TKR Hoping for a new me after this new knee...at 37!

[bmxmama2]

Hi, pdx. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. My OS insisted that I go to this particular office, and insurance covered it. I was disappointed until I was assigned to Nate the other day. He has been very encouraging and not hurting me. Yep, to say this recovery has been quite something is about right. I'm beyond words...


So, I woke up today in a little bit of pain, pretty swollen, and feeling VERY guilty. I definitely don't like feeling useless around the house and relying on everyone to take care of my problems. I know I'm supposed to just accept it and be grateful, and I'm very grateful, but I know that I'm putting a hardship on my friends and family. I've always been the strong one that gets everything done. It's very hard for me to give up control, especially when it comes to my kids. This is my biggest challenge. I need to just suck it up and go with it.

My husband's birthday is on Sunday. I'm feeling really guilty because I know I'm not going to be able to handle some big production. He is very understanding, but I still feel bad. Now the poor guy is going to get an MRI today because he threw his back out carrying my bags of ice inside. He's not allowed to work for the time being and in a lot of pain.

Our family looks kinda rough right now with me using a walker, Joel hobbling, and Zack with giant metal posts sticking out of his arm. My 10 year old is taking care of all of us now...

Wow! This turned into a big, whiny person story. Thanks for letting me get it out.

 

[Fernie]

oh BMX - I hope things pick up for you and I can only imagine how hard it is to sit back and accept so much help - i fear I will be having the same feelings when it's my turn next month!

Sounds like your 10 year old is doing a grand job looking after you all, bless him! Take care and I'm sure your hubby will have a great birthday on Sunday.

 

[Fernie]

ErniesMa - Hi, I told my boss today and he was fine - he was actually really concerned for me! That's everyone told now pretty much so I can go about my planning and counting down the days.... thanks for your message, people really care on here!

 

[kneeper]

bmxmama2--try not to feel guilty. Yes, you may be a bit needy right now--your job is to heal. How much better for you to have a time healing and then be in good shape than to have continued to struggle on with out the tkr which likely wasn't doing any of you any good . You may not be able to throw your husband a big party this year---but look out next year!​

 

[Nanners]

What a sweet 10 yr old you have there! Maybe when feeling better, a treat is in order Big hugs!

 

[debsnm]

Hi Stacey,
I too had a TKR on Dec 17th 2012......Haven't had a PT session yet so I cannot comment on any of that, but I do have that tight rubber band feeling happening. The swelling has finally gone down which is a huge relief but instead I am now having nerve pain. Feels like hot searing knife pains down my shin. No fun. I went out to lunch with my husband today and had to come home straight after as I was exhausted. Getting cabin fever and want to get back to my life, but I realised today that I still have to rest up before any of that is going to happen!
Hope you have a pain free and lovely day!
Debbie

 

[bmxmama2]

Oh, boy. This has been a rough day. Not pain, but extremely emotional. It started out with the feelings of guilt, and it is ending with me wondering if I should have just left my knee alone. It's like the rational part of my brain is telling me that this is for the best and it's going to be better soon. Then I have the irrational part telling me I made a huge mistake because this recovery is pure hell.

I had an appointment with my OS today. Dr. Mike and his PA were going on and on about how great I'm doing. I couldn't bring myself to look at my xrays though. It kinda freaked me out.

I was given clearance to go back to work, use a cane, and drive, BUT only if my CBC comes back normal tomorrow. If the anemia is severe again, I will be sent back to the hospital for more IV meds and another blood transfusion. I already know what the outcome is going to be because I've been feeling it for days.

I'm sure that has a lot to do with me being an emotional wreck, but I just want it over. I'm so sick of being poked and prodded.

Once again, I apologize for sounding like a whiner, but this is the only outlet I have to vent. I guess I'm kind of using this thread as a journal of sorts... Please don't feel obligated to reply either. I can't vent to my friends and family because they really just don't get it, and I swear people don't think before they speak sometimes.

Have a great night. Praying for some sleep...

 

[bottomshollow]

Sweetie, please take several deep, deep breaths and relax and accept that you have a long recovery ahead of you. You can't run away from it--it's just a fact of life for the next few months. But if you will follow the mantra for the next couple of weeks to the letter: take your pain meds on a schedule; rest a lot; elevate (toes above nose); ice, ice, and ice some more; and keep all PT to slow,easy, and gentle bends and stretches---you will begin to feel better. I also want you to read the article at this link from the Library Nurturing mother: how to let go and accept help

Reach way down deep inside you and find all the positivity you can muster. It is amazing what a positive attitude can do when things just seem dark, dark, dark. And I find it really helps to sit down and take a good look at one's life and count the many blessings we have---they almost always outnumber the yucky stuff.

Get out and soak up some rays---you're in the right state for it---watch some birds, look at the sunset---find things that make you feel good---and keep telling yourself that it is going to get better and better-----because I can promise you IT IS.

You CAN DO THIS! I BELIEVE IN YOU!

 

[Fernie]

Take care.

 

[Nanners]

Tears are very normal part of this recovery. I have felt like a total crybaby some days. I still get overly emotional watching sad movies or commercials etc. And as Judy said, this is a long long recovery. I am 4 1/2 months out and still fighting the battle. But it does get better, and it is getting better. It just takes a long time. Hugs!

 

[Shubbles]

Stacey, just so you know, if you do have to have the MUA, I had one at 6 weeks and I worried like crazy about it and then I had it and it was nothing compared to what I thought it would be. It hurt a bit on the day it happened but by that evening I was up walking around in my kitchen again. I still have aches and that but it increased my ROM by over 20 degrees and has made things a lot better for me. So, I am not saying that you SHOULD have it or NEED to have it but if you do end up needing it, do not fret over it. You will be just fine!

 

[bmxmama2]

Thanks for your replies! I was kind of in a bad place last night, but I am feeling much better now. I took Judy's advice... Took a minute to breathe and think about the good things in my life. I think this was a combination of zero sleep, meds, frustration, and cabin fever.

Today was much better. I rode the bike forward at physical therapy and he told me my flexion was much better. Then I went to lunch with my grandmother, had that blood test, and went to the tax collector's office to get my handicapped parking pass. It was a busy day, and I'm sure I'll pay for it later, but it felt so good to be around people again.

I'm looking forward to a relaxing weekend. And thank you, my new friends! You are one of those things I am so thankful for.

 

[Shubbles]

I am glad you are feeling better! We all have days that suck and make us feel like ****. I have had my fair share lately. I hope your blood work comes back ok and you don't have to go through too much to get better.

 

[pdx]

oh wow -- back to work already? I also had mine on the 17th and while I'm doing OK, really don't have that kind of energy yet -- particularly since I can't sleep more than 4-5 hours straight. I'm also building up from anemia. So keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you.

 

[Shubbles]

PDX, you can do 4-5 hours uninterrupted? You're lucky! I'm usually a 3 hour max nowadays. Of course I just move a little to get comfy again or go potty and then go back to sleep but it's still not straight through.

 

[bmxmama2]

Pdx- Not back to work yet, but I won't have much longer off. I don't have a choice in the matter due to finances. I'm definitely not sleeping though. Thanks for the fingers and toes crossings.

 

[Rosegurl3]

Hi,
I will just jump in here and say I agree with all the great advice you are receiving. I thought I was young, when I had my knee replaced this past summer at 53! I thought that, until I found this board, I should say.. I think that you are at the stage when I felt depressed that I was not back to myself yet.. That seems laughable, almost 6 months down the road, and I am STILL not back to myself. I kept pushing and pushing to get back to my normal active lifestyle. I felt,that I was young (it's all relative!) and fit, and could make it happen. What I ended up doing was constantly taking two steps forward and three steps back. My PT was always telling me to take it easy and to stop pushing so hard and made me take days off. Finally- after re-injuring my soft tissue a few times.. I sort of got it. I am still working on getting to be where I want to be, but I will tell you, after 9 years of putting this off, it is great not to have the bone on bone pain. I think and appreciate it every day. I also agree, with above advice, go sit outside and let some HOT sun soak in...it is depressing to be stuck inside and not be able to do our normal stuff. I think around 5-6 weeks you will feel sooo much better- and then you will just keep improving. Looking back.. I see how far I have come- but it sure didn't seem it at the time. In my opinion..it is not the pain that is the most difficult part of this surgery- it is the long recovery and the PATIENCE it requires. I am not a patient person....and that has been the most challenging part for me! You will feel happy soon!

 

[bmxmama2]

I just drove myself 4 miles down the road to meet a friend at Starbucks. I feel so free! I really needed this. I was starting to feel like Jack Nicholson in The Shining...

 

[referee54]

Hi, everyone. I hope you're having a great day!

Sandy, I was only scared because my PT was going on and on about how I really need to improve my bend. Then she proceeded to tell me what the MUA is and how it's done. I'm an anxious person to begin with, and her statements pushed me over the top. It doesn't help that I've somehow turned into a weepy, crazy mess the last few weeks. ;0)

I do love being told that's normal though!

I have 142 research papers to grade so at least I'll be occupied while I rest, ice, and elevate!

Oh, so I know how it feels to grade research papers---I am in my 36th year as an English teacher and I am the dept. chair for the district.

Anyway, please remember that the PT's work for you---they answer to you. If they are making you work too hard or put you int too much pain, then you can tell them to back off. I would also tell her to back off with the scare tactics about the MUA's ----slow and stead is the way to go here---gently push yourself and go only to the point of discomfort---no further.

 

[Brownie51]

HI BMX just catching up on your thread. I hope your CBC came out okay. Your tears are right on time! Now do you have to do the other knee at some point as well?
If all the ice is getting to be a problem you may want to consider making the alcohol packs. One bottle rubbing alcohol with 3 bottles water in 2 large zip lock baggies. It makes a lovely slush that molds right to your knee and stays super cold for a long time, mine is still cold as heck in the morning. I keep two of them and rotate. I live alone and keeping the cryo cuff going got a little old.
You are doing well, you just don't feel it! But you are! You are just going through the process. EAch day (unless you over do it) your tissues/bones are healing. Some days you notice there is alittle less pain, others you don't, but it is still happening. At 8 weeks I suddenly felt a whole lot better. You read on threads and there are alot of similarities in our recoveries. So we are all promising you it's getting better!
How is your son doing with his pins and apparatus? Good thing your 10 year old is healthy. He's your hero now and it probably makes him feel pretty proud that he's the strong one right now!
Let us know about your blood test...will be thinking about you.