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TKR Need Help and Encouragement, please...

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I am adding a pic. It is a little bright but I am not too good at photography. The bruising is quite a bit darker.
Anyway, I did some self analyzing early this morning. What happened that really set me over the edge? I guess there was this little glimmer of hope that my OS would be different than I expected. I only met him once and was hoping, maybe, all of this treatment was due to one overworked nurse. I have always tried to be positive. I think when I realized, he WAS the awful uncaring person I thought he was, that really "did me in."

I read all of your notes this AM and it has helped tremendously. I do have a grief therapist that I saw before the surgery and met with her Friday. I will be seeing her weekly. As she once told me "fear is your worst enemy."

I really wish I did have at least one friend in the area. Unfortunately I don't. I had such difficulty walking before the surgery I was unable to do hardly anything in the past year. I just arrived and immediately helped my 92 year old mom and step-dad with parkinsons disease. During all of this craziness I am still their main caretaker. I am still the one they go to with emergencies, pick up meds, etc. Last week I hired someone to help with them for a few hours twice a week. Mom is not happy about that since she said she is capable of doing everything. She is not and calls me daily.

Today is a new day. I realize I must cut the ties with my past OS, now that my GP is behind me. I have many calls to make tomorrow and I will get all my records in hand.

Thank you again for all the support. I may drive myself to the bookstore and treat myself to some new books.

Hugs to all of you!
[Bonesmart.org] Need Help and Encouragement, please...
 
Sweetie is that picture your knee right now? Sure still looks like it is bruised. You poor love, I am sorry for all your pain and suffering. I am glad your GP will help you and I hope you can find a different OS. Big hugs my friend! I wish I could hug you for real. xoxo
 
BEG, I wish you the best in finding a great new OS, you deserve that and more! :console2: I'm glad you got someone to help out with you mom and step-dad, moms are never happy if you're not there at their beck and call, but you need to look out for yourself otherwise you can't help them, so you certainly made the right decision there my friend! Stay well and good luck next week! :friends:
 
Yep that is it now. It truly is a bit more swollen and darker , but had to take at a angle. The right side really got puffy after the fall, hard to show in the pic. It is SO much better than even last week.

I just checked my hospital discharge papers, all they did is told me about wound care. No one ever mentioned Ice or Elevate. I finally was told that from my Second home nurse 10 days later. (the "first" home nurse just took my temp and blood pressure and checked the wound) Nothing from the P/T either. She was the one that was trying to get me to bend a un-bendable knee due to the swelling. She never ever looked under the bandages or sweat pants.

OK, the sun is shining, so I am headed out into the world. :happydance:
 
BEG I don't think you should tell the whole story when you make your appointment. You no longer have a doctor. It's no ones business why you don't. So just make your appointment and go in for your appointment and see the new doctor. People change doctors for various reasons all the time. I doubt that the new doctor is going to send you away once you have already come in and have stated that you do not have a doctor and you need someone for follow-up. When I've gone in for 2nd opinions, I sure don't mention who else I have seen! I don't ask their permission to be seen. This is pretty common to switch doctors here in states! Your current doctor is withholding treatment from you. You are post op and he is not doing anything to control the pain. I was told that there is actually a Title-something regulation about that. Does anyone else on Bonesmart know about that regulation? But really you need to dump that guy. You should just consider yourself lucky that he didn't botch your surgery!
 
It is so good to hear you in a postive way. Now I personally think you deserve a couple of books. You earned it. Maybe sometime this week you and your friend can go out for lunch and talk about what you are going to do when Spring hits. I was a caregiver and I found I needed a day once in a while that was my day. One day I got into my car went out for lunch and then went home took a long nap. It felt so good to get pressure off me. Now is the time for healing. Take care my friend. Tashia :friends: :flwrysmile: :console2: You still need hugs.
 
BEG, No one has mentioned retail therapy! After my surgery, I found I needed some hygeine items to take care of some "tinkle-ing" :blush: problems I was having, and didnt want to send anyone shopping for me. Have you met Amazon.com? They sure helped me......they have the books you might like along with anything else. If you dont feel like going out, you can order from Amazon.com about anything you might need. Besides, its always fun to get a package in the mail! Hang in there you are not alone, there are a lot of people here to cheer you on.
 
Hi BEG,
I am thrilled that you will be seeing the grief Therapist. This surgery messes with your head. You have the extra burden of being recently widowed. Therapy for you is a good thing.
Your present OS is a jerk. Dump him as fast as you can.
You will need to give them a signed note to release your records. You can either go to the office or have them mailed. Keep in mind that they may charge you to copy your records. I would go to the office, fill out the form for record release, and ask when the records will be ready. Then show up at the office on that day (call first to be sure they are ready).

You may have difficulty finding an OS who will take you on so soon in the post-op period. I'm glad that you have your PCP to help you out until you find someone new, because it may take a while.
As long as your pain is controlled you will be fine
Dawn made some excellent suggestions in her wonderful post. I especially like the idea of the journal. This thread will also serve as a good record for you.
I hope that once you are free and clear of this horror show of an OS, that you report his behavior and disgusting quality of "care" to the Board of Registration. I'd also report him to your insurance company. He will be mandated to respond to both complaints in writing. Maybe his quality of care will improve if his license is on the line. Maybe you will save some other poor soul from getting shoddy care.
My (ex) OS also blamed me for my knee pain. Maddening.
Keep on moving forward, keep your knee elevated and icy, take your pain meds as needed. You will get better. Forget about the MUA. If you ultimately end up needing one hopefully you will be at a better OS.
Best,
Sandy
 
Everyone has given so many wonderful ideas, and I am using many of them. I am usually a very strong woman but feeling like this and feeling so lonely has been an incredible challenge.
Nights are so tough. I am playing some of the games sent in a link. Thank you. The moment my brain is idle all the pain and loneliness rush in.
My therapist was happy to see me again. She has so much compassion. I do have a journal. Actually it is what I use to talk to my husband. It has helped, tremendously, over the months.
Someone mentioned depression after surgery? I have never had that with any of my other surgeries but maybe this is different?
I feel like I am in a true "holding pattern" which makes things a bit worse for me. I got this done because I wanted to move on and be able to do things to try and heal my grief. It is so hard for me to just relax, sit, ice and elevate. That is when my brain starts ticking.
Tomorrow I see my Oncologist. I must be checked every three months. I am sure he will be shocked to see my condition. He is a surgeon with incredible compassion and understanding.
I know once I find someone that will take me on I will feel so much better. Right now I am taking it a day at a time....actually a hour at a time. Hugs to everyone.
 
Sometimes an hour at a time is all you can do! I suffered from depression when the knee split open and infection once again entered my life! If I hadn't had this group of caring compassionate people, my therapist, and a in home therapist that refused to let me give up, I would have satan cried for days! They refused o let me wallow in my pity party and he therapist, PT got me outside with my walker. Just being out of the house changed my outlook. For some of us, the road is longer than others. How we chug down the road makes the difference. :friends:
 
BrnEydGri, You really aren't in a holding pattern. You have some real ruff things you have to deal with. Each day will be different and each day you will be closer to getting some of the problems solved. Your body has do a lot of healing is so many level. Take your time you need. You are not in a race. When you see your Oncologist maybe he or she knows someone who will be just as compassion and understanding as him. When you get feeling better your life will feel less out of control and you will find that you can smile again. Please remember we are here. Take care Tashia :friends: :console2: :console2: :flwrysmile:
 
BEG I am hoping your oncologist can help you out with your knee pain. Please let him know about the treatment you have received. It is possible he can send you to the right OS for treatment. I feel so bad for you going through all of this. You have so much on your plate. But like others have said, each day you are healing, just time alone does help our knees and our hearts. This surgery does bring out the emotions. I am not sure exactly why but I think it's such a doozie of an operation and it is so painful and immbolizing that it brings something out of us. A feeling of vulnerability? And yet once you are through the worst of it, you will get a feeling that you can make it through anything else that comes along.
Just know we understand and we are behind you getting what you need!
 
Just as an aside, and not assuming you have adhesions, but as one of your worries is what if and having to start over again, my understanding of a MUA is that it isn't that bad to go through, certainly isn't starting over as it isn't surgery, and any soreness caused by the MUA itself is fairly short lived. It's the least of your worries right now, but since you have so much else to worry about right now, let the fear of an MUA not be one of them!
 
Hi Beg,

Listen to Sandy, and write that letter now about your OS. Try to stick with the facts, as they are horrendous by any measure. Make sure you include the times you called, the response from his staff, etc. this is a horror show to say the least and if you can prevent one other person from the experience you had, you will have accomplished something.

I am reading between the lines a little, but I sense you feel guilty that you aren't seeing progress by now. The old you was literally climbing mountains and fully engaged in life. You are used to being strong and in control. Depression is very common with this surgery, especially when you go from 60 to 0 mph. Add in all the other challenges and you have a misery soup. It's okay to feel like you do. It's alright to be vulnerable, as much as we hate it. It's also okay not to be in control of everything. You just happened to find yourself in a tsunami. Reaching out for help, knowing that your body has its own time clock, allowing yourself time to understand these feelings is all part of healing.

As you may have noticed, the Bonesmart family is filled with normally strong, independent people from all walks of life. We never imagined that a surgery would overrun us, but it can and does. I still have days where I am overwhelmed with a plethora of feelings. Sometimes a good cry is in order, and that's okay. You are human. Try not to be superwoman, you can't jump that building in a single bound just yet. But with time,which you have plenty of, it will get better on all counts.

Good luck at the oncologist. As suggested, perhaps you might ask for advice on a new OS from their office. They are treating the whole you, and hopefully will be your advocate!

Looking forward to your update!

Dawn
 
I guess, even the thought of a MUA, I will need so much planning. I tried explaining that to my OS, which fell on totally deaf ears as he threw out three dates and walked out of the room. I don't even have anyone to drive me to and from the hospital, or to stay with me a day or two. "0" no one.
My friend had to fly here all the way from Denver. She stayed 1 1/2 weeks and honestly I wish it were longer, since I could not drive. I am glad I did not listen to the doctor who said I only needed someone a few days! He also said I would be nearly "normal" in two weeks. He told me I could actually drive myself home from a MUA, if allowed, and it is nothing. I am sorry, I do not believe a word he says.
Well, enough of that. Sorry I hung on that too long. I just had to get it out. Being alone and health issues takes so much darn planning. When I had to deal with cancer surgery I flew down to my daughter and stayed there two weeks and then flew back.
I will try to talk to my Oncologist. It is always a quick visit and check up. I will just say that I am searching for a knee surgeon asap.
I would love just a full day not thinking about all of this. It has been, eight weeks today, constant. Maybe once I have cut all the ties with my OS I will feel much better. Today I have to fight again over a new prescription. The last one was for 3 1/2 days and filled last Tuesday. They would not fill it out Friday. It was too soon! I explained the $40 co-pay and that does not mean anything either. Thank goodness I do not need many pain pills anymore.
Today I hope to talk to my GP, he does make me feel much better. I am sure my insurance advocate will call too. Another day....but with all of you I do feel stronger!
 
Dawn, you really "hit the nail on the head." Being vulnerable is so hard for me. I think since my husbands death, which was sudden without warning, I have put up a wall for protection. When I was told I had cancer, I think I was still in shock from his death, I did not take it hard at all. I just went through the motions. This surgery is totally different. It has knocked down every wall I had and got to my core. I guess it is because I am totally alone and would do anything to have him here. I was with my daughter with the other surgery and had my sweet 2 year old grandson as a distraction. I was also treated with respect by the doctors. I then transferred to a Onocologist here and he has been treating me ever since. He did not have a problem taking over from someone else's surgery. Not at all.
Anyway, I will keep you all up to date...and again...thank you.
 
:console2:
 
Well, I thought it would be a easier day. Remember when I said I would probably need to fight for medication again. Well, Friday when I was there the assistant said he would have a prescription for me Monday. Nope....nurse said to call back tomorrow when the doc is in. Whatever that means, guess another lecture.
This is wearing me so far down. Am I wrong to still need pain meds? Since the fall I have needed to take them maybe twice a day with my ibprofen. Why do they put me through this and make me feel like I am wrong?
Spoke with the GP nurse and told her, I should have been out of them per their instructions Saturday, but I have enough through to Wednesday. He suggested to see what the OS is going to do tomorrow. If he does not he will order them. He also had called into a pain management group for me per my suggestion.
I try to pull myself up and then he brings me back down again. I will be so glad when I finally cut the strings totally. I was hoping today would be the day.
(so tired )
 
Just another thank you for all your wonderful notes. When I feel down and alone I come back here and re-read them. It really does help....thank goodness for this forum and hope one day I can help someone like you all are helping me.
 
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