OP
OP
Karringtyn
graduate
United StatesThis is something I wrote for one of my pages......
I am a writer. It's in my blood. When all else fails...I write. When words aren't there to be spoken, if I write it, it comes across so much better and so much clearer. When I first learned of my knee damage I really didn't think much of it. Knee pain. I was 41. It wasn't that big of a deal. If I lost some weight the pain would go away and I could live fully again. I would buy boatloads o...f Ben Gay and I could get that cheap with my coupons. I used tubes and tubes of it. It brought temporary relief, but there was always a nagging pain there. I guess I learned to live with it. I got to know all the different creams that were out there for arthritis/sports injury and should have bought stock in them. As the days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months I just learned to live with chronic pain. I waitress and I could feel the toll it was taking on the rest of my body, but I accepted it as something I would have to buck up and deal with. I have never had a high tolerance for pain, so to me if anything it was a learning curve. I fought the pain, I used ibuprofen and dealt. I continued onward till I hit a brick wall. First surgery was May 25th, 2012. I went in thinking I was getting a scope and would be out for 2 weeks of work. I knew there was a chance I may need some more extensive work, but I figured it wasn't that bad, they would fix a couple of tears and I would be on my way. When I woke up in recovery and saw my doctor, he gave me the news. I had to have a microfracture done and I was now non weight bearing for 6 weeks. I wasn't too concerned because well....6 weeks off my leg seemed like a vacation to me. At the time the pain actually wasn't that bad. It was day surgery and I went home and started my 6 weeks "vacation." If anyone has been on bed rest, it's not all it's cracked up to be.....it plays with your mind, body, and spirit. I am a go getter and I wanted to go. DO THINGS.
I survived that surgery, but it did no good. I then went on with shots, exercises, you name it, anything to get that knee going. The weight started to pile on because the pain kept me more and more inactive. I could no longer work the long hours waitressing. I had never been one to work out, but I was a walker. I couldn't even do that. Enjoying my morning and evening walks was gone. I slowly just gave up on me. I was no longer believing in me...My knee was gone and in my mind so was I. I became depressed. I was overweight, limping worse and worse and my world was falling apart around me.
Nearly a year ago I met a man who would change my life. I was complete in me, I didn't need anyone to complete me. But when this man came in my life, he took it by a storm. He is very health conscious and as the relationship progressed he encouraged me to look at all options. I had been told now for 2 years that a total knee replacement would be my end result.. I fought it. I pretended I no longer hurt. I held my head high and just fought through that pain. My love could see that pain behind my eyes. I couldn't hide it and anyone that knew me, knew that I was hurting more and more. We started a healthy eating plan together and even though I lost the weight, the knee was still "broken." Knees just don't self repair. It was gone. I just had to get to the point that I knew that enough was enough. I was scared. Of another surgery, of losing my knee at what seems a very young age. Of the pain. Of falling asleep and not waking up. I now had the man I was made for. I now had everything in my life straightened out. I was emotionally sound. I was losing weight and had a good mindset of what healthy was. The fear was the only thing holding me back.
I have been blessed with some pretty amazing people in my life. That support system didn't come by chance. I built that by allowing people in, taking a chance at being cared about. I was encouraged that if I truly needed surgery they would be there with whatever I needed. I prayed. OH did I pray. Faith is real to me, faith is my everything. Believe is my absolute favorite word. That one word sums up pretty much my existence. I could quote so many Bible verses, so many personal stories that the one word changed it all for me.
I had surgery February 11th of this year. I had no idea what to expect I just knew whatever I was going to endure, had to be better than the life I was living now. I can remember waking up I recovery and the first question was "does my husband know I am alive?"....to which they giggled and said yes dear....
Fast forward to today....24 days post opp. The pain was the most grueling, earth moving pain. It is a deep overwhelming pain that took me by surprise. Some days I don't think I can handle it I sat and looked into my husbands eyes two days ago and pleaded with him..."you said you would help through this...please just take my pain away. He looked at me with tears silently falling and said..."Oh babe wish I could"....I started physical therapy and I am kicking butt. I am getting stronger by the day. Not only physically but mentally. I am no longer HER. I am no longer the person that was grappled in fear, by fear. I choose to face that fear head on. I face that pain head on Prayer is my solitude, talking about it, sharing about my journey is something I vow to do. You can apply this to any aspect of your life. We become so overwhelmed by fear it keeps us from living. You have to face that fear no matter what that fear is. God's timing is impeccable. He sent me an angel in the form of my future husband, that would teach me one of life's biggest lessons about believing in yourself and letting those walls down.
I have a long journey ahead of me. It won't be easy, and some days I will fail. But I will pick myself up, wipe myself off and continue onward. Because this journey is SO worth it. Why? Because I faced my fear and did it. It's so much more than a broken down knee.....It's about living, truly living. About loving who you are, and believing that you deserve it all. So many changes will happen for me this year, so many that no one knows about....but I am ready. I have come back stronger, healthier, and I am going to kick some BUTT! To those that have helped me along this road, you know who you are, I thank you and love you so very much. Today I claim 2014 as my coming back year!
I am a writer. It's in my blood. When all else fails...I write. When words aren't there to be spoken, if I write it, it comes across so much better and so much clearer. When I first learned of my knee damage I really didn't think much of it. Knee pain. I was 41. It wasn't that big of a deal. If I lost some weight the pain would go away and I could live fully again. I would buy boatloads o...f Ben Gay and I could get that cheap with my coupons. I used tubes and tubes of it. It brought temporary relief, but there was always a nagging pain there. I guess I learned to live with it. I got to know all the different creams that were out there for arthritis/sports injury and should have bought stock in them. As the days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months I just learned to live with chronic pain. I waitress and I could feel the toll it was taking on the rest of my body, but I accepted it as something I would have to buck up and deal with. I have never had a high tolerance for pain, so to me if anything it was a learning curve. I fought the pain, I used ibuprofen and dealt. I continued onward till I hit a brick wall. First surgery was May 25th, 2012. I went in thinking I was getting a scope and would be out for 2 weeks of work. I knew there was a chance I may need some more extensive work, but I figured it wasn't that bad, they would fix a couple of tears and I would be on my way. When I woke up in recovery and saw my doctor, he gave me the news. I had to have a microfracture done and I was now non weight bearing for 6 weeks. I wasn't too concerned because well....6 weeks off my leg seemed like a vacation to me. At the time the pain actually wasn't that bad. It was day surgery and I went home and started my 6 weeks "vacation." If anyone has been on bed rest, it's not all it's cracked up to be.....it plays with your mind, body, and spirit. I am a go getter and I wanted to go. DO THINGS.
I survived that surgery, but it did no good. I then went on with shots, exercises, you name it, anything to get that knee going. The weight started to pile on because the pain kept me more and more inactive. I could no longer work the long hours waitressing. I had never been one to work out, but I was a walker. I couldn't even do that. Enjoying my morning and evening walks was gone. I slowly just gave up on me. I was no longer believing in me...My knee was gone and in my mind so was I. I became depressed. I was overweight, limping worse and worse and my world was falling apart around me.
Nearly a year ago I met a man who would change my life. I was complete in me, I didn't need anyone to complete me. But when this man came in my life, he took it by a storm. He is very health conscious and as the relationship progressed he encouraged me to look at all options. I had been told now for 2 years that a total knee replacement would be my end result.. I fought it. I pretended I no longer hurt. I held my head high and just fought through that pain. My love could see that pain behind my eyes. I couldn't hide it and anyone that knew me, knew that I was hurting more and more. We started a healthy eating plan together and even though I lost the weight, the knee was still "broken." Knees just don't self repair. It was gone. I just had to get to the point that I knew that enough was enough. I was scared. Of another surgery, of losing my knee at what seems a very young age. Of the pain. Of falling asleep and not waking up. I now had the man I was made for. I now had everything in my life straightened out. I was emotionally sound. I was losing weight and had a good mindset of what healthy was. The fear was the only thing holding me back.
I have been blessed with some pretty amazing people in my life. That support system didn't come by chance. I built that by allowing people in, taking a chance at being cared about. I was encouraged that if I truly needed surgery they would be there with whatever I needed. I prayed. OH did I pray. Faith is real to me, faith is my everything. Believe is my absolute favorite word. That one word sums up pretty much my existence. I could quote so many Bible verses, so many personal stories that the one word changed it all for me.
I had surgery February 11th of this year. I had no idea what to expect I just knew whatever I was going to endure, had to be better than the life I was living now. I can remember waking up I recovery and the first question was "does my husband know I am alive?"....to which they giggled and said yes dear....
Fast forward to today....24 days post opp. The pain was the most grueling, earth moving pain. It is a deep overwhelming pain that took me by surprise. Some days I don't think I can handle it I sat and looked into my husbands eyes two days ago and pleaded with him..."you said you would help through this...please just take my pain away. He looked at me with tears silently falling and said..."Oh babe wish I could"....I started physical therapy and I am kicking butt. I am getting stronger by the day. Not only physically but mentally. I am no longer HER. I am no longer the person that was grappled in fear, by fear. I choose to face that fear head on. I face that pain head on Prayer is my solitude, talking about it, sharing about my journey is something I vow to do. You can apply this to any aspect of your life. We become so overwhelmed by fear it keeps us from living. You have to face that fear no matter what that fear is. God's timing is impeccable. He sent me an angel in the form of my future husband, that would teach me one of life's biggest lessons about believing in yourself and letting those walls down.
I have a long journey ahead of me. It won't be easy, and some days I will fail. But I will pick myself up, wipe myself off and continue onward. Because this journey is SO worth it. Why? Because I faced my fear and did it. It's so much more than a broken down knee.....It's about living, truly living. About loving who you are, and believing that you deserve it all. So many changes will happen for me this year, so many that no one knows about....but I am ready. I have come back stronger, healthier, and I am going to kick some BUTT! To those that have helped me along this road, you know who you are, I thank you and love you so very much. Today I claim 2014 as my coming back year!
