You do have people to talk to...us. and I hate that you feel alone and discouraged. It's chronic pain and some bad health and well-deserved anxiety over another surgery and I'm oh so sorry.
The tough women have it the worst.
I used to think those fragile bimbos who can't even tote their own groceries in the house were stupid....hey, if I become reincarnated, I will be the cutest dumbest biggest paid for enhancement most needy useless perty girl there is. They seem to get all the sympathy...not as stupid as they seem.
But seriously, it's tough always being tough. You are vulnerable right now and it's through no fault of your own. You might not can do anything to make anything any better but don't be beating yourself up either.
Sending lots of love