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THR Hipster Girl Recovery Thread

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I am just amazed how getting a job position today is so competitive and involved! Heck, I remember the good old days when you just answered an ad in the newspaper and walked in and filled out a job application. No tests, no resumes, no second and third interviews etc. etc. This process must be so taxing! Hats off to you @Hipster Girl!
 
@Cynthia777 it's utterly exhausting! I look forward to the weekends so much more now than when I was working b/c this process is so taxing. On a positive note, I FINALLY got a call back a few minutes ago from the company I was supposed to interview this week and they explained that the hiring managers had not been available to meet with me this week so they were checking my availability for next week. Slowly but surely I am getting there with this company and it s one of my target companies so I am excited! They haven't forgotten me, woot! :happydance:
 
Hi @Hipster Girl, I'm glad you have another interview with one of your target companies. I understand how you feel. It's intense looking for work. Going to the gym is really helping me, because I call sweat out the stress. I feel the same way about not wanting to be a pest. It's a delicate balance.
 
I went to the gym yesterday and ran into one of my Chatty Cathy friends - one of those who talks and talks and doesn't come up for air. Over an hour later, I still hadn't done any exercising at all so I left without working out. I'll double up today.

I came home and the co-worker who calls and talks my ear off for 3 hours at a time called me last night and so there went my evening. I really need to learn how to start cutting these excessive talkers short. I just feel like I'm being rude if I try to do that and it's so hard to even get a word in to be able to say I have to go. These people just do not come up for air! I think there must be something in my personality that tells them it's okay to talk "at" me (not "with" me) for hours. It is utterly exhausting being on the receiving end of these one-way talks. :oyvey:
 
Oh, no @Hipster Girl. That's terrible. It sounds like they are monopolizing your time. I think that some women get this way during menopause. It's like a weird release. I've noticed it, too. Even though it's rude, I just interrupt. If they try to talk over me, I continue talking. It's kind of funny. I had a plumber who used to do that when he was here. I finally told him, "This isn't a conversation. You're talking at me." He had addiction problems. Those types of people are very draining. They get energy from you.

I hope you get your workout in next time. That would have really bugged me. Maybe that's why so many people wear headphones at the gym.

You know what's weird? I seem to remember reading that my surgeon said that hip replacement patients often blame themselves for things. They wonder what they're doing to attract certain behaviors. (I do that, too.) He feels that is related to low self esteem. I see it as being overly responsible. I've been thinking about it a lot since my surgery.
 
Hipster Girl said:
I went to the gym yesterday and ran into one of my Chatty Cathy friends - one of those who talks and talks and doesn't come up for air. Over an hour later, I still hadn't done any exercising at all...
I came home and the co-worker who calls and talks my ear off for 3 hours at a time called me last night and so there went my evening. I really need to learn how to start cutting these excessive talkers short.
Click to expand...
That is one of the toughest personal skills to develop. I struggled with that for a long time. I have come up with a few phrases that I use now in order to avoid being held prisoner by people like that.
Some of them include:
'Hey, I have an appointment in ______ (a while, an hour, etc) and have to get to _______ (exercising, shopping, working etc). You have a good day!' Then immediately walk away.
'Ahhh! I'm in such a rush! Have a great day! ' Then immediately walk away.
(Specifically for the gym) 'Whew, I have my heart rate up...gotta keep moving! Have a great day.' Then immediately walk away.
(For phone instances) 'My neighbor just stopped by so I can't chat. Have a great _____ (day, evening, etc).'
'Oops, there's my other line. Gotta go! Have a great _____!'
'I'm right in the middle of ______ (breakfast, lunch, dinner) prep. Can't talk right now. Have a great _____!'
'I'm not feeling very well, so I'm going to let you go. Have a great ______.'

I've found that it's important to follow a few crucial rules when cutting off Chatty Cathys.
* Don't let them launch into conversation. Cut them off right away. The further they get into yapping, the more difficult it is to cut them off.
* Don't ever say, "I'm sorry". This gives them a sense of having some sort of 'high ground' and puts you at a disadvantage and like next time will be different. You have things you need/want to do and it's okay for you to do them.
* Saying, "Have a great _____" in a sweet, sincere way throws them off. You're being so amazing. How can they question your ducking out on their hours long monologue? :wink:
* The walk away immediately part is perhaps the most important one. I know it feels like you are being rude, but you're not. You are not that kind of person. You simply have a life and things you need/want to do. Holding people captive to listen to hours of yapping is not polite, especially when it's clear the other person is there for an intended purpose.
* Offer no further explanations. You don't owe them any and very few people actually ask for them.

Sorry for the bullet points format. I've been writing sample policies lately. LOL :)
Some folks just like to chat, and that's fine. However, it's also fine if you don't want to. Developing strategies to disentangle yourself from those who chat like it's their job is perfectly fine.
I've found that the keys are to be upbeat yet firm. It's not easy and it does take some practice, but it pays off hugely when you master them.

Sorry for the dissertation on this. As an introvert, this subject really hits home with me. I have found myself miserably enduring that kind of situation many times in my life and finally decided I wouldn't stand for it any more.

@Hipster Girl, I am SO pyched about your upcoming Capital One interview!! :yay:

 
@Hip Hip Hooray! that image of you continuing to talk when they try to talk over you really made me chuckle....I actually have done that a couple of times myself and you're right, they still don't stop. It is comical really. Good point about that being the possible reason many wear headphones in the gym; I hadn't thought of that. I got my double workout in today - I went early and tried not to make eye contact with anyone so I could just work out then leave.:heehee:

@DeepBreath wow, those phrases are perfect - thank you for this! I'm sure it's all in the delivery and the key, like you said, is in immediately walking away. I have got to start doing something do something to save my sanity. I can't take much more of the constant jabbering. I know I'm not working right now but sheesh...some people just ramble on and on about every single thing that pops into their brain.....it is baffling. I am definitely going to try this. Oh, and I love your bullet points - I am a bullet point person!

Thank you regarding the interview! I am super excited! This is a behavioral interview, not traditional, and this format is still very new to me; I've only done one of these in my life and it didn't go great, but good thing is I have a nice long weekend to prepare and practice. I really, really want this one to go well! Fingers and toes are all crossed again! Please let this be the one :praying: :praying:
 
@Hipster Girl, I think I've mentioned before that I am not good with thinking on my feet when it comes to social stuff. I realized years ago that I would have to come up with responses and learn to rattle them off as the situation warranted or I'd forever being trying to avoid people.
It took some practice, but gosh it has saved me more than once. :)
 
I'm the same way and am not good thinking on my feet @DeepBreath and agree it's better to have a response prepared ahead of time. I find I am trying to avoid people and that's not good. These Chatty Cathy's have a sixth sense where they seem to be able to pick up when I am avoiding them and they think I'm mad at them which I am not, I just don't want to listen to nonstop chatter for hours on end. I am looking forward to giving one of your responses a try. :)
 
Hi @Hipster Girl, I'm glad you got your double workout in, and I hope you weren't too sore. I'm going back to the gym today, too. It sounds like people really latch on to you, like a free therapist.

I'm sending positive vibes to you for this interview. I think it's great that you have time to practice. That makes all the difference. You have such a great personality, and so much to offer. Whoever hires you will be very lucky.
 
Hipster Girl said:
These Chatty Cathy's have a sixth sense where they seem to be able to pick up when I am avoiding them and they think I'm mad at them which I am not
Click to expand...
They sure do, don't they? I'm guessing this is kind of an extrovert tendency (not knocking extroverts). Their energy source comes from external forces and talking charges them. I can respect that, but it sure doesn't make it any easier to listen to when you're not inclined that way.
For a long time I just avoided social situations (still do to some extent) but realized I was cutting myself off from a lot of pleasant experiences. Being forearmed definitely helps. :)
 
@Hipster Girl - I was so GLAD you got a call back from that company regarding an interview! I didn't want you going through a long holiday weekend just wondering and worrying about what was going on. (Well that's what I would be feeling in your shoes.) I really hope this job opportunity is the one that comes through.

I'm sorry about the barrage of Chatty Cathy's in your life right now. Something you definitely don't need. @DeepBreath gave you some helpful "bullet points"! I hope some of those strategies can work for you.

Somewhere I read you use a body composition monitor. Don't know if it was on your thread or what. It really sounds interesting. I'm so glad your numbers are really great these days. Must be exciting! I sometimes think about monitoring stuff like with a fit bit but that body composition thing sounds more interesting. I am going to look into it.

Have a wonderful weekend. :flwrysmile: Practice for your interview, but have some fun, too. Good luck with the interview next week! :yes::yes!:
 
@Hip Hip Hooray! my double workout was really just a combination of weights & cardio. Most days I only do one or the other. It felt great. For cardio I did the Adaptive Motion Trainer on high intensity to sweat out lots of stress. I was huffin' & puffin' but boy did it feel great afterwards!

Thank you for the positive vibes on my interview. The next couple days I am going to be very busy researching and preparing. I really want this one to go well!

So funny you say that about people using me as a free therapist. Honestly I do feel like that sometimes. I have people telling me things that really should be told to a professional. People are resistant to go to a therapist because of the perceived stigma but they seemingly have no qualms about unloading all their baggage going back to their childhood on me when I'm not trained and can't help the way they really need the help. In the end they are not getting the help they need and it is draining for me, particularly at this point in time when I have so much going on in my job search. It's funny to me how these Chatty Cathy's go on and on about themselves but rarely even inquire about my job search. These friendships are so one-sided. My BoneSmart friends know more about my job search than my in-person friends and I am so very grateful for the wonderful support I get on here. I truly don't know what I'd do without y'all - you are like family! :flwrysmile:
 
@DeepBreath you're so right - it doesn't make it any easier to listen. I can appreciate someone who likes to talk but I guess it's the incessant babble about anything and everything that I feel is such a waste of my time. Like talking on the phone with someone and they keep talking to their pet or commenting on what they are watching on the TV at the same time they are talking to you. It's like every single thing that pops into their brain has to be verbalized. I can't wait to use some of your tips. I agree being forearmed has got to help. :yes:
 
@Readysetgo thank you! I am really excited about this interview - even more so than the other one last week. I feel like I have some good solid interviewing practice under my belt now that may benefit me going into this one, so I'm grateful I've had those opportunities to interview at other companies. Those were all traditional interviews though and this behavioral thing is new to me. I researched it and it apparently has been around since 1999, well I was at my old company at that point in time so this is the first I'm hearing about it. It's hard to know what they are looking for in your answers - for instance, my research shows one of the most common behavioral questions is to tell them about a conflict with a co-worker or a time you were upset with your boss. Wow, how do you answer these and put them in a positive light...

The body composition monitor is great. It's like a scale that you step on but it measures fat, water, muscle, etc. Mine is a Tanita and I got it for around $100 several years ago. You can find them at tanita.com or some of the larger sporting goods stores. I love it - it gives a much more accurate picture of true fitness level than a scale does. Since muscle is denser and weighs more than fat, a very lean bodybuilder can step on a regular scale and it will show him as overweight based solely on lbs but by using a body composition monitor, it gives a much clearer picture. Well worth the initial investment for motivation I think.
 
Hi @Hipster Girl, I love the combination of weights and cardio. For me that's been the magic solution. I feels like it rebuilds the muscles from the inside out. I can see why your body composition is changing. I feel the same thing, too. Do you find that the stronger you get physically, the stronger you feel emotionally and mentally? That's what I'm noticing. I love it.

I used to have some yoga and ballet students that wanted to tell my all about their personal lives, too. One yoga teacher I know referred to it as "the mommy thing". When you describe it, it sounds like dominance and narcissism to me. They don't have boundaries, and say things that are inappropriate.

I'll be thinking of you the next few days. It's good that you know what to expect, so that you can plan some tactful answers to those questions.
 
@Hip Hip Hooray! oh I absolutely agree that being stronger physically carries over mentally and emotionally. There are so many benefits to exercise. It has been such a long time since I have been able to really pour myself into my workouts because of my hips. I marvel at the difference every single day.

I messaged one of my connections on LinkedIn who has worked where I will be interviewing and he offered to meet me tomorrow for coffee to go over what to expect. How nice is that! I will buy his coffee & breakfast in return. I can't believe someone I have only met a few times would be willing to do this. I have found that these networking groups are like family in a way with everybody looking out for everybody else. I hope I never take it for granted and remember even after I start working to always be on the lookout to help these wonderful people in any way I can.
:flwrysmile:
 
@Hipster Girl - That's fabulous that you're meeting with the person on LinkedIn who worked for the company you're interviewing with soon! I hope he gives you insights about how the "behavioral interview" might go so you don't get any surprises.

Thanks for the info on the monitor you use. I am definitely looking into it! It's so great that you're doing such good, fulfilling workouts. I'm toying with the idea of joining a gym. I use to like working out at home but now I find so many distractions there - the garden needs tending, paperwork needs to be shuffled, the laundry is calling me. It's almost like working out is a dessert and I don't get it until everything else is done.

I hope you're having a delicious and rejuvenating weekend. You deserve it! :yes:
 
Hi @Hipster Girl, That's great that you are moving forward with your preparation. How nice of that guy to help you. I hope you have a great time at your breakfast together. It's a good feeling to practice and rehearse. It really makes a difference in how you are perceived.

I'm glad that the gym is working out so well for you. I love it. It's one of the best investments I've made. Isn't it wonderful to feel muscular again? It's such a different sensation than being weak and feeble.
 
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