PKR JusticeRider’s rehab adventure

[Dancingqueen]

Congrats on your Seattle teams doing well Dancingqueen My husband is also a Hawks fan. And I’m looking forward to hearing how your meeting with your boss went! I hope better than you even hoped for.

I would hate to leave horse training, it is my passion and I have been doing it for 25 years. But part of my concern is the fear factor. I have been through a lot with all these surgeries, and spent way too much time incapacitated and hurting. I worry I have lost my nerve for taking risks. I so desperately want to avoid more injury and disruption to my life. Horse training is inherently risky, and you cannot do it successfully if you are operating from a place of fear. Your fear can infect the horse and then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, so to speak. A frightened horse is a dangerous horse. You have to be bold to be a good horse trainer. They want to know you are strong and capable and therefore they are safe with you. I feel my confidence is shaken and I am a much more fearful person after all of this. Hopefully that will pass with time but I just don’t know. And I don’t know how long it will take before I am physically capable. It’s been 2 years now mostly away from it and I’ve never been out so long. I’m not in my 20’s anymore so fitness doesn’t bounce back as fast.

I know all will be well in the end, and if I can’t get back to training again, there must be something else I’m meant to do. As long as I can ride my own horse and hike again, I will be ok. And I have faith those things will be possible.

I really hope your fears don’t stop you. Being cautious is completely understandable. I have never ridden, though I think horses are magical! What a fulfilling journey. And, you have a relationship with your horse..you’ll be riding again. Faith is a beautiful thing.

I’m work in a retail store that sells high end audio and video equipment (Going on 42 years in the industry). I am supposed to return in 10 days. I just keep thinking of all my responsibilities and what I’m not able to do. I guess I’m letting fear rule my head. But, I can‘t move heavy gear, hook up or move systems, even going to a client’s home scares me (stairs?!).
I received a text from boss, asking if we could talk tomorrow morning. i just can’t lose sleep over it. My knee, yes

I had an hour in a warm “wellness” pool, stretching and moving about. A few hours later, PT. I think my knee is whooped! Weird, bones (muscles) down side of leg and top of foot are screaming. I think it’s alignment or something.
It’s crazy..lung and breast cancer survivor in the last 5 years.. that was tough. But, this just seems harder somehow. Could be my memory is fading.
Well, going to watch some nice dog videos (The Dodo on YouTube) and try to relax.
Funny, I don’t know anybody’s time zone. So, I’ll say good evening.

 

[Dancingqueen]

Sorry..allergic to all anti-inflammatories. No help!

 

[Jockette]

Anybody know the equivalent dosage of ibuprofen to 200 mg/day of celecoxib?

Best to call your pharmacist and ask that medication question.

 

[shr]

Congrats on your Seattle teams doing well Dancingqueen My husband is also a Hawks fan. And I’m looking forward to hearing how your meeting with your boss went! I hope better than you even hoped for.

I would hate to leave horse training, it is my passion and I have been doing it for 25 years. But part of my concern is the fear factor. I have been through a lot with all these surgeries, and spent way too much time incapacitated and hurting. I worry I have lost my nerve for taking risks. I so desperately want to avoid more injury and disruption to my life. Horse training is inherently risky, and you cannot do it successfully if you are operating from a place of fear. Your fear can infect the horse and then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, so to speak. A frightened horse is a dangerous horse. You have to be bold to be a good horse trainer. They want to know you are strong and capable and therefore they are safe with you. I feel my confidence is shaken and I am a much more fearful person after all of this. Hopefully that will pass with time but I just don’t know. And I don’t know how long it will take before I am physically capable. It’s been 2 years now mostly away from it and I’ve never been out so long. I’m not in my 20’s anymore so fitness doesn’t bounce back as fast.

I know all will be well in the end, and if I can’t get back to training again, there must be something else I’m meant to do. As long as I can ride my own horse and hike again, I will be ok. And I have faith those things will be possible.

I haven't been aware of being more fearful since my knee replacements but I have become more cautious and that rational and appropriate. An accident that might not be too serious with a healthy natural knee might necessitate a revision with a prosthetic knee and I would rather avoid that. It is a good time to consider what is important to you and consider how the risk/reward ration is changing. Before my first knee replacement I threw heavy implements in the Scottish Highland Games and rode a big sport bike. Six months after my first knee replacement I started some easy throwing practice and easy rides. I re-entered HG competition after a year but my riding continued to be relatively cautious.

I believe that if you focus on improving your mobility and strength, your confidence will return. Try not to worry too much about it or hurry it.

 

[JusticeRider]

Thanks, @shr, you could be right. My confidence might return as I recover and get stronger. I don’t know how long it will take and if it will be enough, but time will tell. I have been on my own horse once since the surgery, a couple weeks ago. It was too soon and I knew it (I’m not steady or fast enough to even walk beside my horse yet) but I wanted to do it and I had a friend there who caught him and got him ready for me. We rode at a walk for about 30 minutes and then I could tell my knee was going to need a break so we ended there. My knee didn’t react badly at all and it went well overall. But I was shocked by how nervous I was. My horse tripped and stumbled once and my heart just about stopped. He jumped a little at some birds flying up and my whole body tensed up. It was not like that with previous injuries or surgeries, at least not to this degree. But again, it was too soon. I don’t regret it though. It was something I wanted to do and I was able to do it and that felt good.

 

[JusticeRider]

@Jockette I will check with the pharmacy, thanks

 

[sistersinhim]

Anybody know the equivalent dosage of ibuprofen to 200 mg/day of celecoxib?

You can also ask your doctor.

 

[JusticeRider]

I just keep thinking of all my responsibilities and what I’m not able to do. I guess I’m letting fear rule my head. But, I can‘t move heavy gear, hook up or move systems, even going to a client’s home scares me (stairs?!).

There are so many things I can’t do right now and every time I have to say ‘I can’t’, it makes me feel smaller. I hate it so much! So I decided I’m going to change the way I frame it. Now when anybody asks me to do something that would hurt my knee, instead of saying I can’t, I’m saying ‘That’s not safe for me to do right now’. It makes me feel more powerful, like this is a choice I’m making to protect myself. Also, it reminds me that, even though it seems like this will never end sometimes, it is only temporary. Someday soon, I will be able to say, I CAN do this.

 

[shr]

In some ways we are more fragile after a joint replacement but we needn't be fearful of it.

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”​

― Frank Herbert, Dune

 

[panammaniac]

I’m not experiencing any fear necessarily, but I do feel like I need to make some lifestyle adjustments to minimize wear and tear on the new knee. Because I had the surgery at a relatively young age - and some of you are younger than me so you can probably relate to this even more - I don’t want to be facing revision surgery in 10 or 15 years because I wore it out. I won’t be returning to any activities that require a lot of running. I refereed high school and a little bit of college basketball for 30 years. Those days are over for me (actually they were over in 2018 because I had too much pain to run, which turned out to be because of a torn ACL that was discovered during my TKR). I was starting to play a little bit of adult amateur hockey. That’s something I won’t be trying again. But it’s really not that much of a surgery adjustment because I wasn’t able to do those things anyway and had already accepted that my days of pretending to be a jock are over. I do look forward to being able to go on a normal vacation or day out with the family whee I’m not struggling to keep up or constantly looking for the next place to sit.

 

[Layla]

Healthy attitude, panammaniac! I love it. You'll find new activities to replace the old with and enjoy engaging without the pain. Plan your next vacation as motivation. You'll be on an outing with the family soon enjoying yourself rather than looking for a place to sit and rest. Brighter days are on the way!
@panammaniac

 

[benne68]

instead of saying I can’t, I’m saying ‘That’s not safe for me to do right now’. It makes me feel more powerful, like this is a choice I’m making to protect myself.

Love this!

 

[JusticeRider]

I was thinking about this whole question of fear and it occurred to me…we are all pretty brave to have made the choice to have this surgery! This surgery is not for the faint of heart. And some of you have done it TWICE!!

 

[JusticeRider]

So I have been clawing my way back from a major setback at 4 weeks post op that threw me off course for quite some time. I’m now at about 11 weeks. The last 3 or 4 weeks have really been moving, slowly but surely, in the right direction. I have been learning a whole new level of patience, but I am satisfied with where things are at the moment.

Walking had become miserable, painful, stiff, and awkward. My limp was horrible. I would dread having to walk across my small house. My mood was very dark. Massage got me headed in the right direction. My walk has gradually improved and I am walking around the block now with almost no limp, though very, very slowly.

I built up extremely gradually because things had gotten so bad and my kneee was so reactive. When walking across the house became manageable, I started walking my wrap-around porch. When that was no longer agonizing, I walked to my front gate and back. Then down the street to the nearest corner of my farm. Down to the end of the block, etc. Today is the second day I’ve walked all the way around the block. It may not sound like much, but for me now it is a major achievement. Today the sun was shining and I chatted with neighbors and felt like a human again.

I took next week off of pt. They are very gentle as I have requested, but I am a competitive athletic type and tend to push myself a bit without even realizing it when I have an ‘audience’. I’m not aware I’m doing it until my knee begins to swell. So I’m going to skip this next week and try to keep to the gentle rhythm I’ve established at home that seems to be working. Lots of elevation and icing along with my adl’s, easy stretching, regular movement, and my slow little walks.

I’ve started cleaning the chicken coop again, which is great because my husband has been having to do all the farm chores himself. I take care of my dogs and the house and my husband and I cook dinners together. I go to pt and massage and twice a week drive the horse trailer with the horses down the road to their lessons (hubby catches and loads them and their rider unloads and rides them). I’m keeping busy with those things plus reading lots of books and watching some movies and shows. I’m such an active, physical person that it is a real effort to embrace this slow pace, but I feel like I have gotten there. We have even been able to go down the street to the local venue and watch live music a few times. There are a couple of sofas available for seating and we go early and grab one so I can put my legs up.

I haven’t heard from my surgeon and I’m ok with that for now. I haven’t had my ROM measured or worried about it too much myself. Daily tasks are getting easier, walking is slowly improving, and I have started going up stairs!! Major win! It was too painful before surgery but it isn’t now! My knee is boss. She apparently needs me to take it very, very slowly. So that is what I am going to keep doing.

 

[Jockette]

What an awesome update!

 

[JusticeRider]

Thanks @Jockette Like you, I was given the impression that recovering from a PKR would be easier and faster, but obviously that is not the case at all, at least for me. I also heard that because I was young, active, and highly motivated it would be easier for me. Not true. But I think…it’s going to be ok. I’m going to be ok. It’s just going to take more time and patience (so much more patience!) than I realized.

 

[panammaniac]

@JusticeRider Im so glad to hear things are headed the right direction for you! Patience is definitely the key. I catch myself trying to walk too fast, or my wife or daughter will catch me and correct me. I’ve been limping for so many years that I have to train my body to not limp. I have to walk slow and deliberately and use proper gait mechanics to re-train the muscle memory. It actually feels good to walk properly and with good posture, but it doesn’t happen automatically yet. I have to consciously think about it. It means that everyone around me has to slow down to my speed, so they have to be patient too. It’s also nice to get back to some degree of normalcy. In theory I could go back to work now, but since I own the business I’m not going to for at least a couple more weeks. My staff has a good handle on things and I can do the essential stuff remotely. A few of my staff have come over to visit me which was nice. I can take my time and go back when I’m ready to go back and focus on healing.

 

[JusticeRider]

Thanks, @panammaniac! It’s always nice to hear how you’re doing. I know what you mean about trying to relearn walking without a limp. It’s hard to retrain all those muscles and reflexes. And family/friends who are walking with you needing to be patient…ha! My husband is a very fast walker normally, so he is learning a whole new speed along with me! I was feeling so good walking yesterday that I did start going too fast and got a sharp little pain inside my knee. It is still here this morning, so that’s what I get for posting a positive update! I’m telling myself, ‘it’s ok, it’s just a temporary little tweak that will be gone before you know it. Do not freak out’. Y’all, this recovery is such a roller coaster ride.

 

[JusticeRider]

Well, the pain under my patella was luckily short lived! It bothered me for a couple days and then I went to my massage therapist. She felt I had a tired muscle here that was not supporting my knee, and a tight muscle there that was pulling my patella off track a bit. She worked on me and, wow! When I left there the sharp pain was gone. It felt a bit sensitive through the next day and has since been feeling fine! Whew! I am very gun shy after that big set-back, scared that every new pain is going to derail my recovery for weeks. I have to talk myself through it, literally telling myself out loud, “You’re ok. It’s going to be ok.”

I feel I am back to improving again. I went to a long dinner for a friend’s birthday last night and lunch with a friend today and my knee is feeling fine so far! My walking is still really slow but I am much less self conscious around people because my limp is so much better. I have less pain and I can do stairs!

Now can a rant a little bit? I love my friend, but at lunch today she said, ‘wow you’re still walking really slow aren’t you? I thought you’d be back to normal by now!’ I patiently explained how much I’ve improved the last couple of weeks and how it’s a long recovery even though it’s a PKR. She said ‘my mother had a TKR a couple years ago and she was feeling great within a month!’

Why do people do this? Don’t they understand how unhelpful they’re being? Don’t they see how discouraging that can be? Why say things like that? I had to put my shields up and try to let the words just bounce off. I know I’m doing fine and I will get there in my own time. I know I’m far ahead of where I was 3 weeks ago and making good progress now. I’m doing good! It’s just sad that I have to tune out comments from other people, especially when they’re someone I care about! Ugh!

Anyway, I’ll keep on trucking. I know some of you (maybe most of you!) have heard comments like that and understand. Thanks for listening!

 

[panammaniac]

I’ve been putting my deflector shields up since I learned I’d be having this surgery. “Oh, my (insert relative of choice) had that and it was really painful for them.” Ugh, not helpful. That along with all the “keep up on your PT” comments. I think having a good set of deflectors is the real key to this recovery.