone who has some anger towards me. My husband was really mad that he had made the comments and asked why he always needed to be the centre of attention.I will stick with my husband and my friends who have shown such kindness and value the companionship I have with my fellow bonesmart friends who have made this so much easier to understand. Thanks for all of your support. :thankyou: :friends: Holly
 
Hi Holly I didn't realise your brother was a consultant in physical therapy, an expert in physiology, a motivational guru and top communicator. What a privilege to be in his family!

What? He's just issuing his opinions without any actual knowledge or facts to back them? Surely not!
 
Hi Roy Thanks so much for your reply. My brothers ideas didn't really surprise me he feels that as the oldest he is entitled to run my Moms life and she lets him. He wants to be in charge of my Mom put my Dad in a home and thinks we should all be ready to do what he needs when he needs us she is constantly telling us how much she needs him. This has caused my other brothers to pull away. I was told before my surgery that he would need me back quick to run my mom around and was impatient to the length of time it took for me to get back to driving which I was anxious to do to get back to doing things with my husband who took care of all things pretty well on his own without too many offers of help. :shrug: I hesitated to tell my Mom that I was driving but I got excited and a week later spilled the news with excitement. Two days after my Mom requested I take her to the doctor for an appointment which I did without any hesitation then the requests from him started he needed me to and there it started. :scary: I have wonderful support in my home a very loving caring husband and my brother is not in that same situation. I have to let his comment go and my husband has asked if we can go by when we see his car at Moms. I was raised in a close family we seemed to get along great but older brother is showing something never thought would happen never cried difficulty to express his emotions always has to be strong centre of the world needs my Mom and my Dad who is now deceased to keep telling him he is the best he calls himself the golden boy. :bicycle2: Hope he never has to deal with this stuff told me to pop couple of advil and that will help with the pain after walk. Feel that this is the wrong way to feel towards my brother but guess he has nothing to base it on has not had a turn at medical issues for himself and don't think now that he would handle the discomfort if he did. Thanks so much Roy just needed to let it out Holly :thankyou:
 
bottomshollow just wondering if I could change my thread title again not comfortable with this one yet would like Me and my new knee our journey
 
You are not alone. My sister is a walking fountain of knowledge. It was around my 6th day post op when she called to see how I was doing. I was feeling pretty good about my activity for the day (Which wasn't much I grant you) I had gotten up a few times, did my exercises walked about the house etc. I told her I was doing good and had just gone back to bed for a while. Her comment....Don't you think you should be moving more. Next day it was ...you should be coming off the narcotics now. It's been a week. :headbang: my family situation is somewhat the same as yours. I'm not letting them know when I'm able to get around better for as long as I can help it. They won't let me rest. Don't let them get to ya.:snork:
Wanda
 
Hi Wanda Thanks for your reply just crazy how the ones that are supposed to be close are often the ones that hurt the most. I remember the same thing happening when my Mom was recovering from her first knee repacement we drove her around in our car it was easy for her to get in and out of and let her take her time. My brother decidded to take her out in his truck. She is like me just over 5 feet tall and the climb into the truck was high she had a small stool that my Dad made for her to kneel in the garden with and he was telling her to climb in with the stoll beneath her. He tried to help push her leg into the truck and told her you can do it have to try She was struggling I offered to take her with us but he was determined she would do it. I noticed that she was favouring the leg a few days later when visiting with groceries and offered to take her to the hospital it was exrayed and the bone that she had repaired in her leg previously when she broke her leg had rebroke fractured had to go back in for more surgery she said it happened in his truck but didn't blame him. Just before the day my Dad was put in the home my brother took my Mom for something same story climbed in truck hip pain we visited took her up to the hospital exrayed told to keep her resting stayed with her that night till she was sent home on pain killers. I told her not to climb up but she did it anyway didn't want to tell my brother no. He was at a baseball game the night she went to hospital. I had lovely childhood we didn't seem to compete. guess he doesn't like to share the spotlite.I guess everybody has their own way of handling things. Hope you are doing well Holly :flwrysmile:
 
Holly, let me see if I understand this right. Your brother, Mr Goldenboy, has TWICE caused your mother to hurt herself by insisting she get in his tall truck, even pushing her to "help" her? Hurt herself enough that she has had to go to the hospital? Plus he is telling you that all you need to do is force a bend and walk around a block?
No, I can't say in this forum what I think of that, but it is very obvious he needs a cranial-anal extraction. Private message me if you need clarification on what that is.
Hugs :flwrysmile:
 
[Bonesmart.org] Lavender's getting a new left knee for Christmas lavender, so sorry about your brother. It really hurts when family, who should be kind and supportive, are dismissive of us. I have changed the title of your thread as you requested.

Take care and keep us posted. We care.
 
Hi Lavender,
It sounds like your brother is a control freak who speaks rubbish, which is based on his extensive lack of knowledge.

I know it hurts, but try to ignore what he says. He "don't know nuttin!" You're doing the best you can and making progress.

By the way, did you know that it's quite common for older people to recover more quickly than young and active people? That doesn't sound logical, but it's true. So, don't let anyone compare your post-op progress with you mother's, either. It isn't a competition!

:flwrysmile:
 
Hi Morgaine Thanks for your support and kindness. My older brother is the power of attorney and as I was told he and I have equal input into my Mom and Dads (at the time he was alive) affairs. I think the whole idea is very uncomfortable for him so my Mom has allowed him to do it on his own so that he is not vetoed on the decisions he makes. None of which I would ever have agreed to if allowed to participate. He has made her so dependant on him and even the simple tasks she used to do he has taken over. I am what he calls the drive and he as the power of attorney has told my Mom that it is his job to find the jobs and assign them to each of us as needed. I have spent alot of time with my Mom and Dad over the past years especially the last two when my Mom broke her leg and my Dad needed help getting back and forth to the hospital and doing his medication for him. He had three vacations at the time and was not there when it all fell apart I think he has her so convinced that he is doing it for her but do not appreciate the power she has given him over the rest of us and have learned to say no but hard to say it to her as she is still my Mom. He has told her that he is taking care of her and that makes her stick to him. I think that he is getting tired of doing these things but doesn't want to let go of the power. If it is mentioned to my Mom she gets mad and says we are not fair to him. My leg caused him to do more of the driving and maybe she even told him that we had helped her think maybe he is feeling insecure might loose control. How sad it is how we can change when we get older and wonder if he was always this way just loved my family and didn't see it until now. I think the comment about my leg is a result of feelings that he has not been able to deal with. Holly :flwrysmile: :friends:
 
bottomshollow Thanks so much for changing my title I think it is great. I appreciate all of the kindness this forum has shown me and will try to do what I usually do look on the positive side wonderful husband who has never said anything to me but positive things justs gets frustrated when I think I should do more in the house says take it easy can do it later when feel better. Have to put the emphasis on positive people and just try to let people who aren't slip through my head sometimes easier to say then do Thanks again Holly:kittykiss:
 
Hi Celle and Toni Thanks so much my husband is very easy going but is telling me that if this is the way that he is handling the situation he will not stay quiet the next time this type of comment is made. I will not be as quiet next time either as have tried to keep the peace and not make waves. My Mom is going to have ultrasound. Problems with her heart and although it would be nice to clear the air don't want to cause her extra stress she is very protective of him. Says he is her oldest didn't get enough time with him before the rest of us came along. Everything we do with her has to go through him. my brothers wife is asking my brother when he is going to cut the apron strings thought this was not nice but now I can see where she is coming from. I think he is afraid that I am going to get in his way sounds like a really bad soap opera. Holly:)
 
Hi Lavender - sorry to hear about the problems that you are having with your brother - to be honest he sounds a bit of a bully and a jerk insisting that he knows best in all things. Don't let him get your down and don't bother to argue with someone like him who always wants that last word - just congratulate him as you didn't know he had got his medical degree :wink:

It's funny that all of these "experts" out there who tell us what we should be doing have never actually had joint replacement surgery themselves :yes:
 
Hi Puffin:) So nice to receive your post and hoping that all is well with you. Are you having pain still know how that feels the pain makes it so hard to get sleep and do what you want and makes you very tired. I really enjoy your letters and yes my brother is a really good man and great Dad but sometimes he thinks he is the ruler of the family. He took me to the hospital the day the staples were removed and offered to take me in his truck I asked if he would be able to pickup my husband and I and drive us to the hospital in our car which sits lower and he said wouldn't I be ok in his truck and I said no please our car will not make me climb. I don't want to get mad as he will not understand why he thinks he is doing things right. Think my family has had so much lately and I don't want to cause any more heartache. I called my Mom today and she said think of all of the things the she and my husband and I have handled this past few years told me she didn't know how she could have managed without our help said think of all the things you have taken me to and the time we have spent together and thanked us for letting her have time with my Dad driving her up to see him each day and said she never will forget it. Maybe she sees what is happening and feels that he is needing some attention now as well.The phone call has made me feel like things are ok and who cares what he says I have lots of love anyway. Take care Puffin wishing you the best Holly:spin:
 
Hi Holly,
It's good to hear that your mother appreciates what you do with and for her! That must have made you feel a lot better.

I had an Enduring Power of Attorney for my mother - in fact I had two, one for her financial affairs and one for her health matters. Neither of them gave me any authority to tell my brother and his family what he could do, or could not do, with my mother, except he had no access to her assets and could not give legal consent to medical procedures. Unless the Power of Authority that your brother has is a very unusual one, I should think that it also gives him no power to tell you or your siblings what to do.

I think you have done very well with the things you do with your mother and you should continue to do them as you can and as you see fit. It obviously gives both of you the pleasure and she has benefited from what you have done. If I were you, I'd just quietly do what I wanted, and try to ignore my brother's bossiness!
 
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