TKR Roller Coaster of Emotions Continues . . .

[lori107]

I have read Josephine's mantra and yes, I guess I am doing exactly what I told my hubby I wasn't going to do and that is think I should be over this all by now ( I'm only young aren't I?) And get on with trying to do almost everything again myself. Well I've learnt a hard lesson I think. Tomorrow I'm going to be really lazy and just ice and elevate and get up and down occasionally and perhaps I will leave the exercise bike for a day. Thanks @Tykey and @Cannecon for reminding me I'm not super woman.

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[Cannecon]

Super woman is having a rest right now , "she'll be back" !!! Sorry that's another script.
your knee is in charge right now , so I know it hard to let things "go" but the housework can wait till you can do a little at a time the emphasis on a little! Stop feeling guilty.
Easier said than done, but slowly now will reap rewards later.

Anne

 

[lori107]

Hi, first of all can either @Jamie or one of the other moderators please change the name of this thread to 'the rollercoaster of emotions continues' or something like that.
OK, I need some advice. Have had a serious meltdown the past couple of days, going into anxiety and panic mode. I am 9 weeks post op and although the pain is still really bad I decided to stop the oxynorm to 1 or 2 a day. I have started feeling really low my hubby thinks it is him but I told him it isn't. It's got really bad and today I went to my gp thinking I was going mad. He took one look at me and said I was having classic withdrawal symptoms, my palms and head were hot and clammy and my heart has been racing. I have been having really dark thoughts at nighttime. I am not sleeping well anyway as I keep getting these restless legs when I try to go to sleep which is driving me mad. I asked my doctor for some new painkillers, not as strong as the oxynorm but something more than otc medications. He has told me that I must go back on the oxynorm and cut down one a week very gradually. He has also given me some diazapan to help me to relax to take either at night time or one during the day. I am so frustrated as I am beginning to think maybe I am being lazy now and not doing enough. I am taking a walk each day but I am still using one crutch as I feel much safer, although the physio has told me to use a stick. I use this indoors but not outside. I have just started driving again but I am really struggling with sitting down for any real length of time as I find it really painful. My knee swellls up more when I sit with my legs down. Hubby mentioned our cruise in August last night saying that he can't believe I am having so much trouble sitting and what will I do if I can't sit for an hour and as half for dinner and then sit and watch a show afterwards. He says maybe I am sitting with my knee elevated too often now and shouldn't I get used to it being down more. I have felt so angry the past few days that every single trivial thing makes me want to scream. I told him that my knee swells much more when I sit without it raised. I will be 20 weeks post op by the time we go away and am now panicking that I will struggle to sit comfortably. He says maybe we should cancel the holiday, piling huge pressure on me. I was almost in tears at my doctors this morning. I want to go back to doing the weekly shop but walking around the store for an hour and a half approx fills me with dread. He says I can't use one of the scooters they have there as I will clog up the aisles. I don't know what to do next. Am I doing enough? I get up, dressed, empty the dishwasher, make the beds, clean the bathrooms. Yesterday i did the ironing. I am using my exercise bike each day although some days it takes ages to get full rotations. I help with preparing dinner when I can and tidy up the kitchen afterwards. Please help me get some perspective on this. My gp said this is still a very stressful stage of knee replacement and that things will improve over time. Does/did anyone have the issues I'm facing with sitting down and not being able to walk that confidently yet or am I really not working hard enough. I do all my exercises, some days ROM seems quite good but other days it sucks.

 

[lori107]

Sorry for the really long post.

 

[LindainCT]

No need to apologize. Some days we just have a need to ask a lot or vent.

Please follow your OS's orders on the meds, you still need them and may for some time. If the diazapan doesn't help with the restless legs give him a call, I think others have used a muscle relaxer for help there.

Do I think you are lazy? No, I think you are doing way too much for just over two months.

Please continue to use whatever walking aids make you feel the most secure and help you to walk correctly.

Remember the mantra-if it hurts don't do it. That means if it hurts to sit with your legs down sit with them up!
Sitting more and elevating less is not the way to go. If you can wait a bit to decide on the cruise that might be a good idea. There is no point in spending all that money and not being able to enjoy it. I am at about 22 weeks and can now sit comfortably for some time although I am a bit stiff when I first stand.

As for the grocery shopping, I still use the electric cart when I am in a large store. I am now quite adept at zipping around! Haven't run any one down yet. I am sure your market would not provide them if they were going to clog the aisles although you would probably be more comfortable going when the store is the least crowded. It gave me a great feeling of independence to drive to the store and shop by myself.

I am so sorry you got off to such a difficult start but at this point I think you are completely normal. You still need a lot of rest, a lot of elevating and a lot of ice and only do what you are just slightly uncomfortable doing.

 

[Celle]

@lori107

Sweetheart, it's only about 9 weeks since you had major surgery. You and your husband are both expecting far to much of you at this point. Remember that we've told you recovery from a knee replacement is a long, slow recovery.

Yes, you still need to sit with your leg elevated and iced and it will still swell if you don't. That's perfectly normal.

Have a look at this article:
Activity progression for TKRs

You can see from this that you should still be only doing a minimum amount of housework. And of course you should still use the scooter at the supermarket - they are there for people like you, and other folks will just have to make allowances for it.

This library article explains how much energy your recovery is taking and why you still feel so tired:
Energy drain for TKRs
Does that help? What you feel is not laziness. It's your body, taking most of its energy to heal itself. Your main job now is to rest and let the healing happen.

Have a look at these articles, too! Show them all to hubby, because it might help him to understand.
[URL='https://bonesmart.org/forum/threads/healing-how-long-does-it-take.5424/']Healing: how long does it take?[/URL]
Nurturing mother: how to let go and accept help

Now, about that cruise:
August is still a way off and you will probably be feeling a lot better by then - not 100% yet, but getting closer. I can't think of a nicer way to continue to recover than lying on a longer with a drink in my hand! No cooking, no housework to worry about.

You may have to think carefully about choosing less active things for the shore excursions. It may be that you and hubby even choose to do different things on shore days - my hubby and I have often chosen to go on different tours and then swapped experiences when we got back to the ship.

As for dining, if a long session in the main dining room is too much for your knees, there are alternative restaurants. The cafeteria-style restaurant is a quicker option, and there is always room service if you are really tired.

It's sometimes a long walk from A to B on a cruise ship, so allow yourself time to stop and rest along the way.

I hope you soon start to feel better!

 

[Jozilla]

You are getting good advice here! So sorry you are feeling so down. I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself. Take the diazepan as you need it - it's great for relaxing muscles as well as helping with anxiety. Also you are still in pain so listen to your doctor. Take the pain medication as prescribed. Keep icing and elevating. Once you get the swelling down you will have so much less pain. In the meantime take your meds which will help you function more. Remember you are only 9 weeks out of a year long recovery. Do much less until your swelling goes down. Use the electric shopping cart - they are there for people like us who need them. Don't worry about what anyone thinks of your recovery. Resting, icing and elevating right now are the most important things. Also go ahead and book the cruise but get Travelers Insurance that will cover cancellations no matter what the reason. It is definitely worth the small additional cost and I always get it. Please don't be so hard on yourself. It is a long recovery and requires a lot of patience. Know that we are here and care about you. Be kind to yourself - you deserve it!

 

[skigirl]

Several folks on the website have had to withdraw slowly from the pain meds---you have a good doc in that he saw the symptoms and recognized what was happening. You will have to cut down slowly--cutting pills in half, in fourths, whatever so that you can withdraw slowly from the pain meds.

diazepan (Valium) can also cause dependency---sometimes a muscle relaxer is all that you need.

I changed the name of your thread for you.

 

[kneeper]

If your husband is so worried about you clogging the aisles with a motorized cart, then why doesn't he do the shopping?

 

[lori107]

Thank you so much everyone for your replies. Thanks @skigirl for renaming my thread. I took a diazi last night and it knocked me out completely. I didn't even hear the doorbell ring this morning. I've gone back to 4 oxys a day again and I may ask my go for some 5mg tablets so I can come down them really slowly. I really appreciate all your kind words. I've had a better day today, I think especially after a full nights sleep so I guess that helps. Haven't felt as down as I have done the last week and am trying to keep a lid on my anxiety. I am so thankful that my doctor recognized instantly what was wrong with me. He also advised me to stop panicking, that this is a very challenging and stressful surgery and to stop thinking that 9 weeks on from the surgery I should be well on my way to getting back to normality because it just doesn't happen like that. Of course, now I am back on the full dose of oxycodone my gp doesn't want me to drive again yet either as I also take oxycodone in another painkiller for my back pain, which is a nuisance but I don't want to feel that I'm not safe to drive so I will wait a bit longer. The weather has become miserable again so I'm not getting out much but I am going to go to the supermarket with hubby tomorrow and see how I get on, unless I don't wake up til late. @kneeper He's been doing it on his own since I went in for the surgery in March. He keeps boasting about how little he is spending but when i mention this to my son he says "that's because he doesn't buy anything to eat!!
I've told him that I think I may be trying to do too much and he agrees with this. I missed my physio session this week as he couldn't work from home that day due to a meeting that came up so I won't be seeing her until 5th June which means I will have gone 3 weeks without her input, advice and exercises. We have already booked our cruise and I really do want to go so I will just do whatever I am able to by that stage and what I can't manage I will have to adapt somehow. I still don't seem to be able to put one foot in front of the other when going up the stairs. I have tried and tried but it won't bend enough to get me over the step. I'm hoping by August I will be able to walk up and downstairs properly. I was talking to my sister yesterday and she said she thinks the younger you are when you have a tkr the harder it is as you feel you should be able to get back to doing things quicker than someone who is much older and doesn't have the same high expectations and I think she is right. Have a great evening @Jozilla, @Celle, @kneeper and skigirl. Xx

 

[Celle]

Don't worry about the stairs yet. It takes some people about 4 months.

I'm sure you'll manage just fine on the cruise!

 

[kneeper]

He's been doing it on his own since I went in for the surgery in March. He keeps boasting about how little he is spending but when i mention this to my son he says "that's because he doesn't buy anything to eat!!

So you are the buyer of all the goodies?

I was talking to my sister yesterday and she said she thinks the younger you are when you have a tkr the harder it is as you feel you should be able to get back to doing things quicker than someone who is much older and doesn't have the same high expectations and I think she is right. Xx

I do think expectations are part of it. I also know that knowing it is a long recovery and living it can be different things.

 

[lori107]

I'm now 11weeks post op and things are improving. I am walking every day but still using my stick. I definitely limp if I don't use it. I am back on the full dose of oxynorm again and feeling much better. I did majorly overdo it a few days ago and boy! Did I pay for it. I had pain radiating from my knee right down to my foot and the pain was almost unbearable. Have slackened off the past few days and providing I don't stand on it too long (it really doesn't like that) I am finding it easier. The thing is that since recovering from the surgery I have really got cabin fever. I can't drive whilst still on the oxy so I only go walking. Most of my friends work and although I have seen some of them I suddenly feel really lonely. I don't know if you think I am going slightly mad but I can't get getting a puppy out of my head. We have tried them before but I found them hard to manage with my back problems. We tried 5 years ago with a cockerpoo but I sent him back after 3 weeks and now I wish I had tried much harder. I would love a small dog like a Bichon frise and keep thinking that it would motivate me to get up in the mornings and give me something else to focus on. My children are 20 and 22 now and my youngest works from home. She has said that they would all help me with the puppy. I do have two cats that would probably not be impressed but I can't think about anything else. Ami being really stupid. My hubby says we made a decision not to get any more but I keep thinking this is an opportunity for me to finally get it right. Any advice please?

 

[skigirl]

a couple of things---why not get a one or two year old dog at the shelter--they have alot of life left in them, but they are house trained and often know how to sit and stay.

Little dogs might be even better---like a Pomerian--they are so delightful, playful and fun. Or a shepeke or a Corgi. If you could find any of them at the shelter, it would be so much easier to manage.

Also, if you have cabin fever, try to get out. I had my girlfriends pick me up for lunch and always felt better when I took a cab to the library. I wandered around and found great books.

Or a Barnes and Noble--especially one with a coffee bar. You can hang out at Starbucks for an hour or so without seeming too desperate!! Meet your work friends there--grab a cab or call another friend to join you. I learned to knit--spent some time in the knit store talking and chatting with people.

 

[hopefaith]

I was lurking and wanted to chime in a bit.
I like @skigirl's idea of a rescue puppy. @DogLoverx3 has adopted 2-3 rescue dogs. I have adopted a Lab. and I am so bonded with him. Puppies, I love them, but would not be able to do that.
I so understand the feeling of lazy and lonely. Me too. I can drive short distances, but then I am exhausted and cannot wait to get back home and get my leg up. I cannot sit with my leg down for more than a few min. I even take a small pillow and ice bag to church and get my leg up on the chair next to me. It does help to get out, if only for a short time.
I have a friend who comes and picks me up. Most of my friends work too. It feels like life is going on all around me and I am not part of it. I think what we feel is typical, but oh so very hard.
~hopefaith

 

[lori107]

Hi all, thanks for your help. I have been given information about a 6 month old Bichon Frise pup who is house trained and the owners are looking for a new home for him as their work comittments are not allowing them to give him enough time. I am almost 12 weeks post op now and itching to get on with my life. The pain is not so bad although I am still having good and not so good days. I keep thinking that a dog will give me the motivation to get up in the morning and do more things. I have all the time in the world to spend with him. Am I mad to take one on so early in my recovery or do you think it's just what I need?

 

[Wednesday]

Dogs are wonderful. Go for it.

 

[Phil75070]

@lori107 Dogs are great companions. Puppies can be quite a handful, though. As long as you feel able to chase him around and take him on walks, then go for it!

 

[lori107]

I am in turmoil. I really don't know if I am going mad. We had family over yesterday for a BBQ for Fathers day and although it was a nice day I was exhausted by the time they had gone home. This made me think last night that I wasn't fit enough yet to get a dog. However this morning I was awake at 8 not feeling any after effects of yesterday but having nothing to get up for. So is the time I should get a dog, surely I can still rest during the day if I need to by putting him in his crate or puppy pen? I have 3 other adults at home and my daughter works from home so she is here every day. I am making myself depressed by keep going round in circles with my thinking. I can't sleep at night for thinking about having the companionship of a little dog nestling beside me or at my feet. Would any of you take on a 6 month old puppy 3 months post op or am I just being ridiculous? Please help

 

[Phil75070]

I have one of the larger shelties and I am 3 months post op and no problems. He is still really a puppy in a lot of ways and we still have to chase him around or go in the back yard and play with him. I have taken him on walks of as long as a mile. Especially being a small dog I don't think you'll have a problem. And if it is going to do a lot for your spirits I say go for it!