@winemama , I truly feel your pain of trying to figure out the proper approach to this whole recovery thing, and just what is the "perfect level" of rehabbing but not pushing too much. I'm about 5 1/2 weeks out, and I've been struggling with this so much myself.
I've always been a very grey person; I don't think most things are black and white, and I think recovery from knee replacement falls into that grey area. Some people do better because they didn't push; others end up hobbling around for the rest of their lives because they didn't do enough (I know several of them). There isn't necessarily one right way to approach things. But people have very strong opinions, and oftentimes present them as fact. I think everyone's intention is pure, and they genuinely just want to give you the "right way", so that your recovery and end result will be the best it can be. But I truly believe that there is not just one single right way.
What I find so helpful about Bonesmart is that there are so many people who have been through, or are going through what I'm currently enduring. And there are lots of ideas and information on different options that worked or didn't work - and everyone truly wants to help, which is great. But for every problem that might come up, there's probably several different resolutions, that worked for some and not for others. An overall approach that worked for some, might or might not work for you (whether it be not pushing at all or pushing a lot) because their circumstances most likely are very different from yours - their physical issues can be hugely different, their ability or willingness or tolerance to endure pain or discomfort (pushing to pain does work for some people, but for others it's the worst possible option), their drive and motivation and determination, what their desired end result is (do they hope to be able to walk to the mailbox, or run a marathon), their patience level, etc. What I'm doing is to read as much as I can, consider all options, try the things that make the most sense for my physical circumstances and personality, and then I do what I think will work best for me. None of my decisions are made without a tremendous amount of thought and research, and in the end, whatever choices I make, I feel comfortable with them, because I'm making the most informed decisions based on
my body,
my mind and
my spirit. Most likely someone will think I should have done it differently, but as long as I'm making informed well thought out choices, and adjusting as needed, that's the best I can do.
I honestly am pushing more than the "Bonesmart Way", but I'm pushing much less than I thought I would initially because of all the reading that I've done on Bonesmart. This is working really well for me - but this isn't the answer for everyone, and maybe when I have my other knee done, it won't work for me either - each case is different. I've had conversations with both my family and my PT to help them understand the path I'm taking, but ultimately,
I need to make the informed choices that
I think are best for me. And these are all a work in progress. As I feel better overall, and the pain is decreasing as my strength, flexibility and ROM are increasing, I'm able to re-evaluate and change my approach based on my new current situation.
I know how much this type of thing has dominated my thoughts, and I wish you the best of luck with your choices.