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TKR Mireille's RTKR 4 months

LOL @newlybionic , I was just on the phone with my counselor (yes, I'm nutty enough to need one :rolleyes:)....every week he asks me how I'm doing, and I'm honest with him. But today, for the first time, I followed up with - it's OK, I might not be where I was last Thursday or Friday, but recovery just 'goes like this'. I told him I'm sure things will get back to where they were, and that I'll have another future improvement, with another backslide....that I was just finally getting to a good level of 'acceptance.' That's why they say it takes a year! We had a good laugh about it.

For me, sometimes it's just the mood in the house, or me missing something I want to do, or me feeling like I'm not contributing to the house enough.....any one of those things can push me over the edge into FEAR. And fear of not being normal again, or having made a BIG mistake can be hard for those of us that have some illusion of contol! Sometimes I wonder if my body is broken and not doing what it should be (which for those of us with early onset OA or auto-inflammatory or auto-immune diseases, is a very viable fear). My husband the other day said, I'm sure you're fine, you had a great surgeon. I told him "I know I had a great surgeon - I trust his work. I just don't trust my own body to do what it should!"

The part I have to remind myself of is that my body is going to do whatever it is going to do, and I only have a small margin of control. So I'm going to try to do what I can, and if things don't work out OK, then I'll hope/pray that my surgeon or some other can fix what might be broken.

@Mireille , We got this (even if I come on in a few days and seem like I'm really depressed - just ignore it, like the weather in Texas, wait 5 minutes and it will change! :blackcloud:)!!!!!
 
Guess I'm also in the back car of this particular rollarcoaster. :groan:lol, I wrote earlier today, I must have murphy's luck. Yesterday my knees felt really good, I didn't go crazy, took it easy. rest, ice, elevate. had a decent night's sleep (relatively, only woke up once) AND what happens??? woke up, my foot is killing me. Seriously??? can I get a break??

@Mireille I soo feel your pain, I keep thinking I should be to XYZ by now and I can't even "A". :gaah:
 
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@Spex10 I hear you and I know I should focus on something other than my knee. I'm trying but lately it's just in my face. I'm working on it and I have faith that it will get better. Sometimes the fear sets in and I can't help it. Tough love is still love. :roseshwr:

@Cratchit You're so right. Sometimes I feel that I'm not doing something right or not enough. I question if I'm hindering my own recovery. Those negative thoughts start creeping in, I get anxiety and it gets hard to pull out of that dark hole. I get so angry when people don't understand why I'm not better, "it's been 2 months" they say. Well when they have a TKR, I'm going to stomp on it, lol.

Thanks for the hugs and being there. I don't know what I would do without the encouragement of all of you. :friends: That's a big, bright spot in this ordeal.

My massage is tomorrow so I'll let you know how that goes.
 
@newlybionic Thanks for the reminder. This Rollercoaster ride is one I don't particularly care for. Prior to my TKR, even though I had been bone on bone for about 5 years, I had pretty good mobility and I could deal with the arthritic pain and swelling. I still did most of what I wanted to do. Now the fear of not being able to do at the very least the same things I did before bring me down. I know it's still early and I can't lose sight of the end goal but some days it's just hard. I feel better today so I'll take what I can get. I'm not throwing in the towel! :praying:
 
@L.I.T You sure know how to lift my spirits! Thank you! I'm sorry your knee is not cooperating. To think that we paid good money for this ride, shudder....

Internal swelling is my main problem as well as the tight knot above my knee. The knee itself doesn't give me much pain but :holysheep:when that tight band grabs a hold of my knee, :censored:.

I could use a therapist right now myself, I think mental health plays a big role in this recovery and right now I'm a little nutty. I may look into that, it does feel better to talk about it but around my house I think the knee issues are now overrated. I feel the same way you do, like I'm not contributing enough, I'm letting my family down, I'm letting my employer down. Irrational since my family really doesn't feel that way. It's just not me. I feel like I'm losing myself to this knee. I told my son today, I'm broken and just started crying. He gave me a big hug and told me that everything was going to be OK.

We really don't have much control over this. It's either going to get better or something else will have to be dome to make it better. Either way, I know it will work out at some point in time.

I'm not giving up and I expect more good and bad days. Every once in a while I guess we all need a pity party and I just had one. It's over for now. :ok:

BTW, I am leaving to Puerto Rico on the 28th for a week, my family and change of scenery can only be good a good thing. I go back to the office on the 13th. Not looking forward to my 1 hour commute.
 
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@eliza61nyc I hear you. Sometimes I manage to get to C and slip right back to A. Rollercoaster ride from hell, lol. My whole body is out of whack. Hang in there, we'll make it. Feel better! :friends:
 
We had a member when I first joined that was in search of an ATM that you could get patience from. She never did find it so we have to just have slowly move along. I say let's have a party tonight. :cheers: Here's to all my friends!
 
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If they were giving prizes for crying I would've won. I cried everyday for a month. Sometimes in the hospital, in transition unit, at home, in the car, in drs office...During my 2nd hospitalization after the infection surgery I was in a quarantined room at the far end of the hall. I started crying, couldn't stop and the nurses heard me all the way at the other end of the hall. When she came to check on me I asked her to shut the door and let me cry it out. I honestly didn't know I had that many tears! So the crying jags and the blues are normal, in a month or so you'll be moving on with your life, knowing this made you a stronger person. :yes:
 
My mother implored me to stop because I'd even cry while talking to her on the phone, my dad would say let her cry! Guess who had two TKRs?
 
Drat! That's where I went wrong. Not enough tears. Och.
Imagine how you'll feel this time next year looking back at how far you've come.
Enjoy your sunny break. Shame about the commute to work but I bet you'll enjoy catching up with workmates.
 
KarriB said:
So the crying jags and the blues are normal, in a month or so you'll be moving on with your life, knowing this made you a stronger person.
Click to expand...

Aw, Karri`s right, in a few weeks this will seem like a bad dream - except that we`ll still be here!! Anyway, tears are a kind of medicine to help you feel better, a vastly under-rated way of helping you to cope and feel better.

I was just thinking that I joined this forum 10 weeks post op when I was really low, scared, lonely and very uncertain as to whether I had done the right thing in having my knee replaced. Suddenly the old one seemed heaps better. It wasn`t, of course, and now I am glad I have had it done despite the distance I still have to go. So hang on in there - it will get better, I promise.
 
Crying is good for you!! Don't let things build up:) I went to see a doctor about the depression and tears. She told me that she would be worried about me if I wasn't going through all the emotions. It is a big change especially for those who were very active, to be limited and/or dependent on others. So go ahead and scream, cry, complain and whine here because we all understand..We are also here to celebrate your accomplishments however big or small and to cheer you on. It is a team approach:flwrysmile:
 
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