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MUA It's been a long time.....

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Thanks Sonja I had the tests to check how high inflammatory something or other was in my system just to double check after the infection started now after 6 day antibiotic course they will repeat it.
I was unable to use the wheelchair today I had to go out alone I did use both crutches though I can't manage without them,I barely ever go out because its difficult but I had no option today unfortunately but I promise when I'm able to use it I will xx
 
I love having my kids off from school but I am so tired and I've had to do double the housework double the cooking and more activities etc and its resulted in me being in lot more pain.
They go back tomorrow and the house is a disaster zone so I'm trying to get on top of it,even though I've done it every day too.I have so much washing from them too they keep hoarding it in their rooms!

So pain wise I am on about an 8 to 9 during the night and a 6 to 7 in the day I'm taking the Sevredol 30mg 4 times a day and then about 80mls of oramorph daily in between my Sevredol.
 
:thud: :thud: How old are your kids Natalie, that YOU are doing all the housework?! Come on, don't they know how, todo dishes, laundry, cook simple meals, clean the house etc? Right now is NOT the time for you to earn your MOTHER OF THE YEAR badge! Get those kids busy! Delegate and get off that leg! Natalie, I wish I lived closer, I would be visiting and making sure you were taking care of yourself!
 
To add a bit of levity...

A male coworker once told me that his wife was insistent that their three boys learn to cook as they would always be able to eat healthy and not starve. They even learned how to cook and serve a complete Thanksgiving dinner.

And the other chore they had to learn and then do every weekend was cleaning the bathroom. She said that if they knew how to clean a bathroom and make it spotless, they would have their choice of women wanting to marry them. :heehee:
 
Oh believe me they know how to do it all they just won't :(
For so many years they've helped with lots and done chores and taken the dog for a walk but now I leave a basket at the bottom of the stairs and ask them to take it up and it's sat their days later.They are 12 and 15 so in teenager years and they are just lazy beggars that's the only way I can describe them.
Scott has had his hours changed around so isn't around as much so we've applied for help through social services and we are getting 7 hours a week but we are waiting for it to all get given the go ahead and then we need to find someone because if we do through an agency they aren't allowed to clean and make dinners.
Scott has 2 days off a week and we do most of the heavy stuff on those days ie we get the shopping delivered and he brings it in and puts it away,he does the floors and the big stuff and then any other bits like going out to the bank etc that I struggle with but we have to squeeze so much into those 2 days there is other stuff that needs doing,there's stuff I cannot manage at all like dragging the hoover up the stairs carting clean laundry up and I do the washing up,ironing and cooking sat at a stool.
I try not to do too much I promise but I just feel guilty leaving Scott to it all and some of it needs doing there and then I'm so glad we are getting some help in it will help both of us.
The kids were meant to go get the school stuff for me the other day I had it ordered and paid for and they only needed to pick it up,my son went out all day and my daughter wouldn't get out of her bed!
We are constantly having arguments with them but me as Scott are both sick of wasting our breath and trying to force them to do something when all they dois moan that their mum has been poorly for so long and they have always had to help out :( :(
It's really rubbish they would rather eat than be bothered to make themselves something so then I feel bad and cook something for them.
I don't know what the answer is?
 
Hmm well I hope so because I've had an almighty row with them this evening I ironed both sets of uniform,Scott was on a 6am till 4pm today by the time he was home and showered it was 530 so things needed to be done so I sat at my stool and ironed took their clothes up placed them on their beds only to come up at bedtime and find both sets crumpled on the floor along with a load of washing in both rooms and dirty dishes after I had cleaned I was so upset that I blew my lid!!!
 
Natalie, at the ages of 15 and 17, those two sure do know how to manipulate dear Mum don't they! Natalie I am saying this for your own good and it is something you need to think about! You have two kids who are ungrateful, ie. ironed and folded clothes lying in a heaped mess on the floor, making you feel guilty because of your leg, and then them refusing to even take the laundry upstairs! The lazy rascals! Well, solve the problem! Don't do the laundry except for you and your hubby. Fix something to eat for you and your hubby and the kids but don't make any special efforts for them! They need to learn that the world does not revolve around them! Tell them to clean their rooms, have a schedule of chores for them to do and get Scott involved in helping set up some limits and rules on these two! YOU need to take care of YOU right now, because if you don't, that tibia could easily shatter and then there would be no replacement! Please Nat, this is not the time to let your kids play the old "well you have been poorly for so long guilt routine on you!" They also need to be doing the dishes! My gosh, don't they do anything in the house besides make a mess?! Nat get Scott and you two figure out how to tackle this together! This is for the benefit of your future knee replacement!
 
Goodness, you were just a child yourself when you had the oldest as you are 33 yrs old now. Sounds like you really had to grow up fast and take on responsibility at a young age.

Putting others before you probably comes naturally as you've had children and hubby for over half your own very young life. Blessings on you! :yes:
 
Natalie, Sonja is right. This is a serious health situation for you and you must put yourself first. It's normal for kids to be zombies like this in their teens, I guess. But your kids are being very, very manipulative and it's not good. Can you take away privileges? I'm sure you've thought of that before, but sometimes you have to be really firm.

I had a friend once with a very unruly daughter. He explained to her that she had responsibilities and she was to live up to them or things would be taken away one by one. He did it and stuck with the punishment. In fact, one of the things taken away was the door to her bedroom so she had NO privacy anymore. Yep, he took it off the hinges and put it in the basement. That was the final blow. He made her earn each item back and eventually they got things back on track.

If nothing seems to work, then I think Sonja is on the right track. Let them go to school in rumpled clothes. Let dirty laundry sit until they do it. But, each time you give in, you set things back several steps. It's hard to make them believe you'll be firm when you feel guilty and give in.

I imagine they may be unhappy that you are in this situation and it seems like there is no way out. I know they would like a normal life with a mom who could go and do things with them at the drop of a hat. But sometimes life isn't fair. It's a tough lesson for kids sometimes. Since you are having problems right now with both of them, have you considered having some sessions with a counselor? Teens tend to be a bit self-centered and maybe an independent voice could get them out of that mindset.
 
Natalie,
A short story about a family friend came to mind. Her three boys and husband were letting her wait on them, never lifting a finger. They had a small attached apartment, it was empty at the time. So she went on strike :eeeuw: , moving into the apartment. The family was left to fend for themselves. It did not take long, and they were begging her to come home. She moved back home, with the warning she would go right back if they did not help. They straightened out and were helping, she never went back to the apartment. They are grown, so it is unlikely she will ever need the apartment.
Please take good care, and know you are not alone in this,
 
Take care of yourself Natalie!! The kids can sink or swim. They are old enough to swim but if you keep coming to their rescue they will never take responsibility. Some 'tough love' is in order here!
 
Thanks guys,they are 12 and15 I was 18 when I had my eldest so I did have a huge amount of growing up to do I'm no longer with their dad and Scott is their step dad so we often have that battle too of you're not my dad!!
We've done all you said,we've been on strike as such stopped doing their washing and cooking and they really couldn't care less especially when they go of to their dads and grandma waits on them hand and foot.
We were telling social services how much the last 12 months has changed they did help with everything and did alsorts of jobs around the house and they just stopped doing them,or took days to do them and then we needed to do them instead as they needed doing!
I don't tidy there rooms I refuse to go in as its so annoying the mess they make,I leave their washing on a chair and it builds up to the point where everything they own is on the chair.
They bring all their washing back from their dads it was dumped in a pile by the machine Friday afternoon when they returned!
We draw up lists of chores and they moan shout whinge and kick off to the point my eldest even told my parents that she had so many chores to do she didn't have time to go out and enjoy herself and ended up with them round here saying we shouldn't be making her do so much she had made herself out to be Cinderella!She was getting a substantial amount of pocket money for half a dozen jobs a week!Not being made to scrub the house from top to bottom so that was kind of the final straw we said don't do the jobs then but we won't hand over any money and they just weren't bothered at all.
The only time they help now is when they want something.
You should have seen the disgust when they discovered this morning I hadn't put their packed lunches together I just said its not hard to throw stuff in a box if you want to eat you will do it and ignored them.
Hopefully once we receive the help from social services we will be a lot better off and I will try leaving their washing and dishes again and see what happens.

Thanks so much for caring everyone I honestly only try and do the minimal and Scott does a lot of it bless him I would be lost without him.
 
Jamie said:
Natalie, Sonja is right. This is a serious health situation for you and you must put yourself first. It's normal for kids to be zombies like this in their teens, I guess. But your kids are being very, very manipulative and it's not good. Can you take away privileges? I'm sure you've thought of that before, but sometimes you have to be really firm.

I had a friend once with a very unruly daughter. He explained to her that she had responsibilities and she was to live up to them or things would be taken away one by one. He did it and stuck with the punishment. In fact, one of the things taken away was the door to her bedroom so she had NO privacy anymore. Yep, he took it off the hinges and put it in the basement. That was the final blow. He made her earn each item back and eventually they got things back on track.

If nothing seems to work, then I think Sonja is on the right track. Let them go to school in rumpled clothes. Let dirty laundry sit until they do it. But, each time you give in, you set things back several steps. It's hard to make them believe you'll be firm when you feel guilty and give in.

I imagine they may be unhappy that you are in this situation and it seems like there is no way out. I know they would like a normal life with a mom who could go and do things with them at the drop of a hat. But sometimes life isn't fair. It's a tough lesson for kids sometimes. Since you are having problems right now with both of them, have you considered having some sessions with a counselor? Teens tend to be a bit self-centered and maybe an independent voice could get them out of that mindset.
Click to expand...

The idea of a counsellor has crossed my mind as we have a lot of trouble with the 12 year old he is always in bother at school and always has been and I get at least one call a week telling me he's done something and he's been suspended several times,he has an almighty temper!
The eldest would stay in her room for 24 hours a day given half the chance yesterday she got up at 12 but didn't go for food till half 3 and wanted to know what was for lunch I said open the cupboard and have a look lunch time as hours ago I'm not making you anything,I do try and stand my ground and make them do stuff I know they can.
There are some days where I cannot even get out of bed and they have to manage then,today being one of them and they had to sort their own breakfasts and lunches.
The youngest did his breakfast and moaned about making his lunch and the eldest didn't eat and went mad about having to sort her lunch and at no point did they ask if I needed anything!So that's me stuck with no food or drink!
 
Natalie, it sounds like it is time to have a chat with your parents! They need to be supportive of you as a parent, not undermining your efforts. Sometimes grandparents listen to the children and the children can make whopper of a story sound completely believe able. Do you have much contact with your parents where you could talk with them and explain what is happening and how it is affecting the atmosphere at the house?
 
They believe that the kids should live their lives and not have to look after me or help around the house,yes they agree with the odd chore walking the dog tidying their room etc but not much more than that.I have a younger brother of 19 and he does nothing my mum does everything for him and she too has her own health problems.My step dad is a bit sterner and agrees they should help more.

Scott's had it out with both of them this evening and told them if they want to go out and play or have friends over then their rooms need to be cleaned and chores that we've suggested need to be done or they won't get to go out or play on their computer consoles.
They both shouted and stormed about the house but I hope they listen.
 
Natalie,
Wishing you all the best. And hoping you can go see Dr. Maale sooner rather than later.
You are a great Mom, you are doing all you can given your health.
 
Natalie, you are a great Mom! Scott is an excellent "step" Dad! I count him as a real Dad because he wants the teenagers to have responsibilities around the house just like you do. I am sorry that your Mom is enabling their bad behavior! Is it possible to keep them away for a couple of weeks and remind them that YOU are Mom and that going to see grandparents is a privilege they earn, and not a right they demand? Natalie, you are going through so much with your knee already and then trying to keep two teenagers happy who won't lift a finger to help only adds to your stress! I am so glad that you have Scott! He is your rock and he sounds like "one in a million!" :)
 
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