TKR Need Help and Encouragement, please...

[Chinook]

BrnEydGrl,
I am so sorry to read of your treatment or lack of. I hope you get the help you need very fast. Everyone has said all that I can think of and I am new to. Just know you are not alone we all care about one another. Take care

 

[akpale]

Dear Brown-Eyed Girl,
I'm so sorry that you're having such trouble and having to do it alone. Definitely call your friend and ask her to come back for the surgery. It's humbling to have to ask for help, but most of us would do it for a friend in a heartbeat; my friends got me through my TKR. She offered; take her up on it. Also, from your posts, it sounds like you're using bags of peas and such for your icing? Have you considered buying a Breg Polar Care unit? They run for around $200 and are available on Amazon. So handy for keeping on your knee for hours, and you seem to be having such an issue with swelling. Fill the unit with ice (load up on bags of ice or freeze it in plastic containers) and water, wrap the pad around your knee, and the ice-cold water circulates around your knee for 8-12 hours. It's particularly great at night, when you seem to have the most swelling. My insurance covered it, maybe yours does too, but if not, it's worth the money.

 

[BrnEydGrl]

Yessssssssss, met with a Doctor yesterday that cared!!! Pain Management is a blessing. Many years ago I went to a PM clinic when I bulged 3 discs hiking. Anyway, he was wonderful and gave me pain meds for a whole MONTH!! Isn't that crazy that makes me so excited. Someone that understood, showed compassion, and said he would make sure I will never go through that again. He is concerned that these new OS docs may not take me on. He said, he has seen it many times, that you have to go to Philadelphia or New York to have anything done. I am hoping they will keep me on when they meet me on the 26th. He said if that happens, he will help me through it and to call him after I see them. I also have a appointment for a month.

Now I just have to wait. I found out why you have to wait three months...it is a insurance thing. Depending on the surgery, when the surgeon is paid, that includes the follow up visit and any problems. He is paid a set amount so you cannot go to another surgeon because the insurance will not pay for it. You are still under the care of the first. I am sure you can get a second opinion within that time, but they cannot do anything. I learned this from my Blue Shield/Cross person.

I still just have to wait and see. I am still just doing my light stretching and trying to be more conscious of the steps. Heck, I have vacuumed, cleaned, done grocery shopping, deal with my parents meds etc. Maybe I over did it? I have been doing that for a month. I am trying to "cool it." It is amazing all the "little things" that have to be done when you are on your own. Speaking of taking it easy, I am starting to hurt a bit....off to ice and elevate. Oh, I do have lots of cold packs but the Peas still work the best! I will check into that "ice machine" just in case I will need it...

 

[Janet2012]

BEG, that is such good news, at least on the pain management front! Yay, yay, yay!!

 

[bottomshollow]

Things are definitely looking up. With proper pain management, you should begin to feel much better very soon. A positive mental attitude, which is difficult to have when you're in pain, will make things brighter for you. I am so happy for you that you have found a doctor who has real compassion for you and your situation.

Take care and keep us posted. We care.

 

[BrnEydGrl]

60 Mom! Please go to a pain management doctor. None of us should live in pain because our doctor does not help us. Pain is their specialty!
When I was hiking a canyon, around 15 years ago, I was brought to my knees with back pain. I had bulged three discs. I have NO idea how, he said it was probably over time. Anyway, I had a sweet doctor who hated to see someone in pain and gave me WAY too many drugs. I actually asked if there was anything else we could do, and actually they did not seem to work that well. I went to a Pain Management Clinic. They gave me shots into the spine and explained something about pain I never knew. Instead of constant strong pain meds they added a drug to "raise" my serotonin level. They explained that my lack of sleep, due to pain, lowered my serotonin level which in turn lowered my pain tolerance. I started getting more sleep and gradually was taken off all the opiates. Along with the shots, a series of three, in my back I was so much better! Amazing. I am sure ALL Pain Management Doctors are not the best but I will swear by them. I would have gone to one earlier, if my old OS doc didn't "refuse." I just needed to pass that on to anyone else that was having medication problems. My GP gave me the referral.

 

[skigirl]

BEG---I think you are worrying about something that might not even happen!! If you need to get there, call a cab. Or ask someone at your church to drive you. Even if they did a MUA--it will not be the same day--think about it, they would have to schedule it. So, don't bring your friend out until you know what is what.

Surely, you can find a cheaper way of getting to the doc's office than to fly someone from Colorado!!! If all else fails, call the local high school and see if you can pay a student to drive you for the day. There are plenty of kids who need money. Or your local senior center---they have lots of "drivers" at the one in our little town.

I think that you are overwhelmed right now---so find a way to let go of some of this stuff. Is there a grief group in your town? If so, I think it will help to go to it. Call the contact and ask for a ride from someone. Grief is a process--it takes time. Crying lets the sad out of you. So, there is not rush to move forward. When my dad died, I was working as a ski instructor, so I used to think of him between the hours of 5 pm and 7 pm. I would cry and look at photos. Eventually, those times were happy times as I thought of what a great dad he was.

Your knee is your knee. All kinds of things could result from seeing the new doc. He could tell you to relax and let it heal, he could say you need a revision, he could say you need a MUA, he could say this or that---but you will not know until the appt. there will be plenty of time AFTER your appt to worry about things. But, why not just think that everything will work out fine? There is no reason for negative thinking--it does not do a thing to help you.

Of course you had a terrible experience---but, you are a different person now, so why would it happen again???
You do not need to worry about that---YOU are different and you have so much more knowledge---it cannot happen again because YOU will not let it happen, so stop worrying. Have some faith in yourself and in your ability to help yourself.

After my divorce, I worried about how I would take care of myself---finally one day, I just said, Kelly you will take care of yourself just fine, now go to sleep. I did too---I went to work, earned money and took care of myself and three kids. You can do it too------just trust yourself and remain confidant in your ability to do so.

I am sure that your husband took care of many things for you----and maybe you don't really want to assume those responsibilities, but that is where your life has led you. You can do it. You will not be trapped in a little town in PA for the rest of your life. Have you tried to make friends? Book club? senior center? yoga? church? republican/democratic women's groups? volunteer at the library? hang out at a coffee shop?

Yes, I know your knee is bothering you---but, call cabs. Use crutches, try to resume a little bit of life again, you will be happy that you did so. Finally, do not be afraid to ASK for help. Your parents friends, church, grief group,etc. Ask them over, tell them you need to see someone for conversation. Of course you are lonely. Just think about it---if someone called you now and asked for some help that you were able to give---wouldn't you do it gladly? It is always good to be able to help someone when they need it. So, allow other people to have the joy of helping you right now. Kelly

 

[karmigirl]

BEG,
SOOOOOOO happy to hear your PM appointment went so well. Now you have another DR in your corner and you know he said he would do what he can to help you with this knee. Now sit back and relax a bit you have 2 drs (PM, and GP) to work with. Don't be discouraged before you even go to the new OS may turn out that they will be great also. Keep thinking on the positive side of things. Your post sounds like you are you are in so much better spirits now, I for one sure am glad to see that.

 

[tashia]

Now we are talking. Slow down and rest. Get out of pain. Take the medication that it says. You know you have enough now and you have some kittens so sit down and tell them all about whats be happing. I think all of us who has pets hasn't talk to their cats and dogs. They listen and love. By the way what kind of cats do you have? I am in the process of trying to decide what am I going to get a cat or dog. I don't know much about cats. Can you help me? I don't know breeds of cats at all. Now I do hope you celebrated by getting a stuff animal. I love your mood and the good luck you now have. Take care and rest. You no longer have to hurt. I will be so excited to hear you have it under control. Take care. Tashia

 

[Jacky48]

BEG, great results from your new PM doctor, awesome! You have a positive plan in place! Great job my fiend, you did it!

 

[tashia]

Beg. How are you today? Hows the pain? I was so glad that yesterday went so well. I knew you could do it. Now your days will be a lot better. Now that you are sitting more you can hold your kitties a little closer. Please keep us informed on how you are doing even if you are down. this recover is like a roller coaster, ups, down, and just as you think its safe, something comes up. but with us you are going to make it. Please be gentle with yourself, because you are worth it.

 

[BrnEydGrl]

Thanks Kelly! You surely did read between the lines. I do feel a bit "trapped" and I think that adds to my level of impatience. I just want to move on and really hate to even think of a setback. But you are right, I just can't dwell on what may not even happen!

I moved here right after my husbands death. We were in Virginia, he just started working at Shenandoah NP. I was driving 4 hours to PA and back regularly, when Mom would call me crying for help. We had barely unpacked when he passed. I then re- packed and moved into a apartment close to my parents and helped them 24/7. I moved "them"out of their house in August and in September I moved in. My knee really took a beating!

I took away my step dads car keys since he really was failing quickly. He has Parkinson's and Alzheimer's. Mom is 92 with dementia setting in. I did not have a minute to even "think" of joining any group or spending any time such as yoga, volunteer work, etc for myself. Countless doctor appointments, grocery shopping...etc. for them. Once they were settled I booked my surgery for the end of November.

Here I am, and yes I am inpatient to move on with my life. I think that is the hardest part. I am .... as they say "stuck between a rock and hard place" at this time. I still do a lot for them so I have to be careful I do not push my knee too far. With this knee at 60 degrees and swelling I still cannot do all that much. I clean, grocery shop and help them out when I can. I would LOVE to just see a movie or sit in a coffee shop.

As for asking my friend to come here again from Colorado...it is more "support" than just someone to drive me to the hospital and back. Her husband passed too, and was best friends with mine, so she is someone that "truly" understands.

You are totally right, I DO need to be able to learn to ask for help. That has always been a real problem of mine and you are right, if someone asked me, I would be right there. Unfortunately, even my mom no longer has friends in the area, most of them have passed away or are unable to drive.

I know it will all fall into place sometime. I just fear the unknown. You and everyone here have been my shoulders to lean on. I have used MANY suggestions offered. I even dug up, in my moms basement, a huge stuffed dog that was once my sons. Great suggestion Tashia! My cats are "mutts", part Maine-Coon, huge and are brothers. They were rescue's from a shelter. I don't know what I would do without them Problem is...THEY adopted the stuffed dog. You might want to just "foster" either a cat or dog, and that way you will see which way you want to go!

I did go to a couple grief "group" meetings. Unfortunately they just have them around the holidays and the Widow's group is only once a month. I never felt real comfortable, maybe I was too "new." It actually got me more depressed. I would rather be working or volunteering. I am a Red Cross trained volunteer and hope,when I am back on my feet, to resume my work with them. I do not belong to any organized church at this time.

OK, back to icing and elevating and a Happy Valentines Day to everyone!

 

[tashia]

Brn, I went to the group for widows and I also found it depressing also. One thing they were so much older than me and that does make it ruff. I belonged to a group and because everyone was so much older I decided to help with trips for a while. I also found that the men where looking for someone to take care of them instead of me getting my life in order. I just thought I would share that. I found that a younger group of people helped me more. I also was a helper not a person who asked for help. It takes work and I still find it differcult.

Red Cross might have something you can do.. Call them. I am so glad you found the stuffed animal, sorry about the cats needed it also. Can you find another? Or tell them they need to learn to share. I know it takes time for the knee to heal but get the pain under control then you will be able to think a difference way. WOW that will be great. Right now you may still be in shock from the loss of your husband so please be kind to yourself. As time goes by you will be able to think better.

Everytime we moved the first thing was to get the place felling like home. I know its hard if you have a bad knee. I still am trying to make my place home because I too had to have joint replacements. So I do know how that feels. In time everything wil fall in place for both of us. We will make it. Tashia

 

[skigirl]

BEG, yes, you are "stuck" right now---hopefully the new OS will be able to deal with why the rom is so bad. That is huge and I won't try to minimize it. Let's think of some ways we could deal with your first doc. Maybe a room filled with pack rats and he has to stay in it for a week. Most people just love the smell of pack rats!! If your friend is willing to come right now, why not. Make reservations for two weeks out, which should get the cheaper rate and tell her to bring enough clothing for a month. You two mights as well help one another right now and having a friend who can drive will get you to the coffee shop anyway. A movie might have to wait.

It does make sense if she is also a widow---yes, good plan. Can she stay a while with you? And not have to rush back home. If so, why not. She can go to the new OS with you and be another pair of ears. It is amazing what you miss when you are by yourself. I did not realize that your husband died so suddenly---that must make it much harder in so many ways. Spring is coming and better times are ahead.

 

[BrnEydGrl]

Thanks Kelly. We never expected his death, they called it a sudden cardiac arrest. He was in great shape but the electrical system in his heart just stopped. You hear about it happening quite often. I never paid attention before but now see it happening to all ages. It happens within seconds so there is no pain, thank god. Believe it or not, his best friend passed the same way just three months later. The two of us, my friend from Colorado, still are in shock.

That might be a great idea! I may just do that, see if she wants to come out sooner and if I don't need something done....we can find other things to do! I like that. Hugs to you.h

Today I am going to try to go to a movie! The theater is just about a mile away, so if it does not work for me, I will just leave!!! I am going to take a small "ice pack" to put in my purse. I will take my motrin and tylenol with me. I am sure there will be a seat where I can stretch out my leg...since it does not bend! It can't hurt trying. You all are a inspiration.

Tashia, you are so right! Everyone was so much older and the widow's group and it was so darn depressing. I just did not feel right. I think when I can walk or stand I will go back to the Red Cross. I am holding off since I moved because you have to fill out a health report. I want to be much better before filling that out. I am so sorry to hear about your husband too. It is something that no one can really understand BUT we all will probably have to deal with it if we have a mate. That is what I always say to myself...I am NOT the only one even though you surely feel like it. Hugs to you Tashia.

OK...off to the shower and then my new adventure! unless I chicken out.

 

[leenie60]

Speaking of spring the Robins are everywhere in my yard today and my daffodils have started coming up and this is all following the Blizzard of 2013 and 24" of snow at my home.

Keep strong.

 

[tashia]

Brn. How was the movie? If you found it too much maybe just going to the coffee place would be a good idea. And on the way home get you a stuff animal. Happy Valentine Day. Some Valentine days I have trouble and some I don't so if today wasn't the best don't worry about it. It will pass. I spent the day in the dentist chair so this day was not the best. When I move to new place I would take a ride in the afternoon just to ride around to get to know the area. Find were the shops are and were I wanted to go to chruch. Then I would stop to have some tea then go back home. I hope you have a good night sleep now that you can take the medicane at night like the doctor wants you to. WOW that must feel wonderful. See ya tomarrow. Good night. Tashia

 

[BrnEydGrl]

Yep I did it! Went to the Movie Theater. I sat in the handicapped area, no one else was around so I was able to kind of prop my knee up and I brought one of my ice pads. It felt good.....

 

[speccybecky]

Excellent! Another step forward . What did you see? Was it enjoyable?

 

[BrnEydGrl]

It was a big step Nancy. I have gone to movies alone before but not since my hubby passed. I did not realize that until yesterday! I saw "Silver Linings Playbook." Great movie and great acting. It was nice to feel comfortable and to lose yourself into something else besides this darn knee. So it helped me in two different ways thanks to the encouragement I get on here!