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TKR MSuki’s Fabulous Recovery Journey

I'm so glad it went well!!!!
 
PT today and flexion was 125. I have Christmas gifts purchased but still have some serious wrapping to do tomorrow. Going to the chiropractor in the morning so my lower back will feel great for a while. Seems like it may be a little better anyway. My right calf and both hamstrings are still massively tight, don’t know how long that’s going to last. My husband is taking vacation Friday and all next week so I’m excited about that.
 
Interesting… after reading and replying to @Smithyknee’s post about the foot going outward, I got mine perfectly straight and did some heel to toe walking around the house. Not a lot, just some. When I finished I noticed that I felt a pain in my shin like mild shin splints and the yop of my foot was aching. I think this confirms that a lot of the top of foot pain I had early on was related to my leg being adjusted/straightened from where it was previously a little bowed.
 
Went swimming this morning, a little sore but didn’t hurt enough to take a hydrocodone during the day. Everything is going well but I’m very weepy tonight. Other than getting Christmas done I feel like I have not yet been able to get back to accomplishing anything, and I don’t feel physically bad enough to justify it. I can’t even make myself get caught up on mail/email and everything is piling up. My biggest stressor is my Mom and I just talked to her for about half an hour - a shorter than normal call because she wax in a very combative mood.

My Mom has dementia. I live in Houston. I took her for a visit to her house in Midland (540 miles away) in June/July and stayed there with her for a little over a month. It was really hard because she is extremely needy and would want me to sit by her all day, it was hard even to get her to let me go upstairs to bed at night. She has been living in Vermont with my much younger brother for about a year and a half with me relieving them periodically either taking her home or staying there. She got sick (multiple myeloma) a little over a year before that and started having severe memory problems. That year we took turns with us and another family friend. I was at her house with her about 6 months total during that, plus took her out of town for back surgeries prior. It’s hard to be a caregiver when you can’t walk well yourself. Last November she had to stop chemo, she was on regimen #4 and it was making her too sick. They expected her to go downhill quickly but she has held steady and seems to be doing well physically. I delayed my second knee surgery thinking I needed to be available but finally decided I had to get something done. But, about a month before my surgery, her mental status took a nosedive off a cliff and she started having paranoid delusions.

Initially she had a UTI and we thought that was it, but after that was clear there was no change. She had a while where she wasn’t recognizing my brother or their house, and was convinced she had been kidnapped. She called 911 twice, posted on facebook about it, snuck out of the house and flagged down a truck, tried to pry open a locked door with scissors, started taking and hiding things (including my niece’s medicine), accused people of stealing from her, being very abusive and saying ugly things, etc etc. My brother works from home and after two weeks where he was only able to get in two hours of work, decided she was too much to deal with. My sister in law actually did home care as a job and quit to take care of my Mom but could not handle her after the paranoia started. She went into the hospital and then memory care just after my surgery. I had to do all the paperwork because I have the POA.

During all this I was talking to her often multiple times a day as they and the hospital would put her on the phone with me whenever she got agitated. Typical call is 45 minutes. Now that she’s in the memory unit, I am trying to call every 2-3 days, but one of the med techs calls me whenever she refuses her medication. It’s not every day but often it’s after I’m in bed - we go to bed early and get up early. Chris has been visiting at least twice a week and sending a friend that she likes in between. Also the hospice chaplain visits once a week. I think she is “Sundowning” - she often does ok during the day but gets combative and agitated at night. Tonight she couldn’t remember that Chris and family were there yesterday and I was on facetime and opened presents. Looking backwards on my phone for an idea of the frequency, they called me Sunday, Friday, Thursday, Wednesday, Sunday 17th, 16th, 13th, etc. Although I have had some ok conversations early in the day when I call, these night time calls are awful. She says she wants to go home over and over, she says everything she can think of to make me feel guilty, insists she is fine and can stay by herself, threatens to run away, stop eating, and do on. I want to help but afterwards I am so upset and sad. Her two medicines are pain medicine for her back due to the cancer and an antipsychotic that seems to be helping at least in the daytime. Most of the time I can eventually talk her into taking it. She says she wants to be in Texas near me. I plan to go there in late January and if she still wants to move I can likely get her into a place here, but she might be settled in by then and she doesn’t do change very well.

I know this has nothing to do with my knee but I just needed to vent I guess. Hopefully it’s therapeutic to type it out.
 
@MSuki we're here for you, whatever you need to vent about is ok.
It's a terrible situation for a family to go through (personal and professional experience here).
I hope you find a way for the facility to handle nighttime non-emergencies without calling you.
((hug))
 
@MSuki …just read your posts, sounds like you’ve had a hard time in recovery. This plus looking after a parent with dementia must be exceptionally challenging. I lost my father to dementia - so know personally how hard this is. Sending you my best wishes
 
I know first hand how challenging dementia is, especially adding in the paranoia delusions. I worked with a client who had this as well as multiple myeloma. It was very difficult to deal with "a man was standing over my bed" and her wanting to run away from home. 911 calls were frequent too. And getting yelled at. Woken up during the night. I provided 24 hour care and was with her a few nights a week. It was exhausting work when she didn't sleep. And I was dealing with a knee that didn't work right. I don't know how I held out.

My dad had dementia too. I stayed with him for 3 months while my mom was in hospital. It was so hard. The hardest part was his truck. We couldn't let him drive and all he wanted was his truck so he could go see Mom. It's definitely heartbreaking.

Sending you big hugs. And prayers for rest as you recover.:hugzz:
 
My dad lived to the ripe old age of 104. I did not deal with all the issues you are having, @MSuki, and even for me, the feeling that I needed to be ready and well at all times to deal with whatever might happen made it very difficult to have any kind of pain or illness that lasted more than a day or so! The mental burden you have is so great, and doesn't allow you to fully relax. You're doing the best you can by your mom--it is a tough situation.
 
@MSuki, I, too, was my mom's POA due to her Alzheimer's. The sundowners are the worse. Add to those, the mean stage they go through. I had been warned about these beforehand, but it didn't make it any easier. I finally had to trick her and move her to my house when she became to dangerous to be alone. When it got to the point I could no longer physically care for her I found a nice assisted living facility for her. Of course, she begged to go back to her home and said some awful things to me, but I knew it was the sickness talking, not her. But, it still hurt.

Living with someone with dementia is like having a knee replacement, no one really knows how it is until they have lived it!

Mental and emotional health affects our physical healing. Share with us whenever you need to. We care about the whole person, not just the knees!
 
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Sending hugs and prayers. :console2: :prayer:
 
My MIL suffered from dementia and sundowning at night. My husband was an only child so we bore the burden together.
It's a nightmare to go through with a parent--or for that matter--anyone!

Hugs to you @MSuki and am so glad that you felt safe and comfortable enough on our forum to share. :console2:



This is for any type of Dementia condition! :xmas-snowball-fight-smiley-emoticon:
 
@mendogal , @penliniaupoenus , @CatieViv , @AnnYo,
@sistersinhim , @Jockette , and @CricketHip .
Thank you so much for the encouragement and understanding - it feels like a giant hug! And I'm sorry that so many of you have gone through similar experiences, and yet it makes me feel less alone. My husband wants to help but it's either "well, you just have to stop letting it get to you" or "well then let's go pick her up." Neither of these seem possible to me.

It really is hurtful to have your own Mom saying mean things to you, even when you know it isn't her. And you generally can't talk anyone out of an irrational belief. Sadly she is happier during times when she's more confused. Anyway I know I will get through this and so thankful to have you guys with me.[/USER]
 
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Here’s a new milestone - my iPhone for some time had been occasionally letting me know that I was walking less than some prior period, this had been going on for quite a while as my right knee deteriorated. This week the Health app says I’m getting in more steps this month than last month! It’s still not very many steps but I like the direction!
 
My Fitbit does the same thing. It is so nice that these appliances can help our recoveries and health so much!
 
7 week update - I received an Ecobee thermostat for Christmas so we were installing it yesterday. And when I say we I mean mostly my husband except for instructions and app. We had to call support because Eric had not turned off the heater breaker, just the air, and we had blown a fuse in the heater, so the thermostat didn’t come on. I ended up going up and down the stairs 4 or 5 times and the attic ladder twice. Woke up with my right hamstring feeling like it was engaged and would not let go. I had a PT appt at 7 am today and my therapist decided I had a strained hamstring - of course that was after doing 87 lb on the leg press, standing on each leg for 30 seconds twice, leg extension with a 2 lb weight etc. She did do a little massage. I put heat on it when got home which made it worse, then ice which helped. It is feeling a little better although still very sore to touch. She suggested I try to avoid the stairs this weekend…

Flexion is still at 125. I have a massage appointment tomorrow evening, my first one since surgery. If my hamstring in still sore I will tell the massage therapist to either be very gentle or not touch it at all. Still excited to get my first post surgery massage! I can really use it for my shoulders and back.
 
sistersinhim said:
Living with someone with dementia is like having a knee replacement, no one really knows how it is until they have lived it!
Click to expand...
This is so very true. And although there are many common themes in people's experiences there are also many differences.
 
CatieViv said:
I worked with a client who had this as well as multiple myeloma. It was very difficult to deal with "a man was standing over my bed" and her wanting to run away from home. 911 calls were frequent too. And getting yelled at. Woken up during the night. I provided 24 hour care and was with her a few nights a week
Click to expand...
@CatieViv Sounds a lot like my Mom just before going to memory care. Before thd paranoia it was waking me up because she couldn’t remember if she took her medicine.

sistersinhim said:
Of course, she begged to go back to her home and said some awful things to me, but I knew it was the sickness talking, not her. But, it still hurt.
Click to expand...
@sistersinhim This! I think I saw a post on another thread about your experience. I am trying to learn to tell myself that it’s just the dementia but it’s so hard.

Got a call on Friday and they told me she was in a good mood but wanted to call. There was about 2 minutes of seemingly better mood then it on to the I’m fine and I can live by myself, come take me home. Even though she doesn’t know her address or even what state she’s in. She said that Chris never comes to visit even though he was there Thursday and the whole family Christmas Day. I talked to her about our Christmas and the various gifts she received and she said she didn’t remember anything about it. Sadly her latest thing is asking me or Chris if her parents are living. My grandmother passed away in about 1990 I think and my grandad about 5 years before.
 
The time will come when your mom won't be able to even talk on the phone or even in person. Try to take what pleasure you can in being able to share her aware times. Most of all, try to not stress about this, (easier said than done, I know!), because stress can affect your whole body and even slow down your healing. Your healing has to come first! When your mom gets mean or too demanding, just come up with a reason to hang up. Dealing with these are so draining and you need to get away from them. There is really nothing you can do to help her. The illness has to progress to the next stage where she'll be calmer.
 
You are amazing with your mom. Treasure those 2 minutes of happy conversation and do your best to let go of the rest. I agree with @sistersinhim, do your best to get off the phone once the complaints start. I know that's hard. More hugs!

:friends:
 
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