Hi
@dogwheels Thanks for your kind post and nice to receive it. I am very lucky to have a husband who cares as much as he does. He wakes up most mornings with a smile and is very loving and kind. My Mom and Dad and my husband and I used to do quite a bit together. My Mom and I went on two different trips to the States to shop for Christmas years ago and enjoyed our time together. We also went together my parents and my husband and I on bus trips to Cape Cod, shopping and sight seeing trips to the states as well. We each paid our own way so no one could think that we were getting favors others did not. Just enjoyed going with them and they had fun with us. I am an only daughter in a family of seven and have 4 brothers one older and 3 younger we are all about 2 years apart and always seemed to get along. Loved having brothers they were all kind to me and we just like each other. I felt very fortunate part of a really nice family.
Never understood the oldest and youngest in birth order as we all were treated equally important and loved. My brother being the oldest was always on his own he had his friends and stuff he did and being the only girl I loved to help with my brothers my middle brother and I at that time were almost joined close in age and he was the one that decided it was time for me to drive and he taught me to drive.
When my Gram(my Moms Mom ) died my brother was given her house at a very low cost we were told that he was having marriage problems and that he had been turned down for a mortgage. Little difficult as we were all trying to handle our own money but we understood as it was the way it was and why make trouble. The real differences started to show when my Mom broke her leg and the decision was made by my brother to have her put into a rehab place waiting for a home he had also started to look for a home for my Dad they said my Dad was not ready but they would look for my Mom she did not know this was going to happen. My Dad had a stroke the following spring and this was as I now understand what my brother needed as it would make him seem to need to be moved.. I questioned it and said that my Dad should live in his home he paid for it all of his married life and why should he be the one to leave he had stood by her with whatever she needed and how could they do this he was still functioning . He was 82 and with all of the stress of Moms accident he had more then he could handle still he was managing great and while she was in rehab stayed on his own and managed with a bit of help as he no longer drove.
The problem is that my brother did not like me getting involved and slowly they found a way of making sure that I could not do it again. He was placed in a long term home and the doctor said only had 5 months to live this was as at this time he started to have falls . The doctor told them that the changes he was handling and the move from the place he was safe his home was doing harm and that as a result of this stress the strokes started to happen again. My youngest brother questioned the night he visited why my Dad had not been placed in a hospital to be looked at closer this finally happened 4 days later he died. He only lived 3 months wish he could have been home his plea was please take me home why am I here all I do all day is sit here. I would have helped to keep him there and so would the home care people. He thought he would go home when my Mom came home from the hospital he tried to do it all right hoping that the day would come someone would say you did great and tomorrow we are going to take you home. His request did not happen. My brother is now running into marriage and money problems again although he is well paid as the oldest he is feeling he is entitled. He has been promised my parents house as she said he is the oldest but this house will come without cost he is the oldest. My Mom told me at one time that she did not want me going into my Dads room after we took her there at the hospital. She said she did not want him catching on and knew that if he saw me he would know just by my face (I might start crying) I still did not really understand what going to happen.
. Dad asked my close brother where I was he said wondered why I did not come. The next day I told her that she would not control this anymore I went in and he smiled and started to cry when he saw me.
We started to go on our own. My brother told my other brother that he wanted total control wanted me to be taken off power of attorney and wanted to move in and take over for my dad my brother told him off and said he had problems. I did not fully understand that they were planning things how could you do this to your own Dad and your husband.
My Dad was very patient and fair the day of my Moms replacement surgery my brother had to take my Dad for an ultrasound we waited at the hospital for my Mom to be in recovery and this was the day my Dad questioned my brother. He asked him if he knew it mattered that he did he right thing he told my brother that you have to do it right think about what you decided it will be something that will stay with you forever Then he told him he knew what they were doing he said he could not believe that his own son could have been part of this my brother told my Mom and she was mad. I asked her how did she think he was going to feel and why did it surprise her told her at least he still had fight in him to try to survive.
3 weeks later my Dad died and I cannot forget what she said. We have not spoken since she called me and called me a liar said I was not liked no one liked me she said she did not understand me and hung up on me. Medically this has done damage and doctors orders are to stay away from all of it not good for me any more. My closest brother was very upset one day when visiting Mom. They were talking and he started to try to set her straight he said most men that age stood on their own how could he be thinking of moving home she told him he had to understand that my oldest brothers Dad had just died and he would have to understand. My brother wondered if she was aware of what she said. I am sorry that I have gone on so long but will never understand it know that at least I tried wanted him safe and someone needed to be his voice . Thanks for your patience it is such a complicated situation. Stunned that such things could happen when money and stuff is so important guess I will no longer be in her will but at least I have my own self respect that is more important. If my Dad can see me know he might be proud and can see how much he is loved. Thanks again sometimes during all of it felt like I was going to explode into pieces but my husband is beside me through thick and thin. Hearing you talk
@dogwheels about the way you spend time with your daughter and how others love their kids makes me feel nice and then also a little lonely wishing my mom and
could still be this way so late in her life and not much more time to catch up but know for us not a good thing. at this time. Holly
Canada
