THR Seeing the Light!

[Jamie]

Can you post whatever error message you're getting as a screen shot?

 

[lovesstars]

No because of firewall.

 

[lovesstars]

This

 

[1stSurgery]

Did you recently add a new antivirus program or have an OS update? You may need to go in and add BS address to your exceptions? Hope you get it worked out!

 

[lovesstars]

No

 

[1stSurgery]

Oh, so sorry! Across all devices is bizarre. Allowing just one sentence to type is also strange. I'm sure you've googled the issue for your device and OS? That usually offers some clues....maybe router did an auto update..

 

[lovesstars]

Let’s try the whole thing using this app....



Hi all. Hope you find this since I am not really tagging anyone.
So...I have been quiet the past number of days. My mom (recovering from a stroke last year) has come to see me from LA. I don’t think she is safe in my house. I nixed the idea of her coming after my surgery for weeks...and then I wore down...of course she was complaining about it but also — as a mom — I understand that it is hard to be 2000 miles from your kid who had surgery...even if the kid is as old as I. She is unsteady walking and refuses a cane/walker/all of it. It is making me frantic.

Additionally, I have been taking care of her because she cannot take care of herself. She cannot get her own tea/coffee/toast/dinner, use all the stairs in my house safely, etc.

As such, me and my walker are bringing her tea, making her lunch, making her snacks, building her a fire in the fireplace (yes, I can throw a match from impressively high heights). My husband has been teaching and has not been able to stay here with us. Thankfully yesterday was Saturday and he was here all day and obviously, today is Sunday and he is off work. It is not the only thing making me tense (read US news this week which I know we are probably not supposed to talk about) but it is significant.

Sorry for the long blocks of text. Here is my status otherwise:

I am two days short of six weeks. I can walk the equivalent of half of a block and back to my house with the walker without breaking into a ‘cold sweat’ which tells me I have done too much. (I know, not impressive).

In the house— in the kitchen, when I am getting dressed...I can take two or three steps away from the walker but any more and I am ‘lurching’ — which is obviously not good/healthy/brilliant.

I am able to go down my 15 stairs with greater facility and although going up is not super easy, it is easier.
I am showering completely on my own now, and daily.
I am able to cook for myself and obviously, mostly for others but simple meals and it is exhausting.
While previously I was not able to sit in chairs for very long — now I can sit in a chair. A real chair. For a period of time — so hopefully I can go to a movie soon. (Have theater tickets for Oct 9 so hope I can do that...)

I am on 1300 Tylenol every 8 hours. Later in the day or when I do too much I take 50 mg Tramadol. I have been icing — truthfully in the past half week not as much because I am “attentive” to my mom.

I know that people are saying that six weeks is a turning point — I get that — but I also get that “I shouldn’t compare” — that “I have AVN so stuff is slower and more darn-painful”. I get all of that.

My ‘slow as ketchup’ progress is getting ridiculous. I don’t want to be on a walker six months’ out. I don’t want people to think I am a complainer or a malingerer.

I can’t go places, see people. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me and I don’t want to feel sorry for myself. BUT GE’EZ. THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

Maybe I don’t ‘got this’.




Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[1stSurgery]

That worked!!

 

[1stSurgery]

Aww @lovesstars im sorry but I DO feel sorry for you, I'm only nine days out with zero progress and multiply that time, I can well imagine how hard it is to keep looking forward when the ketchup pours so painfully slowly. Maybe if -beyond the movie tix- you set some future event to plan for that's a safe enough distance away that may help direct your mind towards your inevitable wellness that is out there just waiting for you. Holiday is what I'm using but keeping it loose enough to be December or January or maybe even February. Just to shift focus.

It has to be stressful with your mom there and just the idea of having to help caretake or even just oversee someone who's elderly, while undergoing this recovery, is daunting. You have a reason for delayed progress, a condition you've been told about, so at least you don't have to wonder what's wrong and why so long. But it barely helps when you're weeks out and looking for more hopeful signs than you're receiving I know.

When we have slower recoveries, we need to set mini-milestones. Like showers, cooking, cleaning and such. I'm hoping to tackle stairs today, my Sunday assignment, but woke up in so much pain ...not sure. Will give it a try. I also need to notify some employers today that my October 20th etc work dates might not materialize. Been putting that one off till it's more certain.

Do something, anything, that excites your endorphins today. If it's music or movies on Netflix or being outside for a short session just sitting and enjoying the air. Try to incorporate some pampering for yourself into the day, even with your mom being there. So sorry for your frustration, but like I said earlier in my thread... you have full LTW, license to whine, here. And every right to express it. This is the hippy whine bar and we all partake in it.
Will it be a Red or white whine?

Healing hugs to you.

 

[lovesstars]

“Something Rotten” Broadway show on Oct 9 and airplane to niece’s wedding in Portland, Oregon in 11 days. Don’t know how the heck it will happen. I guess with lots of Tramadol, wheelchairs and ice. Ge’ez.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[lovesstars]

 

[Jaycey]

Looks like you are posting fine now. I reported your issue on another thread.

read US news this week which I know we are probably not supposed to talk about

I hear you my friend. I have dual citizenship and this week has not been what I would call a "proud" week. I try not to look at news but it is all so bizarre it's very hard to ignore.

To be honest you may need to send Mom home. You don't need the added stress and energy draining caring. You need to care for yourself. Perhaps have an honest discussion with her and tell her that leaving you to recover is the best thing right now.

airplane to niece’s wedding in Portland, Oregon in 11 days.

Are you really ready for this kind of stress? You might want to rethink this trip. On a walker or crutches - not fun or relaxing.

I don’t want to be on a walker six months out.

You won't be. But I really think you need to start focusing on you and your recovery and don't get distracted by other people or other recoveries. Don't compare where you are to anyone else.

 

[EL11]

Hiya @lovesstars and bless your heart, not an expression I use often but it seems to fit. I know it might seem radical for you to be taking care of your mom at a time like this, but I can relate; things happen and you just deal with it.

This business of our having new appliances installed while my bf was at work from 6am to 7pm put more stress on me than might seem logical. I had to empty out the cupboard and then put everything back, then the heating/cooling guy came to hook it all up the next day. There were various questions about some duct having to be moved because there was an exterior light in the way, piping having to go on a different shelf than was planned, and I felt rather uptight about having to make any decision whatsoever in my Oxyified state. But back to you, this all pales beside having to take care of one's mother. Mine passed away almost 20 years ago, but the thought of having to care for her when in a diminished state myself makes me turn pale. Guilty at not letting her take care of you when it really means having to take care of her, classic.

Back again to me me me, I have also been emotional this week and yes, including the stuff we're not supposed to talk about so I'll literally leave that topic at that. I can cry at the drop of a hat and have been known to break into racking sobs "in front of" strangers on the phone, e.g., the receptionist at a doctor's office as I'm trying to set up a phone consult regarding my ex-husband, who is having some cognitive issues, is thousands of miles away and still like my flesh and blood.

What @1stSurgery said is good, about the endorphin-excitement. I did some writing today, and am going to make my careful way into the back garden even if only for 30 minutes to do some dead-heading or branch snipping.

At 6 weeks for the previous hip, I was able to walk around the block at that point with the first hip, but then the arthritic one began acting up and I couldn't, and then it was time for the other hip to get done. From an outsider's view it seems clear that you have indeed made progress. But as a somewhat arbitrary yardstick, I'll say it's more like EIGHT weeks that might be more likely as a turning point.

You got this, honestly,. But you don't have to know so at every second of every day. I'm a big fan of the cleansing meltdown. Ice, ice, baby.

 

[Layla]

Hi @lovesstars
Your post is rather heartbreaking. I'm sorry for both you and your mom that she suffered a stroke.
While you love one another, this doesn't seem like an ideal time for either of you to be taking care of the other. I'm wondering if your mom is looking for some attention or help she may be lacking back home, or if she is visiting under the guise of helping you, but in truth needs or wants attention from you, or just loves and enjoys your company. You do have a lighthearted easy breezy way about you that may make her feel better. Not implying she's being covert, possibly just subconsciously craving some attention, love and care from you? Touchy situation. How do you send her packing? Is there an end date to her visit?

I haven't glanced back through your thread but if you haven't, would you consider tagging Josephine to weigh in on your progress? Just something to consider. Possibly she could offer some reassurance which may encourage you. I will tell you that I have noticed Josephine recomended 1000 mg of Tylenol every 6 hrs, not to exceed 4000 mg in a 24 hr period, over the 1300 mg you're taking 3x daily. When questioned on the difference in mg, which seems small, Jo maintains that it indeed makes a difference. The words below are hers from tallguy79's thread. Along with the chart she posted. With that said, there can't be any Tylenol (Acetaminophen) in anything else you may be taking throughout the day.


These are Josephine's words -
No, 4 times a day is going to relieve it better! What you need to realise is that most meds only remain fully effective in the system for 4-5 hours, no matter what the dose. So by taking it every 8 hours, you go at least 4 hours with no medication in your system at all. That gives the pain time to build up so the next dose takes longer to get effective. Like this

Just my opinion but I'm not sure how you'll fare with that flight in a few weeks. If you're tired now, that may really throw you for a loop. I'd give that trip some serious thought.

Glad to see you're back online. I hope you have a peaceful evening and week!

 

[lovesstars]

@EL11 I am tearing up just reading that. I am crying every day. I am also burning things (in the fireplace). Whatever I can find. Just wanna burn stuff. (Oh and the heat in the house is broken. We are freezing.)

I cannot believe you have had to do the things you have done this week. I am thinking that this is pretty much equal as me putting up my own wallpaper last week. But this was not even a thought crime — you actually did those things. It seems like you would need more oxy just to get through the day.
What a nightmare. How the heck are we supposed to heal — like ever?

Yes, I am on the couch this afternoon now on ice machine. For three hours now. And wool socks. And blanket. My fingers are frozen. You Dec, Jan, Feb THR people — how the heck do you put yourself on ice when you can’t even get warm???

My endorphins for the day today are coffee.

Albert is such a sweetie.
Let’s see if I can attach a picture of Daisy.

 

[lovesstars]

Hi @lovesstars
Your post is rather heartbreaking. I'm sorry for both you and your mom that she suffered a stroke.
While you love one another, this doesn't seem like an ideal time for either of you to be taking care of the other. I'm wondering if your mom is looking for some attention or help she may be lacking back home, or if she is visiting under the guise of helping you, but in truth needs or wants attention from you, or just loves and enjoys your company. You do have a lighthearted easy breezy way about you that may make her feel better. Not implying she's being covert, possibly just subconsciously craving some attention, love and care from you? Touchy situation. How do you send her packing? Is there an end date to her visit?

I haven't glanced back through your thread but if you haven't, would you consider tagging Josephine to weigh in on your progress? Just something to consider. Possibly she could offer some reassurance which may encourage you. I will tell you that I have noticed Josephine recomended 1000 mg of Tylenol every 6 hrs, not to exceed 4000 mg in a 24 hr period, over the 1300 mg you're taking 3x daily. When questioned on the difference in mg, which seems small, Jo maintains that it indeed makes a difference. The words below are hers from tallguy79's thread. Along with the chart she posted. With that said, there can't be any Tylenol (Acetaminophen) in anything else you may be taking throughout the day.


These are Josephine's words -
No, 4 times a day is going to relieve it better! What you need to realise is that most meds only remain fully effective in the system for 4-5 hours, no matter what the dose. So by taking it every 8 hours, you go at least 4 hours with no medication in your system at all. That gives the pain time to build up so the next dose takes longer to get effective. Like this

Just my opinion but I'm not sure how you'll fare with that flight in a few weeks. If you're tired now, that may really throw you for a loop. I'd give that trip some serious thought.

Glad to see you're back online. I hope you have a peaceful evening and week!

You know, @Layla, you are right. I don’t think that our relationship has been about taking her of me for maybe 35 years. Which is probably part of my frustration. I keep deceiving myself into thinking it will be different. And it never is.

I think I will try the 1000 mg every six hours. You make some excellent points. I am group-chatting my husband and kids to weigh in about my participation in the trip. I can’t imagine that I would make such a stupendous jump in ten days...at this point.

She has a return ticket for next Sunday.

 

[Ausman]

To be honest you may need to send Mom home. You don't need the added stress and energy draining caring. You need to care for yourself. Perhaps have an honest discussion with her and tell her that leaving you to recover is the best thing right now.

Dear @lovesstars I think we might all have to agree with Jaycey and Layla. A very touchy and delicate situation indeed.

JMHO, but the only guests you should be hosting right now are those who are taking care of you- not vice versa. You are still deep into dislocation protocols. How could you possibly assist if your Mom took a fall, other than to wind up with both of you in the ER. You are incredibly brave and a wonderful daughter, but this is scary.

And the airplane trip. At the very least make sure you request wheelchair assistance door-to-door. The airlines will provide it free of charge, but always best to add it to your reservation in advance. And even still, how will you arrange for your special needs? Walker, toilet riser, ice packs and/or machines, the 20 pillows I need to keep me from rolling over at night , and on and on. And do NOT tell us that they plan to have you sleeping on an air-mattress at your niece's! (Only because I've been there done that...)

Well, you know what we all think, and we wish you and your Mom the very best no matter what you decide. Sending positive thoughts for a speedy recovery!

 

[lovesstars]

Thanks, @Ausman. I am fortunate that I have a hotel. But toilet riser? (I am scared to death about that). And yep, I have arranged all manner of wheelchairs. I have needed them since March, even before surgery and lots of trips.

I told my mom that if she falls the best I can do is call 911.
She thinks I am joking.

 

[EL11]

Oh @lovesstars those are great photos of Daisy!!! What a sweet face.

They do such cute things. Albert always wants to get outside, but on the rare instances he manages to slip through the back door, he immediately lies on his back on the top step and rolls around rather than bolting. I think the rough cement gives him a scratching he likes.

@Layla —Interesting about taking the lower dose of Tylenol more often. I just took two, realized I had not had one for, erm, 9 hours, wow. The receptionist at the OS office had passed on his answer to my question about whether I could take it and specified the extra-strength. I'd had Tylenol arthritis, which somehow I thought was better. So I guess the point is, the T.A. does not last for 8 hours not matter what they say. I took 2 oxy at 2pm and will take 1 or 2 at bedtime. This constitutes weaning, since I was on 6 a day.

I am crying every day. I am also burning things (in the fireplace). Whatever I can find. Just wanna burn stuff. (Oh and the heat in the house is broken. We are freezing.)

The part about having no heat, though alarming, was almost anticlimactic after "Just wanna burn stuff."

Besides crying every day, I did have a shrieking episode the day before yesterday, maybe midway between yelling and shrieking.

 

[lovesstars]

Raging and crying. What a week.

On a lighter note, a made a pumpkin pie yesterday. It is absolutely pumpkin pie weather this weekend here — and comfort food...and the oven heats up the kitchen.