TKR Amberpep's Recovery Thread

[Retsel]

Re: Forgive me for this

Abby,
What a sad situation. If your neighbor is this needy, she probably won't hear you when you tell her that you can't always be there for her right now. I suggest you tell her but also tell her that you will not be answering the door or the phone every time. Let her know you care a lot about her and know her situation is very hard right now, however you have to take care of your self and that means not having to be there for her every time. I am sure it takes all of your energy just to listen to her. I know how that feels and it is hard to let someone like her understand that. Best of luck to you.

 

[Josephine]

Re: Forgive me for this

I agree - best answer is to lie possum and pretend not to be in. Or print this off and pin it on the door

 

[sunflower]

Re: Forgive me for this

Josephine, :hysterical:

Amber, if worse comes to worse you can consider filing a restraining order. I know that's pretty radical but if push comes to shove....

 

[amberpep]

Re: Forgive me for this

Hi everyone ... thank you so much for your kindness. I saw my therapist this morning and tapped into his suggestion bank. He told me pretty much what to say to her and once again encourage her to make an appt. with my own Psychiatrist for medication. Her anxiety level is so high she is obsessing about this, and sadly, has driven away all her other friends. I saw a woman after my appt. who knows her and on my way out, she actually told me she felt sorry for me living right across from her. I said, "why?" She blurted out, "she's a leach." That's very sad to have that reputation.
But, I have to consider myself too - my own physical and emotional health. And, "hiding in my condo" with the lights out and curtains drawn, certainly isn't that!
Again, thank you all so much.
I'll keep you all posted as to how this goes.
abby
5/24/11 - RTKR

 

[cotton1958]

Re: Forgive me for this

Sounds like something serious is going on with your neighbor and you just happen to be the one she's picked.

I think you need to tell her (just pretend) you know how she feels and right now you need to get some restful recuperation, which means knocking on the door and phone calls are interruptive. And maybe you can set up a time to chat here and there.

 

[Jaycey]

Re: Forgive me for this

abby - can you get a "do not disturb" sign and hang it on your doorknob? At least she might get the hint!

 

[Jamie]

@amberpep: Abby......I certainly agree with what the folks have said here. You simply must put yourself first sometimes. Remember that "leach" comment and know that this woman has heard the words you need to tell her before. Alas, you cannot force a person to get help or listen to reason when they don't want to. When you make yourself available to her (even though you don't want to), you're enabling her to take over your life and not face reality of things she cannot control.

I know it's difficult to hurt someone, but you really must not trade your mental and physical well-being for someone like this.

By the way, as I was looking to respond to this latest thread of yours, I noticed that you had 13 threads in the recovery forum. Normally we like to have each member keep their recovery comments in a single thread so that it provides a complete story of the journey. Since most of the threads were on a single topic and not directly related to your recovery, I left a majority of them. But I did combine 4 threads into this one and changed the title. I hope you don't mind, but this really does make it so much easier for all of us to look back on your experience from the surgery date. If you prefer a different title, just let me know and I'll make it whatever you would like.

 

[amberpep]

Hi everyone .... I can tell that we're going to get some bad weather and the barometric pressure has dropped. My knee hurt so badly tonight I broke down and took a Vicodin - first one in a month or more. These replacements (the area around them) sure are good weather forecasters. I wonder when that stops. Guess I'm getting a bit impatient .... my doctor keeps reminding me "it's only been since the end of May." I guess I had unrealistic expectations and reality has set in. :rolleyespink:
abby
5/24/11 - RTKR

 

[Jamie]

Abby, please try not to get frustrated. Many of these little quirks and odd pains can hang on for quite a while. It's why we tell folks to expect recovery to take a year or more. Try instead to focus on the things you CAN do now that were not possible before your surgery. I bet that's a pretty good list.

 

[Rusty5]

Amber: Had my tkr in August. I can kneel and yes it feels weird but I do it anyway. Yesterday, I knelt on the floor to check for my shoes under the bed. That was so wonderful to not have to ask my husband to look for my shoes!!

In the beginning I couldn't kneel because my knee wasn't bending back far enough because of swelling. As I gained flexion, I would climb into bed at night using my new knee and gradually it started to feel less foreign. Don't know the future of my new knee trick but I love testing my body.

Next subject--My knee is still numb but I don't seem to notice it at all because I am enjoying all the other benefits of knee surgery. More freedom.

 

[amberpep]

KNEELING ..... yeowee ...... Well, this weekend I was forced to kneel as I had a good earring roll under my dresser. I put a soft towel under my knee and surprisingly it was OK. It felt strange, but no pain. I didn't find the earring though because I didn't want to kneel too long, so I'll have to tackle that task again!
abby - 5/24/11 - RTKR

 

[amberpep]

Something I'm finding is because I had my TKR done in May, everyone (except those who have had this done) think I should be back to normal! I constantly hear, from my daughter, "why isn't that healed yet?" "Seems like it should be normal by now." What in the world do you say to these people?:hissyfit:
And ....... both my daughters are geriatric social workers!!!!! Of all people, you'd think they'd get it! Go figure!
abby - 5/24/11 - RTKR

 

[Jaycey]

I agree abby - this type of comment drives me crazy! :hissyfit:

I had the same problem. I am not a person who stays in robe and slippers all day. Even when I was in the early days of recovery I would get up and dress for the day and try and get on with as much as I could. But it's that looking normal again that has everyone questioning what could still be wrong.

Just keep reminded the "disbelievers" that you have had major surgery. You didn't get to the point of needing the op overnight. Why would they ever think recovery would take place overnight!

Hang in there! At least here you know we understand!

 

[Josephine]

Tell them full healing takes at least a year!

 

[kneeper]

Something I'm finding is because I had my TKR done in May, everyone (except those who have had this done) think I should be back to normal! I constantly hear, from my daughter, "why isn't that healed yet?" "Seems like it should be normal by now." What in the world do you say to these people?:hissyfit:
And ....... both my daughters are geriatric social workers!!!!! Of all people, you'd think they'd get it! Go figure!
abby - 5/24/11 - RTKR

Yes, I had mine at the same time you did. Once I was back to work I think most people assumed I was totally healed. Though at least no one makes comments like that. Luckily I have a friend who had a THR so she gets that you're not totally healed even at 6 months. And my sister, who came to stay with me right after the TKR is totally clued in (I shared my bonesmart info with her :wink1 and has been an angel of mercy at times when I haven't been up to doing all my fall household stuff by myself(like this weekend).

maybe you should print off some stuff from the bonesmart library for your daughter. sometimes if it's coming from an "authority" it has more weight than us telling them.

 

[amberpep]

Jaycey .... just like you, from the time I got out of the hospital I was up and dressed and I think that gives everyone the idea that all is well and I'm back to normal. Maybe a little more pj's and slippers would have helped for a little longer!
I did talk to my neighbor - gently but very directly. Guess what .... it didn't do squat! In fact, I am right now sitting on my bed typing this and I have the TV on and she is knocking on the door. As Josephine said, "I'm playing possum." That's a good idea.
abby

 

[Josephine]

Another good ruse is to continue using a crutch or cane longer than you really need to.

 

[Jaycey]

Play possum - good for you abby.!Time the focus on you and your healing!

 

[Mountain Kat]

Maybe a little more pj's and slippers would have helped for a little longer!

We tell our new moms that all the time! Once you get dressed all of your help vanishes because everyone thinks you are well.

 

[amberpep]

Tough knee

Well, I found out this week that these knees of ours are tough things!
I was in my kitchen, turned around and fell over my cat! Yeowee. I landed right on both knees and my elbows. I was scared to death I'd done something. I immediately put ice on it. Next morning I got up and my elbows were all black and blue as was my left knee. As for my right knee .... the TKR knee ..... absolutely nothing! It didn't hurt one bit. So, these things are pretty tough, that's for sure! Not exactly the way I wanted to discover it though.
abby
5/24/11 RTKR