speccybecky
post-grad
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2012
- Messages
- 1,726
- Age
- 70
- Gender
- Female
- Country
United Kingdom
Thinking of you x
TKR Adnil checking in....
- Thread starter adnil
- Start date
- Status
BJ Mac
post-grad
Linda, I am thinking about you again and sending (((hugs))) and caring thoughts your way. 
RestAssured
alpha
Linda,
I am so glad that you have family around you! We lost my Dad 20 years ago, and then Mom remarried and lost her 2nd husband 4 years ago. My sister and I stay in contact with Mom on a daily basis, and she goes on vacations with us. We wouldn't have it any other way! We loved Dad dearly, loved Mac, and we will take care of Mom. She is our everything!
I am so glad that you have family around you! We lost my Dad 20 years ago, and then Mom remarried and lost her 2nd husband 4 years ago. My sister and I stay in contact with Mom on a daily basis, and she goes on vacations with us. We wouldn't have it any other way! We loved Dad dearly, loved Mac, and we will take care of Mom. She is our everything!
adnil
member
It's 4 am and I'm reading thru all the posts since my husband passed away. so much support. I was telling my sister about this little corner of cyberspace and how we come together for our recovery but then have made an impact on other areas of our lives.
I've been busy but trying to put the knee first. Actually it won't have it any other way. It's not doing too bad actually, but doesn't know what it's in for next week when we fly home to pack up the house.
There are days when my head is spinning and I fear I'm doing all the wrong things and making rash decisions that he might not approve of, but I have to go on. I feel as if I've aged so much since June 11. I feel worn out. So much has to be done. I need to sell my house in order to move on and join my family a province away. People who were going to help with the move have had other committments and my stomach is full of butterflies. to say Ifeel overwhelmed is putting it mildly. everyone around me seems to be amazed at how well I'm coping which is strange because there are days I just want to curl up in a ball or scream. Yesterday I realized I hadn't heard from him for almost 2 weeks the longest I've ever gone in my life.
Mimi, I loved what you said and it was so strange that the very next day I went to finally have my nails done and the girl doing them said the exact same thing. I was so surprised but felt that it was something I was being told to pay attention to. Gives me comfort.
Well I just may be able tosleep so I will say good morning.
BJ thinking of you and hope you are feeling better and that knee of yours continues to heal.
To everyone who has taken the time to write to me, know that it means so much.
I've been busy but trying to put the knee first. Actually it won't have it any other way. It's not doing too bad actually, but doesn't know what it's in for next week when we fly home to pack up the house.
There are days when my head is spinning and I fear I'm doing all the wrong things and making rash decisions that he might not approve of, but I have to go on. I feel as if I've aged so much since June 11. I feel worn out. So much has to be done. I need to sell my house in order to move on and join my family a province away. People who were going to help with the move have had other committments and my stomach is full of butterflies. to say Ifeel overwhelmed is putting it mildly. everyone around me seems to be amazed at how well I'm coping which is strange because there are days I just want to curl up in a ball or scream. Yesterday I realized I hadn't heard from him for almost 2 weeks the longest I've ever gone in my life.
Mimi, I loved what you said and it was so strange that the very next day I went to finally have my nails done and the girl doing them said the exact same thing. I was so surprised but felt that it was something I was being told to pay attention to. Gives me comfort.
Well I just may be able tosleep so I will say good morning.
BJ thinking of you and hope you are feeling better and that knee of yours continues to heal.
To everyone who has taken the time to write to me, know that it means so much.
Dhare63
post-grad
HI Linda,
Slow it down if you can. Is there an urgent reason you have to sell your home right away? Can you postpone that decision a few months?
If the people who were going to help have other commitments, perhaps you could hire some help to handle the more challenging tasks. I feel bad that you are in this position of trying to recover from the TKR and go through the loss. It's got to seem overwhelming.
A friend who lost her husband a couple of years back confided in me that she too had days that were a non-stop flood of tears and mourning. She said she bought a teddy bear to hug/snuggle as she went through some of the darker days. It might sound childish to some, but I can see the potential for comfort. People forget that your need for physical contact doesn't stop once your mate is gone.
I lost my mother almost 2 years ago. It has been hard but I lean on the memories that I have of being there for her when she needed me the most. I look for signs from her in my day to day life. One of those signs is a rainbow. Two weeks after she passed, I was driving through a beautiful part of Vermont that is fairly flat and open. On one side of the valley there were storm clouds and on the other, bright sunshine. In the middle, there was a brilliant rainbow. I kept seeing rainbows all day. A year to the day almost exactly the same thing happened. Why its odd is that when I travel for work, I would always call my Mom from the car and chat since it was uninterrupted time. I knew once she was gone, that those long car rides would be rough without being able to call her. I feel the rainbow is her sign to me that she is near me all the time. I feel very blessed.
Take comfort where you can find it. Give in to your need to mourn. Maybe keep a journal to help you put your feelings in a place where they are safe; something you can reflect on later to see that you will actually make progress with your overall healing.
Do take care and I will look for your updates.
Dawn
Slow it down if you can. Is there an urgent reason you have to sell your home right away? Can you postpone that decision a few months?
If the people who were going to help have other commitments, perhaps you could hire some help to handle the more challenging tasks. I feel bad that you are in this position of trying to recover from the TKR and go through the loss. It's got to seem overwhelming.
A friend who lost her husband a couple of years back confided in me that she too had days that were a non-stop flood of tears and mourning. She said she bought a teddy bear to hug/snuggle as she went through some of the darker days. It might sound childish to some, but I can see the potential for comfort. People forget that your need for physical contact doesn't stop once your mate is gone.
I lost my mother almost 2 years ago. It has been hard but I lean on the memories that I have of being there for her when she needed me the most. I look for signs from her in my day to day life. One of those signs is a rainbow. Two weeks after she passed, I was driving through a beautiful part of Vermont that is fairly flat and open. On one side of the valley there were storm clouds and on the other, bright sunshine. In the middle, there was a brilliant rainbow. I kept seeing rainbows all day. A year to the day almost exactly the same thing happened. Why its odd is that when I travel for work, I would always call my Mom from the car and chat since it was uninterrupted time. I knew once she was gone, that those long car rides would be rough without being able to call her. I feel the rainbow is her sign to me that she is near me all the time. I feel very blessed.
Take comfort where you can find it. Give in to your need to mourn. Maybe keep a journal to help you put your feelings in a place where they are safe; something you can reflect on later to see that you will actually make progress with your overall healing.
Do take care and I will look for your updates.
Dawn
Organist
senior
"Amen" to Dawn's suggestions. A journal is a great idea to process things during this time, and read later. Making time here and there to do something that you enjoy and helps you relax is good too -- music, art, hobbies, crafts, walking, reading, or whatever.
We tend to be more vulnerable to accidents or illness in times of great stress like this -- when our immune system is lower, we're more distracted than usual, and we're more tired. Plus you're actively recuperating from knee replacement surgery. Take care.
We tend to be more vulnerable to accidents or illness in times of great stress like this -- when our immune system is lower, we're more distracted than usual, and we're more tired. Plus you're actively recuperating from knee replacement surgery. Take care.
Nyland
post-grad
Dear, dear Linda,
I'm so very sorry that you are dealing with so much. The pain in your heart must rival the pain in your knee. You are amazing and deserve a break. I'm glad that you come here to unload. Know how much we all care!
Dear BJ,
Oh wow, just what you needed. I'm so sorry that you have been dealing with this. I love your posts and always think that you are so strong and confident. I had no idea things were so tough for you. IMHO, his HUGE loss. Bless your heart.
I'm so very sorry that you are dealing with so much. The pain in your heart must rival the pain in your knee. You are amazing and deserve a break. I'm glad that you come here to unload. Know how much we all care!
Dear BJ,
Oh wow, just what you needed. I'm so sorry that you have been dealing with this. I love your posts and always think that you are so strong and confident. I had no idea things were so tough for you. IMHO, his HUGE loss. Bless your heart.
BJ Mac
post-grad
Thanks Nyland, you brought tears to my eyes. I feel special. I am back home and having a very hard time right now, he showed up and was very nice and then called me later and just wanted to see how I am and chat. I just do not know what to do, when he is nice like that, I want to say come on back home and lets work this out, but then I remember that on one hand he is acting nice and on the other hand he is divorcing me... I then wind up feeling that I need to leave him go or he may spend the rest of his life reeling me in (acting nice) and then throwing me away (acting mean)... My knee is doing well, but had a rough day traveling.
BJ Mac
post-grad
Linda, I have always heard that it is a good idea to take your time and not hurry into a big change like selling your house and moving so soon after a loss like yours. I do not know from experience, just hear say. Feel free to toss the idea aside if it seems wrong to you though. It sounds like your family is far from you and that perhaps you and your hubby were the ones who lived away from the rest. That being the case I may feel the need to move closer if I were you... I am sending more (((hugs))) and prayers your way. Hang in there girl.
BTW, I kindof like the idea of a teddy bear to hug and snuggle like Dawn suggested.
BTW, I kindof like the idea of a teddy bear to hug and snuggle like Dawn suggested.
vancouverite
junior member
Wow. I'm in awe of you both, Linda and BJ. I struggle to stay positive some days, even when I have so many blessings, and you two have so much to deal with and are so strong and thoughful in every post.
Thinking of you both, and wishing you some rays of sun to make the days warmer and travel easier Linda, and some rays of light BJ to help you see your best way forward.
Thinking of you both, and wishing you some rays of sun to make the days warmer and travel easier Linda, and some rays of light BJ to help you see your best way forward.
adnil
member
Thanks once again for the kind and so thoughtful posts. tomorrow I will go to meet my new doctor here in the city and I'll ask him to have a look at the incision. My knee has been behaving so well these last few days and I think it's thanking me for keeping it iced for almost 3 days straight. I've been able to cut back on the Tridural and have actually gone to bed a couple of times and forgot to take it. So fingers crossed there.
BJ you have no idea how much I needed to hear that part about us being the ones who lived apart ( my husband was an advid golfer and so we moved to a place where he could golf year round, I'm so glad we did as he had 10 retirement years of golfing bliss) from the family and that you got it and would do the same. We went back and forth and our sons came out when they could but at the end of the day I would not like to be there without him. I know the numberone rule is to take your time but thank you for that validation. My family and I are close and they are all looking forward to having me back in the fold so to speak.
I agree with Nyland, your husband, or soon to be x is the one losing out. Someone with your compassion, strength and understanding is genuine and a treasure and he is going to see that one day. I've seen many girlfriends go thru divorce and while down the road they become stronger the men inevitably stayed the same and were generally unhappy.
As for a huggy, I have never mentioned my little companion Buddy. We adopted this little dog 2 years ago and my husband and I fell in love with him. He is quite the character and has a big heart. I have never seen my husband laugh so hard at some of his antics and he was and is a joy. He hasn't left my side. Last night I was sitting on the bed crying and he came over, put his paws up on my shoulders and licked my tears. I would be lost without his constant love and attention thru this. I also have a stuffy named Wrinkles who has seen me thru some tough times. I will be bringing him back with me when I go to close up. So I have the snuggle part under control.
The journal, I'm going to buy a nice one tomorrow and begin writing. That's a perfect idea and one I hadn't thought of. I have journaled in the past but for some reason I just didn't think of it.
I'm going to go and put this knee up. It's been a long day ( my husbands birthday, he would have been 66 years old today).
Love and hugs to you all who stop by and offer your words of wisdom. They mean so much and help tremendously.
Linda
BJ you have no idea how much I needed to hear that part about us being the ones who lived apart ( my husband was an advid golfer and so we moved to a place where he could golf year round, I'm so glad we did as he had 10 retirement years of golfing bliss) from the family and that you got it and would do the same. We went back and forth and our sons came out when they could but at the end of the day I would not like to be there without him. I know the numberone rule is to take your time but thank you for that validation. My family and I are close and they are all looking forward to having me back in the fold so to speak.
I agree with Nyland, your husband, or soon to be x is the one losing out. Someone with your compassion, strength and understanding is genuine and a treasure and he is going to see that one day. I've seen many girlfriends go thru divorce and while down the road they become stronger the men inevitably stayed the same and were generally unhappy.
As for a huggy, I have never mentioned my little companion Buddy. We adopted this little dog 2 years ago and my husband and I fell in love with him. He is quite the character and has a big heart. I have never seen my husband laugh so hard at some of his antics and he was and is a joy. He hasn't left my side. Last night I was sitting on the bed crying and he came over, put his paws up on my shoulders and licked my tears. I would be lost without his constant love and attention thru this. I also have a stuffy named Wrinkles who has seen me thru some tough times. I will be bringing him back with me when I go to close up. So I have the snuggle part under control.
The journal, I'm going to buy a nice one tomorrow and begin writing. That's a perfect idea and one I hadn't thought of. I have journaled in the past but for some reason I just didn't think of it.
I'm going to go and put this knee up. It's been a long day ( my husbands birthday, he would have been 66 years old today).
Love and hugs to you all who stop by and offer your words of wisdom. They mean so much and help tremendously.
Linda
BJ Mac
post-grad
Oh Goodness, His Birthday??? Extra ((((hugggsss)))) for you today then!!!!
I am glad that you moved there for him and glad that now you are going to move back to your family for you. It definitely sounds right knowing the details. I just wish that I could come over and help you pack. I just know that if you could you would be here helping me sort through things so that I can downsize to a reasonable sized house also.
Extra ((((hugggsss)))) for you today then!!!!I am glad that you moved there for him and glad that now you are going to move back to your family for you. It definitely sounds right knowing the details. I just wish that I could come over and help you pack. I just know that if you could you would be here helping me sort through things so that I can downsize to a reasonable sized house also.
Linda, when you do your journalling, you might write letters to your husband sometimes. I think that's what I would do for awhile. It's wonderful that you have your little dog there with you. "Someone" to freely cry with. I imagine your dog is also feeling the loss of your husband, and is turning to you for comfort as well.
What a difficult job it is to pack up, get rid of things and leave a home. What helped me when I had to do this with my parents home was to be mindful that things are just things, a house is just a house, and the memories that give all this meaning is something that is within ME, not the item, and that goes with me and stays with me without needing a box. It also helps to keep pictures of things rather than the thing itself that we have no place for, if seeing that triggers a memory that we might otherwise forget and don't want to lose. I don't know the loss of a spouse or child, the worst, but I know loss. In a sense, it was the loss of a child, me. My mother had dementia, and the day that she not only didn't know who I was, but had no memory of ever having had a daughter, was, selfishly, worse than her death seven years later. You lost your husband with his love for you intact, and for that you are blessed. (((hugs!)))
What a difficult job it is to pack up, get rid of things and leave a home. What helped me when I had to do this with my parents home was to be mindful that things are just things, a house is just a house, and the memories that give all this meaning is something that is within ME, not the item, and that goes with me and stays with me without needing a box. It also helps to keep pictures of things rather than the thing itself that we have no place for, if seeing that triggers a memory that we might otherwise forget and don't want to lose. I don't know the loss of a spouse or child, the worst, but I know loss. In a sense, it was the loss of a child, me. My mother had dementia, and the day that she not only didn't know who I was, but had no memory of ever having had a daughter, was, selfishly, worse than her death seven years later. You lost your husband with his love for you intact, and for that you are blessed. (((hugs!)))
speccybecky
post-grad
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2012
- Messages
- 1,726
- Age
- 70
- Gender
- Female
- Country
- United Kingdom
BJ, I feel for you. I don't know if it will help but when my friend was in the same situation, instead of beating herself up thinking ' he doesn't want me' she turned it round and said 'do I want someone who treats me like that?'. Her answer was no! And having made that decision she was able to move on knowing it was her decision and not his.!
Linda, this is a bad day, the first birthday, but you've had it now and won't be dreading it coming round. It s not the same but I know how it was when my sister died at 17. You can only do what s right for you. Thinking of you
Linda, this is a bad day, the first birthday, but you've had it now and won't be dreading it coming round. It s not the same but I know how it was when my sister died at 17. You can only do what s right for you. Thinking of you
BJ Mac
post-grad
I have been thinking about who I am as opposed to who my husband has told me I am through the years. I am not a negative, pessimistic person, but I am one who takes life as it comes and looks at the bright side of things. I am an encourager, who has a gift made all the stronger because of the hardships that I have endured.
Why just the other day I had someone break into my car and take my most valuable camera lens, but it is only stuff... and that is indeed my perspective. A young man that I spoke to was inspired by my attitude. Wow, that is who I want to be Lord, a vessel that you shine through.
18 years ago the shelves in my curio cabinet crashed and broke all the pieces in it. I had the perspective then that it is only stuff, yes they were precious pieces and I glued back together what I could and put the things back on the new shelves, and they were still my precious possessions. My mother gave me one precious moments statue for Christmas this year, that we both had but mine had been broken and glued back together. (I remembered thinking that mine is more special to me because of its history) By the world's standards they are worth less since they were broken, but to me they are more precious with their scars because they come with a special story. OMG, that is just like us, we are so much more precious with our scars and our stories.
![[Bonesmart.org] Adnil checking in....](https://data.bonesmart.org/attachments/1/1561-342b07408f738728dc2103aa9a6b0f18.jpg?hash=NCsHQI9zhy "[Bonesmart.org] Adnil checking in....")
Blessed Are They That Overcome! That is us, Each and every one of us who has had knee replacement.
Why just the other day I had someone break into my car and take my most valuable camera lens, but it is only stuff... and that is indeed my perspective. A young man that I spoke to was inspired by my attitude. Wow, that is who I want to be Lord, a vessel that you shine through.
18 years ago the shelves in my curio cabinet crashed and broke all the pieces in it. I had the perspective then that it is only stuff, yes they were precious pieces and I glued back together what I could and put the things back on the new shelves, and they were still my precious possessions. My mother gave me one precious moments statue for Christmas this year, that we both had but mine had been broken and glued back together. (I remembered thinking that mine is more special to me because of its history) By the world's standards they are worth less since they were broken, but to me they are more precious with their scars because they come with a special story. OMG, that is just like us, we are so much more precious with our scars and our stories.
Blessed Are They That Overcome! That is us, Each and every one of us who has had knee replacement.
Thank you for sharing it!
BJ Mac
post-grad
You are welcome!
- Status
