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14 weeks out?? I think.

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I do have friends and family who are going to help...my son is insistent on taking over the yard work...(i aint gonna argue)..just may ride that one for a little longer than I need to...lol. Friends are trying to help keep me busy. That helps alot.

Theres no one else in his life right now.....that too is obvious. He has made himself completely available to me. Has told me to call or text if I need anything....he sent me more money today for whatever we may need. He is living in the basement of a friends house. He came over today to feed his fish and change some filters or pumps or something in it today....it was a bit hard.......but I managed ok. He explained to me when the cable and internet will be switching out......I will have to wait till he has the equipment gone and then I can get hooked up on my own...sept 4 i think he said. And I have to call the cell phone company and get that taken care of next week sometime. I found out today he is leaving me both TV's he brought in.....I would be lost without the tv in my bedroom now....I have gotten so used to having it on when I am lonely. And that will be often for a while.

I know I will get back into dating again.......but its going to be a while....in the meantime I will continue on as I am.....looking forward to going back to work even more now. I'm not a person who is meant to be alone for the rest of my life.......I know that. I just worry about the future though now.....can't help it. But I am going to take one day at a time.....(running out of stuff to do..).....Maybe stain the deck and fence if I can pick up some stain and brushes.

Going out with some girl friends tonite.....will post again in a day or two.

Thanks so much everyone for being so supportive......there needs to be another forum in here....plainly......the support room for anything you need......lol
 
Nadine, I been following your thread from the beginning and I too would like to express how sorry I am for what has happened to you over the last several days. I would like to commend you for the class, grace and dignity you have shown through out this ordeal. It would be so easy to dump on your ex, but you have not. You have set a good example for your children. When you do decide to date again, I'm sure some great guy will snap you up. Women with your class don't stay alone for long. Stay strong.
 
Hallo, Nadine,

I would just like to back up what Dave has had to say about your sad situation. An acquaintance of mine is married to a horrendous woman, and nobody would blame him if he were to make a bid for freedom.

However, my impression of you from your story and the way you tell it is that your man has difficulty in recognising when he is well off.

Is the yard work your son is offering to do what we call gardening? I like gardening and would willingly help you out, except that I live rather a long way away and I promise you that you wouldn't like my gardening uniform.

Good luck with the dating when you get back into it, and I hope you find somebody really nice. We are not all monsters out here, you know.

All the best,

Alan
 
Hi Nadine, one day at a time is a good plan. Hope you had a good night out with the girls.

If it's hard when your ex visits why don't you ask him to feed his fish or whatever when you are out. Frankly he hasn't made himself completely available - only on his terms when it suits him. He wanted to break things off but he hasn't really. Just my thoughts.

Hope you are doing OK Nadine. We are here for you whatever the topic!
 
Hi Nadine

Popped in to see how you were doing and glad to hear you were out with some of your friends hope you had one or two :cocktail_martini: and enjoyed yourself.
You must be devastated and talked about being on your own, I can't imagine you being on your own for very long.
Take each day as it comes Nadine you can't do much more, hang in there and just focus on getting back to work.

Billy
 
Hi Nadine

Just sending you a :console:big hug,ive been reading your posts from the start as they are so lively and funny.Im so sorry that now your well on the road to your new life with your hip that you've been hit with the breakdown of your relationship.Its sounds like AND WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM :hate-shocked:
Keep your chin up girl we are all thinking of you :flowerysmile:
 
Thanks again everyone....oddly enough boys.....I do tend to stay single for quite a while....not that I am super picky.....but men don't really want much to do with me......when I use a dating website they are usually looking for one thing.....not that the one thing is horrible ........cuz its not... they just arent interested in me for a relationship......i was 7 years after leaving my husband that I finally met what I thought for sure was the man I was meant to be with for the rest of my life. Yesterday and today have been extremely hard days.....spent last evening and this evening crying my eyes out and can't seem to stop...its horrible. The pain is so deep and severe.....its soo much to handle with everything else going on..the new hip......rehab......phsyio twice dayily which I simply cannot bring myself to do...once a day and I'm flyin.....and havin trouble makin myself go for my walks.....I just feel soo lonely....we always went to bed at night and I would lay with my head on his chest and he would play with my hair and we would talk.....its earth shattering to me. I keep waiting for a good day.....and just when I think I may have one....something sets me off once again and I spend the evening crying. Wayyy to much to deal with at once......plus my sons wedding coming up sept 10th..
 
Aw Nadine, I know it's a bad time right now ... but you have the rest of your life. You are young and now your hip is fixed! Life will get better once you are past this initial pain.

I know we are only cyber friends - but you are not alone. Please stop by and chat here when you need to. :grouphug2:
 
None of us here truly have the words to ease the deep pain you are now feeling. Just know we are all here to listen and comfort in some way. Nadine you are grieving a loss. What you are feeling is normal and only time will ease your pain. Try to look only forward. Think of the good things that are ahead of you. Your son starting on a new life, returning to work, your grandchildren, and living life free from hip pain to mention a few. Maybe get a new pet or plan a vacation with a friend. Now all you have to deal with is taking care of Nadine. Once you get use of it you'll find put that it's not such a bad thing. When you least expect it you life will take another turn, this time hopefully for the best. Your due.
 
Dear, Nadine, I hesitated to respond to this thread as you don't know me...heck, none of us know each other...but it brought me right back to the pain I felt when my ex stopped coming home just under 5 years ago. I have so many thoughts that I could share, but I don't think the server would hold them all. I was devastated and had this horrible lonely ache that I just knew wouldn't go away. I felt my heart pounding in my chest every morning when I woke up and realized yet again this wasn't a bad dream. His step mom is a board certified psychotherapist and helped me a lot. She told me that in six months I would feel better. I remember honestly thinking that if I had to feel like I felt for six months I'd be dead. I was so shocked by all the events and unveiling of things about him I had no idea of...like the fact he said he had a four year degree in business and I found out he never graduated from high school. I really started to question my sanity. Pain of the heart is the worst pain of all and I so feel for you.

My ex mom-in-law told me to do anything that makes me feel good to make the days go by (unfortunately that advice got me in a little debt...but it did make me feel better) and one piece of advice I'll take with me forever and share as well is this: Us female types have a tendency of making our entire world evolve around the man (or children) in our life. It's just what we are...nurturers and caretakers. BUT, we will inevitably spend a bit of time by ourselves, whether due to a spouse dying or leaving, and we need to have activities and interests in our world that we are plugged into for those times. I was 45 when this happened and I said to him, on Easter Sunday, btw, "I can't believe I'm going to be single again at 45." His response to me was, "I could've waited until you were 55. Would that have been better?"

I still loved this man, this man that had no problem treating me like ****. One of the reasons I ended up in this situation with my hip is I had no insurance. He never thought about anything but himself.

No one can know what happens between two people and why it happens, but just know you are an incredibly beautiful woman and will get through this! I can tell you there is life after 45 and 46 and 47 and now even 50! You are blessed with children and a job and a home and a new hip and from what I can see a lot of people on this site. I'm fairly new here and bop in and out, but I've read a few of your posts and this just brings me back. I was married three times and it never feels good to go through what you are going through...and the timing of it sucks.

You need to find that inner strength that we all know you have and fight for your life and your health and continue on with your therapy as you're supposed to regardless of how you feel. It's really none of my business, I know. But find some anger in there and move forward. You don't have to keep the anger, just use/borrow it for a while to get you through. Just don't let anyone get in the way of healing properly.

I would get up in the morning and hop on my stationary bike and pedal through all kinds of hip pain and tell myself I was fighting for my life. I don't even know what I was talking about I was so sad...but it gave me something to do every morning. I'd cry while I was doing it. I was so heartbroken. Find something and dig your teeth in and don't look back.

I'm not even sure what I wrote, but just know that this will pass. I did make it the six months and now am in a new loving relationship. I'm not married, and that's just okay with me, but I am happy.

As all of the above posters have said, I'm here for you as well.

Donna:friends:
 
Nadine, I think Donna just said it all right above. I just text her and told her this was very heart warming to read.

I'm also 46 and have been through ups and downs with breakups and I know what you are saying. It's very hard and hurts very very bad. I'm so glad you have EAP at work. I have it too and I think it's a great benefit at a work place. I hope it helps with your healing process and that planning for your sons wedding will really help you. What a joyous event to help your son with, but on the same token I know a wedding is a hard thing for you to deal with as well.

Please know as everyone has posted, we are all here for you and please keep posting because we do all want to know that you are doing o.k. I do think that these surgeries do put a strain on relationships. As Donna stated, we woman are the givers and nurturers and seem to be the ones who make sure everyone else is o.k. before we even worry about ourselves. It's time now to worry about YOU.

You will survive and you will find love again !!! I know, I did after years of being by myself.

Take care of yourself.

:friends:
 
Very well said Donna und Julie. Nadine, nobody can take away your pain and disappointment. You have to grieve and cry and focus on what's coming up next in your life, e.g. work, your son's wedding. Even I am living proof that life goes on. When I was 54, my 20 year long marriage ended in the blink of an eye. I was a homemaker, hadn't worked in 20 years, plus had a crippling hip. Fast forward: I am single again, finally found a surgeon who gave me a new hip and lease on a new life. What truly helped me through this time was a good therapist and my beloved poodle. I hope my new hip will get strong soon, my other hip calm down, and then I'll look for a part-time job, volonteering. Haven't thought about dating.
 
Thanks so much everyone.....this all means so much to me. I had coffee with a neighbour today.....but around the house there isn't much to do right now.....my son may or may not be coming around today to mow the grass...I also went in to work today to take in the letter I recieved from my surgeon regarding my return to work. The boss is goign to set up a meeting for sometime in the week of the 20th of aug....I am a little worried now about wether or not its a good idea to go back.

I initially decided to try to go back early thinking it would ease some of the strain here at home.....I honestly thought I was underfoot too much and needing him with me too much. I am a little worried about my stamina....I find that if I do my physio and go for a 3 block walk or a bit more I am good for the day.....if I have to go out shopping or something then by evening I find I am irritably sore....not in extreme pain......just really need to lie down cuz it hurts and my left leg feels very angry is the only way i can explain it. My job allows me the freedom to walk and sit as I see fit for the most part........my phased return to work is so far going to be 4 hours at a time...just havne't hashed out the days in a row or anything. I have to talk to my physiotherapist about that one. I am hoping the remainder of this month will allow me to grieve enough that going back to work wont just add to the burden. I have a good boss though.....and I imagine that if I am still too messed up then they will prob tell me to take the remainder of my leave off. But time will tell. But for tonite I am going to force myself to do my physio after I have some sort of food to eat.....still having trouble with that. Going to try a few sausage rolls and some soup maybe.

Am I crazy??......I want to be held in the arms of a man so I can just rock and cry...
 
No, you're not crazy, Nadine, your emotions are just very raw at the moment. Hold on to who you are. I know what it's like to question one's sanity. It's still your life even though it doesn't seem so at the moment.
 
Just be good to yourself now Nadine! And please don't stress about work. You have a lot to deal with now. Yes stamina will be an issue. Hope your boss will give you a break!
 
Hi Nadine

Remember on your phased return to take things slowly to begin with, are you up flights of stairs at work like I am, there is no lift so climbing two floors was a bit of a task to begin with and I am starting to get up and down them at times without the bannister.
Fours hours sonds good and it should pass quickly, just remember the golden rule don't push yourself to hard thinking it will be ok, don't do the silly thing do the sensible one.
And hang in there Nadine all your smartie woman friends are here for you. :thumb:
 
Hi Nadine
I think getting back to work on a phased basis may be good for you as long as you take it easy & don't try to do too much.
It'll give you something else to focus on during the day so you're not thinking about your ex & your hips for a while. I feel so much better since going back to work last week.
As you say you can move about quite a bit in your job so that's a good thing.
I'd recommend getting into some kind of routine with shopping etc. My hubby is working very long hours 'cos of the harvest at the moment so I go to the supermarket every other day & just get enough in to last 2 days - that means I'm only in the shop for about 20-30 minutes & have no more than 2 bags full, I can cope with that. It's a case of splitting up what you have to do & spreading it out over the week - if something doesn't get done then don't fret over it. Make sure you have plenty of rest in between things.

I'm sure once you get work etc sorted you'll start to feel more like yourself again, & don't forget to let your kids help out!

Good luck :flowerysmile:
 
Oh Sharon.....my kids are wonderfull for the most part. My oldest realised the other day that my babysitting my two grand daugthers wasn't a good thing in the state of mind I was in....so she says she will only leave the girls now if my youngest will be here to watch t hem. The youngest is 15. And my son came by to cut my grass and help tidy up the yard by my ex's shed.....he had saw horses propped up against stuff and boards pilled up beside the shed.....Ashleigh's old bike was sitting there since he built it and no one every moved any of the stuff to mow...not even weedwhacking around the bigger things....there was long grass growing and lookin messy for probably a half foot around some stuff.....so my boy really helped me get it tidied up. Unfortunately I spent a large part of the night awake.....since about 3 or 4 am.....then at 6ish I found myself listening for the back door to open signalling that Bruce would be home....of course he wasn't and will never be. And I knew that.....but still ended up curled in a ball catawalling for a good hour and half......thought I would exhaust myself to sleep....but no....thank goodness my youngest wasn't home to hear it. I am sure it sounded like someone was torturing a cat or something. And I had to go and get a cell phone account because my cell was under his contract. So a huge issue came of it.....I had to actually get a new phone and a contract of my own in order to keep my cell phone number...which was very important to me right now.....but the new phone is driving me crzy tryin to learn how to use it. I think I know enough to do me for now. Not sure how much of all this I can take before I literally snap......kinda scary.
 
Nadine, hon.....one small step at a time. This is just like recovery. It will not come overnight. Maybe you should keep a recovery journal for this too.....just like a THR. You'll find you're better and better as the weeks go by. And....you will see the things you are accomplishing. Getting your house in order is HUGE! I'm glad you have help and you'll feel so much better when you have some of these things that have needed to be done completed. Sending you a big ((((HUG))))....
 
Hmmm...:skeptical:. You won't like what I have to say about him so I'll zip it! But, only after I say this. Get on with your life, he's not worth your tears. I've already come to my own conclusions so no need to dump them on you.

Get well, get mad, and get a life for yourself. Don't rush into another relationship, focus on "YOU"! Spend time with your friends and family and push the negativity away.

Get counseling by all means, but you are no dummy Nadine, you've got the answers. It doesn't hurt to have someone to listen to your feelings, so take advantage of it.

I think getting back to work is a good thing right now, but slowly. This can also be an exciting time Nadine...New Beginnings! And, with good health!

At least the creep was there to get you through the surgery but you don't need him any longer. Don't look back, look ahead to an exciting new life with your new hip.

I wish you all the best Nadine, you are going to be just fine :friends:!
 
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