Right TKR at 50 on September 17th

[VancouverUSAgal]

Take some time to treat yourself a little. Maybe some pampering is in order or just to do exactly what you please for awhile.

Men seem to be the biggest babies when it comes to pain or being even slightly disabled but then they like to tell women to "buck up," you're tuff, don't be negative, etc. You gotta just let that stuff go in one ear and right out the other! You'll probably find your women friends and fellow Bonesmartees to be much more empathetic.

Hope you can find some peace and relaxation as you head into your last pre-op days.

 

[kneeper]

Wow, you've been through a lot so in one sense you *are* "tough." That doesn't mean you don't need a hug or a chance to express yourself. I like Vancouver's idea of doing something to pamper yourself.

 

[possum_here]

Well, I snapped last night. Was feeling pretty annoyed with my family for their lack of concern and compassion and for the fact as I am taking all this effort to clean and prepare when I turn around there is another mess somewhere.

I snapped at DH who is going away with his mates for 4 days ths afternoon. He hadn't even informed me where they were going who was going or anything. So I bit his head off, he was very quiet after I let it rip. I told him how inconsiderate he was as he knows what we did last week changing our bedroom around trying to sort all his things as well as mine is a huge job. On top of doing something for everyone else in the house at the moment.

I told him our anniversary is on Tuesday and after 30 years it would be nice to think that made a difference so I just snapped a little more. He knows I am really annoyed right now and he if says something that doesn't sit well with me that it will be world war 3 here.

Then I started on oldest son who has decided to move home as he and his partner split. I told him I am not picking up after him and if you make a mess clean it or leave. Grrrrrr!!!! He laughed and I pointed to the front door and said it open from this side so don't let it hit you on the way out.

He just stared at me, so I was surprised when he snuck back up to the bedroom. he has avoided me since.

My second son left this morning for a month on the other side of the country he works in the mines so he does 1 month on a week off. So he will be back after my surgery. I drove him to the airport this morning and had a little cry after he walked into the terminal. I really miss him when he is away :(

The youngest son has avoided me for about 3 or 4 weeks so must be time to chase him up. He lives local but avoiding me as he borrowed money and hasn't repaid it.

So frustration is my down fall at the moment and I am going to be cleaning all the next few days, so if oldest son is around he will be warned do not get in my way and do not make a mess that I need to clean up.

 

[possum_here]

Just so you know I am not an angry kind of person but with a house full of males he do not pull their weight I am a little more annoyed then normal with them. So PLEASE excuse me as the time ticks down to my surgery.

I do not have support and feeling every bit alone. So I pleased I found this site so today is my venting day.

 

[VancouverUSAgal]

I say good for you. We have to let people know when they're mistreating us or pushing us too far. As long as we continue to put up with it, the will continue to do it. Don't know if you're familiar with Dr. Phil here in the States, but he always say we teach people how to treat us. You certainly have every right to expect support as you go into your surgery and anyone who resides in a place has an obligation to do their share of cleaning, upkeep, etc. They should know this or figure it out on their own but apparently didn't so you're perfectly right to put your foot down, stand your ground, or whatever you want to call it. They may not mind a messy house but I'm sure it will bother you, especially when you're not feeling your best and you're unable to take care of it (not that you should have to do it alone anyway). I'd lay down the law before you go to the hospital that you expect to find the house clean and tidy when you return. Every once in awhile a good tantrum is needed to get folks back into line!

 

[ditzy dinah]

I snapped at DH who is going away with his mates for 4 days ths afternoon. H

I told him our anniversary is on Tuesday and after 30 years it would be nice to think that made a difference

Oh dear oh dear! I am so sorry that you are feeling so neglected. My hubby went away for 4 days too, over last weekend, but it was pre planned, and I didn't mind, it was quite nice to have him out of the way for a few days so that I could focus. There is just me now at home, I an not looking after any one else so it was peaceful... I hope husband has stepped up to the mark now, and planned a nice meal out for your anniversary 30 years is no mean feat! I only managed 27 with my first husband!!!

Then I started on oldest son who has decided to move home

Why not tell oldest son, that he is allowed back home in the role of a carer only!! If he doesn't like that, he can move in with your youngest son instead!! He can then pay some rent to him, and then youngest son will have some money to save to pay you back!! It sounds like it is your middle son who is the caring one.....there is usually one...
When its time, Customise your recovery space, and let the rest of the house go hang!! They'll never step up to the mark when they know you will!

As long as we continue to put up with it, the will continue to do it.

Wise words Vancouvergal! :iagree:

but I'm sure it will bother you, especially when you're not feeling your best and you're unable to take care of it

Yes quite right! They are going to have to see too the cooking and the washing of their clothes and dishes, so a bit of tidying up and vacuuming shouldn't be beyond them!!!
Good Luck and I hope you are now feeling better!!

 

[possum_here]

Thanks everyone......
I ended up having oldest son's two children here again over the weekend. So that has been two weekends in a row and they arrived again sick with colds/flu. Son has been coughing all week and guess what?? IM SICK now.

Can you imagine my thoughts on this- OS will not operate if I am not over this bug. It is 2 weeks tomorrow and due to allergic reactions to so many meds, I cannot take over the counter flu meds. How am I going to shake this quick?

Son took the children back to their Mum yesterday and then a mate turned up and has asked son to work with him for a few days (about 4 hours from here) so he packed his bag and left. So house has been quiet since. DH returned from his trip away with mates and has been tip toeing around me just not to stir the pot so to speak.

I told him the grandchildren came for a another visit and he said "no more visits until after your surgery" He said obviously they are not over their colds as you have obviously caught it.

I washed his clothes last night and when I got up this morning they were already hung out

So focus is to shake this bug so some hints would be appreciated.......

September has begun and all my new friends are getting anxious as our surgeries get closer. Good luck everyone may our recoveries be steady without complications.

 

[possum_here]

Feeling a little miserable tonight my cold/flu is annoying me and I have a eye watering. So this is obviously getting worse so will call the GP office in the morning and see what I can do to get over it quickly. Guess taking the Multi vitamins for the past 3 weeks haven't helped lol. Immunity is obviously low to get a virus.

My knee is playing up more today, guess it is hasn't helped using it to brace furniture I am moving around. Only has to hang in there another two weeks.

My Dad sent me a message that he has booked his train seat to come up will hold off booking his return until he knows I am on the better side of recovery, god bless him. His train leaves at 1.45am and he arrives to me at 5.10pm. At 74 I tried hard to talk him out of it but he said he was coming and I wasn't stopping him.

It will be nice to see him before I go to hospital and spend Monday with him. He will sleep in of course and I have already planned to have my hair done early so he can stay laying around the house until I get home. He will have the use of my 2nd son's car as it will be here doing nothing if he wants to go anywhere.

DH is trying to organise his work and asking when he should take off from? I said the day of the surgery and then not until I am coming home. No use having time off whilst I am in hospital.

Contacted the oldest son and told him very nicely to stay away while he still has his cold/flu so I can shake mine before the operation. He laughed but I assured him I was being serious and he is not welcome until I have my operation or the grandchildren.

He will turn up for sure but I told DH he is going to have to help me with this as I am too close now and to have to wait because I have got sick this close to surgery is not fair. The stress of waiting brings all your anxieties out and I may chicken out all together if I have to wait. I know some of you may not agree but the thought of a change in date worries me, fancy being worried about not having your surgery on the day it was planned for.

It isn't as if it is a gynie surgery which I had 30 odd of them but it's my knee being replaced this is bone not organs.

I ran into another gf today I haven't seen in a few months and told her of my surgery. She was totally surprised and we are going to have lunch on Wednesday so that will be lovely. She is on holidays so it will be nice to have a girly day.

 

[turtlepoet]

Donna, good luck with your surgery! I like your list and also have been preparing. Today I got one of those hand-held shower thingies so I can sit on the shower chair and use it to wash my hair and self. I borrowed a shower chair and a wedge pillow from a friend who had hip replacement a couple of years ago. I'm also only 5 feet tall. You and I will need the youth-sized walkers; adult walkers are too high. I understand from the pre-op class at the hospital that they want you to have crutches too, for getting in/out of cars and for going up stairs (even if you only have 1 step into your house, for example), but the walker is what you'll be using around the house mostly. This is going to be a real ADVENTURE, and we're on this ride together.

 

[possum_here]

Turtlepoet- it sure is going to be an adventure

 

[turtlepoet]

Oh, I wanted to mention something. Don't be hesitant to ask your friends for help. Believe me, people really do want to help, but they need to be asked for specific help. I had several people say to me, please let me know how I can help, and I told them I'd send them an e-mail. So last week I did. I sent an email with a schedule and asked people to pick one day when, at their convenience, they could spend a couple of hours with me, maybe helping with my exercises or walking, heating up my lunch, bringing in the mail, maybe sweeping, etc. If it was a day I have PT scheduled, I asked for people who could drive me, or if not a PT day, if they could be "on-call" to drive to the store or as needed. People signed up!! All the slots are filled and I have a full month post-surgery with helpers planned every day. I did not ask for people to bring food because I'm lactose and gluten intolerant, and it's too complicated. But I've been on the other side of that, and it's an easy way generally for people to help out. Remember, people WANT to help; you just have to tell them how.

 

[possum_here]

Thanks - I hear what you are saying. I am the person who is the HELPER doesn't matter what for as I am that person. I don't ask for help I tend to manage myself so this is going to be something I am going to try.

Here is a little background on why I usually do not ask. I have a niece who is 30 she lives about 3 minutes drive from my home with her 2 children 12 and 10. She is a single mum too so I am always doing something for her or the kids. When I told her about my surgery she replied " I am sure everything will be fine and you will cope" instead of saying "Oh Aunty Donna what could I help with?"

Several friends I have who I go out of my way to do things for them ALL the time said "wow, guess we wont be catching up to your on your feet again"

My cousin offered to come help me, that was lovely but she tends to start drinking about 2pm and so cannot ride her motorbike over. She has her grandchildren before school so the thought she will be available is really a no show. She offers and means well but NEVER makes good on her promises.

My other gf who lives 2 minutes from me comes over rarely and it is more me going there then her here. She smokes so as I don't she just sits at home puffing away.

Other gf lives 30 minutes away and I have been in my home for 20 years and I think she has been here once in all that time. So as you can see I do most things for myself and don't ask.

As for DH family they all live local to us but if I asked them for ANYTHING I would rather eat dirt then ask for anything from them.

 

[VancouverUSAgal]

people really do want to help, but they need to be asked for specific help

That's what I think. I haven't quite figured out how I'll round up my helpers - maybe email, but I have decided to try to be specific about what I'll need help with, such as asking one friend to come over once a week and change my bed sheets, put the dirty ones into wash, etc. I think people want to help but don't necessarily know what you need.

 

[possum_here]

Thanks VancouverUSAgal I hope you are able to have all this wonderful help it will be of great help.

I am still sick with this cold/flu so went to see my GP as my ear was making a clicking sound on the right. Small amount of fluid seen by GP. He told me that many people have this bug atm. He gave me a script for antibiodics which I am on day two of now.

At this stage I am not holding out hope the OS will procedure with my surgery on Sept 17th. I have my pre-admission appointment next Tuesday and then the OS on Thursday followed by my last blood work for cross matching.

My sinus are not as bad today as they were yesterday, I do have a cough that is driving me crazy. I know the OS is away the week after and so if we change dates I think it will end up being in October. Throws all the plans out the door doesn't it :(

I am trying to stay focused and I have locked myself to my home at Dr suggestions. My son is due home so I called him and he was still sick so said you are going to have to go somewhere else as until I have the all clear for my surgery NO ONE can come here.

With that his ex called me to have the grandchildren this weekend so I told her "NO". This is a very hard word for me to say. I usually buckle but I am standing firm especially as everyone thought this was funny when I kept saying I cannot get sick.

So I am just going to lay low do not over do things and see what happens next week.

 

[crystals5]

possum here you are doing the best you can under the circumstances. I am sure you have shocked you entire family. Good for you!!!! Stand up for yourself. I hope your surgery goes as planned. It is hard enough preparing for this physically and mentally without all of these glitches. I hope it all works out and you are on the road to recovery and healing as planned. Best wishes and prayers coming your way.

 

[VancouverUSAgal]

What a bummer getting sick at this point! Hope it goes away fast and surgery can go forth. And I also say congratulations on standing up to folks. The sooner you get the surgery done, the sooner you can go back to taking care of others but for now they just need to deal with it and you need to put yourself first.

I was planning to continue going to the gym right up until surgery to do the little bit I do, but I'm really wondering if I shouldn't just isolate myself at home the last week. Great! Just when there will be so much to do.

 

[possum_here]

Starting to feel alot better so fingers crossed with this last wk go ahead.

 

[kneeper]

 

[bottomshollow]

Just sending all the good and healing vibes I can muster up your way so you will be in good shape for your surgery. THINK POSITIVE!!!!

Take care and keep us posted. We care.

 

[VancouverUSAgal]

Starting to feel alot better

Great news! Keep us posted.