TKR Second TKR Done, but still not very patient

[leejaa]

Ellen, I am glad you have found another pair of red shoes. You deserve a cheer up.

I am home today, took a day off for a mental health day to get away from all the stress and have some extra time to myself. I cannot offer weight loss advice as I also am at my highest or rather I can offer a lot of advice as I know what I should do but am not good at doing it especially when stressed. I have re joined weight watchers however, missed the first meeting. The only thing we can do is to keep trying and not give up altogether. You are going to the gym and exercising which is a good thing. As you know, it is a day by day thing and all we can do is try each day and not beat ourselves up when we fail. For me, I have to eliminate having things at home available that are too tempting and trying to fill up with salads more before eating other foods.

I wish you the best on your weight loss and move. With both, be kind to yourself and do not beat yourself up. You will get there as I will but like the knees it might take time and be an interesting journey with ups and downs.

Many hugs to you. Lee

 

[jeano]

@NetballKnees --how's the move going? Remember--a friend will help you move, a REAL friend will help you move a body!

 

[leejaa]

Ellen, I hope the move was not too hard. Did you take some time off from work so you could rest and settle in slowly? Thinking of you and wishing you well with the move. Looking forward to hearing about the settling in and your new place. Lee Celebrating your new home.

 

[Ellejay]

Hi Ellen, just more good wishes winging their way across the globe. I do hope everything went well and that you are now settled happily (if still in chaos). Looking forward to hearing your news when you get time.
This is my new picture - me with my grandson, the love of my life.
Lots of hugs, Lyn xxx

 

[NetballKnees]

Hello - I am back - temporarily. Move is done and dusted and I am settling in nicely. How lovely it was to see all the messages waiting for me, so so much @jeano @Ellejay @leejaa @Jozilla I appreciate it so very much.

I did have some time off work and only came back yesterday (Thursday 6 March in the land of Oz). I am pretty much settled in, with boxes unpacked. With empty bedrooms, it means I can put stuff everywhere and still look all tidy and immaculate. The dogs have not adapted very well and are still quite stressed. Because Geoff hasn't been working for months, they have quite gotten used to being at home with someone during the day and now that I am back at work, they are alone all day. I have been walking them, crUtch and all, and it does hurt my back more than anything. I must look a sight - hanging onto two leads in one hand, with plastic bags ready for the inevitable pooper occasion, a crutch in the other hand, house keys stuffed in my bra (not that anyone can see that) and a very pained expression on my face. Last weekend I even took them to their old dog park where we used to walk for hours and they had a swim and a bit of a walk around - but only for as long as I could tolerate it.

A 12 week challenge commences at the gym on Monday 10 March. In the challenge we have personal training (which I have already), a group training session weekly (my team will train on Saturday mornings) and food coaching sessions. I have signed up for that and there is a big weighing on day on Sunday where we will all get weighed and measured and photographed. We have been told to wear something quite fitting which will be easy for me because everything is fitting (or is that word "tight"). Actually I intend to be photographed in my gym shorts with a crop top on and everything else hanging out. The poor photographer will probably need therapy afterwards. Oh, by the way, my team is called Awesome Angels and our colour is red.

As far as the knee goes, there has not been much improvement EXCEPT that the other night in the gym, I did put the seat on the bike up another notch and managed ... drum roll please ... 5 full rotations of the pedals before my knee said no more. I was so excited and had quite the little cheer group around me. Mind you, the seat was so high it's a wonder I didn't get nosebleed, but what the heck. I moved to the elliptical and then came back and did another 5 rotations. I actually don't care if I have to stay in the nosebleed section if it means I can ride a bike.

Non-surgical knee is very painful and causing lots of difficulties, as are my Achilles tears. My GP said that he thought I might benefit from wearing a surgical boot on the achilles foot to help support it for a while. Now that would be overkill - what with the crutch, 30cm scar on left leg, strapping on my right leg and a surgical boot on right foot.

I see the OS at the end of April and will be seeing if he thinks the right knee can be done about June this year. That will be 8 months after the left. Hopefully there will be some more improvement in the left by then, but if there isn't, I could cope with two knees the same as the surgical one. I could cope with the numbness and swelling and even lack of bend if it meant that I had 2 knees that were reasonably strong internally.

I am without internet at the moment and probably won't have it until the end of this month and I get so frustrated trying to read and type stuff on my phone. I thought it would be just a case of going to my provider and moving my internet service to the new address, but NO. Because the new estate I am living in is part of a National Broadband Network (NBN) rollout (which is our government's supposed answer to internet speeds etc.), I HAVE to be connected to the NBN and HAVE to wait until the government department in charge can get out to install the boxes, cabling etc. and then HAVE to wait for another couple of days until the telecommunications provider comes out and does their bit. I am not sure where the freedom of choice is in this, but if I want internet, I HAVE to have what they are offering. It is also heaps dearer than what I pay now - of course.

Anyway, I will sign off now ... I think they want me to finish some work before I go home. How wude.

Take Care all you lovely people and I will check in again next week while at work.

Once again, thanks to you all for your care and interest in the move.

Big Hugs ... Ellen

 

[Ellejay]

Oh Ellen, how lovely to hear from you again, I've been thinking of you (& the dogs)so much. I'm glad that the move went well and that you are now settled. It doesn't matter if it takes weeks to unpack now, hopefully you can take it easier and do it all in your own time.
I'm sorry that the other knee is being a pain, would an injection give any temporary relief? I had one into my left knee last week and I've had the first week of pain free walking for years. No one can say how long it can last, but as far as I'm concerned every day is a bonus. All my knee problems started with a really bad bout of Achilles tendinitis in my left leg, I was off work for 3 months, limping so badly that it then caused problems which led to this right TKR. I did wear a boot, but just at night, it certainly helped.
I'm full of admiration for you and your challenge, this time next year the dogs won't recognise you .
Well, I'd better let you get on with work, unfair I know, but it has to be done.
Keep in touch whenever you can. Thinking of you and wishing you all the best, Lyn xxx

 

[robynhood]

Dear Ellen I have been on this forum since October 2012 but have begun dropping in again more recently because I'm having problems with other knee. Just wanted to let you know what a wonderful sense of humour you have even thru the drama of a TKR. I so enjoy reading your posts and had a right chuckle today about having a nosebleed your seat was so high remembering me doing exactly the same thing. My family couldn't believe how high I had the seat and it took me ages to lower it. Keep the sense of humour. It will help you greatly in the months to come. Wishing you happiness in your new home and a good recovery

 

[Jozilla]

Hi Ellen - so good to hear from you. Glad your move went well. Now take your time to get everything set. Your puppies will adjust. Just moving seems to stress them out but it is great they have each other. Hope you get your Internet soon. I would be lost without it. We spend a lot of time at a camping resort but they even have wireless!

Glad to hear you are thinking of your other knee in June. I am thinking the end of August or September for mine. I saw my OS this week for my 12 week checkup. He was very happy with my knee and said my ROM of 130 is as good as it will get for me. I still do have a little swelling which he said is a squishy quad and as the muscle gets stronger so will the swelling improve. My nerves are continuing to wake up and I felt like I could feel the implant last night. It was very strange but is manageable.

The 12 week gym program sounds great. It should he fun and with your competitive nature you should do very well. Keep us updated!

Best regards, JoAnne

 

[leejaa]

Wow, how great that you are doing the challenge. Again, you encourage me with my more modest work outs at home. Also bigger WOWOW!!!!!! (cannot get to the emoticons on my PC) for the bike and rotation. If you can do it with the seat in nosebleed - the rest will come. You are one special and determined woman. Keep us posted on both with your progress.

Having the other knee done later this year will also make a difference with the strength in it since you have so many issues. Consider the boot even at night as the other poster suggested to make sure the Achilles tendon does not get any worse before the surgery and even more important before the wedding.

I started officially with weight watchers on Wed and Thur started officially counting points on everything. Weight watchers has a new start idea of eating exactly what is on a list and with grocery list provided but you are supposed to know when you are full. I explained to the leader that I eat healthy but am not good at portion control so much so I am going back to the point system as it gets me to adjust what I eat better. I think a lot of my issue besides liking food is stress at work and tiredness and rushing around - often no lunch or eating and working at the same time so my brain and stomach are not in tune. So far day 3 I am OK - we will see at weigh in on Wed. Also, I am going out to dinner tonite and will have wine which is mega points but hopefully I have enough extras since Tues was my birthday and I mean to celebrate -after all it is not everyday you turn 60.

My husband bought me a ring that I picked out as I did tell him I wanted one for my left hand pinky. He bought me one for my right hand on my 50th, so I thought I would balance. It is quite lovely, a small ruby in a pretty setting that goes with my engagement ring which is a ruby - I am not a diamond person and picked out the engagement ring also.

I am hoping to drop at least 20-25# by July as we are going to Chicago for 5 days for vacation and even though my knees do not hurt walking (still some soft tissue aches - must build those muscles and stretch those tendons) I get tired walking much due to the extra weight --plus I have nothing to wear and am sort of refusing to buy any more even larger clothes for my currently new awful weight. I liked your comment about form fitting (or tight).

Your puppies will adjust - my dog and cat and of course husband get all bent out of shape even when I move the furniture around in the living room.

It will be tough without the internet for a while but I am glad to hear that it is coming. I left my chromebook at work for the week end and am on my desktop and thank goodness for that but I love my chromebook that I can use in the livingroom as I am relaxing to keep checking on bonesmart and other things.

Have a good week end and hopefully will hear more from you next week. Lee
Take care

 

[NetballKnees]

@leejaa ... Lee - happy happy belated birthday. Your 60th ring sounds absolutely gorgeous. Is a photo a possibility? Please? Best of luck with your weigh-in tomorrow (or Wednesday - whenever Wednesday is in your neck of the woods). I see my GP this afternoon so hopefully a lot of the issues I mentioned may be straightened out. Please don't read my next post. I have to vent. After being on a high for a while, the inevitable happened and I have crashed hard. You know, I wish I knew you in person so to speak Lee. You are a lovely woman and have so much compassion and understanding for others, no matter what you are going through yourself.

 

[NetballKnees]

@Jozilla Hi JoAnne ... thanks for visiting. ROM of 130 ... that is wonderful. Good on you. You have had a hard road to get there. I am glad it is all falling into place - slowly to be sure, but getting there. You are another one I would love to know in person. You have been a great support and encouragement to me.

@Ellejay ... thanks too for your visit. I would so much love to know you in person as well. Another lovely person who cares so much about others despite her own troubles. Your grandson looks adorable. And I know what you mean - mine is the love of my life too - I tell him he is pure sunshine on legs and he says "I not sunshine. Sun's way up in sky. I a big boy". He will be 3 next week.

@robynhood ... how lovely of you to visit and say such nice things about me. I hope your other knee is not causing you too much pain and trouble. I must hunt down your thread and read your story from 2012.

 

[NetballKnees]

Well, after thanking everyone for their visits and lovely encouragement and support, I am very sorry to say that I have crashed and crashed hard. I am back in that damn black hole with no ladder. I have spent the last 2 days in tears - why? Who knows. Probably because the day ended in 'y'. Unfortunately after my feel-good moment at the gym the other day where I did 5 rotations of the bike, I have been unable to repeat it. I simply can't put the seat up another hole because I couldn't even reach the pedals then. I have noticed the last couple of weeks and it is getting more and more insistent, that I have a pain in the back of the surgical knee; the numbness and tingling, which seemed to be slowly making its way down and away from the knee has returned full strength and the swelling is HUGE. I can only put it down to walking the dogs. Now that it is just me and them, I have to walk them. They need it, they deserve it.
I do "suffer" from depression and am on anti-depressants. During the gym challenge last year, my dosage was reduced by half. It may be just a simple matter of increasing it again. I am seeing my GP about this and a range of issues to do with the non-surgical leg, this afternoon.
I cannot believe how desperate I feel. And if one of my "friends" tells me again how strong I am and I will get through this and I just have to suck it up and deal with it, then I may just shoot them. Why do our friends find it so hard to validate what we are feeling before giving out the platitudes? Or do I just have the wrong friends?
Most of my friends really don't want to deal with me unless I am being the jolly, happy go lucky fat chick in the corner. I have known some of these people for over 25 years. I went through a bad patch a couple of years ago and did become quite negative for a while. It wasn't until a bit of a blow up in Fiji with a group of friends that I found out they did not like my negativity and did not want to be around it. I wish they had told me so much earlier. I have worked so hard on that since then and have become a more positive person, which a couple of them have acknowledged. But there is a difference between suffering and needing support and being negative and I don't think they realise it. This knee replacement has tested my positivity like never before.
I am in contact regularly with my group of friends asking how they are and if I know they have been sick or someone else in the family has, I keep in touch to make sure everything is going okay. I arrange get togethers and catch-ups and everyone always enjoys them and thanks me for doing it, but no-one else ever does it. It suddenly dawned on me that if I didn't make that contact, I would not even hear from them. Since my operation back in October 2013, I can count on one hand (and still have fingers left over) the number of people who have rung, messaged or gotten in touch with me somehow to specifically ask how my knee recovery is going. I feel quite bereft because of this - like I had lost something very special to me. But if it is only special to me and not them, then I guess it is not that special after all. (Obviously this does not apply to the wonderful people on this forum).
When I let some of them know I was moving, their response was "Let us now when you are all settled in and unpacked and we will come and visit". Were they afraid I would ask them to unpack a box if they visited before I was all settled?
Thank heavens I do have a sense of humour which the TKR hasn't managed to kill. If I ever lose my sense of humour, I will just pull the lid over that black hole I think.
Anyway, I am rambling, but I just had to get it out and I suddenly realised the other night when the tears were soaking the lounge, that I don't have a "bestie" to go to in these times. I thought and thought of all the females I know and there was not one that I felt I could just ring and cry on their shoulder. How sad and pathetic is that?
Basically, it is just pure despair and frustration. I knew and accepted (I think) that after the TKR I would not be able to do anything I could not do before it (that made sense), but I did not realise there was also a chance I wouldn't be able to do anything I could do before it. I know there are thousands worse off and precious children suffering much worse than anything I could suffer, but it is all subjective and is how I feel at the moment. Little things like not being able to put pants on standing up, having to lever myself up and down off a toilet seat or any seat for that matter, having to stand if there are only seats that are way too low for me to get up from, not being able to turn the pedals on a bike, not being able to stand for more than 5-10 minutes before swelling and discomfort forces me to look for somewhere to perch myself. For pete's sake, it is nearly 5 months after the operation and while things are a bit "looser", I still am not doing things I couldn't do the week after surgery. aaargggh.
I feel so empty inside at the moment and even though the gym challenge has started, am trying, as always, to fill the emptiness with food. For a nanosecond there is a teeny bit of pleasure in savouring the first bite of chocolate or cream doughnut, but that's all it lasts for and then I have to eat again to get the feeling back. After a while I don't even get that little bit of pleasure, but I keep eating trying to recapture it. I am so damned lonely and have been for a long time. I so miss having that someone special to hug me and for me to know they will always be there for me. But I just keep eating and turning myself into some sort of a behemoth.
Many thanks to anyone who managed to get through all this drivel and wallowing in self-pity. I am just a pathetic being who better hope like hell nothing ever happens to my right arm or I will never be able to get on and off a toilet seat again.

 

[Nana moon 27]

Hi @NetballKnees I just read your post. I am so sorry to hear you're having a rough time. It is hard enough to deal with surgery and the recovery which I have since found out is not six weeks for some of us!

Some of your post so struck a chord with me. The one about friends. I was very upset bit so long back about my friends. I'm talking people I was friends with because our kids went to school together and we worked together too. Born that hurt at the time. I wallowed in self pity because of it. It very nearly triggered off my depression again. Our kids are now 36 coming up 37. I have not clapped eyes on one of them. I am disgusted like yourself I have been doing all the running. So eventually, after discussing it with friends I've made in this fantastic site I came to the conclusion, blow em. One of the problems that arose was that I had my kids very young indeed. This resulted in my becoming a grandmother by age 35. (The young man next to me in the Avatar is my eldest grandson. This pic was taken last September on his 18th birthday) However, I was still working with them at the time and things were great. Then they eventually became grandparents at least ten years down the line, quit their jobs to help out with childcare. I carried on working, had an accident at work, was off for three months and again I didn't hear or see from them. Instead of giving in to what had happened to me I went back to College and got myself a teaching degree at age 50. I told them I'd done this which at that age is a massive achievement .... Not even a blooming card. I know lives change etc but I think we can all MAKE TIME! and should make time for people.

So now I'm not beating myself up any more, will not allow them to trigger off my comfort eating which feels fantastic at the time of doing but afterwards it's a vicious cycle, I don't have to tell you that. I cured my comfort eating by joining a slimming club where there is no food portion size limit. You eat and eat and bizarrely lose weight. It was one of my better decisions. It is called Slimming World. I have not been for over twelve months now but my weight is stable. I still have relapses with my sweet tooth now and again but I don't beat myself up. I see it as a wobble and the next day I just fill up on food which reduces the sugar addiction I have. The best part of losing the weight was being able to have more energy and it was great. My energy since surgery is not great but is starting to slowly improve.

Just hang on in there, even a bit of movement is better than none. I like the exercises that can be done on the bed. Like the heel slides etc. That all helps immensely. As regards the bike I had a really bad day the one day and the PT told me to just to a half a pedal movement, not taking it all the way round. Just backwards and forwards then after that I suddenly became able to rotate the pedals like I did before whoopee. Any movement whatsoever whether it's ankle pumps, heel slides, walking to the loo, whatever is all good x x x x

Take care love Nana moon 27. I will return in a minute and paste my link on for you or anyone else that wants to have a mooch through it. The early stuff is quite interesting. I don't know as it'll help you. It will cure any insomnia!!!! Lol ha ha x x x xx

Right then here you go the link to my post:

https://bonesmart.org/forum/threads/woohoo-im-starting-to-feel-better.22950/page-59#post-582072

 

[robynhood]

Hi @NetballKnees I was so sad to read your post this morning. It brought back lots of bad memories of what I was feeling after my op. Firstly this is not a six week recovery. I am coming up to 18 months post op and its only been the last few months I've felt the benefit of my TKR. Yes the recovery time is different for everyone and I was a very slow healer but for most people its 12 months. I had my daughter care for me for two weeks she allowed time off from university and then was left to my own devices really. As a stay at home mum of six kids who was always there to look after everyone and fix everything they couldn't quite grasp that I needed help this time and couldn't understand why I was so depressed. You've had your op, you've got no bone on bone pain now what's wrong. I remember writing in one of my earlier posts I had a voodoo doll of my husband and would take pleasure in sticking pins in it to relieve the tension. He's self employed and a very hard worker but when I needed him most he just wasn't there. Yes everybody is busy with their own little lives but really they could have cared a little more. I had my op in October so my recovery months were the cold dark days which didnt really help much. I also have no real close friends, my best friend is and was recovering from cancer so I had no right to complain to her about anything. It really was the most miserable depressing time of my life. The only bit of sunshine was Bonesmart who I found only when I came home from the hospital. So please know you are not alone with these dark feelings and I know that people saying it will get better is not just annoying but very frustrating. My consultant said I need the other replacement sooner than later but all these feelings come back to me so easily and I am in no hurry to repeat them even tho I know I will have to. Please please feel better soon. I felt your post so much and my heart goes out to you. Sending you warmest hugs from the UK. Take care

 

[Nana moon 27]

Hello @robynhood I wish to goodness more people would come forward like you. I am a slow recoverer as is my friend over in the us dogloverx3. We get really miffed sometimes, as everyone is doing so well and we are honestly glad for them, truly we are but we are not getting there as quick as we would like. My GP has been brilliant. He said to me the other day that I cannot get back to normal until I get back to fit and well. I have to ignore back to normal until I can achieve being well. This is so true. So for me to read your post was a breath of fresh air. Thank you so much x x x x love Nana moon 27.

 

[Ellejay]

Hi Ellen,
If only I could get to you to give you the big hug you need and deserve. It sounds to me as if you have been gearing up to move and have been so busy you have had no time to think, and suddenly you're in, unpacking and it is all reality and - bang!- it's time for the tears. Let them flow, Ellen, they are a release. But then plan your next steps, you have your challenge already, how is that going? Would anyone on your team like to get a bit more training in by helping you walk the dogs for a couple of weeks to allow your leg to heal? Is there a church in your new location? Even if you don't want to attend the Sunday services they often have other activities going on during the week, and it's a good place to meet people. Is your new house in a town or a village? Is there any need for volunteers? I know it takes up precious time, but again, it is a good way to meet people.
I do so hope that you manage to get out of that hole very soon, certainly so that you can enjoy your grandsons 3rd birthday. Does he live close by? Can you see him often? Mine lives on the opposite side to London to me, it can take an hour, but if the infamous M25 is blocked it can take 2 or 3 hours. I get to see him every three or four weeks for a short visit, but just love those times when he comes to stay.
Lots of love and hugs Ellen, I'm thinking of you. Xxx Lyn

 

[leejaa]

Ellen, never worry about telling me not to read all your posts. You are a wonderful woman who has had a hard time and many things to deal with. I wish you were closer so I could visit. We all hit the black holes at times and often I feel the same way about people I work with and have worked with for years - I go out for major surgery and am gone 6wks and not a card or email. I return and everyone is there in my office shortly so they can cry on my shoulder about work or whatever in their lives. I have had my dark days - I guess my problem is that I do not let it out often since I believe most people do not care so I do not want to be hurt even more.

I think we might project capability and strength a little too much. Sometimes I wonder if people realize you need a hug and have feelings and need support or just think that you are too strong to need that. You might project too much strength for them to realize how much energy it takes to come to work and deal with everything and come to work.

You are a marvel, to be dealing with a slow recovery, an injured opposite leg and moving and adjusting to such big changes. We care about you here. Let it out, cry, post, whatever will help you get the feelings out so you can get some release. It is scary being alone and hurting. This will pass and I am so sorry that is is moving so slowly for you.

You are not turning into a behemoth, you are just in pain. It will be dealt with but with this much stress and pain in your life right now, it is hard. I do not have as much going on and just the work stress is making me want to have comfort food and a few glasses of wine.

This is a safe place to let it out. I do not mind. Just please remember, you are important to many of us here no matter if you are smiling and positive every second. Lee

 

[pakline]

Ellen, my dear friend......I, too, wish I lived closer so I could drop by & have a chat or we could compare speeds.....a crutch against a wheelie walker!!! You have so much emotionally charged change happening in your life, it must be a huge effort to even stay sane! But you will.......and you are always there for me........I wish I could do more for you! I hope your doggies have settled into their new surroundings & are keeping their eyes on you to make sure you are OK..........dogs know when a display of love & trust is needed! Keep well, my dear friend. Will catch up again a bit later! Love & blessings, Kerry

 

[Jozilla]

Hi Ellen. Hugs from me too !! You are a very special person going thru some rough times. If all goes well this is a tough recovery. Let alone when you still have swelling and other problems. I am home with a stomach virus. The worse I have ever had. I guess we have no resistance after this surgery. Most of My friends and even some family have totally ignored me also. Still not a call from my very best friend. I do think people think you are completely healed and ready for the same activities in six weeks. When you are not they ignore you. I am fortunate though I have a great hubby and daughter. That has sustained me. This past weekend was the first since surgery over 12 weeks that I actually went out to a party on a Saturday night. My life has been surgery recovery working and going home to rest. Nothing else. So I go to a great party and am paying the price big time with a stomach virus and cold. I won't be doing that anytime soon. You don't bother any of us with your posts. Good and bad others need to know what happens during this surgery so it is helpful to many others! I care and so do so many others! Hugs to you - JoAnne

 

[Nana moon 27]

Hi @Jozilla I so related to your post. It's true people expect you to be up and running as normal after six weeks. I am not one of those lucky people either. I am absolutely disgusted with some of my so called friends...they have the cheek to think they deserve that title? If it wasn't for my husband and family I do not know what would have happened. I count my blessings that I have them x x x x x x