Thank you for the wonderful posts,
@Plum Perfect,
@DeepBreath, and
@CricketHip. I'm finding if I just sit with the grief, feel it, and let it wash over me, I feel better. The only way out is though...emotions are temporary.
I was supposed to go to a session with my vocal coach today. Her partner called to cancel for her. Her leukemia has returned, and she was recently in the hospital for a month. I feel so badly for her. I felt like crying when I hung up the phone. It's really intense when people around you are getting very sick. It seems like once I hit 50, so many people I know became seriously ill. It's really changed me. We never know how much time we will have. I'm overly sensitive to other people's pain.
Yesterday I went down to Santa Monica to watch a ballet class. The women I know who have had hip replacements weren't there. All of the dancers in the dressing room wanted to see my scars. They are only about 2" long, and they look fine. Neat and precise. I realized that dancers just assume you will always go back to ballet. They're almost like drug pushers. I don't think it would be wise to do something that caused so much damage to my hip joints. I want these new hips to last. But, many dancers can't imagine life without dancing. It's kind of an addiction, I think. I loved my career, but I don't want to do this surgery again.
I stopped at the gym on the way home and took a 20 minute swim. I did a short set of Kundalini Yoga last night before bed. I'm still doing several of the exercises in a chair, instead of sitting cross legged on the floor. (I wouldn't even attempt that.) The breathing feels good. I can lay on my back comfortably. Before the surgery, my left hip would grab up, like a claw. Now it's relaxed and healthy.
Today I realized that my grandmother had osteoarthritis in both of her knees, and she was always very weepy. She had a very hard life, and tried to be stoic. I'm really starting to see the connection between relationships, abuse, alcoholism in the family, and osteoarthritis. I've been writing a lot in my journal, and that helps. My brother called me yesterday morning, and we had a nice chat. He runs triathalons. I hope he doesn't end up needing surgery, too. I see a real tendency to overexercise (to deal with emotional pain) in my family. My middle brother is the same way. His legs are already shaped like mine were before the surgery. (bowed.) Makes me wonder how much of it is genetic. Everyone deals in their own way.
I watered the garden this a.m. All of the plants look healthy and happy. I really enjoy sitting out on my porch. The vibrations from nature are so healing. I love the shade, too. Time to put my linen sheets back on my bed. They're hanging outside in the sun.
I'm not in pain, and am enjoying walks, super easy basic yoga, and visits to the gym every other day. Oh, and I only weighed 111 lbs. the morning of my surgery. Such a shock, since I'm 5'7 3/4". At my post op visit, I weighed 117. Much better. I think freaking out before the surgery made me lose weight.
United States
I so hope that you get a nice reimbursement check, I am guessing at about 65%? Then your emergency fund will perk right back up. You made a wise choice and now have your health and vitality back.
and soon after that get some 
