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TKR Adnil checking in....

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Hey Linda, No, we don't have much choice but to deal with what is in front of us. I am glad to hear that you are indulging your knee today. Hang in there!

I have been very depressed this week. The topic at my divorce care group tonight was depression, imagine that... Well some of the suggestions are making sure to take care of our physical needs (nutrition, exercise, sleep), getting encouragement from others who care (don't isolate), making to do lists (because the brain isn't working so well), catch negative thoughts (Counter with another thought)... Anyway, I thought that these may be helpful to you as well, as I imagine that loosing a hubby like yours must bring on depression. :console2:

Thanks for the encouragement! It means so much to me.

Janet, Mary and Lori I appreciate your encouragement as well. It touches me to have encouragement from you all. Thanks!
 
Linda, I agree that you need to try and allow yourself some time to rest and heal if at all possible. I know you have a lot to handle, but maybe if you can set specific days of the week and/or times to deal with it and actually schedule in down time, it will help. God bless you, hon....we'll always be here if you need us.
 
Oh Linda you have certainly been handed a terrible burden. Everyone here is sending heartfelt prayers your way. Wish there was away to give real practical help. There will be so much that only you can do even with your sons help. But you don't have to do it all. Friends always want to help but can't if you don't ask. Give your friends the blessing of letting them serve. When you must go somewhere ask someone to give you a ride. If you aren't driving you can take some pain meds. Not as much as you need because you need your wits about you but some will help and you can ice your leg on the way. No one wants a friend to go through a terrible ordeal but a friend is grateful for the opportunity to be there for you in your dark times. We are meant to lean on each other. Take care as much as you can and I send my sincere condolences on your loss.
 
CyborgGrandma when I read your words i had been struggling with that very issue of having to ask for help. I'm flying back home with my 11 year old grandson to pack some more and to spend some quality time with him. He adored his Grandad so maybe this will help him to feel closer to him and maybe let go of some of his pain. well I live an hour away from the airport so I hate to ask for a ride. I know my friend will help if she can so I will ask her tomorrow.

You all have had an impact on me with your words. Each and everyone. BJ even tho you are hurting you still find time to bring comfort to others. I thank you for that.

I found a birthday card the other day from my husband, the words were just what I needed to hear and underneath the card were all kinds of pictures of him and I smiling with our arms around each other. I know even now he's giving me strength. My son just found out that he will soon have a son of his own and on a day he should have been overjoyed his heart was breaking that his own father would never see his new Grandson. I want to say the words that will make all his pain go away but the words just sound hollow. We're all grieving.

My poor old knee. ( feels old but is still so new) is going to a doctor tomorrow just to be looked at and make sure everything is stlll on track. The swelling isn't going down too much but I did spend most of the day on my bed with an icepack. I almost went swimming but a friend said maybe a chorinated pool wasn't a good idea. If it's not one thing it's another.

That's it. I probably wrote a mini novel but it did help. I'll let you know what the doctor says tomorrow. :friends:
 
CyborgGrandma said:
But you don't have to do it all. Friends always want to help but can't if you don't ask. Give your friends the blessing of letting them serve. When you must go somewhere ask someone to give you a ride. If you aren't driving you can take some pain meds. Not as much as you need because you need your wits about you but some will help and you can ice your leg on the way. No one wants a friend to go through a terrible ordeal but a friend is grateful for the opportunity to be there for you in your dark times. We are meant to lean on each other.
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This is sooo true. If we do not ask we do not get the blessing, because our friend does not know of our need. By asking we give our friends the blessing of serving. WOW! Well said! Thank-you!

I have a friend who has said that when he is hurting he hesitates to call a friend for help or just to listen, but then he thinks of how much he would want that friend to call him if he was hurting or needing help and then he goes ahead and calls, because this is what he would want his friend to do. To me it really helps to turn that around and think about how I would want my friend to ask for my help...
 
HI Linda,

I am so sorry to read about your loss. The heartbreak and trauma of losing your best friend and most compassionate ally is impossible to overcome. I deal with these issues on a regular basis in my work, and can offer some small words of advice.

Take it slow. You don't have to settle all the affairs of your husband at once. You set the pace, and work through the issues when you feel up to it. There is no playbook or instruction manual to follow, and everyone has their own tolerance for what they can and can't handle. When my father died suddenly 21 years ago, my Mom struggled. She could not deal with removing his clothes from the closet. I remember vividly her telling me that my sister wanted her to clean things out right away. I told her to learn to say no, and do it when she felt ready. Take time to remember and celebrate the wonderful memories that will feed your spirit as you go through this journey.

As others have said, ask for help. Your friends and family don't know what to do or how to help unless you ask them. Action relieves anxiety, so let them come to your aid. They will come away feeling fulfilled that they could help and you will reap the benefits of help when you need it most.

Do something each day in his honor. My niece passed away 10 years ago from cervical cancer at age 29, after having given birth to a lovely baby girl a few months earlier. When I go to the grocery store, I always walk the cart back to the cart return in her honor. I say to myself that CHristine would give anything to be able to do this simple act, so I remember her by doing that.

Be kind to yourself. Have faith that better days will come. Know that you will be able to share the memory of your husband with the new grandson, and that he lives on in all you do. Take it slow and easy. It's like the Bonesmart mantra, slow and easy.

BJ, wow, I feel for you as well. Many of the same words above apply to your situation. I hope you find comfort with your support group and know that you will live to see better days.

You are already brave women who are simply blazing a new trail and dealing with new challenges on top of the TKR. Support is here as you well know. I'm just sorry I had not offered my support sooner.

Be well and prayers will be said,

Dawn
 
Thank you dhare63, I needed to remember that there is hope, right now that seems impossible to imagine that I might be able to get thru this without him by my side. I will try to slow down and do something each day in his honor. Bj you are right as well and I will call tonight to arrange for my freind to pick me up at the airport. I think back to my friends who have lost loved ones and I felt so helpless not knowing what to do for them.
Today has started out on a gloomy note as it suddenly seemed overwhelming but I have taken some comfort in knowing that I'm not alone and others have survived this heartache.
My knee feels so much better today and the swelling has gone down but I do have a question. When would it be safe to swim in a chlorinated pool?? Sounds funny I know after all this but my daughter-in-law wants me to go with her and as much as I love swimming I'm afraid of over extending or doing damage.:friends:
 
adnil said:
Thank you dhare63, I needed to remember that there is hope, right now that seems impossible to imagine that I might be able to get thru this without him by my side. I will try to slow down and do something each day in his honor. Bj you are right as well and I will call tonight to arrange for my freind to pick me up at the airport. I think back to my friends who have lost loved ones and I felt so helpless not knowing what to do for them.
Today has started out on a gloomy note as it suddenly seemed overwhelming but I have taken some comfort in knowing that I'm not alone and others have survived this heartache.
My knee feels so much better today and the swelling has gone down but I do have a question. When would it be safe to swim in a chlorinated pool?? Sounds funny I know after all this but my daughter-in-law wants me to go with her and as much as I love swimming I'm afraid of over extending or doing damage.:friends:
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I don't know whether there's an "official" answer for this but I can't imagine why it would be unsafe unless your surgical wound is not completely healed. :shrug: I would think the cool water in a pool would be helpful, not to mention the exercise. I'm sure someone will be along shortly who has more experience in this area and can answer with more authority.
 
Linda, I am so very sorry for what you are going through. recovery is hard enough without all the added pain and loss.
I am wondering if it might be a bad time to be cutting back on meds. Dry mouth is a difficult side effect but there are some good products that help with that---check in the dental section of a pharmacy or ask the pharmacist. I had dry mouth as part of an illness since resolved and I think one helpful product was the Biotene line of rinses, gels, and toothpaste. They do soothe a dry mouth and make it less uncomfortable. some lozenges might help.

I do not think you will harm your knee but you do need to be gentle with yourself as much as you can, and make sure you get your rest, eat well (with plenty of protein which helps healing) , drink plenty of water, and of course ice and elevate your leg.

Can anyone help you with all the things that must be done?

Big hugs and we are here for you.
Betsy
 
Your incision needs to be completely healed before you use a swimming pool. Usually your surgeon will clear you for this activity when you're ready. Can you give his office a call?

When you're ready, water therapy is actually very good for you. The weightlessness helps make movement easier. Just be sure to take things slow because it's easy to overdo it. But....even if you do....you won't do any permanent damage.
 
Linda----as far as the pool, I have read and have been told that you can immerse in a pool or bath as soon as the wound is healed and the scabs are gone.
My doctor has a more rigid stance and he will not allow bathing (other than shower) or immersion for eight weeks, but he is the exception. His reasoning is that the scar absorbs the fluid and swells, and then does not heal into such an attractive scar. He is really big on a nice looking scar. But from talking to others, almost everyone was in water by about the third week or so. I was aching to go in the water as cool water and warm water are so soothing and my poor sore muscles were craving it. I almost went ahead and did it but held myself back, probably from some fear that he would know.....

Betsy
 
I'll check with my Doctor when I meet with him on Monday. I'm sure he'll say my scar is fine but I need to hear it.

I asked my friend to pick me up at the airport and she was so happy to do so. You were all right. I hate asking for help but CyborgGrandma your words resonated with me all day. I'm so glad to be a part of this not so little community. It helps so much to know we can be there for each other.

BJ thinking of you.

:friends:
 
Thanks Dawn and Betsy, your support means a lot to me.

Linda, thank you, you are continually on my mind. I am praying for you. It does help so much to know that we can be there for each other. About the swimming, my doctor just cleared me at 8 weeks to go in the pool. He also told me to put sunscreen on the scar or it will turn black. He said that the color of the scar will fade as it is, but if you let the sun on it it will turn black and stay that way...

:friends:I hope that you are able to get some sleep tonight.
 
The scar will turn black???? Boy, that's a new one on me, BJ. I'm going to tag Jo and see if she's ever heard of such a thing. I think your surgeon may have been fibbing a bit to you. Josephine;

I'm glad we can be here for you to get you through a difficult time. You will always have your BoneSmart friends to talk to. We care about you!!!
 
Thanks for checking on that Jamie, never quite sure with him as he does love to joke. I do know though that when our children were small one of our friends daughters had a terrible dog biting on her face and her mom had to keep sunscreen on it to keep the scars from turning dark. So maybe it will not turn BLACK, but I think that it may turn dark. Please do check and see what Jo says though.

Thanks for your support. It sure does help to have all of you benesmarties to talk to and care for me.
 
BJ, it may generally be a good idea to put sun screen on your scar---but I never use sun screen--I wear shorts to mow grass on the riding mower---I have a fairly nice tan---my scars, however, are quite white--very thin, but white. I figure in the next couple of years they'll tan just like my old scars do.
 
Linda, I will share something that helped me when there are new things in our lives that we want to share with our loved ones that have passed.

I have heard many psychics say this, and I have come to feel good with it. They say that our loved ones say that they have "held the newborn infants that come after their passing, in their arms before they are born." I know it sounds crazy, but it feels wonderful. Perhaps that will help your son, knowing that his Dad has held his son before him.

Wishing you comfort in the days to come and know we are all here for you.:friends:
 
Linda, prayers continuing for you during this time. Take care of yourself during this very stressful time. Dealing with grief, recovery from TKR, and the usual “red tape” can be overwhelming. We’re here anytime you need to talk, vent, or whatever. The memories and family stories are a precious thing. {{{hugs}}}
 
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