Ok, lets try this again! Just typed out nearly an entire post and blink! something happened and it's gone. UGH. Oh well....here we go again.
It has been quite the week for me. Lots of things going on and more than a little for my brain to try an absorb.
First and most worrisome, is my daughter may be facing some sort of knee surgery! She is turning 17 in less than a week and has been experiencing knee pain for about a year now. I took her to our family doctor then, when she complained of a pain, though she had not done anything she could think of to injure it. Our family dr did the normal exam and said that it was probably just growing pains and that there really wan't anything to worry about. Fast forward an few weeks, pain still continuing so back to the dr we go. MRI and exrays ordered. Both looked normal so dr once again said growing pains and gave her a series of exercises to do that would strengthen her leg muscles. Well, all this was happening of course as I was gearing up for my surgery, so things with her knee have been kind of pushed to the way side but about a month ago nothing had changed do I demanded that she be seen by my OS. Her appt with my OS was the day before yesterday. He did a full exam and ordered another MRI, which is on her birthday!!
He said the last one was done before she was done growing.
He said it is obvious that her patella is not tracking properly and until he sees the MRI, he isn't sure exactly what he will do. He did order another 6 weeks of PT, but these sessions will be much more focused on her hip and other muscles, rather than what they have been doing. He said these PT sessions may solve the problem, but they may not. He said he would obviously rather not perform any type of surgery on her but it does need to be mentioned as a possible outcome. She handled all this very well, and I think she is exactly like the rest of us...."Just fix it already! I'm tired of being in pain!!"
I hope we can get things resolved for her quickly. I know how it feels to be in pain long term and wish it on no one, let alone my own child.
And now for me....
Oh boy. This week has been quite the emotional roller coaster for me as well personally, without the added worry about my daughter. I am facing the realization that I am not going to be able to return to my job as I had expected I would.
Perhaps I was foolish to ever think I would be able to return, and I think back to a few comments my OS made pre-surgery, and I wonder if he was gently trying to tell me that I should begin to look for other work then. Currently, I am the Produce Manager at a fairly large grocery store. I am on my feet all day, on a concrete floor. I am required to continually lift very heavy boxes (50 + pounds), and there is simply no way around these facts.
I think back to the last few days I worked and I realize in one day alone I moved 1,200 pounds of potatoes by myself, one 50 pound bag at a time from one spot to another. And that is just the potatoes!
How can I expect my new knee to do that?
I have not as of yet had my 2nd appt with my OS to release me to go back to work....but I know he is not going to let me do that much lifting. As of this point I am still on medical leave from my job and my bosses fully expect me to return. I have not yet told them that I do not think it is in the cards for me to do so.
I have an excellent assistant manager that I trained really well....perhaps to well? LOL, it is obvious that the department is doing well without me and that they will survive without me....but gosh this is hard to wrap my brain around!! I have never had a desk job. Unfortunately, there really are no other positions available at my place of work that do not required heavy lifting and long hours standing. So... I am facing not only telling my bosses that I am not returning to a job I actually like a lot, but also trying to find another job that I can transition into.
I have many friends who work at a local company that they all rave about. It is actually located less than 5 minutes from my house. All desk jobs....dealing with customer service for a large medical billing company. They are one of the fastest growing companies on the East coast and have a top notch rating. I would be lucky to get in there.
I actually sent my resume in last night.
This is beyond huge for me and I really can not express how big the lump in my throat is or the weight of the rock I feel in the pit of my stomach. I have to trust in the universe that things will work out for the best for me, and my family.....but at this very moment all I am is scared and worried. We have been ok financially for these past few months because I have Aflac, and it was also tax time....but that money is not going to last forever and we need a decent 2nd paycheck to make ends meet.
I really want to start a new chapter, work wise. I like my current job, but lets be honest....manual labor is not fun and I can not expect my body to like it forever....all this is being said after having my right knee replaced, but I can not forget that my left knee is nearly as bad and my OS says I have not a lot of years (perhaps as few as 1 or 2) until we will need to face surgery on it.
I just need to breathe....everything will work out, right?! YES!
Ok, I need to step away from this for awhile....if I focus too much on it, I can feel myself almost heading toward a meltdown. Positive thoughts appreciated....
thanks.
Caryn
United States
oh well, next time!
s. 
