Fusion Long ride to a successful Fusion

[Josephine]

On my way down the hill, I heard a bang on the stall door and then the most beautiful sound I've heard in a long time....a whinny! I think she's going to be ok...

Oh Audrey - she was letting you know she was feeling better! How lovely!

As the PA began using the screwdriver-looking tool, she was being too rough and rushing. Well, because she wasn't focusing, the tool slipped and she ripped more of my skin on the side and I started bleeding quite a bit.

It was such a simple, straightforward job and shouldn't have caused you any pain or discomfort. That's too bad of her and I hope she lost her job as a result.

 

[wanttoride]

Hi everyone! It's been a long week around here and I am soooo tired. Gracie slipped backwards, but as of this morning, she seems more "bright eyed". She gets her penicillin shots at 9am and 5pm, and I am the only one that can give them to her. My barn is about 300 feet from my house, and it's all uphill. It takes everything I've got just to get up there, and get her quite to give her the meds. It's not only physically demanding, but mentally as well. I feel like a deflated balloon today. Hubby finally went to the office today, and I'm going to lay on the couch and do NOTHING! Last night, I just started to shake, so I knew I had had enough. A friend is coming over tonight to give Gracie her shot.
I had PT at the office on Monday. Had a one hour session which was a complete waste of time. Put my heel on a towel and then a 2 pound weight on my knee for 5 minutes. Measured before and after and went from 17 degrees extension to 7. Not bad!...just wish it would stay there. Then I did heel slides for 15 minutes, talked about my immobilizer (a useless thing - I'm now back in that full leg "donjoy" hinged brace" as the cloth immobilizer allowed my knee to bend too much), made another appt. and I was done. I love my PT lady, but don't love the cost of an hour visit for something that I can very well do myself at home, as I'm very disiplined, as she knows. So....I'm done with PT. (She had to cancel yesterday anyway, which was just as well...I didn't want to go anyway)
I see Dr. K on Tuesday, as I've said before. I really miss having "Peg" (my cast), and I'm on the fence as to whether or not I did the right thing by not having the fusion. I've been on 2 crutches since the surgery, and it's impossible to walk with just one at this time. I don't feel "independent" like I did, and I miss that. I know it hasn't been a long time, but after 2 years and then having "independence", then going back to crutches...well....you know what I mean.

 

[Josephine]

Honey - you know exactly what I am going to say .......... it's only 3 weeks ... you can't judge the outcome this early.
You won't really know how it is until about 8 weeks at the earliest.

Besides which you are slap-bang in the middle of the 'angry tissue' stage where everything is upset and uncooperative to the max. And your trips to the barn haven't helped (but you know that too) so no way you can judge now. No way anyone can judge now. Can your friend see to your horse for a week or two for you?

 

[wanttoride]

Thanks, Jo! You always have a way of making me feel better! :doggieshmooze:

 

[wanttoride]

Hi again! Hubby and I spent most of the afternoon up at the barn today. A beautiful fall day, in the 50's and a bit windy. I'm done giving "Gracie" the shots, so now it's "wait and see" how she does without the meds. We should know in a few days if she regresses or not. At any rate, she got a LOT of attention today from me. She didn't reallly want to come near me, for as you all know, I'm the "lady that hurts me" to her. A few horse cookies and she was willing to let me touch her again, then rub her head, then rub her back and then finally brush her. I was ELATED! She's lost quite a bit of weight, but if this "thing" stays away, I know I can get her back to healthy weight again. I told her today, "It's you and me, Gracie"....we've got to get through this together! ....I swear she knows EXACTLY what I said!
John (my hubby) took me out yesterday to deliver a "thank you" present to one of my best friends. She and I have been friends since the 6th grade, and she made meals and treats for us for the first week I was out of the hospital. Her name is "Robin", and she is the one that was diagnosed with RSD in her wrist and forearm the same week I was diagnosed with it 2 years ago. I'm really lucky to have 5 girlfriends from my youth (and I'm talking from the age of 2!) that are still in my life and wonderful friends. Robin is just the most special one. I needed a good cry, and I was holding it for a good half hour as we drove to her work. She saw us coming and was completely surprised! I crutched my way up the walkway and just lost it and bawled like a baby. If you have even one friend that you can be yourself with, no matter how bad the situation is, you are very, VERY lucky. I know I am. And of course....she got to bawling, and then we just looked at each other and started laughing! It's a good thing she works at a small office where everybody knows me as well, or I think they would have called the "people with the white coats" and given us a room in the "palace"! LOL.....

I think we all have "a day" when things look bleek and it looks like there will never be another happy or "normal" day, but that's normal. If Jo says it's normal, then it is!!!! (((((big hug, Jo))))) So.....if you need a good cry, then give yourself the "ok" to just let it all out. You just might find that you end up in tears of laughter rather than tears of heartbreak and frustration.

I have one very loving little pomeranian on my lap right now that has never left my side since this all began. His name is "Cubby". I don't know what it is about animals, but they always know when you need a wet kiss....which is what I'm getting right now! :doggieshmooze:

So everybody....have a good night (or day, as the case may be) and give yourself a hug if there isn't anybody around....YOU DESERVE IT.....we ALL deserve it for what we are going through, have accomplished and will accomplish!

 

[Jamie]

What an inspiring post, Audrey.....lots of truth in your words, hon!!!

 

[Coachie]

I think we all have "a day" when things look bleek and it looks like there will never be another happy or "normal" day, but that's normal. So.....if you need a good cry, then give yourself the "ok" to just let it all out. You just might find that you end up in tears of laughter rather than tears of heartbreak and frustration.

So everybody....have a good night (or day, as the case may be) and give yourself a hug if there isn't anybody around....YOU DESERVE IT.....we ALL deserve it for what we are going through, have accomplished and will accomplish!

I had a night like this last night... Things just added up and I just felt so tired and worn down and defeated. My boyfriend texted me and said something about wanting to give me a hug and that just set me off. I got a good cry in and stopped my pity party and felt so much better.

 

[binkie]

Oh Audrey, I just read through your thread. You have been through so much that my heart goes out to you. You have such an wonderfully uplifting spirit. You are an inspiration. I will be keeping you and Gracie in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[wanttoride]

Hi everyone! I'm gonna post a "quickie" for now, but will write more later....
The vet came on Monday, and he's coming back to do xrays on Gracie's sinus. He thinks she has a cyst or a tooth growing in it. If so, it's bad. Surgery is thousands to fix, and no guarantee. She has been off the penicillin since Sat. morning, and she is back to being really sick again. Her head (sinus area) is really swollen and more pus pouring out of her nose. Vet says it is NOT a viral thing....thinks it's a birth defect. If so, we will need to put her down. Will know results later today....
I saw Dr. Kelly yesterday. He was pleased that I was close to 0 degrees, but opted to put me in another "Peg" (this will be "Peg 3"). Had to force knee as straight as I could (with help) to get it to 0, then he cast it. OUCH! well...actually....lots of pulling and stretching. he said that would go away in a couple of days. Bending is a whole other issue....he says we'll take it one step at a time. First...get knee straight and STAY there without "bouncing" back to 7-10 degrees or more. Thus...."Peg". I'll see him in another month, and he says a possible MUA at some point. He thinks if I can get to 90 degrees, we've done what we can. Probably another cast next month also. My case is "specia/unique"...however you want to say it...he didn't want to say it was an experiment, but basically, that's what it is, and that's ok. He could have given up or brushed me off last year. More later.....

 

[Greda]

Audrey,
I am so sorry to hear about Gracie. It is always so hard to make those kind of decisions.
Your spirit is so inspiring...I will continue to pray and hope that your knee improves.
Greda

 

[Jamie]

Audrey.....my heart goes out to you. So many difficult things to deal with at once. Here is a huge ((((HUG))))......

 

[Josephine]

Aw, you must be gutted. I'm so sorry.

 

[maryo52]

Audrey,

So much all at once. Three weeks post op is a tough time, especially with the uncertainty of being "experimental." But it sounds like you have a surgeon who is using his noggin to get you maximum function.

My heart breaks when there are issues involving animals. I am hoping & praying all resolves with Gracie.

 

[wanttoride]

Sad day here....
Vet called this am and "Gracie" has a golfball size cyst in her head around her sinus and under her eye. She will be laid to rest in a few days. I find it "strange" to say the least that it was 2 years ago in November that I had to lay down my beloved Haflinger pony, "Buddy" due to brain and sinus cancer. He was only 10. Gracie is just a baby...only 3 years old. 2 horses with almost identical RARE problems being laid to rest 7 weeks after I have surgeries. Just too bazaar....I really need some "good" coming my way, so I've asked my horse friends to tip their horseshoes "upside down" to empty out all the bad luck and then tip them back up to catch some good luck. Very sad day here at the farm...

 

[muskratsuzie]

I'm so sorry!! Audrey, I am sending you my deepest, heart-felt sympathies during this extremely difficult time! I found this poem that I want to share with you! Please take care and know that we are thinking about you!

Hoofbeats of my Heart

"My dearest friend,
though I can no longer feel the sleek firmness of you
the coarse thickness of your mane,
the sweetgrass scent of your velveteen muzzle
as I leaned in for just one more kiss...
Still you are with me, your hoofbeats
have become the very rhythm of my heart."

by Kimberly de Montbrun

 

[karmigirl]

Audrey,

I am so sorry to hear the new of Gracie. Know that we are with you in spirit in this time of trouble. Deepest sympathies. Hugs and good wishes to YOU.

 

[Jamie]

Suzie....what a beautiful poem. It brought tears to my eyes as I am a horse lover myself.

Audrey, my heart is heavy for all that you are going through. Please take good care of yourself through all this. I know it has to be a strain on you when you're trying to recover.

 

[karmigirl]

Audrey,

Know my heart is with you in this very trying time, it really hurts to lose the ones we love sooo much. I breed and have Great Danes and as most know we never have these Gentle Giants for very long, so I know where you come from. I had to put down my last baby boy 10 3/4 years young just before my surgery and it has been a little harder to get thru this because he's (my best friend) isn't here to love on momma when I really need it.

Please take care of yourself, with all you have been thru would hate to see any moe happen.

Know we are here for you for what ever reason.

You're always in our thoughts and prayers,

 

[wanttoride]

Hi everybody,
Well..it's been a tearful week, but you know....out of something bad, most always comes something good. We laid Gracie down on Wednesday. It was a very hard day, but we knew we were doing the right thing. The next day, the lady that owns the farm where she was bred asked us if we could take another broodmare. She has fallen on some hard times, and knew how much we loved and cared for Gracie. So.....today....we went and picked up "Sweetie Pie"!!!!! She is "Diamond's" 1/2 sister. She's 11 years old, black and white (like Diamond) and has a cute little brown nose with a white strip on it. She's a real sweetheart, and I'm very grateful to the owner for letting us take her. All 3 Shetlands are getting along very well and I'm finally smiling again. I know "Gracie" would approve!
My knee is yet another story. I ditched the cylinder cast because it was killing my knee. The top and lateral side of my knee is very, VERY sensitive to even the slightest touch, so you can imagine how something rubbing on it would feel. Not so good. I've tried the full-leg hinged brace now for the past week. It doesn't rub on my knee, as nothing from it touches it, but I have to wear it on the outside of my jeans and get it set JUST RIGHT 'cause if I don't, it slides down. I've tried everything from double-padding a couple of the velcro fasteners to tugging on the bottom of my pantleg to be sure the jeans are as far down as they can be. Even THAT doesn't work. The hinges have to be in the right spot, or the brace becomes in-effective. So....I'm either constantly adjusting the velcro fasteners to be really, REALLY tight (still slips) or taking it off and on when it slips even an inch. SOOOOOOOO FRUSTRATING!!!!
So....I went to the neoprene hinged brace that wraps around my knee and has stoppers in it so my knee won't bend past 40 degrees. That is very comfortable, won't slip, but I have to keep my knee STRAIGHT, which this brace won't do. UGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! What a pain...
I'm still walking with an arm crutch no matter what brace I'm in, but I've had so much on my mind this week that I've just said "whatever"!!!!

I'm really worried about the RSD this time. The sensitivity, and the nasty reddish purple color my knee gets (now it's half way down my shin and halfway up my thigh) in the morning and at night and anytime I "overdo" it is really gross and a bit concerning. My next appt. is on Nov. 15th, so now I'm keeping notes on a daily basis to show him. I don't know what he'll say or what his game-plan will be with the RSD acting up.

Hubby and I have decided that no matter what, I need a year off from having anymore surgery. My mind and body need a break from all of this. So....2012 will be a "rest period"....and time to save up more money to meet deductibles for 2013. I'm still thinking maybe I should have had the fusion, but maybe a year will give me some time to do things at my own pace. Maybe "slow and steady" really DOES win the race!

Take care everybody. I hope you all are doing well. Thanks for all the messages about "Gracie". I know if you had ever known that beautiful little pony, you would have fallen head over heels in love with her. She will be greatly missed. THANK YOU!!!
I will post a picture of "Sweetie Pie" in a few days!

 

[Jamie]

I'm so glad you posted, Audrey. I've been thinking about you and felt that you must be going through some tough days. But your new "Sweetie Pie" sounds like just what the doctor ordered!!! How wonderful for her to come into your life when you needed her most.

As for your knee....I can imagine how frustrating this all must be. I hope you are able to take it easy and keep the Patience Mantra in mind. You may be very surprised at how your knee is doing in a few months....at least I pray that is what happens for you. I do think your idea of taking a rest from ANY surgery is a good one. It will give you plenty of time to settle in with this knee.....no pressure!

Please let us know how you're getting along. And post that photo as soon as you can.