Gonna be long wait for me & others sagas as well - help??

[sheryl7]

Oh just looking for more support or a listening ear, newest thing is involuntary bowel leakage. Which of leads me to be very careful as i cleanse myself.
Anxiously awaiting ct results of sacral spine, as I fear caudia equine syndrome.
I also must stand too void and empty bladder, go a minimum of 4x an hour, which is better than the 10x an hr before Interstim revision.
Just heard back from my uro, she said to try and face commode, and void, and it seems to help some.
This standing thing has been going on and off since I was pregnant w/son in 94, but has worsened greatly since then.
My most painful part besides knees are the pressure on my sacral spine, and the constant feeling of pelvic inflammatory disease, which i had at age 20. You kind of feel like you are in constant labor pains. This is mainly why the pain meds are needed, so i can function and do daily chores, and walk around my paved driveway for exercise for continued weight loss, and also its just feels good to move around and be outdoors. I weaned off of trazadone, was one such a high dose, feel like i can have real feelings again ( not sure whether that is good or not though). The pain meds sorta help me think clearer to, as when I am in extreme pain, cannot concentrate to do even the easiest of things,at least w/the meds can concentrate on task at hand, as it helps to not be in extreme constant pain, he got me on Loratab ( which wires me), nuerotin for bladder and spinal nerves, to calm them down, seem to be helping some, and Flexerill to calm the spinal and bladder spasms. Not quite ready to take on as needed basis yet, as uro suggested, but hope in time I will be in that position to take on an as needed basis, because pain is still constant. Hoping that day will come where the constant pain dissipates. I am also not taking the full recommended dose PM has prescribed, just the amt i need to help. So i feel kinda good about that.
OK thanks for the listening to my rant. Need somewhere to vent, have no where else too.
i shall keep posted of my status, like what knee xray showed, and what ct sacral spine showed.
Thanks for any thoughts and/or prayers, as they are greatly appreciated.

 

[RestAssured]

Sheryl, you know that we are always here for you! Take care of yourself!

 

[sheryl7]

Thank you Sonja, as I am always here for you and others a well

 

[sheryl7]

Just a personal up date, some good, some bad. Knee is still placed on back burner, and at the moment, but not doing to bad.
Usually the left knee is the worst, but since I have seen pain management he has me on Loratab, nuerotin(for back and bladder issues, which helps pretty well. And also Flexerill also for back and bladder, but has also seemed to help with knees a bit strangely enough, allowing me more exercise and more weight loss. I am between 140-150 lbs and was in July at 225, so doing real well in that, have a bit more too lose, but feeling more confident about my self.
OK the well how you look at it news, my husband and are divorcing, but peaceful divorce, we will remain or become close friends as we were never just friends to begin with, I am trying to look at it like I am not losing a husband, but gaining a new friend. We have been together 20.5 + years.
OK bad news is daughter has serious issues with cutting herself to relieve pain, very popular among teens.
She is bipolar, slightly autistic and ADHD She is on meds primarily for her bipolar, to stabilize her, she has been on meds since she was four, she cannot tolerate any ADHD meds.
She is very depressed, and not about the divorce, we are all still living in central GA til May and will all be moving to North Georgia (Blue-Ridge)in May. Husband and son are living in new house he purchased. Daughter and i will be living in a trailer near by. Will be in close proximity to her father, so she will seem him quite often.( we will be moving to an apt where we would rather be once I find employment after over 6 years of being unemployed, and can prove i make 12,000.00 a year I will qualify for low income apt.)
My credit is bad. Mostly medical bills. When I can afford will file for bankruptcy so I can restart to build up credit again.( I am very scared as I have been trying for years to get another job that I can handle, so very frightened that about getting job to support my self.) will be getting child support plus 200 a month extra for first year, since I worked 3 quarters of the time we were/are married, I do not get alimony. So I have to have faith he keeps to his words about helping me til I get on my feet, and trust in God to watch over me.
So back to daughter, what triggered this episode of cutting was a boy rejected her at school, she asked friend to ask him if he would go out with her, and he said no. She claims she cut herself so boy would see it and feel bad. So school saw the cuts on her hands that i was unaware of, and called me. I was required to take her to her psychiatrist yesterday, and he said he doesn't believe she is not trying to kill herself, but trying to relieve emotional pain( he suggested holding ice cubes in her hands to distract from emotional pain, which sounds like a very good replacement to cutting), which I knew that already, had to have document of visit to bring to school to show she is under his care. And we have scheduled appointment for her to see psychologist he wanted her to see at his office this Friday.
Oddly enough she also has IEP meeting Fri morning at 8 to discuss her goals for next year, whether she is going to pass 8th grade etc.
So anyway my plate is very full right now with all going on, and pain to boot. My primary concern and priority is my daughter.
I just want to ask for prayers and comfort, support...

 

[sheryl7]

Oh one question, i can't seem to get my picture uploaded right side up, rather than sideways(which is how I feel)
I tried uploading to gravatar as well, and it wont come up right?
Any suggestions of how to get pictures to not upload sideways on my end before i upload them.
Should I copy and try to make new picture, I am at loss cant figure it out, any suggestions would be great, thank you...

 

[Titianlady]

sheryl7. When you get moved, you need to apply for Social Security Disability right away!! With your list of medical issues, you would qualify. Make sure you get the names and addresses of every Dr you have seen and all your medications.

 

[sheryl7]

Believe me I have thought about it, but i don't have the luxury to wait til I get an approval, I have to have some type of income 800.00 a month will only cover rent and utilities, which will be in ex hub's name til i can qualify for my own. I also would like to see a counselor/psychiatric as well, for stress and anxiety, that would help towards ssi.
But I think my ex will think I am being lazy, and not attempting to find a job while waiting for ssi to approve or deny me.
So I am in a catch 22 situation, and i won't even be able to collect food stamps, til I can have rent and utilities in my name I don't think??
Thanks Toni for replying to my post, I appreciate the support, as my plate is full, and i am bit scared of the unknown future, but I do have strong faith and will, so I will keep on keeping on...

 

[Ms.fixit]

Aw, honey! It's all been said here, far better than I can, so I will just wish you all the best and tell you that this surgery and the ensuing time in hospital and Rehab might be just what you need for your famished caregiver soul!

Sure, kinda high price to pay for some you-time..having both knees scrambled around, but here it is! Use it well and wisely. If the menfolk come around disturbing your peace while you are in the hospital or rehab,send them home to marinate in dirty underwear! They won't die. They will smell, maybe but they won't die.
Read a book, sleep, watch TV. Except for PT and meds, no one will bother you. This is about you for a change! I loved the time in the hospital and boy was I ticked when they sent me home in 3 days( flu outbreak) and I didn't need a rehab!

There are no prizes, here or beyond, for letting people work you to death..everyone is responsible for themselves, and that includes your spouse, no matter that he, too, works hard. Your sons are men, not small kings. Lay down the law, and enjoy your new life.

 

[sheryl7]

Thanks Ms. Fix it. Knee op will continue to be on back burner for quite some time, if u read post #44, it describes I am going through a divorce, and my main priority is my 13 year old daughter, i will have custody of her come May 20th when Ex and son , and daughter and I will all being moving farther north in GA, but to separate homes.
So right now I am just taking things one day at a time and trying to meditate to relax and find some peace in a very stressful situation( main stress is my daughters condition also in post #44) , divorce not so bad, we will remain very close friends too each other, we both just wanted diff things in life that the other could not provide to each other.
Thank you for your support

 

[sheryl7]

Yes Sonja he is, but to fight would only bring hatred from not only his family but my kids as well, and then I would not even have my daughter through all this, i don't want a nasty divorce, and if i am getting screwed, well I just have to leave it in God's hand, as i feel any type of fight will lose me the most valuable thing i care about, and that's my daughter. So I have to have faith in God to have faith in ex.
I have prayed very heavily on this, and have to go with my gut feeling. I will attempt to get a job i can preform, if not succeed will go for the disability, so at least i can prove that i tried for employment.
Thanks you for your input, all I can say right now, is I need all the prayers I can get...

 

[puffin]

Sorry to hear that you have so many medical and personal problems at the moment. Make sure that you are getting the coorect legal advice regarding to support payments and division of assets - sometimes you lose a lot in "friendly" divorces

Regarding your daughter - I have much sympathy as I have a 17 year old daughter with aspergers syndrome (a type of autism) and ADHD. I know that the teenage years are difficult - although she is doing well and quit meds

 

[sheryl7]

Thank you Puffin, I have no income for legal advice, and i know there are places that will help you, but like i said if I fight for anything more, i will lose my daughter , I am sure of that, she loves us both equally, but if i fight, i just know she will hate me and just live with her dad. So I got to put it in God's hands and just go with my gut instinct on this one.
This morning she has an IEP meeting at 8 am, you may be familiar with those if your daughter has Asperger's and I am very nervous this morning as what will transpire at the meeting, she will be there as well, then we will go grocery shopping and then to meet new phycologist at 11:30 am.
So please just keep us in your prayers today, that all goes well, and what ever lays ahead in the future I will tackle it one day at a time...

 

[RestAssured]

Sheryl,

I will be praying for you.

I realize you have a lot on your plate right now! Prayers will be going on for you!

 

[sheryl7]

Thank you Sonja, prayers is what I desperately need right now.
Some have been answered today, my daughter's IEP went very well, much better than I had anticipated from what my daughter would have had me believe. IE: "I am going to fail the 8th grade, I will end up working at Mc Donald's etc.."
She appears to be excelling in science, because she has a strong interest for it, she is suffering in math, but that will come, and when she decides which field she would to work in as far as science( as we discussed very long term goals today), then maybe she will have a better grip on what type of math she will be using, and possibly sparking more of an interest in it. Also math is just plan hard, and is difficult for a lot of people.
We are going to re-evaluate her before school ends, and try to lose the autism label if possible.
She presents mainly with bi-polar, ADHD and i suppose some residual under lying autism, but that is not the greatest issue at hand.
So anyway, they def expect her to again pass all her crct testings to enter high school next fall.
She as mentioned has good long term goals in mind. And pretty much overall is not doing to bad at all.
I went in there expecting them to tell me they expected her to fail the 8th grade, and other horrible nonscence, but I was pleasantly surprised.
We then proceeded to go to a phycologist for the first time for her as her psychiatrist recommended her to do so.
He was very nice, I enjoyed talking to him, and i asked about him seeing me, then i forgot i was on kaiser, and he wouldn't be covered, and he said you are covered through my daughter, and we will help counsel me as well, as he treats the family as whole to be able to help the primary person, being my daughter. my husband's schedule will not accommodate him being able to see him, so he will treat only my daughter and my self. so that was some comforting news to be able to have some one just listen from an outsiders point of view which I think would be very beneficial for me.
As far as soon to be ex goes, he hasn't let me down provisionally after 20+ years once, and I can only go on what I know about him. he is a good provider, he works hard, he is very sensitive, has short temper, and usually apologizes quickly (w/in day if he knows he is wrong). Both his parents were like parent's to me, and prob the only ones i really ever had. He told me when I wrote that statement to him he cried,( this was earlier this week when i wrote that), so he is a very very compassionate person.
So i know there are still very strong ties between him and I.
We both plan to be good role models for our daughter (and even our grown son), we both have her best interests at heart.
So i have a lot of praying to do myself right now and what decisions I should make, like if i am going to try for ssi, should i do it now before divorce is final? Or would it really matter, it would not be going by his income anyway, as i worked enough in my years to qualify on my own ( i have a friend whom i met in person from a forum, and when she got married they took away her benefits of medicaid and ssi, which she desperately needs, she is disabled, and they are actually are making her pay back medicaid for services rendered after she was married???, as she doesn't have a long enough work history ( is this how the government is suppose to work, she is handicapped, why should it matter what her husband makes, which is obviously not enough to support her medical needs, but apparently the government disagrees with that), sorry had to vent on that one.



i do appreciate everyone's input and ideas very much, gives me something to think about as I pray.
I just know I have to do what ever I do very peacefully, that much I see that God is telling me, and looking for other answers as the time draws closer.
All in all today was a very good day....

 

[sheryl7]

By the way, I noticed my picture is now upright, who fixed that? and why does it up load sideways to begin with?
questions for admin I guess.
Glad to be upright

 

[sheryl7]

Sorry to hear that you have so many medical and personal problems at the moment. Make sure that you are getting the coorect legal advice regarding to support payments and division of assets - sometimes you lose a lot in "friendly" divorces

Regarding your daughter - I have much sympathy as I have a 17 year old daughter with aspergers syndrome (a type of autism) and ADHD. I know that the teenage years are difficult - although she is doing well and quit meds

I have no assets to divide, we kept every thing financial separate completely, so my poor credit would not not reflect upon his perfect credit, everything is in his name, and I am not out to win a war, or a house or his assets( basically i am getting all contents of the inside of house except his personal stuff, all furniture( which were his parents and I am proud to have their furniture, means more to me than new furniture, i am to remain on his medical insurance for one year).
I just want my daughter, and to be able to help her with her issues, and know that God will provide as long as I put forth effort and try, as God helps those who help themselves.
i am not a religious person, but deeply spiritual and have strong faith.
I know this thread has become off topic, but I needed support from all my online friends, even if its just in the form of prayer, or kind word of encouragement...
I have removed some content, so as not to reflect poorly upon my self in the unlikely chance someone were to pry into my personal affairs.

 

[Pumpkin]

sending prayers your way.

 

[sheryl7]

Thank you Chris.
As all you bonesmarties are in my prayers as well, I am not on as often as I would like to be, but I do pray for those contemplating surgery, and those who are in recovery, that they have an uneventful routine surgery and recovery, regaining a little of what arthritis has taken away from them

 

[BarbieJ]

Hi Sheryl,
I wanted to introduce myself and tell you that you look so nice in your new photo that you put up. I saw your site a couple months ago. I was looking for anyone else who has had Interstitial Cystitis diagnosis. I was fine before my hip replacement. Don't understand what made this condition come on. It's scary having to worry about whether it is a UTI or not. It sounds like you are dealing with a tremendous amount. I C is considered disabling and can qualify you for disability.
I also have had back problems. My hip replacement brought more back problems. Good thing you have a knee and not a hip that needs the replacement. IC is a heartbreak for a marriage.
I am wanting you to know there are people who want good things to come your way.
Our school district is well known for the advanced care they give the special Ed students. They are a big priority in our district. Your daughter is a big worry for you and that cannot be easy or good for your health.
Not all school districts are created equal. A positive school environment would be a godsend. Have you considered a job as a special education para educator? Many of our associates have children with differing abilities themselves and experience with that is something you have. I don't know how you will handle the bathroom frequency and your pain issues while working.
I feel for you and the struggle you are going through.
The knee replacement should wait. What does your urologist say about a knee replacement with IC. I wouldn't wish this combination on anyone.
Sending prayers in your direction.

 

[sheryl7]

It is very nice to meet you Barbie, and thank you for sharing your IC story with me.
It is a very difficult condition to have, and for those who don't know about it, is hard for them to understand what we go through.
Even with revised stim, still going 6 x an hour, and def agree that would be very difficult for me in a job situation.
As I already stated I have much to meditate on and pray for guidance on what path I should take financially as well as spiritually too.
Oh yes I have thought of being a para pro, but with my situation would be difficult to do.
I am hoping her new school district is a good one, this on she is in not a bad one at all, it is very good, and has served her well.
The greatest issue for her is she is with the same kids from kindergarten who harass her daily, tearing down her self esteem.
I hope a change of pace and scenery for her helps motivate her positively as she enters high school this fall.
Any way, just wanted to thank you for thoughts and prayers..Sheryl