Thanks scared, you got to know my family to understand the situation. My 13.5 year daughter is a very sloppy materialist typical, yet high functioning autism ( Asperger's syndrome, bipolar, ADHD, possibly tourettes) So that's a whole new ball park, there is no way if I were to have a tkr in the near future that she would step up to the plate as Tashia stated.
She would still expect me to continue to do all i do now, and be catered too.
She is kinda spoiled, partly our fault, partly just her nature and who she is and her disorder's, perhaps when she is a bit older, more responsible, will clean after her self, possibly learn to have that empathy she is lacking at this stage, which is somewhat typical of a young teen her age, but with her issues, is more intensified.
Hoping as time goes by this shall diminish, to where I know that when I am recovering from such a serious surgery as a tkr, that at the very least i wont have to be cleaning up after her sloppy messes. And now is just not the time.
Son same way, I am just not up to such a hard recovery, knowing my house will go to Hades so to speak.
Hubby works 2 jobs, def cleans after himself, and when time allows would def step up to the plate and help where could, but just not enough time to pick up the slack.
And no i really have no close friends near me, most are across the country, including my sister.
Unfortunately my extended(in laws, not parent in laws, they have passed on, but the siblings), do not care for me too much, never have in the past 20+ years of this relationship.
And to boot, we are also moving about 100 miles north of where we are now this May, hoping in a new school, my daughter will do better with a new start, w/o all the mean cruel youngsters she has known the past 10 years.
She will be entering high school. She is very high maintenance, is a cutter( bipolar trait, she purposely cuts herself to eliminate emotional pain an anguish( and no a mental hospital would be a horrible idea, they make them zombies, and she will learn new ways of self destruction from other patients, been there done that, with my brother some 30+ years ago.)
We are still working on her meds, she is on a pretty good regimen, well the best one so far, but may need to add a Valium or a clonidine to the mix to calm her nerves and cutting( I also realize meds are not the answer to everything,but in some cases they are necessary to survive, have found psychologists to be parent bashers, so i am some what her phycholgist so to speak)
She has been on clondine before(worked but made her to drowsy, but feel now older in very small amt may be useful, i know a Valium helps because i gave her one, but wont do that again w/o doctors permission, but clonidine is not a controlled substance,and may be more acceptable to doc), but she was so young it wasn't for her at that time, current doc not willing to scribe this,so when move will discuss with new doc, it would be for the afternoon's when she gets home from school, as that's when she feels the worst.
her older brother is unkind to her, no matter what we say or do, so once he is out, things may calm down, so not being up to par for her til she can be stabilized, even if still at home, til i can't even consider having such a serious procedure.
it was hard enough when i had my lateral releases and scopes, which is nothing compared to a tkr.
And in addition , my other health issues, sacral spine, and severe bladder issues are taking the front seat right now, and until those are addressed, and and more stabilized, I must keep my poor knees on the back burner.
I have had several surgeries, too many to list, and have grown tired of them,at the young age of 44 ( you know 50 is the new 30
). so i am hoping that by then, other health issues and daughter more stabilized and hopefully son gone from home by then, will make a big difference.
If by the grace of God, circumstances change, and I can have earlier while still in my 40's, then that would just be A blessing.
I do know there are many people here who have had btkr's who live alone, and too be completely honest, that would be more of a ideal situation for me, right now family(except hubby) is more of a hindrance then a help to me. I would feel like i was jumping out of the pot into the fire so to speak, at this time.
I am discovering whatever is wrong with my sacral spine, is playing a big roll, in why my bladder is hurting so much besides Interstitial Cystitis( Bladder Disorder), and now causing involuntary bowel leakage, and that must be stabilized before I can even think about tkrs.
I guess for now, it's just one thing at a time.
I just stick around to offer my experience as a pre-oper, and learn from the the ones on the other side, and to offer support, as well as to seek support.
Sorry scared for such a long response, felt like i had to fully explain circumstances as to why now is not the time for me, thanks for your supports and thoughts, I will continue to follow your threads as you move forward, take care...Sheryl
United States
, in a bunch at the mention of anything frozen.
Kids nowdays seem to live at home for much longer than in the past especially when they have it made at home. I would like to suggest that you have someone talk to your kids on your behalf. Teenagers don't like listening to parents, but they will sometimes listen to another adult. Perhaps you could have your doctor talk to your family & explain to them the pain you are living in. It might shock them to hear it from an authority figure. It wouldn't hurt to have your husband hear it also! I think your family needs a wake up call......
