Upcoming THR with no family or friends to help

[Starlight]

Thank you, Sissy and Vida. Vida, you were wise to avoid NYC..... There is a myth about it being accessible to everyone, but it is not. It does have more and better handicapped types of busses. But not all the time. And not for everyone. I've seen bus drivers lower the ramp thing down for riders who are with walkers, but then refuse to let people with a limp but no walker walk onto the ramp. Instead they have to pull themselves up onto the steep steps and some of those old busses do have steep steps.
Your suggestion of asking the surgeon for a time table and then telling the work supervisors what that is is a good one. But I still worry about it. I wonder if there are any threads about people who had to cope with jobs where there was a pressure to get back to work and how they dealt with that and their bosses. That would be very helpful. I have no problem believing in the "energy drain" that I've read about here, and no problem accepting personally that the recovery takes the time it takes, that you can't hurry it. But I'm not the one who needs to be convinced!

 

[Poppet]

Hi SLG

I had to go back to work at 7 weeks.. No leave, no pay.. So essentially I didn't have a choice. I did go back for 3 days a week for 3 weeks, but still at 7 weeks it was difficult.

I also hated the way people at work said to me on day one... 'Oh, look how well you look and are doing'. I decided to grit my teeth and say 'yes, marvelous isn't it!' Then walk away and think to myself... I would like to see you have this surgery! I work with a lot of young people and they complain if they have a pimple on their face and it makes them tired!....

Don't listen to others is my advice and in fact feel sorry for their ignorance

 

[nerdgrrl]

Hi starlight! Do you have short term disability coverage through your employer? I did/do and all the deciding about when to return to work was between my doctor and the insurance. It took my boss and me out of the middle of it, which was nice. Regarding cab to and from surgery, I don't know about NYC, but here it is not allowed. Well, to surgery is allowed, but not after surgery. It must be a legal and/or liability concern because any time I have had anesthetic, I have been told I need to arrange to be driven home- no cab. Also, the hospitals here do have folks who can help find a service, as Vida suggested. So maybe once you finalize your surgeon choice, they can help direct you to some resources.

Good luck, figuring out the arrangements!

 

[sissy46]

Poppet I hear you. People who haven't had a hip replacement have told me "oh, there's nothing to that anymore," or, "oh, that's no big deal, nowadays." Well, my surgery and recovery were just about as easy and as pleasant as it gets, and it is still major surgery, and exhausting for a few weeks. Starlight, your employer needs to understand that.

 

[Starlight]

You guys have made me laugh. Thanks so much. I needed that! Just a while ago I told a neighbor (again, the "why are you limping?" question) what's on the horizon and was told that so and so down the block had had it much worse than me, had had two THRs all at once, but it was easy street and is now dancing! I said, well, that's great, but I'm sure there was a, you know, recovery period, before she was "dancing." LOL Yes, I wish I had a nickel for every time someone tells me the surgery is no big deal.

Hi, Poppett, I also work with a lot of young people. However, these kids are just ignorant of what can and does go wrong with our bodies. They act like any ailment or situation requiring going to a doctor or sometimes even a dentist is some kind of character flaw. They boast about how all you need to do is go to the gym and be healthy and fit and you don't need a doctor. Just you wait, my pretties, just you wait! I'm sorry you had to go back sooner than you were ready. I admire your example of just grinning and bearing it when people say the things they say that are so annoying. I will remember you and try to live up to that. I tend to be a little too much in the "saying what I think" category and not letting people get by with commentary that rankles me. This approach sometimes works, but boy, when it does not work, it does not.

I have superiors at work who are kind of bad about saying, "Well, you didn't speak up, so I assumed everything was just fine." So that encourages us to "speak up." But then, you know, no one likes a "complainer," so we get the evil eye when we "speak up." This is all just routine work stuff, but when it comes to surgery and taking time off, you never know what to say or not say.


Nrdgrrrl, hi there, yes we do have short term disability the employer pays. We have to use up sick and vacay days first. He thinks I won't need to go on disability. That my two weeks of vac a will cover everything. When you said this:

all the deciding about when to return to work was between my doctor and the insurance. It took my boss and me out of the middle of it, which was nice.


would you mind elaborating on exactly how that happened? I am still without a firm decision about doctor, hospital and thus a date, though tentatively it is all hopefully going to happen this spring ... so I have not officially done anything at work. I'm not sure of protocol or procedures.

THANKS for that info about not being able to take a taxicab from surgery. My very first question when I started posting here was something silly about can I take a cab to and from the hospital? I wasn't thinking about liability issues. I just had this niggling feeling it might not be that simple, though of course I'd hoped so. I am going to relocate to NJ, but am still hoping to have the surgery done in NYC if possible. And most or many people in NYC don't have cars, so I will investigate car services but of course as you said will ask the hospital. Surely I'm not the first person who won't have my own private car awaiting to whisk me home.

Details, details ... so many. This is all quite one big orchestration, isn't it?
Thank goodness for all of you. Thank you again for your tremendous support. And I haven't even gotten to the surgery part!!

 

[nerdgrrl]

Hi starlight - regarding the short term disability, it was quite a formal procedure. I had to do some paperwork up front that the doctor's office also had to complete part of. In that, they (doctor) were supposed to give an estimate of when I would be ready to return to work. Then once it got near the return to work date, the doctor had to actually release (written release) me to return to work, so there was an opportunity there to revise the date. As it happened, with the initial paperwork, the doctor neglected to fill in the "expected " return date, so the insurance initially went with 4 weeks. But when it got close (3 - 3.5 weeks), we revised it to return after 6 weeks with a phased return to work. It was all quite formal. Most communication between doctor and insurance was via phone/ fax.

Also regarding what folks expect for recovery, first, I think an outsiders perception of how much time passed until someone was back to normal is skewed. When I told folks I would be out 4 to six weeks, everyone thought it sounded so long, but when I got back, many were saying "Oh, you're back already?" Our perception of the passage of time, when we don't see someone all the time is just naturally imprecise. Secondly, when I get that comment, I somewhat humorously describe the surgery ... Along the lines of "oh, yeah it is basically a big carpentry project. They saw off the top of my femur and make a hole into the bone to hammer in a prosthetic, then they drill out the pelvis to put in a new socket...." So far it seems that they do seem to get the idea that my full recovery might take awhile. Thirdly, an outsider's perception of someone being back to normal is also poor. A lot of us are good at faking it, or faking it for awhile, when we are in pain or exhausted.

Anyway, good luck with your preparations, and let us know if you have more questions.

 

[Vida]

Starlight, offer to show your co-workers the video of a hip replacement. That will give you ammunition. I agree with you about 'young people today' and their obsession with youth and fitness. I watch extreme sports on TV and am left in the dust by joggers as I lurch around the park and say to myself: "You're going to make some orthopedic surgeon a very rich man." I actually feel for 30-somethings because in future there won't be enough surgeons or health care facilities to give them all new body parts. Today it takes 2 weeks to see my GP. Imagine the wait for a CT or MRI in 10 years? Or an orthopedic referral.. 8 months to a year in these parts now. Maybe by then they will be able to do their own scan on their cell phone, or pop in at at a drive-through. Just musing....

nerdgrrl I love that description... such visuals. I am lucky, I have my own attack husband. When people start with the usual 'blah blah, easy, blah, nothing to it, blah, my mum had it and was back dancing in a week, blah, blah...' he jumps in and says something like: "Well any THR surgery and recovery is a very big deal. And my wife has had five surgeries on her hip before she had her replacement, which was long and complicated. So no, it isn't easy." I tell you, that man can clear a room.

 

[bottomshollow]

What a peach!!!! Better hang on to him.

 

[nerdgrrl]

Oh, and I told my boss I thought it would be 4 to 8 weeks, not 4- 6. I really tried to imprint that everyone's recovery is different, and that if i was a super recoverer, it would be about 4 weeks. As it happened I was back in 6 weeks, but then I went on vacation, so I was really out closer to 8. I had vacation I had to use or lose before the end of the year, so I chose to use it! The few days I was back after 6 weeks I was working 3/4 days, but when I came back after vacation, it was full days.

 

[LimpFreeMe]

I had the conversation about going home in a taxi two days ago, during a joint replacement class taught by a nurse and OT from the hospital. The short answer was we can't keep you from going home by yourself. The long answer was we will have a discussion about stairs, fire safety, home environment, etc.. Fortunately, my apartment is first floor, zero stairs, fully sprinklered (very little risk of fire), and I feel it has a good layout for self care. The nurse may have said something about signing papers when I left. I am not sure what that means, but I don't think it will be AMA, at least I hope it won't be. I noticed nerdgrrl said going home via taxi wasn't allowed in her area, however I am in the same state, on the other side of the mountains and have received a different answer. Perhaps it's more of a hospital policy...but I don't think a hospital can keep someone around, when they want to leave (with a few exceptions, such a someone considering suicide.) I admit I was a bit surprised when the nurse said it was possible to go home via taxi, as post colonoscopy they did "require" someone to accompany me home.

There is also the option, which I have discussed with my doctor, of going to a care facility (fancy name for nursing home, I think) for a day or three instead of straight home, if I felt the need. I think my insurance will cover it, and it's something on my to do list to check.

I will be having a preop appointment with my doctor and hospital the 28th of this month, and I will be asking questions about going home via taxi and writing down answers and names.

There is always the option of hiring a neighbor or coworker to take you home, if you are faced with a stonewalling hospital or nurse who doesn't think you should go home via taxi. They don't have to stay with you, take you to your apartment door, or anything short of picking you up from the hospital and taking you around the corner to the nearest taxi, irregardless of what you tell the hospital they are going to do. I am not saying this is the best option. You will need to think carefully about going home alone, determine if this is in your best interest, and be responsible for your decision and yourself.

One option I am thinking about is checking with a couple of my younger coworkers who have children and seeing if they have any kid sitters who are responsible, over 18 and (probably dreaming here) male. I wouldn't consider having a female I really didn't know under 18 stay with me. Another option, is a coworker with a son or daughter in college. I don't know what they would want pay wise, but I think I could handle the cost of having someone stay full time even at minimum wage for two days, and perhaps an hour or two a day for a week. I would want to compare the cost of a situation like the above to a home health aide, which I think would be paid for by insurance. Side note: I wonder what the cost of an aide full time for two days would be, compared to two days in a rehab facility. Perhaps it's possible to have a chat with the insurance company, and help them see the light (might be dreaming here.)

Regarding the pressure to return to work, I have told my manager that I won't be back until my doctor approves my return. I am using my doctor as the person who is taking the pressure to return to work ASAP off me. I have informed my work about the restrictions I know my doctor will be placing on me, so they are somewhat prepared for what I will be able to do upon my return. I am supervisor for a team of IT personnel, for example once in a while (when I don't have a young and spry IT person around, I will connect a PC under someones desk, and my doctor has said that will not be allowed when I first return to work.

Perhaps the best course is to prepare your home (can you move some furniture?), purchase the helpers that will make life eaiser (toilet hand rails, corded and cordless (not a cell) phones where you could reach them if you fall), increase your safety (remove throw rugs, check smoke detector batteries), hire a neighbor or someone to check on you daily (broken link removed: https://www.carecheckers.com/carecalls.html) and perhaps consider a rehab facility.

With a bit of research, preparation, and a will to be pain free after recovery, I think you can do it. read the threads others have mentioned and you will see they have successfully dealt with being alone after surgery.

Take care,

Jeff

These are just my thoughts, I am not a doctor, nurse or a lawyer. Your mileage may vary.

 

[Puddin]

I am new to my area and therefor, I have to just take the time off and told work that "I will be back when I can"! But my husband has been working constantly to support the surgery. (THR countdown, one day!) so I will be alone every night, but he will be with me the first two days. I am not sure what I will do on the third day when I have to go to the bathroom. I pray for a healthy healing!

 

[bottomshollow]

On the third day when you have to go to the bathroom, you will get up and, with your walker or crutches, take yourself there. Simple as that. You will be mobile. You will be able to get from Point A to Point B and back again. It may be slow and it may not feel wonderful, but it will be doable. YOU CAN DO IT!

I'll be looking forward to your first post from the "other side", and the post on the third day when you're on your own telling us all how you've managed everything just fine.

Take care and keep us posted. We care.

 

[Puddin]

Thank you so much!! It's weird, the Nurse that works for my insurance company (she is ahead nurse ya, know) She was the only person that asked my how I was doing and feeling. Not the old comments and questions of "are you excited?" and "can't wait till Friday, eh?" kind of person. Someone that didn't know me, actually asked how I was really feeling. That was so cool and to find this website the day before, was even better.

I will keep you posted!

 

[ukisgr8]

Starlight, offer to show your co-workers the video of a hip replacement. That will give you ammunition. I agree with you about 'young people today' and their obsession with youth and fitness. I watch extreme sports on TV and am left in the dust by joggers as I lurch around the park and say to myself: "You're going to make some orthopedic surgeon a very rich man." I actually feel for 30-somethings because in future there won't be enough surgeons or health care facilities to give them all new body parts. Today it takes 2 weeks to see my GP. Imagine the wait for a CT or MRI in 10 years? Or an orthopedic referral.. 8 months to a year in these parts now. Maybe by then they will be able to do their own scan on their cell phone, or pop in at at a drive-through. Just musing....

nerdgrrl I love that description... such visuals. I am lucky, I have my own attack husband. When people start with the usual 'blah blah, easy, blah, nothing to it, blah, my mum had it and was back dancing in a week, blah, blah...' he jumps in and says something like: "Well any THR surgery and recovery is a very big deal. And my wife has had five surgeries on her hip before she had her replacement, which was long and complicated. So no, it isn't easy." I tell you, that man can clear a room.

I am so lucky with my orthopedic because I know him personally. I had never discussed the issue with him until one day I was having trouble doing something. The next day he had me come into his office, did Xrays, MRI, and a week later scheduled surgery. Of course, the issue has been going on for 7 years but I tried to not show the pain because it didn't seem "manly" to do so, except to my GP, who was a blooming idiot. Pushing it sooner could have gotten me an arthoscopy instead of a hip replacement but it is what it is. The people who dismiss the hip replacement as major surgery to so usually to avoid assisting that person. My own brother said the same thing. I just told him not to worry, I was just letting him know, no assistance from you is required.

Since it appears you will be alone though, on my search of assist aids, I found they have trays they can put on a walker for carrying food or other items. Also, a cup with a wide bottom to keep it from tipping would be a good get. I would get it done as soon as possible though. The nerves from waiting to do something about it is half the anxiety.

 

[Starlight]

Thanks to all for your tips. I'm sure they will be helpful to many people. I too was surprised to be told I could not leave from my colonoscopy alone. I was told over the phone they would not proceed with the procedure if I showed up without someone with me to take me home. This was more stern than earlier years, when they merely said they strongly recommended I be accompanied. All of this has become N/A for me now, since I have made arrangements for a transfer to a NJ branch of my company and will leave NYC in the dust. Good riddance. As long as you are ambulatory, it's a great place. It is hell on earth if you cannot get around easily. For me, being in NJ near family and friends and in a less congested place it will be less stressful to cope with upcoming surgery.
I have gone through many things in my adult years all by myself with no assistance, but this surgery seems daunting to me. So I am glad to have some help of some kind, even if by "help" all I mean is someone poking their head in to say hi. For those of you who have been there done that, it's easier to predict how doable this surgery is completely on your own. For me, who has zero experience yet a wild imagination, I have a hard time believing my experience will be okay. It's just so "unknown." As I write this I am terribly sad and scared about it.

 

[Vida]

Great decision starlight. If there is a way to get a little assistance, you shouldn't be in the least bit worried about accepting it. I think people who went through it alone are exceptionally strong and speak to what's possible. But there is no substitute for the help of friends and family when you are physically and emotionally at a low ebb. Please don't be scared, thousands and thousands of people worldwide have this surgery every year. And it relieves chronic pain and depression. For some people living with terrible pain and disability there is no surgical response, if you think of it that way, you will see the positive side. In a comparatively short time in the scheme of things, you will have your life back. Have courage starlight, and look forward. Vicki

 

[Poppet]

Hi SL

This surgery is going to give you back quality of life to take on all those fun activities you have had to sit on the sidelines and watch others doing in life...

My advice is to remember recovery will be 'a marathon and not a sprint and slow and steady will win your personal recovery journey'.

At 15 months post (last week) I still consider I have another 7 months until I will consider myself fully recovered.. I tried to not put expectations on myself for anything sooner... But those wonderful little milestones of achieving came along, with a whoop of surprise and happiness..

We all travel the same journey with this surgery

 

[sissy46]

Starlight, I think you have made a great decision. The difference between no help and a little help is vast. Just knowing that help is available if you need it makes all the difference and gives you confidence and a sense of security that you don't have if you're really all alone.

I'll be 5 months post-op on Feb 25. Know when I thought about my hip this morning? After I got up, made coffee, fed the cats looked outside, opened the laptop and saw notifications from BoneSmart---that's when I remembered my hip. This morning I'm going to a rally that will involve a good bit of walking---something I could not have done 5 months ago. I just completed a freshwater wetlands course that involved tromping through mud and burned areas where there were no trails; again, something I could not have done 5 months ago.

You're going to get your life back, and sooner than you can imagine. Try to channel your wild imagination to think of all you'll be able to do pain-free.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: see if you are a candidate for the anterior approach. If so, your first few weeks will be easier, without restrictions, and with less need for help or aids. In your area, you should be able to find a surgeon who has done enough of the anteriors to satisfy even Poppet and Josephine


You sound like an intelligent, strong, resourceful and decisive woman. You're going to be fine.

 

[Poppet]

Starlight, sissy46 has had a wonderful recovery with her hip and I would not want to take that away from her.

However, it is very important that you find a surgeon that you are happy with and is experienced with surgical approach he proposes for you!

Not everyone is a candidate for an anterior approach. It depends a great deal on the analysis of your x-rays of your condition by your surgeon. For example, I discussed this with my surgeon and he explained that my specific deterioration required a different surgical approach and a longer incision to provide him with an adequate view.

It is always your choice as to which surgeon you feel comfortable with and the experience of this surgeon. For a THR once the incision is made the process is exactly the same.

I had a posterior lateral and yes I had six weeks of restrictions.. Did I find them difficult, no I didn't and I had extremely complex surgery. I have had a text book recovery as far as my surgery is concerned and I put this all down to the experience of my surgeon in his expertise once he was he was performing the internal process of my THR.

For me personally, I would not be hunting out a surgeon who conducts a particular surgical approach, I want a surgeon who is able to analyze my condition, and knows exactly what is required to be done once he gets inside and most importantly has plenty of experience in performing a THR. As I said this is my personal opinion and you have to come to your own conclusions.

 

[Starlight]

I don't think it's a sign of weakness if you don't wish to go through something like this completely and utterly alone.
Even if you are polly positive and strong and in fabulous spirits, I think you'd want SOME type of assistance, whether that's a phone call asking how you are, or bringing over some soup, or offering to be contacted if you need something. It's not as if I were asking for volunteers to come wipe my behind and tend to my wound sutures. In NYC it would have been an isolation tank. I am glad I'm back home in NJ, where there are a few people who have the time to offer a tiny bit of themselves. It's just how I was raised: You try to help in some small way when family or friends are in the hospital. And of course none of us "wants" to ask for help. One reason I am so eager to get this surgery and recovery over with is so I can be a better friend and family mate. I have not been able to do too much to help anyone recently. I am eager for that to change!

As Sissy said, there is a huge difference between no help and a little help. I'll take a little help. I realize that the vast amount of work will be done by me, though, and that's how it should be. The marathon analogy is just perfect, too.

I've had a couple of consults and the anterior approach is not what either of them did. I know I could scout around and find someone who does it, but I have chosen not to go that route. I don't criticize anyone who does, of course, and applaud Sissy and anyone who has had great results. It's just not something I'm going to pursue.

I'm going to retire this thread or whatever it's called emotionally. The title I gave it makes me sad and I wish I could change it. I will now go over to another thread I started.

Sissy, thank you for your nice words; I don't feel strong, intelligent, etc. But I do tend to have periods of strong resolve. My task right now is to have more of those periods and less of the deflating ones of fear and panic!

Thanks to everyone for their kind words of support.