TKR Ready To Move On

[Grammy59]

Hey girl, sounds like you're coasting right on through this recovery, I'm so glad for you!! And thanks so much for the words of encouragement for those of use still on the pre op side. I have read so many uplifting stories that I now believe I can do this too! Prayers for your continued steady improvement so you'll be ready for knee #2 in June. Thanks for the update!!

 

[Ready]

8 weeks...I have so many things to be thankful for, and I truly want to be strong and positive, but tonight I need to let myself go for a minute (or hour) and ramble a little. Mental therapy, I guess,. I realized as I sit here I have yet to cry, and tonight I'm just not strong enough to hold back. I am tired and dealing with some self inflicted soreness. Too many days in a row visiting the ODIC, too many poor choices, and lots of frustration. I am a marginally active Bonesmarter with a small following, so this is really for me tonight.

OK--fast forward 20 minutes. I deleted my adventures from Thursday through today as the goal of getting it off my chest has been met, and NO ONE should have to read the novel I wrote and I don't need to remember it. In a nutshell, we hosted a large group at our home for dinner, so lots of prep and shopping, there was a long story about a track meet I went to but had to leave without watching a single race my son or daughter ran, and some PT conundrums.

I am frustrated with my poor sleep. I fall asleep alright, but wake up after 2 hours, then toss, turn, doze, wake up because I am sweating profusely, toss and turn some more...I have NEVER been a night owl (even in college, I was the party pooper who always went to bed at 10:00). Now stay up late so it's less hours of tossing and turning in bed. So, just what does happen when you take tramadol with a nice glass of cabernet? Will it get me 4 hours uninterrupted?

In the rest of my life, I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a perfectionist. But this whole thing has me completely out of touch. I think I have to be super woman, have this great recovery, be tough. Sometimes I just want to say "OUCH" loud enough for someone to hear me. I want to be self-absorbed and not feel guilty about it. I want to cry and have someone hug me and rub my back and say 'there, there." I am too stubborn (and stupid) to ask for help or show any signs that I am less than super woman. As I look back, I see how reckless I was, like taking my first shower without even letting anyone know I was going to. I doubt my husband even knows about the constipation and bleeding hemorrhoids in my early weeks or the trips to the freezer in the middle of the night for ice packs on my first night home. So, I am NOT suppose to vacuum and scrub floors 6 days post op while everyone else is gone? Like I said, stubborn and stupid and perhaps totally out of touch with reality.

Whew! I have now successfully shed my first tears in this journey. It is now getting close to bedtime, or at least reading-to-make-myself-good-and-tired-time. Now the true test, will I actually hit "post reply?"

 

[Grammy59]

Oh, girl, my heart hurts for you! I'm sure you are not the only recovery person who has done what should not be done. If you had your therapeutic cry, pick yourself up and move forward slow and easy. Sometimes the most valuable lessons learned are the hardest ones we experience, so now you know how you must proceed. And when the other knee is done, you will remember this experience vividly I imagine. Please don't beat yourself up over this, it serves no purpose but to mess with your head and that will not be good for your recovery either. Please know that I will say a prayer for you so you can get back on track and finish your recovery with flying colors and have the desired end result you want! Big hug to you this morning, it's a new day, make it a new start on the right path. Also, it's sometimes not easy to ask for help, but YOU NEED IT!! This time is for you, as I was told by a wise woman on here, now's not the time to be superwoman, and guess what, sometimes men don't know you need help if you don't ask. If they see you doing the things you should be getting help for, they will often assume that you are doing great. Take care, and let me hear from you again soon!!

 

[bottomshollow]

Here is a link to a Library article that you really NEED to read: Assistance from friends and family: how to let go and accept it

So now stop all the super woman stuff and admit you are only human just like all the rest of us and start following the mantra:


- rest, elevate, ice and take your pain meds by the clock

- if it hurts, don't do it and don't allow anyone - especially a physiotherapist - to do it to you

- if your leg swells more or gets stiffer in the 24 hours after doing it, don't do it again

- if you won't die if it's not done, don't do it

- never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can go to sleep!

And have a real heart to heart talk with your hubby and family about what you are going through--and tell them you NEED their help. Have a good cry while you talk with them---get them on the same page with you. You will all feel better and things will then get better.

Please take care of yourself and keep us posted. We care.

 

[Toothfairy]

Hi Ready,
I hope you are feeling better and are taking some time to relax and rest. I totally understand about restless nights and hot sweats. No fun at all. It is such a balancing act this recovery. You are doing great, just don't push yourself too much.
Take care,
Sending you a hug,
Toothfairy x

 

[Ready]

Thanks Grammy59, Toothfairy and bottomshollow for your caring words. Yes, I know I need to relax and not try to do everything I used to do. There will be time for that when I am fully recovered. As far as asking for help goes--I seldom do it, so it's not something I am practiced at. I will try harder. It did feel good to cry and get things off my chest even if it didn't accomplish anything.

In the mean time, sleep still eludes me. The bewitching hour seems to be between 2 and 5 a.m. during which time I can have a hot flash about every 10 to 15 minutes and what must be restless leg syndrome. I can usually fall asleep about in the morning for a few more hours. I have googled RLS and have a list of at least 20 remedies to try.

My PT and I concluded that we should end my sessions. Most of our time is spent on strength building exercises, which I really enjoy. They work my hips and bum as well as quads. Rarely do my knees feel anything even close to pain. I am starting to plan my phase in back to school as soon as I get the go ahead from OS. There are only about 3 weeks before summer break, and I really want to be back to finish the year. My wonderful sub said he will make sure he is available for whatever schedule I choose.

Take care all. I hope you are all resting, icing, flexing, extending, peddling, striding (or whatever the case may be) well.

 

[MissJ]

Thanks for posting about your sleep issues, Ready. I am 4 weeks out from BTKR and dread the middle of the night. Like you, I fall asleep, but then wake up between 2-5 - discomfort, sweating, tossing and turning (which isn't exactly easy at this stage!). Typically I fall back asleep around 5, but hubby's alarm goes off at 6:30 and I generally get up with him so that I can eat breakfast before it's time to take meds. I finally feel human around 9 a.m.

I don't know if there are any remedies for the sleeping - but I feel better knowing I'm not the only sweaty insomniac in Bonesmart!

I am impressed you even tried to do things like vacuum!
j

 

[Ready]

Hi MissJ. Guess who slept last night? I fell asleep about 11:30 and woke about 2, but was only awake from until about 2:30, then slept until about 7! I was shocked when I saw the clock and raised my arms up and just said "Thank! You! Lord!" Honestly, best sleep in over a month!

I tried a few new things last night: I took Tylenol PM for the first time. I made sure the TV and computer were OFF by about 10:00 and read in the quiet of my living room for about an hour (apparently electronics and the lights they produce stimulate the brain). When I started to get drowsy, I moved to bed (where I had everything prepared--water, teeth brushed, pillows placed, emergency night meds handy) and just crawled in. I am going to try this again, as well as making a concerted effort to not let the laptop rest on my lap. I was told that the body doesn't know how to handle that electro-energy??? Another thing I was told (but have not done) is to make sure to get up and not toss and turn because it makes you associate your bed with discomfort (dreading bed time). Oh, so much to think about and so many ideas from people I talk to about this issue.

The next time I am up in the wee hours of the morning, I will send good thoughts your way, and if the Sandman visits me, I will send him over, too. Oh, and don't be impressed that I vacuumed--it was stupid of me!

 

[kneeper]

Hi MissJ.


Oh, and don't be impressed that I vacuumed--it was stupid of me!

Yep. We've all done something like that.

 

[gami]

hi Ready...sleep glorious sleep, we need it so much on our recovery ride and for some of us it is so illusive, but it does come gain. It's much like everything else in our recovery...we have to develop that extra bit of patience. It seems it's always a waiting game and pushing the limits in the long run doesn't help us at all.
My husband seeing my growing frustration about my lack of sleep..which seemed to add to the teary state suggested I try a few different alcoholic drinks before bedtime (different nights..of course) yep they tasted good... but sorry to say it didn't work for me. I went to sleep...but still did my early hours waking and wandering.

10weeks now and I'm sleeping right through and am not even conscious of my knee when I get into bed....and every night when my head hits that pillow I smile a little because I am so grateful. Yours sleep will return too...just a little longer and the odd night will be come a regular thing.

hugs Gami

 

[Ready]

Thanks Gami, for the encouragement. It is good to know that sleep will eventually return. Last night was enough to make me believe it. Have a good weekend.

 

[Ready]

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all the moms out there. I hope this finds you all comfortable and positive. Spring has finally arrived in MN and has given me a chance to get out for a few walks and to watch my kids run in their track meets. I've logged lots of cold bleacher time and had several long hikes from parking lot to track, but it's been good. I had a wonderful "last hurrah" tea date (which stretched into shopping and then lunch) with a friend before I head back to work. I see my OS on Tuesday and am assuming he will give me the green light for work. My plan is to do afternoons Wednesday thru Friday and take it from there. My principal and my sub are very flexible. I am taking ice cream and the fixings for ice cream sundaes for the staff at school after my appt. as a thanks (and a bribe) for all of their support. I am very nervous about handling the outdoor setting, hauling equipment, no place to sit, etc... Kinks to be worked out.

Just hosted 55 people at our home last night. Long story, but it was a traditional family gathering that used to be at my MIL's. She no longer lives in the big farm house, so we offered. Wow, did everyone pitch in and help. I did some pre-cleaning, but then hardly lifted a finger. My house looks better now than it did before, but still went to bed tired and sore! But I SLEPT!! That's 3 nights in a row of at least 6 hours.

Have a good weekend everyone.

 

[eastside85]

Hi Ready - you sound great, and I'm soooo glad you are finally getting some good sleep!!

Wishing you the Happiest Mother's Day every, and good luck with back to school-work, I admire you for the strength to do that, and understand the need to get back to a routine. Look forward to hearing all about it.

You go Girl!!

 

[Dewey]

Happy Mother's Day! SO GLAD to hear things are beginning to look up for you! It makes such a difference to feel like you've gotten some good, restorative sleep, doesn't it? I've just started feeling like those times that I wake during the night have begun to lessen. Usually, I wake about the time pain med is due, and then go right back to sleep. I am very thankful for that, believe me!

I wish you well with your first few days at school! I know that your students will make all of the stress and discomfort worth it for you. They'll be so glad to see you, and what a wonderful feeling that is! Be sure to ASK FOR HELP at school, too. Those teachers (and your students!) will be more than happy to help you carry things (maybe a nice chair for outside use??) and do anything else that will make your day easier! All you have to do is ASK them to help. (Maybe it's a "teacher thing", but I really related to your "super woman" quote above! We have a lot in common......and I'm not sure if that's a good thing! )

Please be sure to come back and tell us about your doctor appointment and those first few days back at school! I'm just now beginning to miss the routine and, especially, my kids and coworkers. Part of me wishes I was going back, too, before the end of the year. (I will admit that the other half is so glad to have the summer to get "back to normal".)

I'll look forward to hearing how it all goes for you. Good Luck to you, Ready! I'm sure you'll do just great, and you'll be glad you made the decision to go back! Take good care!

 

[Ready]

Another step forward--my 10 week check up and things look good. I got the thumbs up to go back to school for half days for 2 weeks, then full days (at which point the school year will be almost over). Our last day is June 6 with kids, June 7 workshop, and I have Mr. Right replaced on June 10. I am hoping to be ready to roll out the new school year in September with a functional set of new knees. Not much of a summer, but they haven't been lately anyway. I am rushing to get some outdoor projects underway (paying my teenagers handsomely for their help) so I can relax and enjoy my yard and flower gardens from a lawn chair. Just about the time I'll be feeling mobile, I will be able to enjoy some garden produce and do some canning .

I am so nervous to go back tomorrow. Much of the teaching day for PE in the spring is spent outside--far away from a building--without a chair--on uneven surfaces--with no shade for my snowy white skin. I have been trying to take it easy today in anticipation, but the sunshine and warm breeze is calling me outside...

 

[Grammy59]

You know, I find myself looking down as I walk to make sure I don't step on anything or in a hole. Be so glad when I don't have to do that. Since you will be outside so much, you will have to be very careful for a while longer, I imagine, so you don't turn or twist the wrong way. Just take it slow and easy, and get someone to take a chair outside for you. Hope all goes well for you as you return to work. Talk to you tomorrow!!

 

[Dewey]

Hello! Just wanted to wish you good luck tomorrow as you continue your "normal life" with your kiddos! I would think you are just as much excited about going back as you are nervous about it! I know that's how I'd be! I think it will really help you to have a few weeks of feeling somewhat normal before you begin this process again in June. Believe me, you will be so glad that you did them close together.....it will be over all that much sooner than waiting months between them. I know I feel like I've been doing this FOREVER, but I also know that eventually they both will be healed and I'll be better than ever (That is my hope, anyway!)

I'll be watching to see how those first few days go for you. Please ASK for help with a chair and have the teachers bring their kids to you! I'm sure they will all understand and be more than willing to help you. Are you working mornings or afternoons?

Take care, and let us know how you're doing!

 

[Ready]

Thanks, Deb and Dewey. Oh, yes--I am very excited to go back, even if it is only for 16 days. There is something special about closing out the school year. Does your school have an annual field day? That is one reason I really want to get back. That is a tall order for a sub to cover! Thankfully, the older grades know the events and the system very well. Also, after teaching these 4th graders all these years, I would feel horrible not being there for the end of the year as next year they will go to the middle school. I am working afternoons, so it's just a few hours. I am taking a plastic lawn chair (not one that reclines or anything--and no cup holder) out to the playing area. At least I can sit when we close class or have a discussion. You know how much kids like to help, so that shouldn't be a problem, and I will be careful.

So Dewey, have you had a good sub and have you been able to stay in contact with your students? It is such a special bond--they must miss you! I hope your staff is as wonderful as the people I work with.

Again, thanks for the well wishes and advise. I will let you know how it goes!

 

[Dewey]

Yes, I've had a good sub this year. Since I was taking a whole half of the year off, I thought it would be best for my replacement to be my kids' teacher.....rather than their sub. I knew that would never happen if I continued to pop in or contact my kids. It's been hard, but I think it's been best. The sub was a brand new teacher who has a huge heart and the desire to do the best job possible. I knew my kids were in good hands. I did go visit and read a story to them on the Friday before #2 was done on Monday, and it was so good to see them! I'm planning on stopping in to see them on our Field Day, and will tell them to have a great summer at that time. You might know....this was one of the BEST classes I've had in 18 years! Great kids! I so hated to leave them!

My staff, too, is absolutely wonderful! I think I've missed my coworkers just as much as my kids! Many have been to see me, bring food, flowers, cards, etc. I truly feel blessed!

Enjoy all those little ones and their hugs tomorrow! They'll be so glad to see you!

 

[Ready]

Well, I made it through my first day back . I just had 2 hours of class (of course another 2 hours of other "sit down" work to catch up on) but I made it! Long enough to get sunburned. I have been regularly measuring my knees, and tonight it's at least an inch in diameter larger! Biggest in about 3 weeks. I got tons of hugs from the kids, showed off my scar and explained a little bit about why I brought a chair outside with me. They were a little wound up! Seems the kids have a BAD case of spring fever, so it's not just me and my return. Yesterday was almost 100 degrees, so summer is definitely on their mind. Anyway, I a now enjoying an ice pack and hoping the fresh air and extra activity will help me sleep. It's nice to know there are only 2 more days this week. I think returning on a Wednesday is a perfect way to go back as you are already over the hump.