On page 1 I told how I saw warrior statues in Venice many years ago. When I mentioned them again last week, some weird alchemy of internet and The Dark Side woke the blighters up and they followed me home. They currently live in my garage, and act as very efficient security for our home when SWMBO and I are out clubbing. We get on very well and in fact She Who Must Be is teaching them English, and I'm familiarising them with the 21st Century. Their diet is primitive,( the local pet population is taking a caning) and their favourite drink appears to be fermented mare's milk. I planned to socialise them My way, but an invitation to a party arrived 2 days ago and I let them go. They arrived home in the small hours slightly the worse for wear, muttering darkly about swimming pools, women and pina colada. I was upset but I recalled my own youth and my father's forbearance and let it pass. Then yesterday another invitation addressed to "The Muscular Warriors" arrived and I foolishly allowed them to go again . I may have let myself be slightly intimidated by the appearance of seven naked, bearded fighting-men clamoring to be let go to a dance, but I did tell them to be home by ten. I believe that gory details of this party can be seen on a certain thread but I cannot take the responsibility of telling you where it is...
anyway, six of them arrived back at dawn ( one is still missing), their loincloths in disarray , soaking wet, as mutinous as hell and using words that they didn't learn frrom SWMBO. Words like Mai Tai , pina colada, brandy and ginger
ale, Guinness, and a drink (presumably) that I never heard of called booflveemin. Today they're adopting a very truculent and aggressive attitude, whistling " Cigareets an'wusky an'wild wild wimmen" whenever I pass. I'd swear they were experimenting on other mood-altering substances as well, because they spoke of a leatherclad man with three arms hanging around the pool. What should I do ? Anybody?
United States
Maybe 
He's on his way to you as we speak.
