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THR On the mend

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@Cynthia777
Hahaha. You just made me laugh! Yes, you ARE very right! I need patience lessons, over and over! Thank you my sweet Cindy! I hope you are hanging in there. Only a couple weeks to go. Blessings to you, always.
 
I'm hanging in there my dearest sister! Patience is the word of the day...well, the word for a few months to come!!! I'll be checking on you! :-)
 
@Josephine @Jaycee and anyone with pearls of wisdom. ANXIETY! Word of the week...I have started having more anxiety, AGAIN! And I'm talking about the kind that makes your heart race, head swim, cry, can't breath.....I just don't understand!??? It started back when I got my official schedule for my THR. I was feeling scared, shocked, and unsure of the outcome. I understand that, but since my surgery, which went well, I have been slowly creeping back in that hole. It has been so bad the last 4 days that I can't sleep, can't turn off the lights at night, have to constantly get up and pace around outside. Which, btw, isn't easy when your hip is sore, just saying. So I'm assuming that my subconscious is feeling trapped in this barely functional body? I know that I am progressing well, I know that I'm positive about everything, I know that this WILL improve, BUT... I STILL CANT GET A HANDLE ON THIS. I've tried Kava Kava tea, soursop tea, guided meditations for anxiety, self assurance talk, deep breathing, cut out coffee and cafiene, taking .5-1.5 mg Ativan at night, have had a glass of wine, sat in the hot tub, and nothing is helping. The anxiety used to only be at night, like I'd wake up with it in the middle of the night. Now, it's all day this last four-5days and so bad at night that I can't even get to sleep. Last night I took 1.5 mg Ativan with a glass of wine. No pain meds last night. Can anyone relate, and what did you do? I feel so hopeless. My husband can't understand, but he has been great. I laid in his arms all night last night, feeling like I was safe, but was afraid of him letting go. ??? This is SO NOT ME! I did finally sleep, but I WAS heavily medicated! I am waiting for my Doctor to call, but just wanted to reach out to my fellow BS peeps, as I believe we all understand the complexity of this roller coaster ride. Thank you for your input.


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Hi 45. I know you got this article right after surgery, but I'm posting it again in case you forgot about it.
Post op blues is a reality - be prepared for it

At one month, you are still on the emotional roller coaster. This is normal...natural...and it WILL pass.

I will also mention that at age 45, you may well be having peri-menopausal issues as well, and the combination of that plus the upheaval of surgery may be playing total havoc with your hormonal balance. (I had my first and only panic attack several years after menopause started. Not fun!)

It also raises alarm bells in my head that you are mixing Ativan with alcohol. I'm under the impression that that is a big no-no. Not sure what other medications, especially for pain, you are taking, but I'm thinking that adding alcohol into the mix might be exacerbating your emotional state.

Hope this helps.
Sharon
 
Thanks for the reminder @sharonslp. I need to have my husband read this. And in response to mixing meds with wine, I rarely ever drink. It was a last ditch effort when nothing else was working. And it didn't either. So, just waiting for doctor to call to figure it out. I do believe that once I'm totally healed, the symptoms will go away. Just trying to make sense of it all. Thanks for the reply.


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@45goingon90
How awful for you! Here is an article I found online that may be of some help. You are in my prayers my friend!

[Bonesmart.org] On the mend
 
@ 45goingon90 Here's hoping that you find some peace within yourself. Hang in there and remember that in time this too shall pass. Hugs and blessings!


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@45goingon90

Hi,

I understand some of the stress, anxiety and challenge you are experiencing, not only from my personal journey but also from my ex-wife's journey when her disorder forced her permanently into a wheelchair. I don't know your personal feelings, no one ever really can baring you; but from my side the feelings rushed from fear of being alone, insecurity, sleeping and not waking and general helplessness with something I/we couldn't control.

The only way I coped in both circumstances was by learning to let go, accepting the things I could change, the comfort others could provide and understanding the things I had no hope of changing & how to sit, consider, share, smile and accept them as part of the journey. Small steps forward in healing should be celebrated, challenges should be accepted as such and addressed and the scary internal thoughts that plague you need to see the light of day and knocked down together.

The good news is I managed to climb out the other side, the approach helped me with the horrible 1 month slump with the THR and also helps me reach out to others in my job where needed.

I hope the people and professionals around you can help with the journey, you're not alone and so many are willing to help

Good luck and I hope you have a great recovery day & I also hope this helped in some small way.


Ps - one on the tips I received early on was to throw away the clock in relation to sleep, sleep when your body tells you, not your mind. They all fall back into line eventually, just trust your body to know what it needs


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@AndyH99
Thank you for your reply! It does help! It's such a bizarre thing- as I am usually a very upbeat, nothing really gets me down type. So this journey has really stripped me of MY care taking abilities and thrown me into a position of which I needed the care. Not liking it so much. I have two teenagers who have repeatedly reminded me of how "inconvenient" my needs have been. I am "ruining" there summer, etc, etc. It has been hard to hear those things. I realize that they are 16-17 and all about themselves right now, but it's still hard. I'd like to believe I've taught them compassion and Grace, but....teens will be teens. Anyway, I think that is where a lot of my issues are coming from. Needing to feel independent and able to function normally again. I understand it's just around the corner, but it is so hard to be patient, especially when you know how "irritating" it is to everyone else. My husband keeps reminding them that one day they will NEED me, and that they should treat me more like I've always treated them. I will be fine, I will be fantastic. Just a speed bump. I see my dr tomorrow to discuss short term anxiety treatment, so, if that is another step closer to getting a handle on this, so be it. I'm too tired to fight it! I appreciate your wisdom and support. I hope you are doing fantastic also! On the positive side, I get to start driving myself again, next week. I'm so excited! And I've slept on my side the last two nights, resulting in much more sleep! Yahoo!


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Hugs to you @45goingon90 !
Sigh, kids! I wish I could say something to help.. I feel your frustration and not meaning to sound trite, but really this will pass.
you just posted that you are sleeping better? That in itself is a huge improvement!
just because your children are saying things like you are ruining their summer they don't really mean it.
My husband says that teenagers are missing vital parts.. it's true! So please don't take it to heart, they love you and need you and part of their acting out ( which is what they are doing, even at their ages) stems from feeling vulnerable and worried about you. they just don't know how to voice it.
Just think, my journey begins next Monday and you will be so far ahead of me and with good reason! You will be healing and improving in those 6 days..
Congrats on your new hip-- I covet it like your 16 yr. old covets a car.. hahah
 
@CricketHip
Oh you are so sweet! And yes, I know they care, they just don't always know how to show compassion. After all, they still have a lot about life to learn! I appreciate your kind words❤️ I hope your surgery goes excellent! You will have ups and downs, but lots more ups! I will keep you in my prayers. Please keep us posted. We all are really a band of brothers/sisters! It's a lovely thing.
 
Oh yes teens! I'm convinced teens are so
self-centered because it's their last hoorah before parenthood! A day is a year through their eyes! I agree with Cricket, much of their acting out stems from fear, as you've always been the strong one who takes care of them. I'm sure they're a bit insecure at the moment. Unfortunately you are in a place where you need the mothering and they are ill-equipped to provide it for you. Wow, I fooled myself here and thought I was a psychiatrist for a minute! God keep you in His loving arms!
 
Teenagers, what can I say that hasn't already been said! Between my wife and I we have five kids, our only saving grace is that the youngest is approaching 20 and only two live with us. Sadly it also means we've been through the teenage tantrums and self centred egotistical stages as well so you have our sympathies! I concur with @Cynthia777 and @CricketHip, sadly only time and life experience will help them grow, the upside is that one day all you've done for them will influence how they grow as a person whether they realise it or not; my best day ever with my eldest was when she came to me and said "Dad, you know that stuff you told me when I was 16, well you were right - thank you" - you can imagine the joy of that moment. I hope the seeds you plant now and the pain and disappointment you work through pays such dividends in the future.

On a lighter side you could always have some fun with them. e.g.

- have a teenage/adult swap day or two and make them responsible for everything you have to do ( assuming you have good insurance ). Mine were hysterical the first time balancing a shopping budget.
- treat yourself to a behave like a teenager day, so reflect it back
- go on the offensive with a practical joke session, so cellophane on the loo & that sort of things
- take a 3 hour shower just before they want to go out
- order yourself pizza for breakfast and don't share

The list is endless and you will no doubt have some really good ones for yours, but their own medicine and a bit of reverse psychology can be real fun, totally pointless as most of them never get the joke but real fun all the same. Worst case scenario, you buy a cattle prod and a sound proof wardrobe - lol - only kidding, honest!

Hope you have a really great day and some of the stresses melt away.


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Hi @45goingon90 I have been on this site for a long time and I can tell you that troublesome teenagers are not uncommon.Lets face it they can be self centred and challenging at the best of time but one conclusion was that they are also scared and bewildered seeing one of their parents going through the trauma of a hip replacement but don't like to show it.This period will pass and they always seem to come good in the end.Lets face it they have a great future to look forward to once you are fully recovered and are mobile and pain free.Sending you all my good wishes x
 
Oh my gosh! @AndyH99 , @Cynthia777 and @Kim22

You guys are amazing! The support is incredible! Who needs family when we have Bonesmart?! You have all been so sweet. I really cherish my kids, and have always been told by every friend, teacher, and aquaintence what wonderful, polite, intelligent, well mannered kids I have.....sometimes I have a hard time believing this. Lol! I guess it's natural for them to save the worst for us, just seems unfair. I know they care deeply, they are just wrapped up in the "ME" moment of High Schoolers. And don't get me wrong, they've been very good help and very sweet most of the time. They are just tired of not having their Mama back full swing. I have been a stay at home, super involved Mother all of their lives. It's a big change for them to be the care takers. I just pray that they always remember how important compassion is.

I am, however, deeply touched by the compassion and support shown to me and others here on BS! From medical stuff to emotional advice...it is a Godsend. You are all huge Blessings to me! I wish we could have a BS reunion! Too bad we all live so far apart! @AndyH99 - I love the swap day idea. I've had to send them to get groceries already...funny stuff! They definitely have had a taste of my life. They can't understand how I can get everything done. They really are seeing the fortune they've had with me always being on top of things. My son said he's never having kids now - after seeing how much work it is to be on call 24/7. Hahahaha!

Have a wonderful day to all. And a great big ((HUG)) to you all! You brighten my day
 
I'm still laughing about your son not wanting children now!!
You and I are two peas in a pod as far as our motherhood is concerned! I have an only child (daughter who turned 28 yesterday) and I must say, should I end up with surgery, I am not looking forward to her pampering skills (which will be zippo)! I can just see the eye rolling now as I ask her for a glass of water! Now, if you ask anyone else, she's the most wonderful caring and helpful individual they've ever met (who? My Gina?)...I think I may have spoiled her just a teense, but I ingrained the love of others in her (unfortunately I forgot to teach her I was one of those "others"! All kidding aside, she loves me with all her heart, but I don't think she perceives waiting on me as part of that love! :-)
 
@45goingon90 - Our teens sound so similar! I have older children (raised 2 step when I was very young, and later bio), and my two young ones-my son I had very late in life, he is age 16, and adopted my daughter who is now 14. A few weeks before the surgery, something happened (I can't remember what), and we had a very serious family discussion about showing concern and compassion for family members and not being so self-absorbed (which I think is a developmental stage for teens). It was the first time we had a talk like this-there were tears, it wasn't pretty, but somehow it must have sunk in. We went on a vacation for 3 weeks before the surgery to a cabin where there was no wifi so we were on the lake, etc. all day. The 4 older kids and their families came. The older kids had heart-to-hearts with the younger ones about being respectful, etc (without my prompting). This seemed to make a huge difference for some reason, because now the young ones have been eager to help. I'm sure they are tired of it, but in a way they are glad I am home. I usually work and am exhausted when I come home at 5:30. I have been more available for them so I think I will miss seeing them when I go back to work.

Regarding your anxiety-I used to know a ton of supplements to take for this which are probably contraindicated with your meds. One thing that works form a "sensory integration" perspective, is deep pressure or "proprioceptive" activities. If you could get some small barbells and lift weights, deep pressure massage on your upper body, or even a weighted shawl, it might help? If you ever saw the "thunder vest" commercial for dogs, it's the same theory, invented by occupational therapists for children with autism and other anxiety disorders. Dog trainers took the idea and used it, it's a big hit for the dog training world.

I know the feeling and have experienced in in varying degrees the last few years. Especially when shopping-I break out in a sweat and need to get out-now! Take care and be kind to yourself, Best wishes to you.
 
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