TKR Two TKRs and a broken kneecap - on the mend now!

[FionaW]

Thanks, LD. To be fair, neither of my boys are self-involved. I think coming out of hospital at the weekend, made things harder, because they’ve both been working all week, plus getting me to hospital and doing other things for me… And then what’s more it was my older son’s birthday on Saturday when I was discharged, and my younger son offered to cover, so his brother didn’t need to cancel his birthday plans, but that means my younger son hasn’t had a break this weekend at all. It’s been a very difficult six months. But I’m having the other knee done soon, on 23/5, so we need to hold it together a bit longer…

Oh yes, ill health offers such good lessons in humility and gratitude doesn’t it?!
It’s really good to hear that everyone does better second time around with TKR surgery – very reassuring! Thanks!

 

[Layla]

Yes, we do have weak moments when we're feeling dependent upon others and vulnerable because of it, but it will get better and it will likely happen sooner than you're imagining. Also, pain and the exhaustion TKR can bring seems to magnify anything that's troubling us. I remember a few times crying for no apparent reason, and a short time later questioning my sanity.

Thankfully you have some time to be better prepared for your next surgery. Take notes now on what you can use next time that you feel you were missing out on this time. Would your boys be opposed to working out a schedule on their own for the time they're willing to spend with you in the first week or two after your May surgery?

 

[LD of Michigan]

Funnily enough, I haven’t been able to cope with watching or listening to anything at all since my surgery - none of the movies or episodes or audiobooks I downloaded. I do have some processing issues remaining from my stroke, and I think my senses are getting very easily overloaded.
I can’t imagine how I could possibly argue with insurance companies - I really feel for you!! I feel very lucky indeed to have access to free UK NHS health care.

Oh yes, I watched stuff I could tolerate (mostly quiet BW film noir I could sleep too). Yes, it was my disability insurance that was a HUGE pain forcing me to process PDF forms etc. to and from my doctor. While off from work I needed payments from my policy to kick in to offset some costs. Thankfully I started much of the process pre. surgery.

 

[FionaW]

Mostly, I just want my mummy, which is unfortunate since she died in 1985… Hopefully tomorrow will be better..

And many of in our age group indeed miss our parents a lot when going thru all of this.

This is so true. As an only child, when my parents died within 6 weeks of each other in 2003 I felt I had been orphaned. As you all know, grief and pain do ease over time and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Be kind to yourself.

Newhip-Pol, you are so right. That must’ve been such a difficult time for you.
I didn’t mention that my brother died suddenly and unexpectedly in January, so we’ve been through that as well. It has been a dreadful time. We’re doing pretty well, all things considered.

 

[FionaW]

Yes, we do have weak moments when we're feeling dependent upon others and vulnerable because of it, but it will get better and it will likely happen sooner than you're imagining. Also, pain and the exhaustion TKR can bring seems to magnify anything that's troubling us. I remember a few times crying for no apparent reason, and a short time later questioning my sanity.

Thankfully you have some time to be better prepared for your next surgery. Take notes now on what you can use next time that you feel you were missing out on this time. Would your boys be opposed to working out a schedule on their own for the time they're willing to spend with you in the first week or two after your May surgery?

Taking notes this time round and getting my boys to make a schedule for May are both excellent ideas, Layla. Thank you!

 

[FionaW]

Funnily enough, I haven’t been able to cope with watching or listening to anything at all since my surgery - none of the movies or episodes or audiobooks I downloaded. I do have some processing issues remaining from my stroke, and I think my senses are getting very easily overloaded.
I can’t imagine how I could possibly argue with insurance companies - I really feel for you!! I feel very lucky indeed to have access to free UK NHS health care.

Yes, I watch stuff I could tolerate (mostly quiet BW film noir I could sleep too). Yes, it was my disability insurance that was a pain. While off from work I needed payments to kick in to offset some costs. Thankfully I started much of the process pre. surgery.

Quiet black-and-white film noir actually sounds like it might suit me well, LD. Thanks! Any recommendations?

 

[Newhip_Pol]

@FionaW So sorry to hear of the death of your brother, you certainly have had a lot to cope with. Wishing you strength as you progress with your recovery.

 

[FionaW]

Thank you all. I do feel much better for having said some of this stuff out loud, and got such a lovely responses from you. Much appreciated.

 

[EalingGran]

My mother had both knees replaced when she was in her late seventies and I had no idea how tough the recovery was until I experienced it myself over the last six months.... I now realise that I was not as sympathetic and helpful as I should have been. I guess we all mostly have no clue about the challenges of ageing until we experience them.
Got a jokey message recently from a WhatsApp group saying:
When old people tell you to enjoy them whilst you're young- they mean your hips and knees not your kids!!
It would be funny if it weren't so true.....

 

[FionaW]

That’s true. And I don’t *want* my kids to have their lives limited by my poor health and disability! Especially since I’m relatively young - just 57 - and I don’t want them to lose their youth looking after me.

 

[beachy]

Wow Fiona! You have really been through a lot lately.
There have been many good suggestions. I understand your situation with bed and bath on top floor.
Its so important to ice and elevate the knee. Ask your sons to find a cooler or something to keep ice packs cold so you can change them out. Ask them to gather pillows and help you to elevate your leg properly. Its really important to take your pain meds on a regular basis. Set your phone alarm and have water and meds nearby.
This recovery is not easy, but with help, you can do it. Soon you will be more mobile.
I wish you well and please keep posting so we can follow.

 

[beachy]

One more thing. I also raised boys. They are men now and older than your sons. One thing that is hard for them is to see their mom in pain and suffering. If you explain to them exactly what you need they will jump over each other to provide. Ice, pillows, meds, food, something to drink. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you

 

[FionaW]

Wow Fiona! You have really been through a lot lately.
There have been many good suggestions. I understand your situation with bed and bath on top floor.
Its so important to ice and elevate the knee. Ask your sons to find a cooler or something to keep ice packs cold so you can change them out. Ask them to gather pillows and help you to elevate your leg properly. Its really important to take your pain meds on a regular basis. Set your phone alarm and have water and meds nearby.
This recovery is not easy, but with help, you can do it. Soon you will be more mobile.
I wish you well and please keep posting so we can follow.

Thanks so much beachy

 

[FionaW]

One more thing. I also raised boys. They are men now and older than your sons. One thing that is hard for them is to see their mom in pain and suffering. If you explain to them exactly what you need they will jump over each other to provide. Ice, pillows, meds, food, something to drink. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you

This is definitely true, beachy. When I had my hip replaced eight years ago, my eldest son couldn’t handle it at all, and basically just stayed away/with friends for the first week. In most respects, they are much more mature now, and I hoped they would deal with this better; but unfortunately I think they’re still finding it very hard to see me so vulnerable.

 

[beachy]

They sound like fine, young men. And probably have some more maturing to do.
My youngest son is 45. He had to move in with us for a week or two after my tkr. My husband became ill suddenly at my 2 weeks post op. Trying to steal my thunder LOL
He was a great help and cheerfully pitched in.
He probably couldn't have dealt with it in his 20's.

Hang in there. Let those guys know what you need and I bet they step right up. This recovery is tough, but temporary.

 

[FionaW]

Thank you so much, beachy, for your kind and reassuring words.
They are stepping up when I can be clear about what I need; I realise the problems are mostly arising when I can’t be clear. For example, I can predict that I’m going to need ice but I can’t predict when… They don’t want to hang around for hours while I sleep or rest or exercise, waiting for those 10 minutes when I need them! And I don’t blame them. We are finding work-arounds, like getting a mini-fridge for my room, but it’s taking us a bit of time. And inevitably, sometimes I don’t know what’s needed until I already have a problem - those are the hardest times!

They sound like fine, young men. And probably have some more maturing to do.
My youngest son is 45. He had to move in with us for a week or two after my tkr. My husband became ill suddenly at my 2 weeks post op. Trying to steal my thunder LOL
He was a great help and cheerfully pitched in.
He probably couldn't have dealt with it in his 20's.

Hang in there. Let those guys know what you need and I bet they step right up. This recovery is tough, but temporary.

 

[beachy]

That's exactly right! They've looked to you for guidance their whole lives. They still need you to guide them.
How are you feeling pain wise?

 

[FionaW]

I’m not doing too badly, thanks @beachy . I am lucky enough to have been prescribed morphine, because I can’t take NSAIDs and was already taking codeine before surgery, for a combination of other pain issues. That’s working pretty well for me at half the number of daily prescribed doses (3 rather than 6), except for a madly uncomfortable couple of hours around 4am. Much better than many people’s experiences, I know.
I also had pretty low expectations for this period between my first surgery, and my second in May, and I really do think that low expectations are helpful! I was expecting to be in more pain than I am, and to be able to do less than I can, which is obviously a great bonus - much better than the other way round!

 

[beachy]

For barely 9 days out of surgery you're doing well with pain management!
It helps to have realistic (low) expectations of this recovery. It will eventually get better.

 

[FionaW]

I am. I am surprised, tbh @beachy. But I have been in a LOT of pain for about a year now, so my pain threshold is probably pretty high. And I have resisted opiates or most other pain meds up til now, because I knew I would need effective pain control after these surgeries… That strategy is paying off and I’m having a rest from all sorts of other pain for a while now too, which is a nice bonus.