THR Layla's Recovery

[GrannyC]

Sending thoughts and prayers your way @Layla both for you and for your mom. She is blessed to have you there with her since you’ve been there, done that and what you personally haven’t had to deal with, you’ve read about others that have. Keep us posted when you can.

 

[Layla]

Thank you ALL for your sweet, kind words of support. It means more than you know.
It made me emotional I'm a wimp!

My mom is doing pretty well after a rough first 24 hrs at home. Her surgery was Tuesday morning and she was released Wednesday afternoon around dinner time. She could have stayed, she chose to go home.

I was at her home waiting when she arrived with my sister who picked her up from the hospital. My mom came limping in with her cane! I was shocked and asked where the walker was. She told me PT told her she could use the cane if she chose to. Her doctor specifically told us she had to use the walker (at the very least) until he saw her for her post op visit, 9 days after surgery. My sister didn't think to argue with PT and assumed if they cleared it, it was okay. To me, this symbolizes the disconnect between OS, PT and the patient.

My mom was sore and had some pain due to some of exercises PT had her doing. Her doctor specified
"No PT necessary". I'm trying to understand the OS / PT / hospital connection. The hospital which offers and employs PT allows them to do their thing, offering their services and it's strictly up to the unknowing patient to say NO, not doing it, not interested. If you don't refuse, you go along with their protocol. My mom knows and understands my take on PT. I wasn't worried about the chair exercises they'd show her as I did them myself for a few days but they had her raising her leg out to the side while standing up. She said it hurt and she's still sore from it today.

She hasn't felt the need for any Hydrocodone...to date. All she is willing to take is 1000mg of Tylenol 3x daily for pain relief. I'm trying to talk her into a half dose at least, but haven't been successful. She maintains she's stiff. I've explained stiffness is a form of pain and if further explained that if she'd take the Hydrocodone she'd feel less stiff and possibly move around a tad bit more. She's stubborn, making it difficult.

She is icing.....thankfully! She's lying around a lot which is to be expected. She dozes off and on. She doesn't have much of an appetite but will eat a little here and there. She has suffered some mild nausea ever since surgery. None of this feels unusual to me. I feel considering all, she's doing pretty well. She's not yet able to tell me any differences between anterior (current) and the posterior THR she experienced 8 yrs ago. I'm anxious to hear her comparisons once she's a little further along. I hope all continues to go well because she needs a knee replacement on the same leg that's currently healing. Feels like a lot of surgery for an 81 yr old. But if our dear, sweet @zinnia and @Canucklady can handle it, hopefully my mom can also.

Thanks again everyone for your care and concern. I wish you all a wonderful weekend!

 

[GrannyC]

Glad to hear your mom is doing ok but that was a very difficult start she had!! Were you able to get her a walker?? A cane just doesn't seem like enough initially, especially considering her age. Don't hesitate to speak up for her as long as she doesn't object (and actually maybe even if she objects) as that shouldn't have happened. I'm sure it slowed her recovery a little. Also, I hope someone notifies the OS office about the things that happened. Sometimes our complaining (as much as we hate to do it) is the only way they find out about those things. Hopefully the weekend goes smoother for your mom and she will start to feel a bit better. Make sure to follow your own advice and take care of yourself as well so you don't get run down and get sick!! Wishing you both a good weekend!!

 

[SaraK]

I guess you're just going to have to stop using your old walker as a clothes rack, Layla! At least you have one handy that your mom can use. In my experience so far, there is little, if any, communication between the OS and PT. I've never seen a PT prescription that didn't just say "evaluate and treat." All I can say is she must be doing really well if PT at the hospital didn't think she needed a walker and she's not needing the pain meds. You're going to be chasing her down the hallway before you know it! Do you have restraints for her recliner?

 

[MammaT]

Glad your mom is doing well on the whole @Layla. I remember some of the same discussions with my mom regarding pain meds-she hated taking them. I just had to decide which battle to fight. Perhaps she just has a high pain tolerance.

Care taking parents is tough but it is wonderful we have the opportunity to care for those who first held us.

 

[zinnia]

Well @Layla, I remember clearly what her doctor told me when my mother was in the hospital with a broken pelvis and it was clear she could not go back to her house and live alone any more. I crying in the hallway and he telling me forcefully, "You have to be in charge now. You go in there and you tell; you don't ask, you tell her what is going to happen, what must happen." I've passed this on to more than one younger friend over the years as an encouragement during the phase of life when we become caretakers of our parents. And I pass it on to you now.

I'm so sorry your mom got a difficult start. It's very disappointing for the patient and even more so for the care giver. What happened is not a surprise to me but it shouldn't have. Clearly, I've never seen anyone go home in 2 days on a cane and limping. Nonsense. That PT should be fired. I've had three of these surgeries and I've seen a lot of people in PT situations as well as myself and I've never seen at any time having anyone, not to mention someone of your mom's age and mine, move her leg out while standing or laying in bed for that matter. I think it's outrageous. Just outrageous, I would certainly complain to the OS and I'd call the hospital as well. No wonder she was sore and in pain. She needs to definitely stay on the walker and chill until she sees the OS post op. I'm so sorry; very sorry she's had to go through that.

But now about pain relief. Does she read Bone Smart at all? Doesn't sound like it. She should of course be alleviating the pain the best way she can so she can get over this false start and begin to recover. Maybe you can persuade her. But she has a lot on her plate now. She is sleeping and resting and that is good so the pain isn't too bad. Be glad of that. As far as her appetite, I recognize that and I had a spinal this last time. As long as she at least gets something down that is healthy. Maybe something special that she says she would enjoy. If it was a milkshake that would be terrific. You could make her smoothies with high protein. They go down easily and can be sipped on over time. My sister in law was at my shoulder with yogurt and a spoon after my second surgery. She's a nurse and took no excuses. I ate the yogurt.

Given all of that. . .your mom has a hearty spirit I can tell. She will be fine. We 80 year olds are the new 60, didn't you know that?

Keep us as up to date as you have the energy to do. But, most importantly I second the caution to take care of yourself. And you know why. So I won't go into it. Love from me. Nancy

 

[Jackie222]

So glad to read that your mums home. Can’t believe they sent her out with just a cane! Good to see that she is icing and resting. That will help if she still refuses to take any additional pain killers. I’m sure her appetite will return as the effects of the anaesthetic wear off. Wishing her well with her continued recovery

 

[hipster333]

Oh @Layla your mom is so lucky to have you and all of your experience, both personally and with Bonesmart. I can't believe they sent her home with just the cane either. There is definitely a problem there. I'm glad to hear she is doing so well since her return home that she doesn't feel like she needs anything stronger than the Tylenol. Sending hugs your way.

 

[Canucklady]

Layla hang in there. My mom refused pain meds as well at first because of all talk of addiction etc. One day she decided to try half dose. She realized she moved better. It is a delicate balance. Hope you get some rest. Remember first 2 weeks are hardest but you will both get through it...ask for help take breaks...take good care

 

[Gretel]

Oh dear. Just read about your mum. Good wishes to you both!

 

[AJinNH]

Hi @Layla sorry to hear that your mom is having some nausea. I’ve been experiencing some discomfort off and on and have found making a tea from a piece of ginger root very helpful. Just steep a 2” piece of ginger in some hot water, sweeten it if that’s her preference.

My dad was very stubborn, always was, and it could drive me crazy, especially when it came to his healthcare and he wouldn’t listen to reason. But what frightened me the most were the times he wasn’t being his usual stubborn self. I guess as long as your mom is being stubborn and sticking to her guns you know she’s fine. Sounds like she has spunk.

I hope her pain lessens and she's up and around soon. She couldn’t be in better hands.

 

[Layla]

Just catching up here today....
Thanks for your wise words @zinnia
I too was shocked to see my mom walk in with a cane a mere 30 hrs post op.
What got me was the OS specified she use the walker until her first post op visit with his PA.
Hospital PT are the ones that told her she could use the cane. As I mentioned earlier I've learned what a disconnect there is between OS / Patient / PT. It's very frustrating.

My mom has never been on BoneSmart. I've explained my involvement but I don't think she's interested.
She has a iPad but has never looked to my knowledge. I try to impart the philosophy on her but it sometimes falls on deaf ears. You are right about 80 yr olds being the new 60, lol! At least you and my mom!

@Jackie222 Thank You! She is refusing any pain meds
@hipster333 Thank you...She refuses to take the Tylenol now
@Canucklady Thanks!....I'm wondering if your mom was less stubborn than mine? We're at an impasse.
Thanks! @Gretel you're very kind.
@AJinNH Thank You....I want my mom to be a better patient.....like you.
@MammaT Thank You....She does have a high pain tolerance to go along with her high stubborness.
Hahaha! @SaraK .....Restraints! That's just what we need for her.
Thanks! @GrannyC Yes, we did get her a walker and she blew right past it with her cane and left it in the garage where it was ready for her to grab unto as she exited the car

 

[Layla]

Hi,
I'm feeling frustrated this morning. My mom is now 6 days post op.

She's eating well enough. Is not constipated, still had some very mild nausea, as of yesterday. Forgot to ask her on the phone this morning....
She is sleeping in her bed. She has since her first night home. Gets in and out of bed without any help from us, or an assistive device. She wakes to use the bathroom several times during the night (drinks a lot of water) you can hear her clunking the walker in and out. Im surprised she's using it while no one is looking!

She's taken one Vicodin. On Day 3 she took a half tab of Vicodin, twice.
She took 1000 mg of Tylenol 3 x daily for the first 3 days
She takes a Celebrex daily now....and that's it. She maintains she has no pain unless standing or walking
and claims it's minimal. She said this morning "Well, they did cut my leg open, I will have some pain."
Oh really?!! It's as though she's making an excuse to still be on the Celebrex!

She took a shower yesterday, all on her own. Got everything ready, got in and showered, got out and re-dressed herself with no assistance. My sister was there but my mom never called her once.

She is icing but needs to be reminded. She is wearing TEDS but I'm waiting for those to go flying due to a few comments she's made. They will soon be history, the writing is on the wall.

The thing she does that makes me most nervous is she wears the slippery TEDS without
the skid resistant socks. She does this on carpet, wood floors, ceramic floors etc.
It makes me crazy!! As a matter of fact I had to end our phone conversation this morning rather abruptly before I became any more frustrated. She hates them, maintaining she feels wearing them is more dangerous, huh? She shed them the first night when they stuck to her sheets so she couldn't turn easily in bed. That I understand. But I explained the danger in not wearing them during the day to which she disagrees.

My mom is stubborn and a rule breaker. I'm a rule follower, making this most difficult for me, more so than my sisters. But....I've been through THR they haven't so their thought process is -let her do whatever she wants- I'm scheduled (we're taking turns) to go over at noon to visit her for a time.
I can only imagine what today may bring....

 

[zinnia]

Oh, bless you, my Child. You are such a good daughter @Layla. I recognize your frustration and I don't blame you for being scared about those TEDs without some non-skids on. Does she have any slip on slippers she could use instead of those socks? I used/still use, a pair of slip on shoes instead of slippers because even they don't have enough non-skid on them and I have mostly wood floors. I know you know how to just make a calm suggestion in between other cheerful comments. . .just a clue-like comment and then let it go because it will only end up in both of you being frustrated, especially you. For your own sake, you will have to learn how to calm down with your mom. She and I can be a bit vain. Being the new 60 isn't easy. It makes us want to look the best we can and I think that is where she is. Compliment her a bit on how she looks. Be amazed at how well she is doing especially when she takes the pain meds or used the walker or obeys the OS's directions. It's the old positive response as apposed to the negative. Then try to let it be.

I hear your frustration and I worry more about you than your mom. She will be fine. She sounds like she is a person who likes/needs to be in control. She had a difficult and demanding job; travel is great but arranging the travel plans of others is a big responsibility. And I imagine she was good in that work. Is this different than her first surgery? Anyway, this too shall pass and she will be fine. The time you have with her now is precious for you both. And caregiving requires a special kind of nuance, I think. You have to give the new 60 person a sense that they are still in charge of their own destiny. I remember my mother saying to me that I treated her like a child. Well, in truth I probably did because I cared but it appeared to her that I stepped into her personal space too often and tried to take charge. Allow your mom some room to be in charge. You will still have to hope that she stays safe. She may be stubborn but she doesn't want to jeopardize her recovery either. Believe me, she doesn't. Take a deep breath and go take care of your mom. Good luck you two! You can do this together.

 

[AJinNH]

I feel your frustration @Layla and sending hugs. It was similar with me and my dad, I’m the rule follower and he wasn’t. In fact I could guarantee that he’d want to do the exact opposite of what I thought he should. Yet he always wanted me there with him at his appointments. Go figure.

Control is a tough thing to relinquish for someone that stubborn and independent. Try focusing on something that you both enjoy and maybe she’ll surprise you and come around.

 

[SaraK]

Take a look at what you said about the walker. She is using it when not forced to and at night when it's most necessary. Try to take comfort that she's done this once before and seems to be doing very well. She may be sneaking some Tylenol or other meds when you're not looking as well, but she's the one that can best decide if she needs something. If she's not even taking the Tylenol, it's not the fear of opioids that's stopping her.

In other words, it may be time to acknowledge how well she is doing and give her a little more latitude. And the TEDs and slippers might be the negotiating Chips - "we can't feel comfortable leaving you alone if you aren't wearing the TEDs but that also means you need the slippers to make sure you don't fall and either hurt yourself or have a hard time getting up."

 

[hipster333]

Oh @Layla it's so hard being in between generation. I swear our parents are more difficult than our kids at times. At least your mom has been through this before. I think everyone else has had great suggestions for you. I didn't have the TEDS--it wasn't even something they talked about. If your mom does have to wear them she should have something non-skid on as well. I find I forget to put shoes on when I have my socks on--even when I first started with the cane. It was a stupid move on my part, but I didn't think about it until later when I looked back on it. Maybe she needs a reminder? Hugs and prayers to you. You'll both get through this.

 

[MammaT]

Your mom sounds tough @Layla! In regards to teds, many of us have ditched them much sooner than doc’s say, and there really doesn’t seem to be consensus in terms of who has them and who hasn’t, so there are probably worst things she could violate. Does she take any blood thinners? At least she is moving around, so that’s good.

Hope today wasn’t too frustrating for you.

 

[gillycat11]

I feel your frustration. It's so hard when your parents who have been made more dependent through illness or injury, are so stubbornly independent. I think a lot of the "rebellion" is to keep as much control as possible. I'm sure if your mum was having major issues, she'd let you know and accept your help and input.
there are some battles you will win and some you won't. She's a rule breaker, but is using the walker at night, probably the time she needs it most, so that's good.
I agree slippery TEDs are less than ideal, but why isn't she using slippers? Can she get them on? At a week post op- I wouldn't have been able to without either a long handled shoe horn or help. Could be, she can't either, especially if in a hurry to pee- but doesn't want to admit it. What about suggesting her sleeping in slipper socks with the non slip soles, then she can get up and go?
I'm sure in the end you will be able to find some compromise that works for both of you because of your strong mother /daughter bond.
Sending you caring thoughts and a plentiful supply of patience.

 

[hikejunkie]

Tough times when dealing with this kind of thing. After my Mom had a mild stroke (no paralysis) I remember being in her room when PT came in to get her to sit at the side of the bed. She refused to move! Wasn’t due to pain, just didn’t feel like doing it. I got tough with her, she gave me death stare, folded her arms across her chest like an angry teenager and then sat on the edge of the bed. Was very proud of herself after she did it and although we had quite a few more times like that she mostly took charge of what she wanted she do. Hope all is going well.