Thanks everyone for your comments
It is true that it will be better and I will get my life back but I appreciate you not saying that and just appreciating where I'm coming from. Sometimes it is just nice to get our feelings validated isn't it?I have been sent on this journey for a reason and I know I will get through it and I do want to learn something from it. But I haven't appreciated people just trivialising it either..I'm learning a lot from that. I'm talking more about real life people and not the BS community, who usually 'get it'!!!!
@sunsetbiking @calikat @Butterfly @Poppet and others you have all been there with me so long and I appreciate it. Such lovely words sunset.
I know that I will definitely treat others that are ill or incapacitated very differently in the future. I won't promise coffee, dinner or to keep in touch and not do it. That hurts more than not offering at all. I won't ask a question if I don't want the answer and I won't use them as a dumping board for my issues just because they are always there or around. All this has been done to me. Friendship is 2 way street and maybe I need to offer others what I needed in the future? This is my learning curve. I have always tried to be there for my friends but it is interesting and sad to find that some are just takers and to realise that I'm not actually getting anything from the relationship anymore. That's not a nice place to be, I'm not usually in the business of shedding friends
One friendship has really hurt me. I've been there for her for years and dropped things i have been doing to help her, listen to her or to entertain her to distract or help with her issues. I thought it was reciprocated, but then I never really needed people like I have now. I have realised that she still throughout all of this has only really made contact when it suited her or she needed me with no regard to me or my needs. It's been 8 months and I have been in and out of hospital in total over 1 month. She never visited, and only rang when she needed an ear. I'm not so selfish as to expect everyone to visit and at many times haven't even been up to it but you know how much a text means???
Many good friends have just sent a text saying three words and that is so thoughtful. we are all consumed in our lives, but those 3 words mean so much don't they? This friend who has hurt me so much, just calls when she needs an ear without thinking that I don't even have the energy for hours to listen to her. She asked me out because she needed someone to talk to last week and I said NO I wasn't up to it. Please.....she says, i need someone to talk to. Well back and forth it went....she was coming anyway to cheer me up and sit with me for hours doing her work, she says. When i refused etc it kept going that she was coming no matter what!!!! I ended up nearly telling her everything about how i felt but then finally asked her to respect what I NEEDED and she backed off. The demanding she was coming no matter what was even worse because I felt trapped like an animal....I can't go where I want, I would be here stuck if she turned up regardless of my wishes. I was really really agitated.
Many of your needs get brushed away when you are immobile. Many treat you like your brain has gone too. When being pushed in a wheelchair, you are at the mercy of the 'pusher'. Bill and I have had a laugh about the things I got wheeled into and yesterday we were both parked somewhere waiting. I won.....mine was outside the men's toilets in a park!!!!! Yuk. He got rolled into something too!!! lol
I can't even walk from a room without everyone checking me (nice for the concern...stifling after a while). It's so claustrophobic and lonely at the same time. Last Sunday after niggling back and forth for us all, in the family while we were out and about, I asked to just sit out the front of the house and reflect and be left in peace. No one could because they were worried about me but I just wanted the independence to sit, cry and reflect on my mother as i cant go anywhere without anyone to take me. They couldn't leave me because I was down a flight of stairs, Outside and can't get around. Do you see the opposing problems?
The family is tired from doing their own duties and then attending to me. Everything is hard to do by yourself. Everything is tiring for them. Relationships become about my needs and their tiredness. The family misses the old me and I miss giving them what they need from me. I MISS me. I get frustrated because i need things like a certain top, something i cant get to, clean sheets or towels. if i ask too many times then I'm annoying and a nagger and they forget because they have so much on. if I don't ask i miss out and feel frustrated. And we all hope that this bug really does go away. We all talk about after the hip is removed, after the hip is in, after I'm off ABX. But in the back of all of our minds we were playing this game prior to my initial surgery and so there is always that black cloud over everyone's heads.
I love Bonesmart.....but it is so hard to keep up with everyone and I'm amazed at those who can. I feel guilty at not keeping up with those who have been so supportive, and sad when I'm being strong and not getting support and so I need to think on that too.....I sound like a bit of a mess don't I????
Sorry for ranting but it DOES Feel better.....maybe not for you all though. Lol
United States
Jackie
A flower for you,
