Hello, and thank you all for the support. It really means a lot to me. I'm already sorting out the people in my life from the I-can-talk-to-you-about-this ones to the rest. And it's surprising to see who falls into which category. For example, I have no intention of talking to either one of my children about this. One's newly enlisted and in a
very intense training program; the other is newly graduated and living in a new city, and exploring the world of work. She struggles with anxiety; starts to get nervous if she goes too long without hearing from me. Neither one of them need to have this concern on their minds.
My STBX-husband is also one that I find I have no desire to share this with. But the PT who told me that his wife died of breast cancer, the one who served as my wake-up call to get a mammogram? I find myself wanting to talk to him about it. I will not, because I think that would be unfair to him, but it's just intriguing to me to see to whom I wish to turn.
Okay,
@Raffs, the promised knee update. You're a good counter--I'd lost track and thought I was around 9 or 10 weeks out, but you're right. I'm at 11 weeks, and feel like overall, I'm getting stronger. I am not, however, regaining ROM at an admirable rate. The `tight band' feels a little smaller, a little looser, but overall I'm not gaining on this very quickly. Yesterday we had a day-long meeting at work, and I had to get up and walk a few times during the meeting, and was very drained by the end of the day, but I made it. I'll be going in for awhile today (Saturday) to get some work done just to make some headway.
PT measured me at a stunning 7 degrees of extension and 67 flexion, so either I was having a bad day, I've lost a fair measure of ROM. The exercises she gave me are not painful, and they seem to be helping. I am hoping to find a massage therapist who can help me loosen up a bit.
@SarahJane, my initial exposure to snow leopards was a film of young adults (probably siblings) playing together in the snow, and I was entranced. I consider them to be improbable and joyous survivors, and that is the quality in them I would like to emulate. I have been TCOBing this summer, now that you mention it. It's seemed like one of those `no way out but through' times of life, and until the duck (as good a name as any) was spotted (or not) in my breast tissue, everything seemed to be slogging apace.
I spoke to a woman recently who is in her forties, told me she was bone-on-bone in both knees and needed surgery. I asked if she wanted a recommendation, and she said sure. I said, "Don't wait. You've got youth and health on your side, you have a support system, you have insurance. Get it over with so you can start recuperating and get your life back." And she said she didn't want to miss out on a summer (the optimum time to do that here). Well, none of us do. She also had a mother that went through one TKR, and needs another, but has had a lot of pain and advised her not to do it, so she has some powerful negative reinforcements there. I told her about the fears I'd had before I had the surgery, and that they didn't materialize for me, and explained that I wish I had someone who had been through it to talk to before the surgery.
I put myself through these things as an investment in my future. Last night I watched "Seeking a Friend for the End of the World", a black comedy about the last weeks before a meteorite was due to bulls-eye planet earth. There was a brief glimpse in one scene of a woman in late pregnancy who was in a bar, presumably drinking. Just one of those jolting images that make you stop and think. In one of the final scenes, a newscaster who has been a constant throughout gives his final broadcast, in which he tells the audience that there was an error in calculation and the meteor is due 14 hours earlier than expected. And then he reminds people that it's time for the daylight savings adjustment. "Remember, spring forward."
That’s a pretty good parallel for what waiting on the next test results feels like. I’ve ground my way through this medical summer because I believe there will be other summers. Like the pregnant lady who eats well, rests, takes her prenatals, and has regular checkups, I’m working towards a hopeful future.
@Tina48 and
@PolarBear60, hearing that you both went through similar “let’s take another look” events is reassuring. I'm sure you can identify with my feeling that until I hear a duck-free diagnosis, I’ll have that “Incoming!” option on my list of possibilities.
I’ve been reading a NYT feature on “The Faces of Breast Cancer”, and it’s been a shake-up of my world view to read this. There are a variety of experiences described, right down to those who found out that the meteor is due to hit 14 hours earlier, with a reminder to turn their clocks forward an hour.
The doctor told me, “Now remember, no fretting allowed!” and I told her that I would fret when she told me there was something to fret about, and not before. But a healthy consideration of others’ consideration of this? "It concentrates the mind wonderfully."
And
@Braunzie, I plan on enjoying my weekend, thank you. And this conversation with all of you? Part of the fun.
United States
I think you're right. I'm sure if the news were "urgent" they would have made sure it was addressed.. at the same time, sorry the "loose ends" were not wrapped up.. Hope you get good rest this weekend. 
