Thanks! It's just blood and I really think it's just an irritation at incision line. I'm just going to watch it and keep it covered lightly with dry dressing. If I get a fever or any definite signs of infection, I'll go in. It really would be ridiculous for me to insist on seeing an OS today. In perspective, it's a little bleeding from an incision that wasn't yet healed anyway. I probably scraped it on the covers.
It is so humbling to experience the patient side of things. I never imagined what stress such tiny things can cause. My rational brain tells me, slap a band aid on it and carry on. But my post op crazed brain has me on the way to surgery with a limb threatening infection. My poor husband saw me cry for an hour last night, not a thing he could do to help.
He kept trying to be helpful - saying, "My God, Shelia, you worked with ebola patients and never seemed to worry. Now you're freaking out over a drop of blood". While that's true, it is not helpful. I think with ebola, i was scared, but I was taking care of others. And I was in control of the situations, as much as we could control it. Now, I'm scared and struggling to take care of myself. And feel very out of control, being dependent on others.
The psychological impact of these surgeries has been much, much harder on me than the physical part. I know I need to get a therapist or maybe anxiety meds.
Shelia
RTKR - 8/23/16
LTKR - 10/11/16