Really have not been able to update as that Monday appointment was a disaster. The new shoulder specialist surgeon started off the appointment almost two hours late so I was a mess going in since I have great difficulty leaving my work for normal hour or so for appointments but now I was gone over three.........then he proceeds to relate that he'd been thinking about my shoulder issue over most of his holiday. He started in with confirming that he would be most likely "going in blind" as to what he was fixing and that he would most likely be taking impant out.

Therefore, he had decided that he wouldn't attempt to start with me awake since he can't be sure to be able to complete if I am awake.

So, anyone familiar with my extreme phobia, psychiatrist diagnosed PTSD, knows my mind went into absolute panic mode and really was unable to focus on much of the rest of the discussion. He decided that he wanted to order a ultrasound guided lidacaine injection of bicep and subscapularis to see if pain was affected. My original surgeon happened to be in office at the time and stopped in to see me. I was still in panic mode so somewhat difficult to remember. I do remember that he assured me that all would be fine, that he was fairly certain that I could do awake, that he had done surgery on me before and that we could do this. He thought it was a good plan to get injection done, and we would revisit issues after that.
However, the script was written for a doctor who was out til the end of April.

I called back to see who to go to then and next referral didn't do that sort of injection. So, I called pain specialist who I had had several ultrasound guided injections with who referred me to his partner who could do. But, he met with me and referred me to some new specialist in Pittsburgh that has some super-duper ultrasound machine AND was a specialist in soft tissue and movement around replacement joints (supposedly one of three in United States) and would be able to diagnose exactly what was going on with my troublesome shoulder. So, he was able to make appointment the following week. Dr. Onishi (the ultrasound specialist) saw me. And talked extensively about what he saw. What I understood him to say: My bicep muscle looks pretty good. Attached in a different place (which I knew - it had fallen and my shoulder guy had had to fish from way down almost to my elbow and reattach) but looking pretty good. Unfortunately the subscapularous was hanging on by a thread and, according to him, couldn't be causing me "so much pain" as it was barely functioning. I reiterated that I was not in so much pain but was more concerned that I had lost and was losing so much range of motion when I had had nearly 100% after replacement. Dr. Ultrasound Specialist seemed more concern that he could see a lot of fluid in the area which ?? indicates either infection or joint rejection or loosening. He was leaning toward joint rejection. But, my shoulder joint was put in almost four years ago???
So, back to Dr. Shoulder Specialist who I was terrified to go back to but even more terrified to have to wait for an appointment with my shoulder guy who might just say I needed to see Dr. Shoulder Specialist anyway. And they had made appointment with Dr. Shoulder Specialist. So this past Monday, I went to see him. AND he proceeded to tell me that it was okay I could do surgery asleep as, of course, he said I could. That, he would most definitely be going in to remove joint. AND, yes, he would be moving the subscapularus to fully see the joint, get some fluid, have it tested which would take about fifteen twenty minutes (but way back my shoulder guy said that would take at least two weeks to fully test). ALSO that no, no the subscapularus would not be repaired as I really didn't need the subscapularus. Well, wait, I'm here because of diminishing range of motion especially things I can't do that I could do. That's okay, I'm the shoulder god, and I don't usually repair that as you don't need it with a reverse replacement. ALSO, since all the other reasons indicated we needed to remove the implant. So, if I didn't want to sleep for the surgery, the surgery couldn't be done, and I could just wait to see what happens. Well, what do I do if rejection or infection or loosening. What happens if I just let it go? It'll get worse, you'll start seeing signs of infection: fever, redness of skin, rash above/around the joint. Hmm. I thought these joint infections could eventually kill me? That not a good idea to just see what happens with either infection or rejection or loosening?
So now I have to wait til March 26 to see my old shoulder surgeon and find out if we couldn't go back to his plan or if his thoughts have changed. This is essentially what he said we'd be doing back in November except he saw no problem with me doing awake. I've yet to gather the nerve to call to see if there wasn't someway to get an appointment any sooner. My heart hurts from the stress of thinking about all of this.
So, finally, that's my update. Any words of wisdom? reassurance? advise?