Hi,
B4goldie. I saw your thread earlier, then lost it and was so upset i couldn't find it. I wanted to just chime in and let you know I understand I think some of what you're going through. I have a desk job and had to go back full time, no phased recovery, right at six weeks, literally on the heels of getting the restrictions lifted from my OS. I HAD to hang on to this job and do it well or well enough to stay employed there. I was advised many times to march in to my employer and insist I would not come back for months, but that just wasn't reality and it wasn't a battle I could wage. You know, the old "pick your battles" thing really applied. So much of what
sharonslp has said here (and other places) is what I have felt, almost to the actual wording. Working smarter rather than "hard" at recovery. But as you yourself said elsewhere, society has such unrealistic expectations for us. Golly is that true. Golly is that true! I was dogged by these expectations from the second I announced at work I was going to do the surgery.
I think too that in some countries, certainly in the U.S., in general, PT is sacrosanct. Because where else does one go when they have a physical problem? A physical therapist. And if you complain about a PT hurting you, then you are told, "Well, no pain, no gain." It's just absurd. I have thought all along that a person recovering from this surgery is different from someone who has pulled a muscle doing some sports thing. But it's the same mentality: harder harder harder! push push push. It's became a definition of one's character if they don't say, "How high?" when a PT says jump.
The others here have given you really good advice, commonsensical advice. Your work, and getting to and from work, is more than enough PT. And rest when you aren't at work. I've had to make my concessions, too, cutting back. Whatever Martha Stewart impulses reside in me (and there aren't too many anymore and weren't that many to begin with) have gone dormant.
Just please know that you are not alone and what you are feeling and going through is not strange or weird. The sad thing is, only other hippies really get it. But that doesn't mean it's not valid.
Oh, and don't beat yourself up about the whole "positive' thing. (I think the whole "be positive!" thing is highly overrated.... I realize I am alone in this, but anyway.... ) We can't be expected to feel positive all the time about every thing. But that doesn't mean we are quitters or otherwise lacking in character. It just means we are human, and sometimes tired and in pain and unsure about things. I think persisting in feeling that we must be positive at all times is a HUGE unnecessary burden. I'm not advocating being negative, either. Anyway.
Again, please know you are not alone in what you are feeling. Take care.
United States
