Had to do some thinking last night. Came home from dinner and crashed into my comfortable chair, a bit frustrated and maybe even a little bit discouraged. About 3 weeks ago, someone said to me, “You need to get rid of that cane”. The absurdity and in-appropriateness of that comment for some reason just didn’t register, and I let it roll around in the back of my mind. I still haven’t “gotten rid” of the cane. I do walk around the house without it a lot; sometimes even forgetting where I last used it and left it. Then when I need it, I wind up searching for it. In the morning, I can usually walk for awhile, almost without a noticeable limp. But as the day wears on, the pain and the limp increase. After sitting for awhile, I have to stand still and steady myself before taking those first two or three precarious steps, and by the end of the day, I am obviously a handicapped person.
So I wound up asking myself, “Am I really making good, or even satisfactory progress; or am I kidding myself and reaching for straws?” Then I realized that I was blaming everything on my still almost brand new knee. So I started focusing on just that new knee, and how much progress it has made.
l When I sleep on my side, I usually pull my knees up toward my chest. 3 weeks ago, I still couldn’t do that. Now I can, and it doesn’t hurt.
l I still have an easy 135 degrees flexion with only minor discomfort.
l Almost all of the swelling and peripheral muscle and tendon pain is gone.
l When I put my full weight on it, there is a sharp pain just below the Patella, but as soon as I take the weight off, it immediately goes away.
l It’s not real easy, but I can put on shoes and socks unassisted.
So why am I still not seeing significant improvement in the way I walk? I realized that my new knee is actually an innocent victim. There are others factors at work here. I have had a chronically bad low back all of my life. I was seeing a Chiropractor in Grade School. At age 40 I was told that I needed back surgery. When I said no, the surgeon said, “You can have it now, or you can have it 5 years from now, but you’re gonna have it”. I never had it. L4 & L5 self-fused about 6 years ago. But with all of that my back has never really been a serious handicap, and many who know me have no idea I have that problem.
But also, for all of those years, it was supported by 2 good knees and strong legs. Now, with my Right knee just as bad as my Left knee was Pre-op, my bad back now has no substantial support, and neither do my seriously compromised knees.
So the problem is somewhat more complex that I had originally realized. Instead of the problem being confined to “My lower Left mobility quadrant”, my whole drive train is a mess! I now see, as Paul Harvey used to say, “The REST of the story”.
It made me wonder how many others who are having doubt and discouragement issues in what is still an early stage for a long-term recovery, may not be seeing and considering all of the factors at work, “The whole story”. For some, there are identifiable causes, lousy PT being not an uncommon culprit. But for others, it may be comforting to focus specifically on the progress of the surgical recovery, and factor in other things that may be going on.
I now realize and am somewhat resigned to the fact that with my Right knee definitely needing to be replaced as well, I’m probably looking at another 1 1/2 years before anything like full recovery. My choice is between spending that 1 1/2 years in rehab, or learning to navigate a wheel-chair. As the Johnny Cash song goes, “I don’t like it, but things just happen that way”.
But I have concluded that my new (and newly exonerated) knee is apparently making satisfactory progress.