TKR Almost 8 months later...the aftermath

[Ellejay]

Hi @Karringtyn, well done on finding that PT, even if he isn't your regular he has pointed you in the right direction, and perhaps you can get your own PT to do the same. I spoke to mine yesterday on the phone, after one land and one water based session she thought we were finished. She isn't cheap and I'm having to pay out of my pension, but I said I needed more for just the reasons you said, I want her to look at my gait. I told her I didn't want to be walking badly in ten years time because no one had corrected it now.
Sorry you've been in a dark place again, it doesn't seem like it now, but things will improve, really they will.

 

[suzzee2000]

GOOD MORNING @Karringtyn !!!! THANK YOU for stopping by my thread and keeping me motivated until I returned! you 're the best!!

 

[Karringtyn]

I write in here every day. But I stayed away today. It wouldn't be therapeutic for me right now....I will be writing again when I get through this tough time......xxx

 

[Pumpkin]

Karrington,
Sorry you are having a rough patch.
Just wanted to let you know it is OK to ask to change PT's. They are professionals and want what is best for you.
Take good care,

 

[Karringtyn]

I have come to say goodbye. It may be for just a little bit or permanent. I am not in a good spot emotionally and coming here I don't feel like I fit in anymore. Those that had the surgery around me are off pain meds, driving, back to work.....Extentions of zero.....those that had bilaterals are doing better than me. SO, with that said...I thank each of you. I really do. May God continue to bless you as you heal. I have always been the fixer in my life and unfortunately I can't fix me right now. My pain is creeping back up and I just can't do this. I have always believed that I shouldn't compare myself to others and their recovery....but I find myself doing it more and more. There is so many negative things on here about knee replacements NOT working and the one who posted the video it was like a shot to my gut.

SO take care. TO.. @dogwheels @Nana moon 27 @Nana Mo @Mimi2u @icep707 @braindoc @RickSt @Bluetechseeker @Ellejay and @DogLoverx3 thank you...and to anyone I forgot....I am sorry......

I can't handle the journey right now it is hard enough and coming on here I feel more like I don't fit in and have failed even more....

 

[DogLoverx3]

@Karringtyn , I completely understand, but please don't feel like a failure. We spoke before about the luck of the draw when your surgery was and even though you got plopped in between a bunch of guys who are wonder patients, that doesn't mean that you're going to achieve any bit less of a stellar recovery. I wish you'd go back and read some of the messages that I sent you. I've been a slow healer as well and was on pain meds for more than 8 weeks. I get discouraged, but know that I'm also getting better. I am not familiar with the video you're speaking of, but I think that asinine for anyone to post a video like that on a site full of people worried about their TKR recoveries. Hopefully you'll come back and check in from time to time- there are a lot of people on here who care about you. I think you're doing great. It's hard not to compare yourself to others in this regard, but remember, not everyone posts everything on here. Many post only the good. I am (annoyingly to some) not one of them. This is a TOUGH recovery and a long one. Do what you need to to feel better about yourself and your recovery, but know that we're here for you to vent to, chat with, ask questions of come, gain support from, or just say 'hi'. xoxoxxoo

 

[Pumpkin]

Karrington,
There are many here in your shoes, slow recovery, all kinds of problems, it is just so frustrating.
Hope you can stop by from time to time and say hi (just click the like button on posts).
I will miss your posts!
Prayers for you.

 

[Karringtyn]

@DogLoverx3 I have read and reread what you wrote. I was a runner before this happened to me. I was thin, active, and strong. In three years I have lost all of it. PT is hard. But I love it. I just found out that the PT I had the other day was hired on and will be there most of my time. HE IS AMAZING. He keeps saying...you are young....you don't look your age and you have been dealt a shi% hand of cards....but you have so much strength and positivity and it shines on your face. Well I don't see that. I see broken. Really broken. I believed I could be the one of many that could return to work at 6 weeks I can't. I cant imagine not being on pain meds....AND I never took them when I originally broke my knee...I fought it. I refused to take them. I just want my life back. I want to live again. TRULY live. The video I was referring to, someone put up and was talking about how they wished they hadn't gotten knee replacements....and it was just very negative....the video was about correcting things through exercise and diet.....as if most people just just knee replacement...it was my last resort...I just seem like the only one who is negative, who hurts, and I can't post on here what I am not feeling. I have to be true to me.

 

[Pumpkin]

I have to be true to me.

Post away, that is what this forum is for.
Can you see a counselor to help you all these overwhelming feeling? I did and it really helped a lot.

 

[Nana Mo]

@Karringtyn, please don't be so discouraged.....I should talk... I spent last night crying on my husbands shoulder! We are TKR siblings..almost to the day. I am still on Oxy, 2 pills every 4-5 hours, still waking 4 times a night, not driving yet and having a terrible case of cabin fever. As was said....I just don't like to be a negative poster so I keep most of that to myself. I did go back to work the other day for 3 short hours but I sit on my butt and can put my leg up on my garbage can with a pillow! I certainly would not be back if I had to be up on my feet. Today I am still in bed with my ice on!! Maybe if we could get some sunshine and temps worthy of being out in we would feel better...but that will come. I hope that you will not abandon the one place where you can truly share your feelings and where people WILL understand! We are still here for you!! Be well!

 

[Karringtyn]

I sit here crying. I am emotionally a mess today. It's not pain talking right now. Hubs called from work a few minutes ago...he was like let's go buy a new wreath for the front door babe....that always cheers you up......so after PT today I will go do a little of shopping. I promise I won't leave. I can't leave you guys. YOu have been my cheerleaders. Penguin....I actually see my therapist and my psych tomorrow.....

 

[Nana Mo]

Glad to hear it! Shopping is ALWAYS my best form of therapy!!! I did a little of it with my daughter this weekend when she was home. I only made it 2 hours but it felt good...but then yesterday just 3 days later I was a complete mess. I wonder how much of it has to do with the pain meds??? This morning I spent cleaning out my closet since I have lost a decent amount of weight. I was able to drop about 10 pounds before the surgery and now with no appetite even more has come off. Great news I know but it would be better if I had an unlimited budget to replace everything. I hate the thought of looking like I am wearing a bag when I go out but that is the point I am at right now. My son told me it was a first world problem and to stop complaining about it!! He made me chuckle...he is sooooo right!! Now I am tired and ready for a nap. Glad to hear you are going to hang in there!! A spring wreath sounds great...we have so much snow still we can't even get all of the Christmas things down!

 

[megbabyrn]

Karrington,
Don't give up!! I felt that way with my first knee!! I was on pain meds for almost 6 months. The day my right knee stopped hurting, my left knee started. My PT really pushed me initially, all it did was cause crazy swelling, and pain. It took 4 months to get my ROM to 95'. And mostly because I took my Tim, my outpatient PT's were great, they did not push too much at all!!!
When I had my LTKR , it was soooo much easier. #1, I didn't suffer for 18 months before I got it done, #2, I was a heck of a lot smarter from being on this site. It saved me the first time. I thought that the pain I had was abnormal, the whole thing!! Pain control is sooo important. I was afraid of that for my 2nd knee surgery, and made sure that I had relief. If you are having pain control, you can almost do anything!! You really are not that far out. I remember one Bonesmartie telling us, it takes a good 6 months before you feel almost normal, they were sooo right!!

 

[dogwheels]

My lovely friend @Karringtyn - I am so very sorry you are hurting so badly at the moment. I just wish I could give you a big hug so a virtual one will have to do (OXOX).
It must be so hard to feel sad, let down, negative and despondent, especially when you put yourself into what you write. You probably feel that you are portraying somebody that just isn't the usual you ...... and you so desperately want the real you back again! However, we are your friends and we really, truly understand.
You have the most wonderful understanding husband - I felt like kicking mine yesterday - but you have really scored the jackpot there. He must love you to pieces - and it's wonderful to witness.
The new physio sounds like somebody you should really be trying to get to see - he can help your progress. But just remember, you are still only 5 weeks post op!! I know you thought you could bounce back from this like a bouncy thing, but as you will have heard a zillion times before - everyone is different!
Please don't compare yourself with others on here - and please don't think that everybody is racing past you in recovery. Many of the friends that you list are all having their own problems - NanaMoon; Dogloverx3 are brutally honest about their perceived shortcomings, and I have gone from really feeling I was getting my life back, to limited bend, an achy leg and as yet an unknown diagnosis. I am holding it together (my husband believes in tough love) but inside I confess to being scared. We certainly are not having 'text book recoveries'.
Go and do some shopping - I have succumbed to rather a lot of online retail therapy - trouble is the packages keep arriving at the door and I am not quick enough now to intercept them!
Don't despair - bad things, just like good things, must come to an end. ChrisX

 

[new knee in June]

Dear Karringtyn,
I hope you don't mind me popping into your thread I know it is hard on you right now
You have so many key ingredients for a wonderful recovery.
A wonderful husband, who truly loves you, a great P.T ( hold onto him for dear life) switch if
You have to Also your friends on "Bonesmart" who care deeply for you. Don't compare
Yourself to others, you will only bring yourself down. Also, call your G.P for a prescription
For an anti- depressant, I did & it made all the difference. Now, if we could do something
About that Of yours. We would be heading in the right direction
Better Days are ahead,
Diana

 

[Bluetechseeker]

@Karringtyn My opinion for what it's worth - this recovery SUCKS - no doubt about it. The folks that wiz through are the anomaly - NOT the norm. I've come to the conclusion for me, this is more mind over matter than anything else. You've got to totally embrace the concept that YOUR recovery is YOUR recovery - put blinders on and do not allow yourself to compare to anyone else. And definitely do NOT read the negative stuff for awhile - heck, it's enough to scare anyone!!

I don't understand why folks are so upset about NEEDING pain relief!! If I'm hurting, I want relief, there's nothing wrong with that - which I've explained to hubby about a bazillion times now. Being in pain opens the door to emotional upheaval as well, as I've found out first hand, which just feels like it sets you back further. Heck, I've sat here and just started bawling for no reason at all - and that happens dang near every day still. Everyone wants their life back, no doubt, but I've tried focusing on the positive things I've been able to accomplish rather than allllllll the things I want to do and can't. The days I let those negative thoughts in are NOT good days, and they tend to go further downhill as the day progresses. I've also tried setting myself up for success each day - I pick one little thing I WILL do that day, and once done, I feel like I'm making progress. It can be anything - but something you'll be able to complete and not do yourself in trying to finish (I make my bed each morning, maybe run an errand every couple of days, maybe fix supper once every few nights, load the dishwasher, work on laundry - the dumb stuff everyone does but stuff that's a challenge right now). I count these things as a success when I get up the next day and I do NOT hurt or feel more swollen than I was.

I'd agree that seeing a counselor would help. I also think accepting the fact you still NEED pain medication would help - perhaps see a pain management team and they could offer other solutions than heavy narcotics?? I've given up the notion that I'll be pain free through this - at any point in time I hurt and am in discomfort HOWEVER, when I get those awful stabbing pains, throbbing aching, I definitely medicate. And, if I medicate, I stay put at home. I'm not able to ice now - it actually HURTS, I think from nerve regeneration. So I have to really be more careful with the things I try doing and more diligent with elevating to compensate.

I've resigned myself to the fact, after feeling very, very depressed, hurt, forlorn, and useless that my negative mindset was only hurting me more. I really had to get a grip on myself mentally and emotionally to try turning my recovery around. I have bad days still, and when I do, I allow myself to cry, be upset, depressed, and second-guess my decision to have the surgery at all. But, once I let it all out, I pull myself back together and try forging ahead again. At some point in time, I'm positive I'll wake up, go to get out of bed, I will NOT hurt or ache, I'll sit normally on a toilet, I'll casually stroll to the kitchen for coffee, then plop down in a regular comfy chair to enjoy the morning with my hubby. THAT picture is what keeps me going. Just the shear ease and normalcy of everything.

Hang in there, hon, just keep trying - that's all you can do. You've got a wonderful support team between your fabulous hubby and family and all of us BoneSmarties - you're BOUND to have a terrific outcome!!!

 

[Pumpkin]

Penguin...

I love penguins! But think it is time to lose the christmas penguin avatar. (He's in storage now)
Retail therapy always help me!

 

[icep707]

Big bro to the rescue ! We are here to help each other. Dont ever forget this ! Im so sorry you feel this bad. Pain is the worst , in fact I am back on Tramadol. I thought I could muscle through it . But I couldnt . I pray you get some sunshine over there, its very therapeutic .

You are still early. 5 weeks . Is the pain you experience soft tissue ? or do you feel the implant isnt right . Medication , rest , ice and elevation and light exercises is still the paraphrase of the day . In fact im elevated and iced right now after morning light PT. You can still heal , I know you can . Maybe enternal swelling is just too much . Its so hard to tell from afar . What is PT saying ? Are they optimistic ? When is your next OS appt. ? Im asking all this so I can get a idea if we can figure out a solution . Troubleshoot if you will .

I respect your decision either way . What ever you decide , we will never forget you and we will respond in a heartbeat if you decide to hang out with us loonies. We really are a weird bunch , if you really think about it. Everyone has their own personalities. Which keeps me logging in . Like Rick, a man with few words, a little funny and enjoying retirement in Florida with Claudia. Someone I would never have anything in common with other than a tkr but I was invested with him when I needed someone during my dark days . My support team was so small and very lonely . But you helped me to pass my loneliest days and nights of my life . And I havent had the best early adulthood. Im auctually tearing up right now . I appreciate all your encouragement and support. When I had to shower by myself or climb mount stairs by myself , you guys were always right with me . You guys made my recovery fun and worth the struggle . Well Karringtyn I know you will fight the fight . And you will come out on top , it will take longer than you planned , but you are a FIXER . You WILL do this !! Best wishes. Big bro Ivan .

 

[Nana moon 27]

Oh @Karringtyn click the link on both mine and @DogLoverx3's posts. You will find warts and all, depression, crying, pain, oh we wish we'd never had this done, **** friends everything is on our threads. Out recovery is slow. I am at 10 weeks still on morphine, unable to drive, totally reliant on my husband to take me any where. My GP has told me he's not sending me back to work for a whole either until I am close to complete recovery! I'm going stir crazy. I come across as positive because that is my nature and I find it usually helps others along too. However, if you read my early posts you'll see what I was like and dogloverx3. We so struggled at your stage. We are still struggling now truth be told. We are not the only ones.

I was so mad the one week at PT when someone came in all but doing the fandango and the splits. She was 20 yrs older than me and blooming fantastic. I was sick with jealousy but overcame it and wished her well, she turned out to be a really nice lady. I don't begrudge anyone a speedy recovery. I genuinely think yes way to go. You go girl and get out there. But for the unfortunate luck of the draw it could have been me having all that but it was not meant to be.

Hang on in there please. You are going through the worst emotional part at the moment. You will see that if you look at our posts. X xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo x x x big hugs xox

 

[DogLoverx3]

When I had to shower by myself or climb mount stairs by myself , you guys were always right with me

and really Karringtyn, where else do we get to apparently take virtual showers with @icep707 ? (your post was very touching and, dare I say, for a big brave man, quite lovely Ice and I know just what you mean about having to do the majority of the 'scary stuff' on your own - so very true)