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THR Doing it Alone

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Excellent advice, Vida. Healing is number one. And then small steps on all the other issues.

The behavior you describe as Jekyl/Hyde is pretty typical of someone who has a personality issue and abusive tendencies. Be prepared that the stronger you are mentally, the more his behavior may become erratic if he feels he cannot control your responses. The sooner you can talk to a counselor about all of this, the better.

In the meantime, let's focus on how well you're doing with your new hip!!! Most of us were impatient in recovery, so you are normal in that respect. But, I think you are doing just fine and you're going to find yourself making some pretty significant improvements in the next few weeks. Just continue to build slowly. Don't try to wean off pain medications too quickly....if you hurt, you need them still. Keep in touch...we care about you!!!
 
:flwrysmile: Hi NotDancingRightNow. I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time at the moment. You have so much to deal with along with your recovery. I agree with Vida, one step at a time, it's easier to deal with it all that way, and it doesn't become too overwhelming.

I just wanted to stop by and send my love & best wishes from New Zealand. Wish I could be there to help!

Diane
 
Vida & Jamie, thank you so much for your advice and understanding. Thank you too Diane. You are all truly wonderful people and I know I keep saying this but I feel so blessed to have found this site.

every morning I have been waking up with intense back pain and can hardly move but last night i fell asleep on the couch and woke up with much less pain...time to buy a new mattress I think
 
Hi NDRN - it's not unusual to see back problems post THR. Your weight is shifting back to where it should be. Things will settle. But if you need that mattress - do get something good. You may not be sleeping well yet - but rest will be important for some time.

I found your comments about how your partner relates to your condition ringing home. I went through something very similar. My partner also likes to be in control. Anything medical means he can't be. So he runs a mile away from anyone having medical issues. Frankly I think it's fear - but it certainly is not helpful! So I too went through this alone. That's when I found this site and all the wonderful people who took my hand and led me through my THR journey. As you start feeling stronger the fog will lift and you will see your way to what lies ahead. Meanwhile let yourself heal mentally and physically. :console2:
 
Jaycey; thank you for sharing that and I think you hit the nail on the head... some men just can't handle it. it's just hard for those of us who go into something like this thinking that we have someone to lean on and then the rug gets pulled out from under us. On the positive note though; I have learned that I have alot more strength than I ever gave myself credit for. What Jamie said was right too...the stronger I become, the worse he gets. I think that on some unconscious level he must feel guilty for not being there for me and this makes him act out even more. You sharing that you had a similar experience makes me sad but at the same time comforts me that someone can relate.
 
Yes - it is a bit of guilt, as well as not getting the attention they crave. You are focussed on yourself and have no room for nuturing anyone else. There is nothing wrong with that! It's "you" time. For now if he can't deal with things so be it. You are healing and gaining strength. Onward and upward - this recovery may seem like a long, dark tunnel but it can be a new beginning!
 
So glad you changed your handle to NotDancing RightNow as you souldn't give up on the things you love, and I am sorry about the hard time you are having with your husband, but you are right when you say don't make any life altering changes now, you need to heal physically and try to rest as you can, certain things hit us in life that we can't control and we have to take them as they come, but you seem to have a good head on your shoulders, just keep it slow and steady..and in case you have missed it.. DO NOT DO EXERCISES THAT CAUSE PAIN!!
You are doing great after such a short time after the surgery
 
Thanks Beth; I read through some of your posts and looks like you have had quite the journey yourself but you sound very positive and have lots of good advice :)
 
I loved to read that you are getting stronger, sorry about the backache.. Yes, quite common for a lot of us.. Like shoes our mattresses may need replacing post surgery, our body is realigning and has different requirements with both :)
 
Yesterday I felt stronger and went for a walk around my crescent which is about 10-15 min via walker. I'm so happy that I made it around despite all the snow! It felt great because I didn't think I would be able to do that for another week or so! I get my new mattress on the 9th so I am soooo looking forward to that too.

It's amazing that when you are going through a crisis that you can forget who you really are and get caught up in the emotions of the situation. I feel like I am past the roller coaster of emotions and I have this deep resounding feeling that no matter what happens in life, I will come out of it O.K. Funny how life teaches us these lessons and that we can't really see them until afterwards. Because I had to recover alone for the most part, I discovered a strength in me that apparently everyone else saw but me! and I refuse to get sucked into the emotional drama of my husband's mental illness; thats his cross to bare. I can only show love and kindness as much as a I can and draw a very big line of boundaries that will not be crossed (this is a self pep talk that is just kind of flowing out as a write). This is also something I have learned out of this; I used to get sucked in to emotional drama that was not my own and I simply refuse to now, and even when I am fully recovered. I was feeling sorry for myself for doing this alone and there were so many hard moments but I did it! The worst is behind me now. Reaching that physical milestone yesterday of walking around the block, proved that to me (which spawned all of these thoughts). And I am so grateful for all the love and support I was shown here by all of you amazing hippies! You really restored my general faith in people. I'm sure I may have some down moments but I am going to come through this shining brighter than ever!!!
Have a great day everyone!! :SUNsmile:
 
What a lovely, uplifting bit of self-discovery shortlytobedancing! I am so happy for you. Love and strength coming your way.

Vicki
 
Great news! So glad you have turned that corner! Yes, there may be a bit more of the hill to climb. But the important thing now is that you know you can do it! Well done!
 
Such an awesome statement. Keep your head high and know there is someone more powerful in charge.
 
So glad you are feeling and doing better. It's amazing when you reach that first goal and the roller coaster takes a break. Good luck to you and keep smiling.
 
Oh my gosh!!!! Your post was such a day brightener!!! Girl, you are definitely on the path to the real YOU. This is so heartwarming to hear. It may not be a straight path, but you're so right....you CAN do it!!! I am in awe of your newly found strength and wisdom. You're setting boundaries, not allowing things out of your control to overtake you.....PERFECT!!! I'm so proud of you.
 
Thank you !!! I'm proud of me too! People always say that things happen for a reason and sometimes the cliche doesn't sit well when you are in the 'middle' of it; but I now know why 2012 happened the way it did. I just have to add another cliche; what doesn't kill you makes you stronger! :SUNsmile:
 
[Bonesmart.org] Doing it Alone NotDancing, I have the perfect encouragement poster for you:

[Bonesmart.org] Doing it Alone
You go girl!!!!!
 
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