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Revision TKR 3 years out - Injury?worked

I got a little upset today, as it seemed like all of a sudden, my boyfriend thought that I should be healed enough to cook and clean, and do all of the normal stuff I regularly do.

Come to find out, people at work are telling him that people who have knee replacements "usually have them on Friday, and are back to work on Monday". They are telling him that something must be wrong with me that I need pain pills and help walking with a walker or cain. They told him that I should at least be at the gym, riding a bike by now. One of his co-workers even told him that his 79 year old grandpa was up and riding his bike, the day after surgery.

I'm so mad and angry. My boyfriend told me that he doesn't believe them, but it has definitely planted seeds in his mind. I think he thinks I am milking the knee replacement, so I don't have to do as much. I got up, cleaned the living room, made the kids lunch, finished the dishes and then swept. My knee is killing me now. I wish there was a way to make him understand that this isn't like pulling a muscle....ugh.


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Oh my gosh you are 10 days post op on a major surgery! Please please please don't be doing all that you are doing you are putting yourself in a terrible position for a lot of pain and swelling. People have a way of embellishing stories for effectiveness when they are trying to make a point. For all that person knows is that the grandpa was put on a stationery bike in pt and going back and forth like most people but the grandchild relayed it back as riding his bike. I work from home and STUPIDLY only took 1 week off of work and then worked from my bed for then next 11 weeks and that was a HUGE mistake on my part. Just doing that drained me and I could only work so many hours a day doing it. I'm so sorry you have to justify the stage you are at in this recovery but I'm sure there are articles on this site that can help with his understanding of the amount recover that is involved in this. Oh and I don't mean to add stress to you when you are obviously are having a hard day, and I only say it out of concern for you, but I wouldn't let anyone spray anything on my incision. I was told to wash my body and let the soapy water run over the wound until the staples were out and the incision was closed. I think its awesome that they are watching for any signs of infection but don't know that I would be letting anyone actually spray a cleaner on it right now. I may be way off base though and I apologize if I'm overstepping. You may want to ask Celle or Josephine.

Sending lots and lots of positive thoughts your way neighbor.
 
Your boyfriend needs to watch a video of a TKR. He might be a little more understanding. Could it be that he's trying to make you feel guilty so you will do more and he'll have to do less? People can be manipulators when they want things their way. He's hitting you at your lowest point. Shame on him. Try and tune him out and not let him cause you to harm your already traumatized knee. You're already doing too much without his adding more to that list! Please take it easy and get plenty of rest.
 
Oh I hate hearing this @HookEm613. If you're anything like me you already feel despair because you can't get up and do what you're accustomed to. Then to have others who are obviously IGNORANT and don't know what they're talking about fill your boyfriend's mind with false information, that's just awful. You owe NO ONE any explanation for where you are in your recovery. No One!! And you need to take care not to let anyone's judgement penetrate your thoughts.

All of your energy needs to be as positive as possible so that you continue to recover.

If it were me- I would go back to your first page and access the links on the different articles Celle posted for you. Those that discuss recovery especially, print them off and leave them where your boyfriend can read them. Tell him it's important to you that he is on the same page with you regarding this time in your life.

You have a big crowd of recovering bonesmarties here who understand what you're going through. And we're here for you! Spend time with us as you're able. You're awesome and you have a bright future ahead of you ONCE your healing is complete. Be strong and of a good courage!!

[Bonesmart.org] 3 years out - Injury?worked
 
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It can be a problem that people's recoveries are different and maybe stories are exaggerated. It also probably depends on your own physical situation, how much repair/trauma was done to your knee, etc. My dentist who is about 60 went back to work after 3 weeks full time because he felt he owed it to his patients and he did fine - but I could not have done that kind of job at 3 weeks or maybe at 3 months... My doctor, who has no trouble believing it if I say I need pain meds, also has had elderly patients who felt little pain after knee replacement and were able to be mobile sooner. He feels they often do not feel as much pain so younger people have that disadvantage maybe. My father did not feel pain a lot his whole life and when he fell and broke his hip, requiring a total hip replacement, he walked to the car to go to the hospital and could walk on it with no problem after surgery, never taking pain meds. (I know hips are easier, I've had one of those too)

So what you really need to do is have a frank talk with your boyfriend about how YOUR recovery is going and how you feel. That's what' relevant here. Hopefully he will trust you that you are not just lying down on the job but really do need to lie down a lot! Do you maybe have family or a friend who can pitch in a little and help if he's overwhelmed by taking over your duties also?


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Thanks everyone, I appreciate the kind words. I had kind of a stern talk with with him, and I think tonight I am going to take off my bandages and make him take a good look at my knee. I think he needs to see it and be reminded that it was not a small surgery like my last one.


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sistersinhim said:
Your boyfriend needs to watch a video of a TKR. He might be a little more understanding. Could it be that he's trying to make you feel guilty so you will do more and he'll have to do less? People can be manipulators when they want things their way. He's hitting you at your lowest point. Shame on him. Try and tune him out and not let him cause you to harm your already traumatized knee. You're already doing too much without his adding more to that list! Please take it easy and get plenty of rest.
Click to expand...

^^^^
THIS. So much this right here.

Excellent idea to have him watch a video of a TKR surgery. Please stand your ground and do what's best for you and your recovery.
 
I absolutely hate the anecdotes that get passed from one person to the other about total knee replacements. My wife works at a credit union with a lot of elderly members, and it seems like she comes home every evening with a different anecdote about someone's knee operation. Fortunately, I nursed her through a total hip replacement last year, so she knows it's no picnic. But I just cringe and sometimes I want to scream, "If I hear one more miraculous recovery story from a TKR, I'm filing for divorce!"


Left Total Knee Replacement on Tuesday, June 7th, 2016.

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I'm so sorry that your boyfriend has heard those ridiculous stories. I would do as sistersinhim suggested and have him watch the actual surgery. ( don't you watch though) and let him tell you how you should be up and back to normal already. I'm a nurse and I could only stomach half of the video! Let him see your incision with the staples. Would he think that someone that had two broken bones, ligaments/tendons cut or strained, possible quad muscles cut and metal spikes driven into the bones of the knee be ready to be back to normal in such a short time?
 
I would take him with you for your follow up appointment...my husband is amazing and he is a wonderful caregiver but I made sure I took him with me to the pre-op appointment so that there would be no any mis-understaning and so that he could ask any questions he had...maybe your PT can explain what you are going through, but whatever you decide, DON'T ALLOW ANYONE TO BULLY YOU into doing too much too soon and jeopardize your recovery, it is tough enough without complications...I'm sorry you have to deal with this :(
 
Thanks for letting me vent y'all! It helped a lot! I am going to ask him to come to my appointment on Monday, and the doctors can explain that it is not a "get better over night" kind of thing. What's odd is that my boyfriend is a super protective, take care of everyone kind of guy. He was great last week, so I think he maybe got overwhelmed, and that's why he brought it up. Either way, he has been getting a dose of what I do on a regular basis. Haha, maybe he will have a new found respect for it.

On another note, I started using my cane today. It's so nice to not use the walker!!!!!


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HookEm613 said:
Come to find out, people at work are telling him that people who have knee replacements "usually have them on Friday, and are back to work on Monday". They are telling him that something must be wrong with me that I need pain pills and help walking with a walker or cain. They told him that I should at least be at the gym, riding a bike by now. One of his co-workers even told him that his 79 year old grandpa was up and riding his bike, the day after surgery.
Click to expand...
The people telling your boyfriend this are talking rubbish. They have no idea what surgery you had.
I suggest you make your boyfriend read and watch these. If necessary, tie him to a chair until he's done it. :heehee:
TKR surgery - WARNING: real life photos
Knee replacement surgery types and suggested videos
HookEm613 said:
I think he thinks I am milking the knee replacement, so I don't have to do as much. I got up, cleaned the living room, made the kids lunch, finished the dishes and then swept. My knee is killing me now. I wish there was a way to make him understand that this isn't like pulling a muscle....ugh.
Click to expand...
Don't let anybody "guilt" you into doing too much. Your knee needs lots of rest and TLC. Right now, your main job is this: - rest, elevate, ice and take your pain meds by the clock
 
Best I can do with the same basic surgery date is keep clutter behind myself as low chaos as possible so that I don't trip up as I stump along....but the thought of making the bed after a night w/ just a few hours of sleep doesn't even occur to me.
I'm guessing that your life sort of revolves around meds/laxatives/keeping pain down/maintaining but not overdoing PT schedule. To me, it's a full time job.
10 days in, I haven't accomplished a thing.
 
Good for you, welcome to having one free hand :thumb: You are doing great :flwrysmile:
 
Celle said:
The people telling your boyfriend this are talking rubbish. They have no idea what surgery you had.
I suggest you make your boyfriend read and watch these. If necessary, tie him to a chair until he's done it. :heehee:
TKR surgery - WARNING: real life photos
Knee replacement surgery types and suggested videos

Don't let anybody "guilt" you into doing too much. Your knee needs lots of rest and TLC. Right now, your main job is this: - rest, elevate, ice and take your pain meds by the clock
Click to expand...

Love this lol!! Great advice! [emoji3]


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My hubby is the same way, then had the nerve to say you chose this. No one would actually "choose" this if there were other treatments available that really worked! Where he helps in some ways, he is very thoughtless in others. I try to ignore it and walk away when he gets that way. I do what I feel I am up to. Hoping it is getting better for you!
 
Good for you, and now that the cane is out, if your boyfriend forgets to be thoughtful again use your cane to knock some sense into him, lol

I really think that taking him with you on Monday will really help, time for a reality check... I was one of those silly people that thought I could go back to work after 2 weeks, well that would be next week and the last thing on my mind is work.
 
Sometimes I think I'm really blessed to be alone. I don't have to answer to anyone about my progress or lack of! And I can always come here and relate with all my BS friends!
 
So I am really worried about next week, my 2 week check in. I am supposed to be at a 90 degree bend, and today at PT, I only measured 67 degrees. I'm doing all of my exercises, and if anything, doing too much. I am going to take it easy this weekend and see how it goes, but I am scared the doctor is going to want to do a manipulation...if that's what it's called.

On another note, during PT today I felt like a staple was pulling or even tearing my skin. We looked and nothing was there, so the PT assist and told me it was probably a stitch under the staples. Later, the assistant came to me and told me that can be a sign of infection. I panicked a bit and started asking a ton of questions, and then her response was to just forget what she said. I don't think she wanted me to tell my PT that she mentioned that. Have you ever heard of that symptom for infection? I am terrified now.


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