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TKR Lavender's getting a new left knee for Christmas

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today is a little colder and started to snow again. It was 4 degrees celcius yesterday the ice was melting and the sun really felt great. My leg has been a little sore over the past few days and I have found that the hot baths seem to make it feel more relaxed and helps with any swelling. Still not totally comfortable getting out of the bathtub but so far so good. I have finished a cross stitch that I have been working on and she turned out beautiful. She is a mermaid lots of beads and crystal treasures and sparkles now to find a place to hang her. She needs to be somewhere the light will show up the sparkle. Now working on a few others and they are really nice to stitch. Had a few tired nights so made a few boo boos stitching but all fixed now and finding it very relaxing to do. Not having as much time with my Mom she says no when asked if she wants to go for groceries and just spend time not sure what is happening but very difficult to handle this. Hoping things change but it is nice to have a bit of time with my husband do not get much personal time anymore. Hope she feels better says we don't understand how hard life is for her. Not sure why she is doing this as my whole family has been trying to deal with all that has happened. Maybe she will feel more like being together later. Hope you have a wonderful week Holly
 
Today I called my Mom hoping that she would want to get her groceries. We talked for a while and she said she would love to get out of the house and so we went for a ride to the grocery store the one that she really likes and then took her stuff home and then she wanted to go for lunch so we did. She seemed in better spirits and we talked about my Dad and the things that he left with us the memories. I think she is lonely for him and asked today if we would mind if she went with us. I told her the reason I called to try to have her come is because we wanted to be with us and help her get her groceries. My husband put ice melter on her drive way he is trying to keep ahead of the ice so she doesn't fall. He is really patient and caring of her and makes her feel like she is important and takes some of the pressure off of her. I told her that she can't understand how much it would hurt if we lost her too. None of us could handle that on top of losing my Dad. Try to reassure her that she is not a bother and she seemed to relax more. It was a really nice morning love her very much.
 
Hi I just wonder if anyone has a suggestion for the best toilet seat help and bath seat. I used a seat for the bath tub last time with my right knee replacement that rested outside the tub and then suction cupped to the tub floor. It is really cumbersome and made it hard to keep the water from running out all over the floor. Always felt like I was going to slide off into the tub. I wondered if anyone has suggestions on another method for the next time. I have noticed that the pharmacy that I pass in my grocery store sells a bath seat that is just a chair with wing back type sides has anyone used this type of seat. I also wondered if anyone has used just a raised toilet seat no sides just a thing that attaches to the seat and lsits you maybe 5 inches higher up used a commode last time but very awkward for my husband and took up a lot of room has anyone used a raised seat without the handles have a vanity beside that I have always used to help support me when getting off the seat. Getting ready for the next time for left knee replacement and as my mom has lent her equipment to the neighbor I want to have them ready ahead of time so that will be one less thing to worry about. Hope all of you are having a great weekend. Thanks for any suggestions Holly
 
Hi Holly! I have the 'wingback' shower chair (and still am using it) and have had no issues at all. I have a step up and over tub (boo) and don't know what i would have done without it. It just sits on the bottom of the tub. At the very beginning when I couldn't quite figure out how to get in and out of the tub i would push my walker right up to the tub to use for leverage and lower myself onto the seat and then swing my legs in.

I also used a toilet seat riser with no side bars and it was great. I didn't even need to use the vanity to push myself up and off of it. I just removed the riser last week (and I swear my toilet shrunk lower to the ground) and now use the vanity to help get up, but didn't before. Do you have Walgreens in Canada? I bought them both there and they've been a great help!
 
Hi Ellen Nice to hear from you and thanks for the great help. I just wondered how they would work and sounds like they might be a better idea then what I used before. Does the side of the bath chair sit up close to the side of the tub so you can just back up to it and sit on it without climbing in over the tub? I have seen these in a couple of different pharmacy areas and think they will have them at Walmart we don't have a Walgreens store here yet .I liked the other seat because it let me sit but always had to place towels on the floor to sop up water worried about slipping. Hope you are doing great and thanks so much again for your help. Wishing you a nice weekend Holly
 
I had a bath bench similar to what you said you had. But I have a hand held shower head so i was able to avoid most of the puddles.
 
Hi Holly, it it does sit close enough to the edge of the tub so that you can sit before having to actually get in the tub. That's how I did it to start with. I was worried that putting extra weight on just the side of the chair might cause it to tip, but the legs are very sturdy. I had to sit on it to start with in order to then figure out how to get my legs over and into the tub. My best advice would be to go see if Walmart has one (fingers crossed), set it up, try it out (acting totally incapacitated, of course for a 'true' test ;-)) and see if you're comfortable with it. If not, pack it back up in the box and return it! :) Do you also have a removable shower head? No clue what they're called, you know, the ones that are like on a hose type thingie? They're wonderful to use when sitting on said shower chair! (i just saw that @kneeper snuck in while I was typing and described what I was talking about)

Thank you for the kind wishes. I hope you're having a great weekend as well! (i've already taken 2 naps and it's only 9:40am here) ;-)
 
:snow dig:Hi @kneeper How are you doing and so nice to hear from you. I think the idea of a hand held shower head is a great one found it hard to get close enough sitting on the seat to the shower head so this would really help. Used to have one years ago and when it didn't work properly never replaced it but great idea. Hoping your leg is doing great and that you are doing fine. It has been really cold here my husband shovelled a path way from our home to around the front of our townhouse and to the parking lot trying to make sure that I didn't fall today and snow was on the ground almost a foot deep. We had decided that we would go for our Saturday morning breakfast at our favourite restaurant in the next town but many of the roads were closed. Had a nice day stayed at home and watched movies. Lots of snow fell last night. Hope to catch up on some cleaning tomorrow lost of errands lately getting behind but my husband keeps telling me sit down and relax. Wishing you a lovely week Holly
 
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:friends:Hi Ellen The suggestion made by you and @kneeper is a really smart one. I actually thought when showering before that a shower massage handle would be so much easier. I am going to check out Walmart next week this is where I bought my walker and they had a nice assortment. I am managing to have baths now but know when my left knee is replaced this will not be possible at least for a while. Hard to wash my hair in the tub but trying so a shower head would really be a great investment. Nice to hear from you both and thanks for your letters Holly
 
I usually wrtie about my Mom and our time together. This has stopped for now she does not want time with me. I am very confused thought we were helping and not sure why she is so angry. My brother is starting to take control again and feeling low. I am leaving my parents homelately and find she is yelling alot now gets angry so easy and my husband is taking a lot and usually end up crying when I get home The trips out are over the past month cut chort she has to come home and make him lunch he has ideas about where fshe can shop and restricts her grocery selection she love a nearby family owned market he says she can't go there. She keeps saying we have to understand he lost his dad and no mention that the rest of us are grieving for him so much. Almost like she doesn't acknowledge that we are part of it and blamed the four of us for him going into a home and dying when theywere the ones that signed paper and refused the move to a home in our c ity when a bed came available . So much anger so much upset I am feeling and I never thought I was this kind of person. My brother now has total control and just a month ago she reminded me I was her power of attorney but he still wants his share of it. I am wondering if she is in the stages of Dementia she has forgotten so many of the things that we shared and gets angry when we talk about times we went on holidays together an days that my husband and my parents and I shared and at the time these times were something that we all shared and enjoyed my Dad loved to go to the little town where we love to have breakfast and then to an Antique store to look at bells He loved big cast iron bells and placed thenm in the yard beautifully. She keeps telling me she wants my older brother to move in and leave his wife. I tell her he needs to spend more time with his wife and maybe she is feeling left out. He says he wants to move back in and take over for my Dad . Ever since our job was eliminated after 38 years of service he tells her he needs to leave his job. He is always making comments that he would be able to do it if he was in our position and didn't work. Our choice to be retired was a result of the store that we were employed by going out of business. Thousands of us were left without jobs. With my surgery it has been difficult to look and with the health issues and travelling time needed to take care of my parents needs impossible I am told that my oldest brother being the oldest should have been retired first. It was not my choice. I have not asked for anything living on our savings and starting to draw on our pension. I am finding that ever since my surgery this brother seems to have a comment about this stuff . We have been trying to get my Mom out let her shop for her own stuff and up till now she has enjoyed it but wondering what happened. My Mom has told me that he will not have to live with his wife much longer and has hinted that she is going to give him their house the place that we grew up in . I am feeling very uncomfortable how did things change so fast. Taking a break from it all need a break for health reasons for both my husband and I. Now being told by Mom and brother that I should not have my left leg replaced they are afraid tell me that I am over reacting they still say my leg was not that bad. So hard to understand how we grew up close as I thought but now wondering where I fit in. Well I fit into my own home and life with my husband so now going to stay away and avoid the heart ache. I have spoken to my doctor after my checkup wondered why my health is dropping and recommended backing away. I want to run away but so lucky to have my husband.Feel guilty feeling this way but have no way of changing it. Sorry I have written such a long post.
 
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@lavender
Dear Holly,
I am so sorry to hear how sad you feel. I believe you said your Mom was under the care of
A Doctor. I think it's time for an appointment, she really sounds scared & confused. I think
That is why she seems mad. Do not take it personally, she is mad over how her life has changed.
Not at you personally. Keep inviting her on outings with you & your husband. Keep in touch by
Phone. Above all enjoy the time with your husband, he sounds like a wonderful man.
You are such a kind & caring person, I hope you find some peace in your life.
Thinking of you,
Diana
 
:flwrysmile::friends:Hi Diana Thanks for your kind reply and so nice to hear from you. I am not sure what is going on but my other brother was talking to my oldest brother who told him he wants to do it all does not want us involved at all has taken control of her spending and has set rules. My Mom keeps telling me how much she enjoys going out for her own groceries and has even started to cook for herself and my now brother again. She is baking and even made her Christmas cake this year after a leaving it for a few years. Now she is limited to the time that he will take her and now she no longer shops for her self but he shops for her. I am limited to visits as he tells her he does not have meals at home and he is not getting enough. so she has a two hour limit. My husband started to go and put my Moms garbage out because my brother said he didn't have time. Now my brother has decided he does not like this involvement so he has sstopped with putting it out and bringing her carts back later in the day. I think he is in for a surprise as he is not aware of the amount of running aound we have done with my Mom to appointments and hospital checkups and we thought it would help as he no longer can have time off whenever he decides to. I think it is going to be an eye opener for him and hope he manages it all. My Mom has a soft spot for him and can't say no to him. He has always had this power over her. So sorry to see her up against this but it is her decision. Thanks so much for your kindness and wishing you a very nice week. Holly
 
Hello Holly,
What a time you are having.
Firstly the toilet seat, I had a raised toilet seat with no handles for both of my operations and managed fine.
The decision to have your second knee done is one for you and your surgeon. You know if you are ready and your surgeon knows if it is needed. I have no regrets about having my second knee done and am so pleased to have two new knees. Both are progressing well and my quality of life has greatly improved.
Family's are funny things. Everyone copes with grief and change in their own way. You are being so supportive to your mum. I think you are right to back off for a while and wait and see how things go. Your brother sounds very controlling.
Take a time to look after yourself and have some quality time with your lovely husband.
I am doing very well but finding life is very busy with work. I have also had some family challenges recently which have also kept me busy so I have little time for myself and don't get on here much.
I do still think about all the wonderful people I met here and pop back to check on everyone when I can.
Take care and lovely to read your posts,
Hugs Toothfairy x
 
:SUNsmile::friends:Hi @Toothfairy It is wonderful to hear from you and happy you are doing well. I always knew that I meant a lot to my Dad we all did he was as I can now understand protective of me not in a huggy way but really cared and in his quiet strong way he looked out for me. My brothers used to say he was always asking them if they had been to see us and maybe they felt pressured to do so as this no longer happens. My brothers were all very important to him he was always looking for new tools for them if he bought one for his own use they all got one the same to. I was often finding a parcel left in our doorway when we worked nights didn't have our car then and gave them a key just incase. I would find a cookie jar for Christmas or a swifter mop with a note thought this might make things easier. I remember a larger bag of potatoes one day and a large chicken he knew that carrying them or taking them on the bus would be heavy just once in a while but he made sure that we were all counted and treated equal. He did wood working and whatever he made we all had one of. A Christmas reindeer made of wood to hold a pointsetta or whatever you chose. He made us all a clock with a pendulum they are still at their home and not sure if my might be gone now. One day he came and said he wondered if I would like some shelves as my husband buys me ornaments for gifts and knew they would be handy. He made me two from a pattern he made using the brackets that were designed after an antique his uncle had and painted them. Came back one day and remarked that he thought I would have room for three more and he said he had started them. The day he came to put them up I was later told was just after his first stroke and things had been kept so quiet she didn't let us know kept him away from us after that not understanding why

I know that he loved me just knew. My Mom no longer answers my calls and when she did she was impatient. My brother is very controlling and hints of plans that he has inherited her home his name is now on her mail my Dads motorcycle and full say on her time. I was questioned just a few weeks ago about taking her for her prescriptions and another when she bought her groceries wanted to know why she was out. I feel that he is feeling threatened and is afraid we will catch on to what is happening. I have stopped going not willing to see how she is now treating both of us and her obsession over her oldest son he is all she talks about. I was left a set of dishes when my Gram died bought when I was born. I was told by my Gram that she wanted me to have her things when my Mom is done with them but those things most of them over the past little while have gone to his daughter and thinking that I must have been blind to have missed this happening but the possessions will never replace my memories of my Gram and how much I loved her she was amazing. I am going to have time with my husband he is looking better seems to be more relaxed sugar and blood pressure have dropped and that is more important then any china. I have been looking at toilet seats and bath seats my Mom gave hers to a neighbor and thanks for your adbice about the raised seat I think that will be the one that I will purchase. Thanks so much you are very kind and you have made me feel so much better I guess sometimes you have to decide what is more important and maybe this is a wake up call for me. Holly
 
Today my Mom called and is blaming me for everything. She denies any involvement and said that I am very disliked. She told me that she will no longer allow the situation with my Dad to be mentioned in her home and told me that she know my other brothers do not like being with us. She told me that she has had somuch stress and I tried to talk toher and said I understood we all had stress she denied saying the things to my brother and I and blames me for unrest. I told her that I felt that she needs to remember that she has kids and that most of the time we feel she has forgotten. She said my middle brother came yesterday and cried she said no more of that here. I asked her how she would feel when she keeps telling people she has four sons and they were so proud of them and asked how I should have felt when she left haing a daughter out when talking by my Dad in the room at the hospital the day before he died she said that I am very self centred and what did I expect him to do dying sit up and kiss me. I told her that no this family has never been emotional not sure where I came from. I tried to talk to her she thinks I am crazy tried to tell her how it felt when she hit me in the hospital room after the meeting where she decided to have him put in a home 3 years ago and she said we caused the problem. I asked a few questions at the meeting and one was did they realize that some of the responses he made had to do with the stress he has suffered watching her break her leg leave home then his stroke she said I was responsible for everything. I said I thought things were going good tried to help and make things easier for them and now her since she is alone and she said poor me you are so hard done by . She hung up on me said no more so I guess no more. Maybe this will be the start to better things no longer trying to make it better each time she throws a fit. I am sure that my brothers will understand they are all having problems with the interferring she does. I can't understand how things changed so fast and now knowl that maybe I have been doing it wrong she even picked on my husband and said that her boys all had 3 jobs how did I rate. Well before the store closed and everything started I worked a heavy job overnight 44 hours a weekand assistant supervised. I as my Dad told me have never asked for any money he said that the rest have and was proud that we did for ourselves. Took my husband for his needle and had a long cry. Now going to get on with things and maybe even start to look for another job my time will now be our own no more running around now know it really was not appreciated
 
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Personally, I have to love the family I grew up with (my mom and my brothers) from a distance. I spend my time now with my husband and kids - I have plenty to do.
 
Hi Annie I understand what you mean life is too short stress is damaging and why do people who should understand hurt one another. My Mom told me that all I did was cry when I was a baby I had a milk allergy and my family doctor sent me to a specialist who fixed it and put me on special milk said that I came along before she had time with my oldest brother. my Dad commented during the time that my Mom broke her leg that he and I and his mom my Gramma had identical baby pictures I was born with dark curly hair and so were they he said this and the way he did made me feel nice. The brother that I am closest to said that he thinks we reming her of myDad we are like him. My Moms mom loved all of us and worked downtown in a dress shop so as a kid she made sure that I had dresses and my brothers had nice things then again all of us were treated and given the same love my Dad also wanted us to stay close. this would hurt him to see all of this happening. My Mom reminds me that they had to sell their favourite home to make room would have worked better with three boys. The house we moved from had two bedrooms and when we grew to 3 kids not enough room. My Dad she said loved that house and when they talked about it realized a little girl would eventually need a room alone but shared with my brothers till I was starting to grow up. I think things will get easier pent up emotiions that are comining told her that it hurt to hear how she thought about me. She said I deserved it. No worry now get on wilth life.
 
Happy Valentines Day wishes for everyone. We still celebrate Valentines day mostly my husband I always find him a nice card love him so much he is so amazing. He wakes up with a smile and has such a positve way of handling each day. He surprsed me today with a sweater kit to make new earrings and when I sat down on the couch today felt something behind the pillow which was hiding a cross stitch. to do she is beautiful lots of beads so beautiful. . Has told me he has plans that he made for us to go out for supper. I gave him a couple of Agatha Christie movies detective Poirot we decided to cut back trying to stick to a budget but he has been saving these things for a while and so today he surprised me. He knows that things have been a little tense and has made me feel so nice he is the best. I know that it will ok and my Mom might maybe miss the stuff we did and want to talk again. I am so very fortunate and counting the blessing in my life that I have. Someties so easy to take the good things for granted. Hoping you have a wonderful weekend. Holly
 
Hello Holly,
Happy Valentines Day to you :) I, unlike you have no family. I am the only one left. I took
Care of my Mother till she passed & my sister until she passed. So, I consider myself a care giver.
I know for a fact, that people who are sick & depressed say things they don't mean. Heck, my
Mother yelled at me all the time, but it was only because of the Situation she was in. I know
She didn't mean it, but it hurt all the same:sad: I did have to learn to back off & let her come to me.
Which she usually did. I also had to learn to let things roll of my back & knowing she really
Didn't mean half the things she said.
So, Dear Holly,
I leave you with happy thoughts :) & peaceful visions of your ducks & geese at your
Beautiful park :SUNsmile: Remember......This to shall pass :puppysmooze:
Sincerely,
Diana:flwrysmile:@lavender
 
Dear Holly,
How nice to hear you talk to your Dad :angel:At work late at night, all by myself, on a
Picnic table, looking up at the stars, I also talk to my Mother ( not out loud ):heehee: It gives me
Great comfort & Peace. I hope you receive the same from your Father ( I am sure you do ) :)
Hold onto that feeling as it is quite precious.
I hope you & your wonderful Husband have a peaceful Weekend,
Take Care,
Diana:console2:@lavender
 
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