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TKR Amberpep's Recovery Thread

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Hi Abby, I think quite a few of us even at one to two years post op have that "start up" pain which goes away after a few steps. I'm sure I've read an article as to what causes it and I think "movie sign" in a search finds it. Josephine;

Timing of getting the other knee done is a difficult one, whether to wait until it gets really bad or get it done early and get on with life. I think I'm in the latter category even though I've had a really slow recovery.
 
I'm not going down to my girls houses about 4 hours away for Thanksgiving. I'm going to go for Christmas. I had to decide when to go as driving that far makes both knees hurt. How do you get grown kids (2 are trained Social Workers - 40 and 38) to understand that you just can't always do what you used to. Admittedly, I've tried to "fake it" when I'm there, but now that the left knee is acting up, it's harder to do. Interestingly enough, my son who is a Patent Lawyer specializing in E.E. is far more compassionate and understanding than my girls are. Go figure! :spin:
 
I know just what you mean!

I am fairly active for my age (71) but I often have to remind my son and daughter-in-law that I can't (and often don't want to) do some of the things they want me to. They are very fit - both run half-marathons and play soccer. I'm happy to take life a bit slower!
 
Hi Celle .... I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that deals with this. My kids are very fit also ... hikers, backpackers, caving - all sorts of things. My favorite outdoor sport is whitewater rafting, but I don't think that's in the future for me anymore. I think maybe it's denial on their part .... they don't want to realize that Mom isn't as zippy as she once was and so they try to push .... "come on Mom, you can do it." Well, no Mom can't, and like you said ..... I'm happy to be taking life a little slower.
abby :kittykiss:
 
Whereas I try to tell my mom it's ok to slow down a bit at 76.
 
kneeper ..... you are very thoughtful to your Mom ..... want to be my daughter?
abby
 
Josephine ..... Thank you so much for that. I'm going to print it out so that I can show it to my kids. They just don't understand why it's not so easy to drive down to their places anymore. That's why I opted out of Thanksgiving and decided to go for Christmas. I also notice, that any "over-doing" of anything - like a lot of walking like I did visiting my son last weekend, results in a lot of pain in the other knee - the one without the TKR - yet. I'd lay down to sleep and it just ached I know that one will need to be done too, but I'm waiting til the doctor says it's time.
Again, thanks so much .....
 
We celebrated Thanksgiving early here, my 88 year old mother and 88 year old MIL both helped by bringing some dishes to pass and cleaning up. My 36 year old daughter also brought some food, but was a little absent when we first started cleaning up the mess, she was busy talking to her brothers and her dad, but the 88 year olds just pitched in until my daughter finally showed up and she told them to go sit down. So she is coming around, but seems like it is at her own pace.
 
Hi Debbie .... your Thanksgiving sounds lovely .... you're very blessed to have you "mothers" so helpful and vital at their ages. I don't have anyone left, except my 3 kids, 2 grandkids. I was an only child and an only grandchild, and everyone, including my parents are gone. I know this sounds a bit edgy but Thanksgiving for me used to be I did all the work for days ahead, in 20 minutes it was gone, and I was left to clean up the mess. So, be thankful for the blessing of your family and everyone you have around you who truly show their love to you by pitching in.
Enjoy your turkey day!
 
Abby, so sorry you don't have your parents or grandparents, but then I looked at your age and I am hoping you had them for a good long time. My dad died 6 years ago and I miss him so much and Dave's dad died last year. The moms keep on going, in fact my mom works part time at a cheese store for something to do. Dave's mom has a big yard and keeps busy with a garden and flowers in the summer and she goes to TX in the winter and keeps busy. Can you get your kids to start helping with the food for holidays? Start a new tradition.
 
Hi Debbie .... My son lives about an hour away and both my girls live way down in the Shenandoah - very western part of VA .... since I live in a condo in MD I don't have room for everyone to come here, and now everyone seems to go to either my oldest daughter's home (the one with the 2 kiddies) or my X-husband's who has also moved down there. My son is going down there this year with them also. It's 4 hours for me to make the drive down, and it's just too long with my knees. My mother died when she was 60 (cirrhosis of the liver) and I was 30, and my Dad died 10 years ago from Alzheimers. When I had my RTKR, my younger daughter (38) and her husband came up for 3 days while I was in rehab, and each time they came my daughter had gotten me a new shirt. The food was so awful, they took to bringing me meals .... really sweet. Once I came home my son came every weekend and did the things that needed to be done .... grocery shopping, laundry, tidying up. And, I have a dear girlfriend in PA who came for a whole week and made meals and just took care of things ..... what a precious blessing she was ..... I mostly sat in my lounge chair, slept, and drooled all over myself! :sick: My oldest daughter - the one with the 2 little ones has not been up for 3 years. I'm always expected to go down ...... and this is a geriatric Social Worker! Go figure!
I don't mind at all being alone on holidays .... growing up an only child, always having to do for myself, I'm very used to that. Gives me a chance to rub my knees with Boswellin cream and put my knee warmers on ..... mmmmmm, that feels so good. And, of course, have a cup o' hot tea and read a book ..... nice.
Do enjoy your Thanksgiving, and take it easy on that knee ..... I'm glad I live in a time when they can do replacements like this or I can't imagine what it would be like otherwise ..... a major OUCH!
 
It's been interesting reading of family reactions to knee replacement surgery and our recoveries. We don't have children and both my parents are no longer with us. But I’m very close to my two sisters and their families. They live in England - I live in northern France. We don't always see each other frequently but there's always loads of phone contact and long-distance love.

When I first had problems with my knee, they were in touch a lot and offered to come and help out (I told them not to as were managing fine). But they came to visit just before my surgery when I was at my lowest ebb, least mobile, most emotional and with *big* carpel tunnel pain from using crutches.

To my surprise, I heard very little from them when I was in hospital and for a few weeks afterwards, and felt very hurt. One of my sisters owned up recently. They had been so shocked that they had cried all the way home in the car and didn't keep in touch because they couldn't deal with my level of disability and vulnerability (I'm the 'capable - read bossy - big sister’).

We've talked it through and have laughed about it. But it is odd how we have such a strong need for people to be a certain thing and have a certain place in our lives that it's hard for us when they aren't able to be that.

Sue
 
Sue, that is a very powerful post there. It is so true, when we hold our parents, or siblings up to a certain level, it is very difficult to see them struggling. Are you the oldest sister? If you are, they probably think of you as the matriarch in the family seeing your parents are no longer here and you are closer to their age and they don't want to think of themselves as the possibility of not being able to do things like you always did. So I can understand. I hope they communicate more now.
 
Wow what a disappointment when family can't "deal with" a family members pain and suffering when they need it the most. It is so hurtful for both of you Sue and Abby and all the rest of us who have had this experience. One thing most of us TKRs have is the emotional component. I believe we are more emotional due to the pain and maybe also the immobility making us feel we've lost a lot of control of a good portion of our lives. We don't hear about it in the "knee class" or on the information sheets that we are given so we are unprepared when it pops up. So when someone we thought we could count on doesn't come through, it's a double whammy.
But one thing...all of us folks who have had TKRs have gotten strong as a result. It's not like any other life experience...and like the cliche' if it doesn't kill you...it makes you stronger.
 
Debbie_joints said:
Sue, that is a very powerful post there. It is so true, when we hold our parents, or siblings up to a certain level, it is very difficult to see them struggling. Are you the oldest sister? If you are, they probably think of you as the matriarch in the family seeing your parents are no longer here and you are closer to their age and they don't want to think of themselves as the possibility of not being able to do things like you always did. So I can understand. I hope they communicate more now.
Click to expand...
Debbie, I am indeed the oldest and the family dynamic is plain to see! We're all fine and have put it behind us - thank goodness we are able to talk and sort things out.

Sue
 
Wow, this has been a wonderfully interesting thread. It's good to read of everyone's experiences and how their families, and individuals within their families, responded to their surgeries. I think it's absolutely true that they don't want to think of us as getting older and not quite being able to do everything we used to. But, there again ..... that's theirs to deal with and face in their own way. I'm fine with my age .... these are just the things that happen as our bodies begin to wear out. soSuesew, you are so fortunate you and your family can discuss these things. I can with 2 of my kids, but not with the oldest ..... she literally will walk away. I don't think some of the "realities" of life has sunk in on her yet, and she's 40. But they will, someday, as she, too, will age and perhaps some parts will need to be replaced also.
 
While we're talking about emotional responses, did anyone feel really angry at not being told how hard this TKR business really is?

In a way, I can understand why - if the medical people 'fessed up, we probably wouldn't do it (and, of course, we all have different reactions to it). And my acquaintances who have had it have probably put away the bad memories and are getting on with enjoying their new knees.

But at one stage I felt really cross that all the deceiving #*+¥$€=%s had lied to me.

(In a slightly fanciful mood this Monday morning but I stand by the emotion!)

Sue
 
Yes I know what you mean Sue. The consultant told me he tells paitents all the scary bits on the first time he sees them and then sees if they auctually turn up for surgery. I dont think anyone who hasnt had TKR can really see how much we go through pain wise, emotionally and just the whole experience. I have never had an op before and this has totally overwhelmed me. I honestly dont know what I would have done without this site and the comradship of everyone on here. It has taught me so much. Not so much my family who expect everything to be bak to normal after my six week check next week. If only it was that simple.
 
Me too ..... I don't know what I would have done, and still do, without the support of all you wonderful people, and for Josephine's invaluable input. It's been a real blessing to me.
I can honestly say my doctor totally leveled with me about what to expect, after the surgery, things I should have that would be helpful (like a raised toilet seat), and the pain involved. He also warned me that unbelievably, the toughest part would be the physical therapy, and he was right. He pulled no punches .... he was totally honest with me. I also took a class at the hospital where they gave us a three-ring binder full of information with everything from A to Z in it, so I can't say I didn't know and wasn't prepared for what was to come, as I was. He's a wonderful surgeon, and if and when the other one needs to be done, I'm definitely going to go to him again.
 
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