My brother and husband are all upset with me for not being my old self.
I’m so very sorry to hear about this attitude from them
@Readabook - this actually says far more about them and their attitudes than you even if when it feels so personal to you. It must be so hard to hear. Please don’t let them push you into anything and please keep looking after you.
Have either of them ever had major ops or health issues? It also sounds as if they perhaps lack sufficient empathy and compassion plus the kind of understanding that usually comes with age that we are not infallible and everybody heals and experiences things differently.
You are NOT a wimp, pain is a unique feeling and everyone has different thresholds. Your body is still adjusting and now you have the ankle and rib area to deal with. Everything is connected, remember that old song - the knee bone is connected to the thigh bone….
Ageing is challenging - the phrase - not for the faint hearted - comes to mind. Your friend who travelled abroad is the exception, not the norm as this site clearly shows.
Only you can look after you and only you know what feels right, despite what others think and say. Where you are now is not the end, you’re still recovering, even if it’s slower than you hoped and expected. Our bodies are unique and we are not machines.
The season for saying no ended at about 7 mos out.
I disagree, you can and must still say no if you can’t do something, or fear it’s detrimental to YOUR health or someone else’s. I no longer carry grandchildren up or down stairs, and that will not change for their wellbeing and mine.
I’m working on getting back strength and conditioning however if I can’t do something I say. We are not infallible and we owe it to ourselves to hold our own boundaries firmly and clearly and that is also part of life stuff. I’ve discovered so many women, in all walks of life, who only learned to put themselves first in their 60’s, after a lifetime of immense service to their families and others. It’s not easy to do but vital for our own sakes that we do.
In time we hope we may get back some things we had lost before the ops and if we don’t well that’s just how it is. We also age at different rates and our journeys are ours alone, and no one has the right to tell us what to do, or how to feel, or expect us to do everything we did before and if they do, it’s really on them and not us.
Please put yourself first, know that you will heal further in time, and please take all the pressure off yourself. It’s hard having to recover and at the same time learn how to put in ‘boundaries’ to safeguard ourselves. It’s ok to say no, and it’s important to do so, even when it feels so unfamiliar and uncomfortable to do this. Remember how on an aircraft we are told to put the oxygen mask on first, it’s the same principle here.
Perhaps it’s time to think of alternative ways to help your Mother?
Please also think about adaptations as to how you could do things differently. I live alone and only do certain jobs when somebody is here eg cut the clematis when someone holds the ladder and I occasionally pay someone to clean the very tall windows. This year I also paid someone to paint the exterior doors and the shed. All jobs I used to do, but can’t just now. If I go back to doing them in the future, fine, if not also fine, it’s life stages and life changes.
Thinking of you and sending you the strength to say NO, when you need to, as more time to recover and caring for you is your number one task.
Everyone will adapt (none of us are irreplaceable, even if we’d like to think so ) when we can’t do quite what we used to, and hopefully it’s not permanent.
Re the climbing toddler could you put a chair next to the counter for her to turn around and get back down onto it?
Be strong and be well.
United States
